Fiction Dunn The Ex-Boyfriend's Handbook

ISBN 13: 9780743495523

The Ex-Boyfriend's Handbook

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9780743495523: The Ex-Boyfriend's Handbook

"It's not me - it's you. You've let yourself go, so I'm letting you go too." When Edward Middleton hears those words from Jane, his girlfriend of the past ten years, he knows he's in serious trouble. Determined to get her back, Edward must learn how to make women fancy him again. But what makes for a good boyfriend nowadays? Right now, he's the kind of man who puts the 'ex' into 'sexy'. One thing is certain: if he's to be Jane's Mr Right, he needs to turn himself into a bit of all right. From Atkins and Botox, Edward begins working his way through the makeover alphabet. But can cuddly Teddy really become sexy Eddie? Can he rise from the ranks of discarded exes? Or has his journey of self-discovery taken him in a different direction entirely?

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About the Author:

Matt Dunn is the author of five previous novels, including the bestselling The Ex-Boyfriend's Handbook, which was shortlisted for both the Romantic Novel of the Year Award and the Melissa Nathan Award for Comedy Romance. He's also written about life, love, and relationships for various publications including The Times, Guardian, Cosmopolitan, Company, Glamour, Elle, and the Sun. Matt was born in Margate, but escaped to Spain to write his first novel, in-between working as a newspaper columnist and playing a lot of tennis. Previously he has been a professional lifeguard, fitness-equipment salesman and an I.T. head-hunter, but he prefers writing for a living, so please buy his other books. Visit the author at www.mattdunn.co.uk

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.:

Sunday 16th January
7 p.m.

'Edward. Let me get this straight. You've called me right in the middle of Antiques Roadshow just to tell me your girlfriend's gone to bed?'

'Tibet, Dan. Jane's gone to Tibet. She's left me.'

It's the first time I've said those words out loud, and my voice cracks a little down the phone line. My girlfriend of ten years, the woman who I've been sharing my bed, my flat, my life with, has gone. Vanished. Departed. Cleared out. And, by the looks of things, cleared me out as well.
'What do you mean, "she's left you"?'

'Dan, there's no clearer way of saying it. Jane's. Left. Me.'

I can almost hear the cogs turning in Dan's head as what I've just said sinks in. 'Stay where you are,' he says. 'I'll be right over. And don't do anything stupid.'

Don't do anything stupid? I put the receiver down, wondering what Dan's idea of doing something stupid would actually be. Wearing socks with sandals, possibly.

I stare disbelievingly around my flat, which appears to be almost as empty as I'm feeling inside. The place looks like it's been ransacked: wardrobe doors still ajar; drawers left open as if they've been rifled through in a hurry; and the CD rack empty except for a couple of dodgy rock compilations and my collection of digitally re-mastered Queen albums.

While I wait for Dan to arrive, I walk from room to room, compiling a mental check list of what Jane's taken. The chairs and dining table set she bought from IKEA: gone. The red imitation leather sofa her mother gave us which made obscene noises whenever you sat down too quickly: missing. The breadmaker that she won in a competition and then used just the once: well, I won't miss that, I suppose. Even the Picasso poster she bought as a souvenir from that exhibition we saw five years ago in Barcelona has been neatly removed, leaving just the faintest outline on the kitchen wall where it used to hang. At least she's left me the bed, although most of the rest of the furniture seems to be missing. All her things, now I come to think of it.

I'm amazed at how clinical Jane's been; how effectively she's managed to excise herself from this flat, and my life, without leaving so much as a trace of the ten years we've been together. The only hint of anyone else ever having lived here is the photograph I find on the floor in front of the bookshelf of the two of us, taken at college, when we first met. Jane and I always used to smile when we looked at it, remembering the time it was taken, and just how happy and carefree we were back then. She'd even bought a special frame, and given it pride of place above the fireplace. But as I prop it up on the mantelpiece I realize she's taken the frame but left the picture, and I'm not smiling any more.

I retrieve Jane's note from where I've screwed it up and thrown it into the fireplace, smooth it out, and read it through one more time, even though I can already remember it word for word.
Dear Edward,
By the time you get this letter, I'll be on a plane to Tibet. I'm going away for a while because I need to sort some things out, and while I'm gone, I suggest you do the same.

