HEARING THE SILENCED VOICES

A twelve-year-old girl tells the pastor that her father, a Sunday school teacher, has been sexually molesting her since she was four years old.

The brother of a deacon is arrested for raping his five-year-old son.

The pastor in a nearby church has to leave his parish because he engaged in sexual relations with three female parishioners.

Several prominent religious figures are "caught" in exploitative sexual relationships with women and fall from power.

The local and national news is filled with the stories of the sexual abuse of women and children.

Pastors and theologians, as moral and religious leaders, are the recipients of questions:

—Why are we suddenly hearing so much about sexual exploitation of children and women? Is there an increase in this problem?

—Is sexual violence unusual or is it typical of human morality?

—If sexual violence is a serious problem why have the church and society been silent?

We are hearing a lot about sexual violence because many women are beginning to break the silence and tell about their experiences. The taboos about speaking the truth are being set aside, and shocking stories are being heard. Experts estimate that 20 to 40 percent of all children experience some form of sexual violence before age eighteen, and that more than half of all women have experienced a rape or attempted rape in their lifetime. Even more disturbing is that most sexual violence is perpetrated within families and by persons who are trusted leaders in communities. Sexual violence is a far-reaching problem with very destructive consequences for many people.

There may have been an increase in sexual violence in recent years, though more research needs to be done. Studies show that younger women have experienced more sexual abuse than their mothers and grandmothers. Changes in society such as the breakdown of cohesive local communities, the increasing isolation of many individuals and families, the sexualization of culture, and the greater tolerance for violent behavior may all have contributed to this increase. However, research also shows that sexual violence has been a problem in previous centuries. So we are facing a serious problem that has existed for many years, and one that is increasing. Sexual violence raises serious questions about the morality of human beings. Some scholars have suggested that violence against women and children is a highly symbolic and significant aspect of Western culture. Through sexual violence, sanctioned forms of social control of women and other marginal groups are being expressed. Sexual violence has been a taboo subject for a long time. The terrible suffering of victims has been silenced by public attitudes and policies; some victims maintain their silence for decades and many never tell. Recently, adult survivors have discovered new power to speak about their suffering and their hope. In small support groups, women, especially, have begun to ask why they are such frequent victims of sexual violence. As they speak, the tangled web of taboos is coming unraveled. Silence does not protect the victims; it perpetuates victimization. Without the protection of silence and taboos, sexual violence is unmasked for what it really is—the evil of abuse of power.

Power is a complex term with personal, social, and religious connotations. At a personal level, all persons have some power by virtue of being alive, along with an inner drive to use this power to become all they can be. Some are denied the chance to exercise their power because of oppression. Others use their power for destructive ends. Society dictates how power is distributed. Institutions and ideologies determine who has privilege to be dominant and who must defer. Some persons are given great power to make choices for themselves and other people and are protected from the consequences of their choices. But many are denied the power to control even their own bodies and minds, and their choices are circumscribed by others. These inequities create the occasions for abusive behaviors and unjust power arrangements. Religion serves to define the nature of power and its legitimate uses. Religious leaders must choose whether to collude with the dominant culture as sanctioning agents of abusive power or to be prophetic critics of the way power is distributed and defined. Sexual violence can serve as a test for understanding the nature of power and its destructive and creative potential in an unjust society. Chapter 2 discusses the nature of power more fully. This study is committed to understanding the suffering and hope of survivors with a goal of radically transforming the structures of power in society.

Chapters 3 and 4 of this book explore stories of persons for whom sexual violence has been a central reality. Many courageous survivors have found words to express their suffering and hope in new ways. They have overcome the victimization of the past and have found new power to live, through connections with other survivors. Survivors are opening the eyes of those who are willing to see the abuse of power that has destroyed so many persons and families in our communities.

