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9780593838754: The Self-esteem Class: Simple Lessons for a Lifetime of Contentment

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OVER 1 MILLION COPIES SOLD WORLDWIDE • A step-by-step guide to recovering from low self-esteem and revolutionizing your relationships, career, goals, and life satisfaction—from an internationally renowned expert in self-esteem

If you’re trying to become your very best and most desirable self but struggling with low self-worth, vicious cycles, and negative scripts, this book is the place to start. The Self-Esteem Class guides you toward a deeper understanding of your own unique value and an internal sense of validation as you define confidence and happiness on your own terms.

Dr. Yoon Hong Gyun has dedicated his life to understanding the role of self-esteem in human happiness. With The Self-Esteem Class, a runaway bestseller in his native Korea, he shares everything he’s learned as a practicing psychologist. His step-by-step method helps readers recover from low self-esteem and build the confidence for lasting contentment. He teaches you to:

  • bring the focus back to yourself and your decisions
  • overcome vicious cycles and the wounds of your past
  • harness the energy of your emotions
  • separate your own sense of self from other people's judgments
  • commit to loving yourself unconditionally
  • and more!

There is no shortcut to contentment, but the secrets revealed in The Self-Esteem Class will transform your outlook on life forever.

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Informazioni sull?autore

Dr. Yoon Hong Gyun serves as the director of Hong Gyun Yoon Psychiatry Clinic in Korea. A graduate of Chung-Ang University College of Medicine, he is renowned for his expertise in self-esteem and addiction. Raised in a large family of ten, Dr. Yoon became interested in interpersonal dynamics early on, sparking his interest in behavioral psychology. The Self-Esteem Class represents the culmination of his experiences and knowledge, aimed at addressing the concerns and questions of those seeking to better understand and transform their lives. It has quickly become a publishing phenomenon in Asia, with sales exceeding a million copies.

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Prologue

Self-Esteem Is the Answer

I am a very happy middle-aged doctor with graying hair. I have my health, my beloved wife and children respect me, my parents trust me, and my brother supports me. On the whole, I have a very good life.

But growing up, I never thought I would turn out so well. I was a frail child. I was sickly and sensitive. I often missed school because of chronic tonsillitis and burst into tears over nothing. I wasn’t as outgoing and active as other boys, nor was I clever. I was of average intelligence, and I did not excel at working with my hands, either. I had no confidence or patience. Grown-ups often worried about me.

I was unsure of myself in everything I did. I was a good and obliging kid who always put others first. Looking back, that was my biggest problem. I did not put others first for their sake, but let others take the lead for fear of screwing up. I couldn’t trust myself.

Years later, I am not who I thought I’d be. I am very satisfied with my life. I trust my judgment, I love myself, and I am grateful to everyone who helped me become the person I am today.

Some people think that I am happy with my life because of my status as a psychiatrist, that having a respected job boosted my confidence. They’re not entirely wrong. I learned a great deal in my training from good teachers and colleagues. Thanks to them, I was able to grow, and I will always be proud that I am a psychiatrist.

However, I am also aware that there are many unhappy doctors. Psychiatrists have a higher suicide rate compared to other professions. So, if someone were to say that I am happy because I have a job that others envy, I would disagree.

A few years ago, I quit my position at a hospital and opened my own practice. One personal goal I set for myself in this period of transition was answering the question “What are the reasons why I am so satisfied with my life?” This was not an easy task. I took the time to write down my thoughts on the meaning of happiness, what makes people happy, and what conditions need to be satisfied. I wanted a record of what I discovered in the process, how it transformed me, and how I could maintain this state of satisfaction.

As the puzzle pieces came together, one concept that kept coming up was self-esteem, the dictionary definition of which is “how one perceives oneself,” or “indicator of self-love and satisfaction with one’s life.” I came to focus on this term.

After much reflection, I learned that my road to happiness coincided with my process of building healthy selfesteem. My self-esteem, it turned out, was at its lowest during the most miserable periods in my life.

I was a man of very low self-esteem. I had to repeat a year in medical school, and that wasn’t the first time I had failed at something. I did not get into the STEM high school of my choice, nor did I get into the medical program on the first try. Failing my courses in medical school was the biggest blow of them all. I began to question my life goal itself. I drank every day and became addicted to cigarettes and online gaming. The thought of retaking the courses with the first years was demoralizing, and I avoided friends and family out of embarrassment. My med school friends went to school in the morning, and I went to the PC game room. I stayed up all night playing games on the computer and snuck back into the house in the middle of the night. I spent all night in the billiard parlor or went bar-crawling with friends and crept back into the house at dawn.