Let's face it, Teddy, you've let yourself go, so I'm letting you go too.
I'd tell you not to think about following me, but I know that a romantic gesture like that would never even occur to you. And that's part of our problem.

As I'm sure you've noticed, I've taken my things, although I've left you the bathroom scales-you might want to use them for something other than stacking your old newspapers on.

I'll be back on April 16th, so perhaps we'll talk again then. Meanwhile I suggest you use this opportunity to take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror.

Jane
P.S. I realize at this point I'm supposed to say some­thing like 'it's not you, it's me', but in actual fact, it is you.
As I finish reading, my hands are shaking. I fold the note care­fully and place it in my pocket, then light a cigarette and inhale deeply, longing for the calming buzz of the nicotine, hoping it will take the edge off the pain I'm feeling.

It doesn't.

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Descrizione libro SIMON SCHUSTER, United States, 2006. Paperback. Condizione libro: New. Language: English . Brand New Book. It s not me - it s you. You ve let yourself go, so I m letting you go too. When Edward Middleton hears those words from Jane, his girlfriend of the past ten years, he knows he s in serious trouble. Determined to get her back, Edward must learn how to make women fancy him again. But what makes for a good boyfriend nowadays? Right now, he s the kind of man who puts the ex into sexy . One thing is certain: if he s to be Jane s Mr Right, he needs to turn himself into a bit of all right. From Atkins and Botox, Edward begins working his way through the makeover alphabet. But can cuddly Teddy really become sexy Eddie? Can he rise from the ranks of discarded exes? Or has his journey of self-discovery taken him in a different direction entirely?. Codice libro della libreria AA89780743495523

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Descrizione libro Downtown Press, Australia, 2006. Paperback. Condizione libro: New. Language: English . Brand New Book. Can cuddly Teddy become sexy Eddie - in just three months? Edward Middleton is devastated to be dumped by Jane, his girlfriend of the past ten years. It s not me, it s you, she tells him. You ve let yourself go. So I m letting you go too. Determined to get her back, Edward must learn how to make women fancy him again. If he s to be Jane s Mr Right, he needs to turn himself into a bit of all right. Edward s personal self-improvement odyssey from Atkins, Botox and Detox to his lamentable efforts to re-enter the 21st century dating scene make for a truly hilarious read. And on Jane s return, the truth is finally revealed. Has he managed the transformation from cuddly Teddy to sexy Eddie - and will he be able to win her back? Or has his journey of self-discovery taken him in a different direction entirely?. Codice libro della libreria AA89780743495523

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Descrizione libro Pocket Books, London, 2006. Paperback. Condizione libro: New. Brand new, unread. When Edward Middleton hears those words from Jane, his girlfriend of the past ten years, he knows he's in serious trouble. 'You've let yourself go', she tells him. 'So I'm letting you go too'. Determined to get her back, Edward realises he must learn how to make women fancy him again. But what makes for a good boyfriend nowadays? Right now, he's the kind of man who puts the 'ex' into 'sexy'. One thing is certain: if he's to be Jane's Mr Right, he needs to turn himself into a bit of all right. From Atkins and Botox, Edward begins working his way through the makeover alphabet. But can cuddly Teddy really become sexy Eddie? Can he rise from the ranks of discarded exes? Or will his journey of self-discovery take him in another direction entirely. Size: 12mo - over 6¾" - 7¾" tall. Codice libro della libreria 006584

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Descrizione libro Simon & Schuster UK 2006-10-02, London, 2006. paperback. Condizione libro: New. Codice libro della libreria 9780743495523

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Descrizione libro Simon & Schuster. Paperback. Condizione libro: new. BRAND NEW, The Ex-boyfriend's Handbook, Matt Dunn, "It's not me - it's you. You've let yourself go, so I'm letting you go too." When Edward Middleton hears those words from Jane, his girlfriend of the past ten years, he knows he's in serious trouble. Determined to get her back, Edward must learn how to make women fancy him again. But what makes for a good boyfriend nowadays? Right now, he's the kind of man who puts the 'ex' into 'sexy'. One thing is certain: if he's to be Jane's Mr Right, he needs to turn himself into a bit of all right. From Atkins and Botox, Edward begins working his way through the makeover alphabet. But can cuddly Teddy really become sexy Eddie? Can he rise from the ranks of discarded exes? Or has his journey of self-discovery taken him in a different direction entirely?. Codice libro della libreria B9780743495523

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