Recovering perpetrators is a term used in this study for the few men who have confessed their crimes of abuse and violence, have begun to face the consequences of their destructive behaviors, and have committed themselves to an indefinite period of restitution and change through psychotherapy and education. I focus on male perpetrators because statistically they are in the majority (80 to 95 percent of sexual violence is committed by men), and because of my own experience working with men. Though only a very small percentage of all male abusers are trying to change their destructive behaviors, it is important to study this group to understand the dynamics of all abusers.

The later chapters engage in theological reflection on issues of sexual violence against women and children in our society. Certain theological questions have become apparent through my research that need further exploration.

First, the prevalence of sexual violence raises questions about human nature. Most sexual violence occurs in the family and in other human relationships based on trust and intimacy. If a father can rape his daughter, if a husband can rape his wife, if a pastor can rape a parishioner, is there any limit to violence? We must try to understand the human self and spirit in relation to experiences of such betrayal and destructiveness so that we can protect ourselves and our communities against evil. Equally important is the resilient hope that springs up in survivors of such extreme abuse. We need to understand those persons who are terrorized with sexual violence but keep up their struggle for integrity and wholeness. The theological question here is the capacity for good and evil in the human personality. Chapter 6 will explore the nature of the human self in the midst of suffering and hope.

Second, the silence of church and society on sexual violence raises questions about the nature of community. Sexual violence against women and children has been a widespread phenomenon for centuries, and it seems to be getting worse in modern times. Even though both church and society claim to be concerned about human suffering and injustice, society is ineffective in facing and dealing with this problem, and the church has kept a deadly silence in spite of its ethic of concern for all persons. New communities of support for survivors of sexual violence are being organized outside traditional institutions, showing that the human search for community persists in spite of the failure of community. The theological question is the nature of human community itself. Where is the community in which all persons can grow into their own integrity and be affirmed for the strength of the gifts they bring to the body, recognizing that all members of the community are both strong and weak? Chapter 7 explores the nature of community with its potential for good and evil.

Third, the structure of oppression in sexual violence raises questions about God. The voices of those suffering from sexual violence have been ignored in most theological discussions about the relationship of God and humans, sometimes giving the impression that God is uncaring. Many survivors of sexual violence have great difficulty with traditional images of a male God who requires obedience to dominant powers even in situations of great injustice. New definitions of the relation of love and power are coming from counter-communities of resistance to evil. The search for a God of love and justice is strong in some survivors of sexual violence, and they are leading a discussion about reformulated understandings of God. Chapter 8 will explore the nature of God in relation to the creative and violent potential of creation itself.

HEARING SURVIVORS OF SEXUAL VIOLENCE

This study attends to two groups silenced by present patriarchal structures of society: children and women. A hermeneutical principle in this research is that those with the least power can reveal the most about the nature of the good and unmask the abuse of power. Those who are in positions of power need to hear the voices of those who suffer from abuse or deprivation just as surely as those who suffer cry out to be heard. Only through this kind of conversation can humanity be restored to both oppressed and oppressor.

How my eyes were opened. The decision to focus my research on survivors of sexual violence evolved from personal experience in my life and ministry. I first encountered the reality of sexual violence as a pastor. A young woman told me that she had been sexually molested over many years by both her father and her grandfather. I had never been confronted by an evil like this. In my shock I was no help to her.

Later, a fifteen-year-old girl, a member of the youth group, told me that her father, a Sunday school teacher, was touching her breasts and saying he wanted to have sex with her. This time I got professional consultation and confronted the father. The girl received counseling until she was able to leave home and protect herself. But because of my naivete about the seriousness of these cases, I did not report the father and he faced no consequences for his abuse.

Part of my struggle in these two events was the extent to which I personally identified with the men in these families. Like me, they were respected leaders in church and community. The privilege they assumed in relation to their children had an uncomfortable resemblance to my own attitudes about power in my family and community. This was one of my first clues that issues of gender and power were interrelated in my own personality and in the community.

