Let Go Now: Embracing Detachment - Brossura

Casey, Karen

Brossura

ISBN 10: 157324466X ISBN 13: 9781573244664

Casa editrice: Conari Pr, 2023

Riassunto

Daily lessons and meditations on how to detach from other people’s expectations and discover a life of balance and freedom

Do you ever feel like you give other people too much power over what you think and feel? Does how your mate or child or employer treat you make or break your day? Do you find yourself feeling immobilized by other people’s expectations and demands? These are the classic indicators of codependence. And the only solution to codependence is detachment. This seeming paradox—embracing (bringing near you) detachment (separation)—holds the key to your inner peace and that of those around you.

Through 200 meditations, Karen Casey teaches you how to let go of the illusion that you can control anyone or anything beyond yourself. You’ll learn how to find your own balance point and how to get to it whenever you find yourself tempted to become enmeshed in other people’s problems or to rescue them.

"200 short, straightforward daily lessons illustrating the many forms that detachment can take in one’s life. Casey’s latest is an easy reference guide for those seeking recovery or peace." —Publishers Weekly

Su questo libro

Informazioni sugli autori

Karen Casey is a writer and workshop facilitator for 12-step recovery. Her first book, Each Day a New Beginning, has sold more than 3 million copies. She has published 28 books since then including Change Your Mind and Your Life Will Follow, which was a finalist for the MS Society Books for a Better Life Awards. Visit her at www.womens-spirituality.com.

Karen Casey is a writer and workshop facilitator for 12-step recovery. Her first book, Each Day a New Beginning, has sold more than 3 million copies. She has published 28 books since then including Change Your Mind and Your Life Will Follow, which was a finalist for the MS Society Books for a Better Life Awards. Visit her at www.womens-spirituality.com.

Estratto. © Ristampato con autorizzazione. Tutti i diritti riservati.

let go now

embracing detachment

By Karen Casey

Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC

Copyright © 2010 Karen Casey
All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-57324-466-4

Contents

Introduction
MEDITATIONS
PAUSE AND REFLECT
PAUSE AND REFLECT
PAUSE AND REFLECT
PAUSE AND REFLECT
PAUSE AND REFLECT
PAUSE AND REFLECT
PAUSE AND REFLECT
PAUSE AND REFLECT
PAUSE AND REFLECT
PAUSE AND REFLECT
PAUSE AND REFLECT
PAUSE AND REFLECT
PAUSE AND REFLECT
PAUSE AND REFLECT
PAUSE AND REFLECT
PAUSE AND REFLECT
PAUSE AND REFLECT
PAUSE AND REFLECT
PAUSE AND REFLECT
PAUSE AND REFLECT
Subject Index

CHAPTER 1

meditations

1 Detachment is simply watching the events that are unfolding around you, gettinginvolved only when your journey is part of the experience.

Not reacting to the people or the situations that so easily attract ourattention is not an easy skill to develop. And a skill it is. We must practicedriving and chipping and putting a golf ball in order to be good golfers. Wehave to hit thousands of tennis balls against a backdrop to play tenniscompetitively. And we have to sit for long, long hours at the piano keys inorder to become proficient pianists. We would not expect to be very good at anyone of these activities without practice—lots of it.

But we seldom grasp, until after many failures, sometimes years of failures,that we have to practice and rehearse again and again the "art" of not reacting,of "detaching," from the actions of those around us. How often we hear or, worseyet, say, "He made me do it!" Wrong! No one can make us do anything. Only wehave the power to do or not do whatever we do. That's the good news, in fact. Weare in charge of ourselves; no one else is. The freedom that accompanies thisrealization will lift our spirits throughout the day.

Getting involved in the actions of others isn't in my best interests, most ofthe time. I will walk away when I need to today.

2 Detachment is stepping back from an experience in order to allow room for Godto do His or Her part.

I seldom remember, without some prodding that I initially resist, that God is afactor in every person's experience. My ego's first inclination is to think thatI am a necessary factor—not just an ordinary necessary factor but the decidingone—in the lives of my friends and family. Giving up control and letting God bethe key influence in the lives of my loved ones is not easy. It takes trust. Notonly trust in God but also trust in others and in my own willingness to approachmy experiences with all of them differently.

