CHAPTER 1
First Things First
The first married couple on earth was Adam and Eve and the Holy Spirit instructed me to have a closer look at them. It just made sense to do this if I wanted to establish what God's initial intent with marriage was when He created man and woman.
Genesis 2:18-25 (AMP)
18 Now the Lord God said, It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him.
19 And out of the ground the Lord God formed every [wild] beast and living creature of the field and every bird of the air and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them; and whatever Adam called every living creature, that was its name.
20 And Adam gave names to all the livestock and to the birds of the air and to every [wild] beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found a helper meet (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him.
21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam; and while he slept, He took one of his ribs or a part of his side and closed up the [place with] flesh.
22 And the rib or part of his side which the Lord God had taken from the man He built up and made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.
23 Then Adam said, This [creature] is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of a man.
24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall become united and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not embarrassed or ashamed in each other's presence.
The Garden was the ideal environment marriage was designed for. It is important for us to study the ideal circumstances that surrounded marriage (compared to the present) and to recognise the challenges we face in the absence of living in a perfect world.
The reference to their nakedness in verse 25 speaks to the intimacy of this relationship. It is a one of a kind relationship, a covenant relationship, a relationship that God uses to compare the relationship between His Beloved Son and us – the Church. My idea of intimacy in a marriage is that you have someone that you can share anything and everything with and he will love you all the same. Someone that I can share my deepest fears and dreams with, knowing that he will not think I am stupid for having them. He will not betray me by sharing this with someone else, nor will he use this information against me. You remain secure sharing all of this, because you are certain that you will not be loved less because you are imperfect. They were naked – words were not even necessary. They knew and understood everything about each other. They could see everything and they were NOT AFRAID OF BEING THAT VULNERABLE. It was easy for Adam to lead Eve with love and in turn it was a pleasure for Eve to submit because Jesus was the centre of their world (Jesus was represented by the Tree of Life in the centre of Garden). Today, we desire to have this kind of relationship, but we forget that we are living in a fallen world – the ideal circumstances of Eden were destroyed the moment sin stepped in. Our flesh (sin of the flesh) prevents us from benefitting from this relationship. Although we are no longer living in Eden, we have Someone Who Adam and Eve did not realise they had. We have Jesus and when we realise the impact He makes when placed in the centre of a marriage; we have an even better environment than the Garden of Eden.
Let me explain. The Bible speaks about the fact that Adam and Eve could enjoy all the fruits from all the trees, The Tree of Life (which was in the centre), but not from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. The Tree of Life is a picture of Jesus being the centre of everything and as long as they were enjoying Jesus and placing Him in the centre of the world; everything went according to God's divine plan and the initial purpose intended for marriage was being fulfilled. Until the day they ate from the prohibited tree and sin spoiled everything.
Genesis 2:9 (AMP)
9 And out of the ground the Lord God made to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight or to be desired – good (suitable, pleasant) for food; the tree of life also in the center of the garden, and the tree of the knowledge of [the difference between] good and evil and blessing and calamity.
Some may argue that the tree of knowledge of good and evil was also in the centre, but there can only be one centre (position). Physically it is impossible for a location to have more than one centre. The Tree of Life had the centre position in the Garden of Eden and as a result caused everything to exist in perfect harmony. I do think that the tree of the knowledge of good and evil was situated close to the Tree of Life, but it was impossible that it had the same status and importance. When the tree of the knowledge of good and evil was made the centre, the harmony was disturbed and everything fell out of balance.
Genesis 2:16-17 (AMP)
16 And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, You may freely eat of every tree of the garden;
17 But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and blessing and calamity you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.
God was clear in His instruction that the fruit of the forbidden tree should not be eaten. It is also clear that God gave this instruction before Eve was created. It was therefor Adam's duty to inform Eve of this. The Scripture does indicate that he briefed her, but she was not familiarised with it enough to withstand the deceit of the devil. It reminds me of the verse in Hosea.
Hosea 4:6 (AMP)
6 My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge; because you [the priestly nation] have rejected knowledge, I will also reject you that you shall be no priest to Me; seeing you have forgotten the law of your God, I will also forget your children.
Hosea 4:6 (NLT)
6 My people are being destroyed
because they don't know me.
Since you priests refuse to know me,
I refuse to recognize you as my priests.