As a beginning seminary professor in 1979, I began to hear frequent stories from Master of Divinity students about their own experiences of sexual and physical violence at the hands of church-going, respected parents, mostly fathers. I also heard stories from students who were sexually approached by pastors and counselors in the church. Many students came to seminary to find healing for sexual abuse, which was ignored and trivialized in their families and congregations. Christians are universally opposed to coercive sex, but there is little ethical discussion about the effects of sexual violence on victims. The fact that these students could find no one to address their psychic pain indicates a strong taboo against open discussion of such suffering. Even as I listened, I realized that I was one of the silent leaders who kept such abuse a secret. It was many years before I gained the courage to begin speaking about the evil I saw.

For four years I taught a seminary course called "Evil and Aggression," which focused on sexual violence along with racism and the holocaust of World War II as examples of destructive behavior. The students in these courses began to teach me about the interrelationship of personal and family violence with race and culture. Several students were very articulate about how the isolation and hatred expressed within their families were reflecting class and racial hatred in society. Black and Hispanic students disclosed their own struggles with violence and showed me how social institutions and ideologies had concrete consequences in their own childhood experiences. The courage of these students persuaded me to sharpen my social analysis of sexual and family violence. I became convinced that the injustices perpetrated against women, persons of color, and underprivileged classes were crucial to understanding the roots of sexual violence.

Finally, I discovered that one of my mentors in the ministry had a history of sexually abusive behaviors toward seminary students and women in the church. I was shocked by this discovery because I had trusted this man as much as anyone. Many persons, including me, had ignored the signals that something was wrong in his understanding of the ethical use of power. His victims were betrayed by his destructive behaviors and by the conspiracy of silence that protected his abuse of power. This disclosure increased my sensitivity to the sexual abuse of power by professionals, to whom many women trust their vulnerabilities and spiritual growth. The voices of survivors of sexual violence were compelling to me because of the courage and hope they expressed in seeking healing. It was only with deep grief and sadness that they shared the stories of abuse within their families and churches. These witnesses showed great courage in talking to someone about their pain and grief, and their stories revealed a tremendous resilience of hope in the midst of obstacles to their healing.

I was horrified at my own complicity and the complicity of the church in the silence about such an obvious evil. None of the students had ever heard any public discussion of the evils of sexual and physical abuse. They had not been encouraged to disclose their stories even when they had the courage to speak. Yet they continued to look to the church as a center of hope in the midst of evil. I began to focus on this ambiguity in my own life and to critically examine the church and the larger society that created the conditions giving rise to this problem.

As these voices of the survivors of sexual violence gained power in my own spirit, I realized my inadequacy to understand and to provide the expertise they needed for their healing. I decided to seek further therapy for myself and additional training in work with the survivors of sexual violence. During my training I had my first encounter with molesters, men who had been convicted of criminal sexual abuse of children. I was shocked to see such evil organized into individual personalities. Most of these men were so narcissistic that they were unable to understand that the needs of children were different from their own needs. Many of them actually thought that children enjoyed the sexual contact. They knew their behavior was "wrong" because of the social taboo, but they often felt they had done no harm. I was beginning to see the depth of violence in these men. Part of the horror included the unmasking of my own violent potential. I discovered similar attitudes of dominance and entitlement in myself and my clients. How could men be so blind to the destructiveness of our abuse of power?

I was also shocked to hear about the childhood suffering of these molesters. Every man I interviewed had lived a life of terror himself. Most were victims of sexual violence, physical violence, or severe deprivation. Each one had his own tale of suffering to tell. They were silenced as children so that they could not speak of the terror they knew. I became aware of how little ability I had to speak of my own childhood pain. I had silenced my own inner child to avoid facing the suffering in my own life. The violence of these molesters against others was a continuation of what they had learned about relationships in the past. Society was reaping the harvest of its abuse and neglect of children of previous generations. Some research indicates that my experience may not be typical. David Finkelhor has summarized research that shows a significant number of perpetrators were not sexually abused as children. There are multiple reasons why men become sexually violent, including social expectations for the behavior of men. These factors will be examined to supplement the limitations of my experience.