The benefit of coming to believe that God is the key factor in everyone's lifeis that it releases us from a heavy burden. Too many of us have tried to managethe lives of too many others for far too long. No one gains in that scenario. Onthe contrary, everyone loses the peace that comes with turning our lives over tothe care and guidance of a loving God.

Keeping a mental note of all the times I step away from an experience that isn'tmine to control will fill me with a sense of empowerment. What a greatopportunity this will be today.

3 Detachment promises quiet contentment.

Choosing contentment over agitation seems like a simple choice, but itapparently isn't for many of us. All we have to do is take a brief inventory ofthe many encounters we had yesterday. How many of them were peaceful? Did wetake "the high road" very often? Were a few of those encounters riddled withwords or actions that embarrass us in retrospect? Were there some we regret yettoday?

It's been my experience that the encounters that are not peaceful fall into twocategories: First, there are those that are the direct result of my trying tomake something my business that is not my business—in other words, of my tryingto control that which is not mine to control. The other category can best bedescribed as letting someone else's behavior determine how I feel about myself.This becomes a cesspool, and I have wallowed in it far too many times.Fortunately, I am learning to make better choices. Now, I can walk away, most ofthe time, when I need to. How about you?

The first few times we make the choice to "be peaceful rather than right," itfeels like denial. But with practice it will become the preferred choice. Giveit a try today.

4 Detachment is making no one a project.

It's my guess that since you have found this book of interest, you are able torelate to some of the struggles I have had over the years. One of these is"dancing around" the life of someone else, rather than leading my own life. I ampleased to say I have made a lot of progress in this arena, but for manydecades, I didn't know there was any other way to live. If someone else wasn'tat the center of my life, I wasn't sure who I was. What a sad existence. What asad recollection, too.

Not letting someone else determine who we are or what we think or how we feel isrevelatory when first encountered as an idea. I was introduced to this notion in1971 in a book titled Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am? by John Powell. Iimmediately embraced the philosophy even though I knew it was a truth I was notyet able to practice. Now, many years later, I realize that we are often giventhe seed of an idea long before it's able to sprout real growth in our ownlives. The fortunate thing is that we are never the same after the idea firstpresents itself.

I am my only project! Fully embracing this idea gives me so much freedom to dothe many things I have been born to do. Others are in our lives for a reason,but they are not present as our works in progress.

5 Detachment means taking no hostages.

Perhaps you have never thought that your obsession with another person might bedefined as hostage taking. Historically, we think of hostages as those peoplewho are imprisoned, particularly in a time of war. However, we can slide quiteeasily into making a friend or loved one a hostage of sorts by our attempts tocontrol their every move. Our smothering focus can be likened to making them ourprisoner. But since the natural inclination of every prisoner is to want toflee, the outcome of our behavior will never give us the result we are seeking.

Why is it that we are so determined to control someone else? I have given this alot of consideration for the past few years and have concluded that our need tocontrol others grows out of our own insecurity. We fear abandonment, perhaps, orsimple rejection at least. Both will become the reality if we insist on keepingour focus on them rather than on us. Making the decision to change our focus isan available option.

While having a hostage might make us feel secure momentarily, we can alwaysexpect them to try to escape. That's the natural inclination. Is that really howwe want to live?

6 Detachment means giving up outcomes.

Perhaps you have heard this wise phrase: Our job is the effort, not the outcome.But how often do we embrace it fully? Generally, we want to secure the resultthat we have imagined is the perfect one. To do this, we assume that we have toshepherd the project or the situation or the person down the path that leads toour definition of the "natural conclusion." But the correct conclusion—God'swill—might not even resemble our will. That's not an easy adjustment to make inour thinking.

Hindsight is so revealing. For just a moment, recall a situation in your pastthat you were determined to control, but the outcome was simply not what you hadenvisioned. Can you see how much better God's outcome was? In my life, had Imanaged to make happen many of my "educated" choices, I'd not be alive to writethis book. Thank goodness my Higher Power had a far better outcome for me thanmy own. Now I know, even though I am still inclined to forget, that doing mypart and then letting go of the rest will ensure, at the very least, my peace ofmind. I like that feeling.

