'Utterly chilling and enthralling from the first line to the last.' Karen Maitland
What I want to say is that suicide is my choice. No-one else is to blame. Man seeks beautiful woman for the journey of a lifetime: Will you help me to die?
When Probation Officer Cate Austin is given her new assignment, she faces the highest-profile case of her career. Alice Mariani is charged with assisted suicide and Cate must recommend a sentence.
Alice insists her story is one of misinterpreted love, forcing those around her to analyse their own lives. Who is to decide what is normal and when does loyalty turn to obsession?
Investigating the loophole that lies between murder and euthanasia, Cate must now meet the woman who agreed to comply with her lover's final request. Shocking revelations expose bitter truths that can no longer be ignored.
A clever, sophisticated, psychological thriller, perfect for fans of Gillian Flynn, S.J. Watson, B A Paris and Sophie Hannah
‘An unflinching journey, chilling and insightful, into the darker reaches of the human mind.’ Michelle Spring
‘The final twist is stunning.’ Online blogger Fleur Fisher
‘This is not just a crime novel or a psychological thriller. I like that. Ian Rankin chose to be a crime novelist because he realised that a detective was the perfect tool to prise open the lid of society. He’s a serious novelist masquerading as a crime fiction writer and I believe the same is true of Ruth Dugdall.’ Jim Murdoch, author and blogger
‘Those who have read the debut novel and expect a sucker punch twist in the tale will not be disappointed, Dugdall bowls a googlie you surely cannot expect coming.’ Shotsmag
‘I had shivers at the end... it was refreshing to read a modern crime novel with a younger, female, detective, and the insight in the probation service was fascinating.’ ForBooksSake
‘The book is not straightforward for as soon as the reader thinks that they know where it is leading, Ruth Dugdall throws a curve to keep you guessing. The characters are real and three dimensional - they walk among us...a must read novel.’ BrokenTrails
‘The book is heartily recommended… and the author is one to watch.’ The Bookbag
‘Dugdall challenges our preconceptions on just about every emotive topic out there. Bold and clever in her storytelling, she forces a spotlight into the darkest corners of humanity.’ The Truth About Books
‘I’d highly recommend The Sacrificial Man. It is one of the most enjoyable books I have read in a long time. The plotting is excellent and the books easy to read nature while touching on so many dark subjects make it a must-read.’ Books you Love
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Ruth Dugdall studied a BA (Hons) degree in English and Theatre Studies at Warwick University, and then an MA is Social Work at UEA. She worked as a Probation Officer for almost a decade, working in prisons with numerous high-risk criminals. The Woman Before Me (Legend Press, 2010) was informed by her experiences. Ruth's professional background gives her writing authenticity and credibility.
Trains terminated here. It was the end of the line.
Only just past nine, and I waited for the last train to arrive. A sharp breeze made me nip my jacket close, turn my collar up. I was alone on the platform. A mere shelter. No café, not even a chocolate machine, just a bench and a timetable screwed by cracked Plexiglas to the crumbling brickwork. I was on the edge looking down, fighting that familiar urge to jump that some commuters experience. On the track were discarded cans and wrappers, the litter of those who had also waited for trains. I was an actor in the wings of an unlit stage, apprehensive before the audience arrived. The wind picked up in bitter gusts. I turned my face against it, looking down the track into the dark tunnel. Lights would come, then noise. Then him.
I checked my watch. Seven minutes past nine. Eight minutes to go. Not long. Too long. I stamped my feet, fidgety with nervous energy, hands curling and uncurling in my pocket, chilled to the core by the thought of what was to come. I didn't know what he looked like. I'd seen a picture, but how often do people use a photo that reveals the truth? Being beautiful, I didn't need a flattering image, but the picture I sent him was also a lie. My hair looked over bright in the sunshine, light lifting my features as I smiled to someone off-camera. In it I looked carefree. After, I regretted sending it, thinking I'd lured him to me under false pretences. Worried he'd be disappointed when I wasn't as easy-hearted as I'd appeared in the snap. This was one of the advantages with meeting in cyber space; we could hide our neuroses.
I tried to relax; after all, he'd picked me. He said he'd had quite a choice, more replied to his advert than he would have anticipated. I looked into the dark sky and thought of all the others out in the world seeking the same thing. I wasn't alone in my desire.
Stop. I'm going too fast. There's another story to tell, before he arrives.
Others are coming to judge me. Professionals will come and demand that I tell them my story. Whatever they conclude, bound by conventional thought, by their own mediocre experience of love, my deed will outlive me. Time alone will prove what is right. They can't force this tale from me and I won't trust them. But I've chosen you. You will listen. You are my judge, the true arbiter. And we have time, yet, before the train pulls into the station.
My internet name was Robin, like the bird, but also because it made me think of American cheerleaders with tanned tennis legs and blonde hair. Wholesome. When I was Robin my world sparkled new and I could do things differently. I could be someone else.
We didn't use our given names on the site. It was part of the unspoken deal. And anyway our parents named us. Our avatars, picked by us, revealed something truer. I liked his. He was Mr Smith.
To me, Smith was beautifully anonymous – an Everyman. I didn't want the unique or standalone; I sought the mediocre, the average, the one lost in a crowd. I wanted the man who worked behind a desk, who microwaved cardboard meals, who rubbed the sore grooves down his nose, scored by his glasses. Mr Mousy Hair, Mr Nylon Shirts. Strange, that I sought the ordinary when I'm anything but. I've never met a man who didn't desire me, at least at first, but my own taste is modest.
Robin wanted safety. Predictability was more important than fun, and I quickly deleted adverts from men who smugly announced they had a GSOH. I like to laugh, but not on demand. I wasn't seeking a cabaret act.
Hi
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