Sensual Celibacy: The Sexy Woman's Guide to Using Abstinence for Recharging Your Spirit, Discovering Your Passions, Achieving Greater Intimacy in Your Next Relationship

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9780684833514: Sensual Celibacy: The Sexy Woman's Guide to Using Abstinence for Recharging Your Spirit, Discovering Your Passions, Achieving Greater Intimacy in Your Next Relationship

ABSTINENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW STRONGER
If you're single and in between relationships -- or just about to embark on a new one -- then you can't underestimate the importance of making the right choices when it comes to physical intimacy. When should it happen? If it's already a part of your relationship, is it meaningful to both of you? Is there a strong emotional foundation in place? Or did you jump right in -- and get hurt? And how can you preserve your self-respect the next time around?
Donna Marie Williams wrestled with these questions for years until she discovered the empowering nature of celibacy: abstaining from sex for a self-determined time while embracing new opportunities for self-discovery, personal growth, and heightened self-esteem. Now she shares her knowledge in a simple but effective 10-step program that will help you lead a happier, healthier, and even sexier life. Sensual Celibacy reveals:
* Why charting your relationship history can be a real eye opener
* How celibacy can help you focus on what you really want out of life
* Ways to stay true to your celibacy commitment, even if you're in a relationship
* When to end your celibacy, with intelligence, confidence, and joy
If you're ready to rethink your approach to relationships and reconnect with yourself, then let Sensual Celibacy guide you to a happier, healthier lifestyle.

Le informazioni nella sezione "Riassunto" possono far riferimento a edizioni diverse di questo titolo.

About the Author:

Donna Marie Williams is the author of Black-Eyed Peas for the Soul (Fireside) and Sister Feelgood: 365 Days of Health and Fitness for Our Bodies and Our Souls (Crown). She lives near Chicago.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.:

Introduction

I saw my first shooting star when I was about thirty-five years old. I was attending a publishing institute at Stanford University, and it was the final evening event of the most exciting two weeks of my writing and publishing career. Getting to know writers, editors, and other professionals from around the world confirmed for me that I was on the right path. I felt motivated and was anxious to get back to Chicago to put pen to paper and get busy. So on that momentous last night in California when I just happened to look up into the heavens and see that diamond light arc against the velvet black sky, I felt that the windows of heaven had opened to a new and exciting chapter in my life. No one else saw it, so I knew that the star shot across the sky for me and me alone.

Frantically I tried to remember the purpose of shooting stars from myths and legends. A wish! I had to make a wish! The universe was giving me a present, and I felt the pressure to wish wisely. I couldn't fritter away a wish on something stupid. Who knew when, or if, I'd ever get to see another one?

All the magic and wonder of the universe at my disposal and what did I wish for? A million dollars? A big house? Fame? A personal trainer? No.

I begged the universe for a husband.

The Hidden Blessing

Lord knows I could never be a nun. Although I love the idea of daily communion with the Divine, I absolutely abhor the idea of a lifelong commitment to celibacy. No men? At all? Ever? Just the thought makes me want to reach for the Prozac. An entire life without sex would be like a menstrual cycle without brownies and ice cream.

I am an earthy one-man woman. When I'm in a relationship with a man who excites me mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically, I don't care how busy I am, I'll make time for him. I love my women friends, but only Man can jump-start my heart and body in that special way that makes the sun shine, the moon glow, and the birds sing their sweet songs. I love the harshness of Man's voice, the rough feel of his day-old beard growth on my cheek when he kisses me. I love his tender (or crushing) embrace.

As much trouble as men have caused me in the past, I still crave them. Men are so habit-forming, so delicious. That's why, in times past, when I experienced the breakup of a love relationship, the idea of becoming celibate would leave me feeling anxious and depressed, sometimes for months. There were times when I didn't know what I'd miss more -- the man or his you-know-what. Just like a character in a movie who's been hit with some devastating news, I'd look to heaven and scream, "No!" the word echoing throughout the city while the world, along with my hopes and dreams, spirals violently away into the cosmos. "Not again!" In times past, the onset of celibacy was, for me, like the flu; I'd feel the chills and the scratchy throat coming on, but not even a hefty dose of Nyquil (or feverish begging to please please stay) would prevent the listlessness and sadness. It was all I could do to hide under the covers and ride it through as best I could.

In times past, I haven't gone easily into that good night of celibacy. I've raged, raged against the dying light of wild and lovely sex and the energy of Man. Forget that the relationships themselves were often unfulfilling; at least I was having sex. At least I could feel romantic and in love. At least, in the harsh, judgmental eyes of society, I was a desirable woman, because I was with a man and we were having sex.