Detaching from outcomes, those that apply to us and those that apply to theactions of others, is the surest way to a peaceful day. Trying is believing.

7 Detachment is letting the solutions be determined by God.

Solutions are seldom simple. Perhaps that's because they generally involve otherpeople too. When any one of us is certain that we have the best solution for anyproblem or situation confronting us, we have quite naturally chosen one thatbenefits us. There's nothing wrong with that stance. However, it may not be thebest solution for all the people who are affected by the situation. Backing offand letting God be a participant in every decision results in an outcome thatoffers us peace of mind and the most beneficial solution for all.

If only we could remember that our Higher Power is a willing participant, wemight call Him or Her the troubleshooter for every situation we encounter. Wedon't ever have to figure out anything alone. God would prefer otherwise, infact. We need not ever make plans without consultation with the One who alwaysknows the best direction for us to take. Our Higher Power is like having a GPSat our constant disposal that will, without fail, get us to our rightdestination. Always. And we can enjoy peace of mind. Always.

Giving detachment a chance today will be like getting a paid vacation. We don'tneed to attend to situations that belong to others, and we can let God be partof every situation that does involve us. What relief we will feel.

8 Detachment is understanding that we are never the cause of someone else'sactions.

We live in a society that wants to blame others for every unfortunate situationthat befalls us. Taking responsibility for the experiences we have, particularlywhen they are unpleasant, is not behavior that comes naturally to us. Most of uslikely pattern our ideas and attitudes after those we observed in our homes. Ourparents mimicked their parents too, no doubt, so this habit has had a long life.It controls how most of us see and think and behave. It also has colored theattitudes of the people with whom we are sharing our journey. But it's time tostop this merry-go-round of blame.

No one can cause us to act in a particular way, and we are not to blame foranyone else's actions either! Others' actions are theirs, and solely theirs.Likewise, our choices about how to behave are ours. We might influence others oreven be influenced, but the final decision about how one acts falls with the oneacting. We may not be all too happy about taking full responsibility forourselves in every instance, nor in relinquishing the responsibility for howothers behave. But we will grow accustomed to this, and it will free us frommany burdens. Time will prove this to be true.

Not having to be responsible for anyone but ourselves is a new way of seeing formany of us. Today can be peace-filled if we revel in this understanding.

9 Detachment is getting over "it," whatever "it" is.

The insanity of hanging on to those situations or recollections that disturbedour well-being, sometimes of occurrences that happened years ago, thinking thatif we just figure them out we can change the people or the outcome, is far toofamiliar. I speak from experience! How often I have let the behavior of otherstake control of my emotions or my actions. My memories of a past slight, or animagined slight, can easily be conjured up, and my feelings can be hurt or I canfeel angry all over again. How embarrassing to admit this after all the years Ihave been making this spiritual journey. But alas, it's true, and I think it mayoccasionally be true for others, too.

This is not about living perfectly. It's about making progress, even a bit ofprogress, as regularly as possible. My struggle with acceptance has been the bigissue lately. I simply have forgotten that it's not my job to change others orto even expect others to change. My job is to accept people as they are, knowingthat their journey is exactly as it needs to be for them, as is mine. We arealways where we need to be on this path. We are always traveling with those weneed to travel with. Period. There are no accidents. Ever.

I will accept whatever is happening as part of the plan for me today. With God'shelp I can be fully accepting.

10 Detachment frees up our time.

When we are involved in the plans, the problems, the details, and the actions ofothers, whether friend, spouse, or child, we have less time to attend to our ownlives. Many of us think that part of our "assignment" here is being available towhomever and whatever their focus is. But that's not true, not ever true, infact. As parents we may need to closely supervise the activities of ourchildren, but we shouldn't limit our focus to that alone. Our lives are, or canbe, much richer than our role as parent or spouse or friend. Our attention mustremain on those things that have "called to us" and only us on our journey.