My self-esteem hit rock bottom on many other occasions besides this, notably during periods when I was lost and in despair. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that my life has been a process of rebuilding my flattened selfesteem many times over. Suffering from a deep sense of inferiority and fear that I was falling behind, I was often overcome with the urge to give up and let addiction rob me of all hope for a future.

Looking back, I think the struggle I went through was necessary for restoring my self-esteem, and I can feel true happiness now thanks to my healthy self-esteem. A healthy self-esteem is what led to happiness, and happiness continues to feed my self-esteem. Becoming happy, it turned out, was synonymous with recovering self-esteem. Perhaps this is why the road to building a healthy self-esteem, though difficult and tortuous, was bearable.

Self-esteem turned out to be an important factor in counseling as well. Most of the unhappy clients who came to me for help needed a self-esteem boost. Some had cheating spouses or were going through breakups; others suffered from depression, addiction, suicidal ideation, and so on. Each needed to work on their self-esteem, and I helped them as their doctor and their self-esteem trainer.

In my training as a psychiatrist, I gained a great deal of knowledge and skills, which I applied to my own life. As a result, I developed a healthier mind and became more empathetic toward others. Based on my own experiences, I learned what not to say to people who are suffering from low self-esteem, how people behave when self-esteem is low, and how to help them. The times I’ve spent struggling through and overcoming feelings of worthlessness have turned out to be an important asset in my work. I hoped to share the insights I gained in my practice as a doctor and in my personal recovery.

But it wasn’t easy to communicate my story and the knowledge I gained through personal experience. Stories from my childhood and my private thoughts, which even my wife does not know about, were hard to divulge. I wrote, deleted, then rewrote the accounts many times. I also had qualms about sharing all my valuable “tricks of the trade.” There were some things I did not want other psychiatrists to know. But I decided to write this book anyway for several reasons.

First, I wanted to write this book for myself. I know that my self-esteem is going to weaken again someday. Keeping one’s self-esteem healthy is like swimming. Gravity continues to pull us down. I suspect that there will be times in my future when my self-esteem sinks to the bottom, when I make big mistakes or become burned out. I wanted to prepare myself a manual of how to get through those moments when they come.

Second, I decided to write this book for my friends and family. Most of us will experience a crisis of self-esteem at some point in our lives. There were many things I wanted to say to my daughters when they were growing up, but I didn’t get around to it either because I didn’t have the mountain of information sorted out in my head and I was too busy, or because they were too young to understand. Then I got into a traffic accident last year. It occurred to me that my life could end at any moment and that I could die not having imparted any of my hard-earned wisdom to my children. In a way, this book is a self-esteem guide for my daughters. I think they would much prefer consulting a book to listening to their father give them advice, which probably just sounds like nagging.

Third, I hoped to put into words what I have learned from my career as a psychiatrist. I am ashamed to say that there was a time when I was deeply furious over people plagiarizing the precious information I shared in my writings. As I was starting to enjoy some small fame through my writings, I wondered if it wouldn’t be better to keep my hard-earned knowledge to myself. But I soon came to see that knowledge belongs to no one and that I had entertained a very arrogant, dangerous thought in my selfish need for recognition. I now firmly believe that precious information gains greater meaning and potency when shared far and wide.

This book is divided into seven main chapters:

• Part 1 outlines the definition of self-esteem and explains why it is important in our lives. As widely circulated as the word is, self-esteem is a term that is frequently misunderstood and misused.
• Parts 2 and 3 deal with interpersonal relationship problems that arise as a result of low self-esteem.
• Parts 4 and 5 are on emotions associated with self-esteem.
• Parts 6 and 7 offer practical approaches to increasing one’s self-esteem.

At the end of each chapter, you will find a section entitled “Today’s Exercise for Healthy Self-Esteem.” Readers will be pleasantly surprised to find that self-esteem can be improved simply by doing the exercises. It will be a useful tool for readers seeking daily regimens for self-esteem improvement.

This book is for anyone who wishes to reflect on their lives, apply the principles of self-esteem to personal challenges, and recover a healthy self-esteem.

Yoon Hong Gyun

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