Prior to the 1960s, women were expected to stay virgins or practice celibacy if they were not married. Today, women are laughed at or pitied for choosing abstinence if they are not married, or at least in a committed, monogamous relationship. The present-day American obsession with sex has, I hate to admit, affected my beliefs about my womanhood, femininity, and celibacy. In times past, the presence of sex in my life meant that I was a full-fledged, card-carrying woman who could hold her head up high in society and among other women. The absence of sex meant no passion, no romance, no love in my life, and bowls of my father's chili to keep me company on lonely Saturday nights. Celibacy was a void -- empty and utterly useless.

During periods of celibacy, which I have experienced frequently and for long durations throughout my forty years, I would nourish the idea that "spinsterhood" was my destiny with tears and negative self-talk. In my soul grew a weight as heavy and destructive as a tumor. It sabotaged one relationship that had much potential and kept me from recognizing and choosing men who were good for me. I ended up having two children by different men and under traumatic circumstances.

Celibacy was like a prison, and all I could think of was escape. "Get back into a relationship and quick" was my mantra. My manhunt was tainted by desperation and humiliation and would usually lead to involvements with men who were great in bed but bad to the bone. Despite all the obvious signs, I would get involved just to take the edge off the loneliness. Since my moral code and psychological makeup dictate that I be in love before I make love, I would usually use my fertile imagination to convince myself that I had met my prince.

In my love relationships, however, Truth takes no prisoners. Truth always wins out and destroys the fantasies, the lies. I might not have always known it, but breakups have been a blessing. While I may have been willing to settle for men who were no good for me, my God wanted the best for me. Breakups that I thought were divine punishment for having sex outside of marriage in the first place (that old Christian programming dies hard) were really opportunities to heal negative subconscious psychological patterns, destructive behaviors, and my dysfunctional approach to relationships. Breakups, and ultimately celibacy, gained me a greater understanding of my life purpose and an unconditional love for myself.

Throughout my adult life I have returned to celibacy time and again. In fact, I have been celibate more than I have been sexually active -- which isn't easy for a romantic, passionate woman like me. When a woman finds herself alone in this society, too often her feminine soul suffers in shame, loneliness, and despair. When we vent with our sister-friends, we lament about how that man done did us wrong, but deep down, what we're really feeling is a profound lack of self-worth. We, in our solitude, feel totally alone in the world. We may imagine the whole world as a married couple having sex. During some of my worst moments, I felt as if my naked ring finger revealed all my fears and insecurities to the world. I felt I was on public display. "Look at her," I imagined people were saying, "no ring! She can't even keep a man. She's an incompetent woman. She's not pretty. She's not desirable." And the worst blow of all, "She's not lovable."

Late bloomer that I am, I was about thirty-four years old and just had Baby #2 outside of marriage when I became conscious of that last fear. I was forced to rethink all my beliefs and values. I discovered that I had made the classic mistake so many women, young and old, make: I equated sex with love, so whenever I wasn't in a relationship, I didn't feel lovable. Even though I knew I was a good woman with a lot of heart, I doubted my worth. The problem was that my womanhood and femininity were firmly entrenched within the context of relationships with men. I had no identity or sense of worth outside my male-female relationships. Looking back, the story of my life makes sense. I never could have developed identity and self-worth within a relationship. I needed the time alone. Although I perceived celibacy as sexual famine and karmic punishment, the times alone were gold mines of opportunities to discover the real me.

I rebelled, of course, and often. Sometimes daily. I prayed, I begged, I bargained with my God to please give me a husband. I was so dependent on Man to define me that having to rely on myself was scary. At the time I didn't realize that my prayers were being answered. I couldn't see beyond the emptiness of my life and the dark, lonely void. I felt as if no man would ever love me again. Sometimes I didn't even care if I loved me or not.

Motherhood proved to be the blessing that set me firmly on the path of my sensual, self-loving approach to celibacy. Although I did not set out to get pregnant with either of my children, I take my maternal responsibilities seriously. Whether my son and daughter were planned or not, whether they have the benefit of one full-time father or not, at the very least they deserve a good, devoted mother. As long as I'm not in a bad, emotionally draining relationship, I can be that for them.

Roller-coaster emotional entanglements negatively affect my ability to be a good mother. They leave me feeling depressed, disoriented, irritable, and tense, which, of course, taints my interaction with my children. My children are so sensitive, they often internalize my moods, which only adds to my guilt. It's not fair to my children or to me to constantly live life in a state of anxiety. We need peace. I need peace.