Since you have forgotten the laws of your God,
I will forget to bless your children.
Perish they did indeed and as a result everyone since was born into sin. I included the New Living Translation because it defines knowledge as knowing God and to me that is profound, because the question comes to mind if Eve knew God the way Adam did?
From the discussion Eve had with the snake; you can gather that Adam did inform Eve (to some degree) about eating from the trees in the Garden as well as the one that had a prohibition on. This is clearly a matter of getting the information from a secondary source and the message not being conveyed with the same clarity. I don't know if you also played the game telephone when you were small, but this game clearly illustrates how facts are changed when it is retold by a person different than the original source.
INHERENT DIFFERENCES
When God created Eve, He took her from Adam's side and the place He removed her from left a void in Adam that only she could fill.
Genesis 2:21 – 22 (AMP)
21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam; and while he slept, He took one of his ribs or a part of his side and closed up the [place with] flesh.
22 And the rib or part of his side which the Lord God had taken from the man He built up and made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.
23 Then Adam said, This [creature] is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of a man.
God took certain characteristics from Adam and awarded them to Eve and the characteristics that remained with Adam were missing from Eve. Our differences within marriage drive us mad at different levels of intensity – depending on your emotional state and level of irritation. You know how it goes your strength is sometimes a weakness within your spouse and the place where you will then claim moral high ground on. You see yourself as your spouse's superior in that area and then also treat him condescending concerning that. You even take it a step further (at the expense of your spouse) by making it known to the world. You make your spouse's vulnerabilities known to the world. You are betraying his trust in you, resulting in him becoming reluctant to confide in you. You may see it as harmless to discuss your husband's faults with a colleague at work (not even a friend), but what you are doing is destroying intimacy within the marriage. I have also made myself guilty of this many times, not realising the impact of this seemingly innocent act. Where God intended for us to be a helper and step in where our husband's fall short (to prevent any embarrassment coming to them), we have managed to just do the opposite: we expose their iniquities to the world and constantly remind them of how they are not fulfilling their role the way God expects from them. Does this not sound a little like an accusing voice. We must be very cautious to not be a tool in the hand of the devil (the accuser), breaking down the confidence of our spouses about successfully fulfilling their role as Head of the house. The only way we can truly achieve this is by making Jesus the centre of our marriage. How do you do this and what is your role (as wife) in establishing it? This will become clearer as you continue reading. Let us continue with discussing the inherent differences and you will get a glimpse.
Women are by nature more intuitive then men. Men are naturally led by their reason. This again has everything to do with how we were made and our inherent nature. They need proof to convince them. "Seeing is believing" was most probably said by a male! We have qualities that men don't possess, because it was removed from them when God made the woman. I have heard a lot of preaching around the following statement I am going to make and it is in line with the Holy Spirit. Eve knew by intuition that they had to spend time in the centre of the Garden. She was created to lead Adam by intuition to the centre of the Garden where the Tree of life was. I was created to lead my husband by intuition to Jesus. I need the guidance of the Holy Spirit to not eat the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil because this will cause death to my marriage. The Holy Spirit will lead me to eat from the correct Tree. When a wife allows herself to be led by the Holy Spirit, she eats of the Fruit of Life and through her, her husband also enjoys this Fruit (Jesus). This Fruit brings life in the marriage and just binds the two of you together because you become more loving, compassionate and loyal towards your spouse. When you consume the Fruit of Life (also known as the Bread of Life) you become like that which you are consuming. In other words the longer you consume Jesus, you become consumed by Him and you begin to display His characteristics. Your husband then gets to enjoy the Fruit of Life and is transformed. That is how Jesus is made the centre in your marriage and it is important to notice the pivotal role the wife has to play in making it happen.
Women are more open to hear God's voice because we have this intuition. It cannot be explained and there is mostly no evidence to substantiate the feeling, but you just know this is the truth. I don't doubt that God does speak to men through this too, but because they are more realistic their reason requires proof and due to a lack of it they disregard the feeling (not ALL men though). This comes more naturally to a woman and therefor we need to assist our husbands respectfully with this gift. I will say that it is "easier" for God to communicate with women than with men and this again is due to our natural ability as women. I want to show you two distinct examples that illustrate this perfectly. These two incidents were placed alongside each other in the Bible by the Holy Spirit.