Perhaps detachment was an unfamiliar concept to you before picking up this book.When I first heard the word, I struggled to understand its meaning. I decipheredit by going through the door of "attachment," actually. I did know how it feltto be attached to someone else. I had tried to keep loved ones attached to mefor years. Coming to see that detachment was letting go, releasing others tomake their own choices, their own mistakes, to realize their own dreams,initially felt like loneliness to me. My life simply had been a dance aroundothers. Letting them be meant I was dancing alone. But then I discovered thefreedom I had to actually move in ways that pleasured me, and joy replaced thetension that had haunted me for years. At last.

There will always be enough time to do what I am being called to do when I keepmy attention where it belongs—on me.

11 Detachment simplifies our life.

Closely monitoring one life is really quite enough. Paying too close attentionto someone else's life will only upset the balance of our own. We have theenergy to live one life, not two or more. It's God's work to orchestrate thelives of others. Why are we so insistent on taking on more than we have beenselected to do? Could it be that we are afraid others will leave us behind if wearen't wrapped up in their plans, their daily activities, their dreams for thefuture?

Having a simpler life, one that concerns itself with only our activities, isreally so refreshing. So energizing. So peaceful. Until we remove our attentionfrom the machinations of others, we can't even get a sense of what having moreenergy, extended periods of peace, and the joy that comes with detachment feelslike. But once we have allowed ourselves to know this feeling, we will hungerfor it more and more. In time, we will seek the freedom of detachment on a dailybasis. And on a daily basis we will live peacefully.

Being peaceful and enjoying the simple life doesn't have to elude us. Keepingour focus where it belongs is the method for attaining this peace. Today is theright day to seek it.

12 Detachment is an acquired habit.

Obsession with the actions of others—wishing he or she would change, wantingmore attention or perhaps less, wishing our significant others would let usdecide their fate—is so exhausting. When we are caught up in the cycle ofobsession, we are seldom even aware of how we are letting our own lives slipaway. But slip away they will. Learning how to let go of others and their livestakes willingness, a tremendous commitment to staying the course, and constantpractice. If we don't keep this as a goal for our lives, we will miss theopportunities God is sending us for our own unique growth. We can only dojustice to one life; ours.

Being detached from someone does not mean no longer caring for them. It does notmean pretending they no longer exist. It does not mean avoiding all contact withthem. Being detached simply means not letting their behavior determine ourfeelings. It means not letting their behavior determine how we act, how wethink, how we pray. Detachment is a loving act for all concerned. No one wantsto be the constant center of someone else's life, at least not for long. Twopeople lose their lives when either one is constantly focused on the other.That's not why we are here.

We can journey together today. From the shared journey we learn. But beingenmeshed with another rather than complementing another's journey will destroyboth parties. I will keep this in my memory bank today.

13 Detachment means freedom from obsession.

I, for one, am all too familiar with how obsessing over the actions of otherscan cause my emotions to spin out of control. Left unchecked, I can find myselfin a downward spiral that feels overwhelming and can lead to the awful feelingof hopelessness that used to be a constant companion. Obsession with others onour path can creep up on us when least expected. But I have come to understand,with the help of those wiser than myself on this journey, that when I am notstaying close enough to my Higher Power, I am very vulnerable to the old habitof watching others and letting how they behave determine how I feel.

I have been on this spiritual journey for many decades, actually for my wholelife when I acknowledge that God was always present even when I was unable toacknowledge it. And yet, I can slip away from the very habits that keep meserene, sane, and living in the joy that is my birthright. I am quite certainthe same is true for many of you. We can learn how to detach. We can think aboutGod rather than about what someone else is doing or not doing. Moving ourthoughts from one to the other is the key to happiness. It's guaranteed.

Being lovingly detached is the best way to honor one another's journey. Everyoneis here for a specific set of lessons. We must allow everyone to follow his orher own inner guidance to learn their lessons.

(Continues...)

Excerpted from let go now by Karen Casey. Copyright © 2010 Karen Casey. Excerpted by permission of Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Dettagli dell?edizione

• Editore: Conari Pr
• Data di pubblicazione: 2023
• Lingua: Inglese
• ISBN 10: 157324466X
• ISBN 13: 9781573244664
• Rilegatura: Copertina flessibile
• Numero di pagine: 232
• Contatto del produttore: non disponibile