Being a new mother taught me this: The types of relationships I had settled for in the past would not serve me in my role as mother. That was a start. I wanted to be a positive role model for my children. I couldn't just have sex, hoping that the man might, maybe one day, want to possibly marry me, hopefully. I wanted my children to either see me alone, sovereign, and reasonably happy, or in a healthy, committed, loving, monogamous relationship that had marriage as a goal. I was no longer interested in trying out a guy to see if he worked. I have never, and will never, allow a parade of men into my children's lives. That would perpetuate the madness into the next generation.

We should be very selective about the men our children get to meet. Children form deep attachments to people, and when your relationship doesn't work out and the man leaves ...

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Descrizione libro SIMON SCHUSTER, United States, 1999. Paperback. Condizione libro: New. Language: English . Brand New Book ***** Print on Demand *****. ABSTINENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW STRONGER If you re single and in between relationships -- or just about to embark on a new one -- then you can t underestimate the importance of making the right choices when it comes to physical intimacy. When should it happen? If it s already a part of your relationship, is it meaningful to both of you? Is there a strong emotional foundation in place? Or did you jump right in -- and get hurt? And how can you preserve your self-respect the next time around? Donna Marie Williams wrestled with these questions for years until she discovered the empowering nature of celibacy: abstaining from sex for a self-determined time while embracing new opportunities for self-discovery, personal growth, and heightened self-esteem. Now she shares her knowledge in a simple but effective 10-step program that will help you lead a happier, healthier, and even sexier life. Sensual Celibacy reveals: * Why charting your relationship history can be a real eye opener * How celibacy can help you focus on what you really want out of life * Ways to stay true to your celibacy commitment, even if you re in a relationship * When to end your celibacy, with intelligence, confidence, and joy If you re ready to rethink your approach to relationships and reconnect with yourself, then let Sensual Celibacy guide you to a happier, healthier lifestyle. Codice libro della libreria AAV9780684833514

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Descrizione libro SIMON SCHUSTER, United States, 1999. Paperback. Condizione libro: New. Language: English . Brand New Book ***** Print on Demand *****.ABSTINENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW STRONGER If you re single and in between relationships -- or just about to embark on a new one -- then you can t underestimate the importance of making the right choices when it comes to physical intimacy. When should it happen? If it s already a part of your relationship, is it meaningful to both of you? Is there a strong emotional foundation in place? Or did you jump right in -- and get hurt? And how can you preserve your self-respect the next time around? Donna Marie Williams wrestled with these questions for years until she discovered the empowering nature of celibacy: abstaining from sex for a self-determined time while embracing new opportunities for self-discovery, personal growth, and heightened self-esteem. Now she shares her knowledge in a simple but effective 10-step program that will help you lead a happier, healthier, and even sexier life. Sensual Celibacy reveals: * Why charting your relationship history can be a real eye opener * How celibacy can help you focus on what you really want out of life * Ways to stay true to your celibacy commitment, even if you re in a relationship * When to end your celibacy, with intelligence, confidence, and joy If you re ready to rethink your approach to relationships and reconnect with yourself, then let Sensual Celibacy guide you to a happier, healthier lifestyle. Codice libro della libreria AAV9780684833514

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Descrizione libro Fireside Books. Paperback. Condizione libro: New. Paperback. 208 pages. Dimensions: 8.4in. x 5.5in. x 0.7in.ABSTINENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW STRONGER If youre single and in between relationships -- or just about to embark on a new one -- then you cant underestimate the importance of making the right choices when it comes to physical intimacy. When should it happen If its already a part of your relationship, is it meaningful to both of you Is there a strong emotional foundation in place Or did you jump right in -- and get hurt And how can you preserve your self-respect the next time around Donna Marie Williams wrestled with these questions for years until she discovered the empowering nature of celibacy: abstaining from sex for a self-determined time while embracing new opportunities for self-discovery, personal growth, and heightened self-esteem. Now she shares her knowledge in a simple but effective 10-step program that will help you lead a happier, healthier, and even sexier life. Sensual Celibacy reveals: Why charting your relationship history can be a real eye opener How celibacy can help you focus on what you really want out of life Ways to stay true to your celibacy commitment, even if youre in a relationship When to end your celibacy, with intelligence, confidence, and joy If youre ready to rethink your approach to relationships and reconnect with yourself, then let Sensual Celibacy guide you to a happier, healthier lifestyle. This item ships from multiple locations. Your book may arrive from Roseburg,OR, La Vergne,TN. Paperback. Codice libro della libreria 9780684833514

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