Luke 1:5-20 (MSG)
A Childless Couple Conceives
5-7 During the rule of Herod, King of Judea, there was a priest assigned service in the regiment of Abijah. His name was Zachariah. His wife was descended from the daughters of Aaron. Her name was Elizabeth. Together they lived honorably before God, careful in keeping to the ways of the commandments and enjoying a clear conscience before God. But they were childless because Elizabeth could never conceive, and now they were quite old.
8-12 It so happened that as Zachariah was carrying out his priestly duties before God, working the shift assigned to his regiment, it came his one turn in life to enter the sanctuary of God and burn incense. The congregation was gathered and praying outside the Temple at the hour of the incense offering. Unannounced, an angel of God appeared just to the right of the altar of incense. Zachariah was paralyzed in fear.
13-15 But the angel reassured him, "Don't fear, Zachariah. Your prayer has been heard. Elizabeth, your wife, will bear a son by you. You are to name him John. You're going to leap like a gazelle for joy, and not only you—many will delight in his birth. He'll achieve great stature with God.
15-17 "He'll drink neither wine nor beer. He'll be filled with the Holy Spirit from the moment he leaves his mother's womb. He will turn many sons and daughters of Israel back to their God. He will herald God's arrival in the style and strength of Elijah, soften the hearts of parents to children, and kindle devout understanding among hardened skeptics—he'll get the people ready for God."
18 Zachariah said to the angel, "Do you expect me to believe this? I'm an old man and my wife is an old woman."
19-20 But the angel said, "I am Gabriel, the sentinel of God, sent especially to bring you this glad news. But because you won't believe me, you'll be unable to say a word until the day of your son's birth. Every word I've spoken to you will come true on time—God's time."
Luke 1:26-38 (MSG)
A Virgin Conceives
26-28 In the sixth month of Elizabeth's pregnancy, God sent the angel Gabriel to the Galilean village of Nazareth to a virgin engaged to be married to a man descended from David. His name was Joseph, and the virgin's name, Mary. Upon entering, Gabriel greeted her:
Good morning!
You're beautiful with God's beauty,
Beautiful inside and out!
God be with you.
29-33 She was thoroughly shaken, wondering what was behind a greeting like that. But the angel assured her, "Mary, you have nothing to fear. God has a surprise for you: You will become pregnant and give birth to a son and call his name Jesus.
He will be great,
be called `Son of the Highest.'
The Lord God will give him
the throne of his father David;
He will rule Jacob's house forever—
no end, ever, to his kingdom."
34 Mary said to the angel, "But how? I've never slept with a man."
35 The angel answered,
The Holy Spirit will come upon you,
the power of the Highest hover over you;
Therefore, the child you bring to birth
will be called Holy, Son of God.
36-38 "And did you know that your cousin Elizabeth conceived a son, old as she is? Everyone called her barren, and here she is six months pregnant! Nothing, you see, is impossible with God."
And Mary said,
Yes, I see it all now:
I'm the Lord's maid, ready to serve.
Let it be with me
just as you say.
Gabriel was send by God to deliver a message of birth to the high priest Zachariah (a man) and also to Mary (a woman). Their initial reaction was both the same as they were both scared and got assurance from Gabriel. Zachariah blatantly refused to believe the message because his rationale told him that this was not a possibility according to the laws of the natural. Mary did not question the possibility of the message. She did not dismiss the message based on the impossibility of her being a pregnant virgin. In all honesty Zachariah's miracle was more possible if I can explain it like that. He and his wife were still intimate with each other, they were just old and Elizabeth was always barren. Mary did not even have sex with a man, yet she was more open to receiving the prophecy than Zachariah was. Mary merely asked how this was possible. She did address her concerns with Gabriel. When Gabriel explained it, she believed and received it. The key is given in the greeting of Gabriel towards Mary:
Luke 1:28-30 (AMP)
28 And he came to her and said, Hail, O favored one [[w] endued with grace]! The Lord is with you! [x] Blessed (favored of God) are you before all other women!
29 But when she saw him, she was greatly troubled and disturbed and confused at what he said and kept revolving in her mind what such a greeting might mean.
30 And the angel said to her, Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found grace (]y] free, spontaneous, absolute favor and loving-kindness) with God.
