Every parent would like their child to grow up to be the following:

• Confident and self assured
• Able to connect with people
• Good person
• Respected by others

Yet, in today's hectic and academically competitive world, many parents struggle with how to teach their children lessons that will insure their success in these areas. BoostKids has successfully taught thousands of kids across the country life's most important lessons, by teaching them people skills while developing their character and self-confidence. Discover how Rob Heller developed BoostKids and how it has been used to teach children the twenty-eight specific BoostKids lessons. Learn detailed techniques that can be used to teach a child how to dramatically change their life positively. These techniques will give them the capability to form true friendships, build respect and self-esteem, and create long-term career success and happiness. Drawing from life lessons he learned as a successful entrepreneur along with the help of child psychologists, educators, and other child development experts, BoostKids was created to teach kids people skills and to develop strong character.

BOOST KIDS

Teaching Your Kids Life's Most Important LessonsBy Rob Heller

iUniverse, Inc.

Copyright © 2009 Rob Heller
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4401-9212-8

Contents

Part I - Background and History of BoostKids....................................................1Introduction: The History of BoostKids.........................................................31. What Picture Do You Have of Your Children in Their 20s?.....................................72. Launching BoostKids.........................................................................93. What Makes Kids Confident?..................................................................154. BoostKids Philosophy: People Skills and Strong Character...................................175. Give Praise-When Deserved!..................................................................196. Are People Skills and Strong Character More Important Than Being Smart?.....................217. BoostKids Study.............................................................................238. Are Parents Focusing on the Wrong Things?...................................................259. Most Important Job, Yet No Formal Training..................................................2810. Kids Grow Up So Fast Now Is the Time to Teach Them!.........................................3011. Trigger Moment..............................................................................3212. Skills are More Important Than Ever.........................................................3413. Are Kids Born with Good People Skills or Can They Be Developed?.............................3914. You as a Role Model.........................................................................41Lesson 1: Greeting People.......................................................................45Lesson 2: Eye Contact...........................................................................49Lesson 3: Smile.................................................................................51Lesson 4: Turn Up the Volume....................................................................54Lesson 5: Telephone Manners.....................................................................56Lesson 6: Become a Good Listener................................................................59Lesson 7: How to Handle People That Brag........................................................66Lesson 8: Say "Thank You".......................................................................68Lesson 9: The Glass Is Half-Full, Not Half-Empty................................................70Lesson 10: Give Compliments.....................................................................73Lesson 11: Accomplishing Goals..................................................................75Lesson 12: Treat People with Respect............................................................78Lesson 13: Don't Talk about Others behind Their Backs...........................................80Lesson 14: Do Something Nice! It's Addictive!...................................................82Lesson 15: Have Patience........................................................................84Lesson 16: Be Honest............................................................................86Lesson 17: Don't Let Little Things Bring You Down...............................................88Lesson 18: Feel Good about Yourself.............................................................90Lesson 19: Don't Be a Complainer................................................................95Lesson 20: Create Your Own Identity.............................................................97Lesson 21: Improve Your Mood....................................................................98Lesson 22: Be Passionate........................................................................101Lesson 23: Have Fun.............................................................................104Lesson 24: Try New Things.......................................................................106Lesson 25: Don't Announce Your Strengths-Admit Your Weaknesses..................................109Lesson 26: Resist the "Dark Side"...............................................................112Lesson 27: Apologize Quickly and Sincerely......................................................114Lesson 28: How to Handle Being Teased...........................................................116Tips to Keep in Mind When Teaching BoostKids....................................................119BoostKids Program Overview......................................................................121Notes...........................................................................................123References......................................................................................125

Chapter One

What Picture Do You Have of Your Children in Their 20s?

As parents, we want to help our kids to achieve success at every stage of life. Just think of the time and money we spend to provide the emotional support and resources necessary to assist our children's goals and endeavors.

I often visualize how I can help my kids to become successful adults. Typically, I try to picture my kids in their mid-twenties. That's the point in life where they will really be on their own (hopefully!) and will most closely begin to resemble a mature man or woman. Now ask yourself, "What do I want my children to be like in their midtwenties?" I imagine you are a lot like me. You probably want your son or daughter to have some or all of the following traits:

Close personal relationships with family and friends

Self-confidence

Respect of others

Integrity

The BoostKids lessons are designed to help you instill these qualities and characteristics in your children so they develop and grow into responsible and dependable adults. BoostKids covers twenty-eight lessons. Each lesson teaches a specific manner or behavior that will allow your children to feel more confident around grown-ups and more comfortable with themselves.

Most of the BoostKids lessons are pretty obvious. In fact, I am sure you are already teaching many of them at home. BoostKids is designed to help you instill and reinforce social skills and manners that are vital to your children's development. The program provides you, the parent, with specific teachable techniques, so that one day your children may live the mental picture we talked about earlier. Please don't sit around and simply hope for the best. Realize that you have the power to take control and help your children build the successful lives they deserve.

Chapter Two

Launching BoostKids

I made the commitment to develop BoostKids after failing to find a program that could teach my son Matt the life lessons Wendy and I value. To be quite honest, I was not even sure how to get started. After much thought, I decided the best approach was to come up with a list of the lessons that I felt needed to be taught. Heck, I'm a parent, I figured my instincts might be shared by thousands, if not millions, of others out there.

The process began with a pencil and paper. I jotted down lessons that I felt were important. In my first attempt, I came up with probably eighteen to twenty of what would end up being the BoostKids twentyeight lessons. Most of the lessons were obvious (e.g., teaching kids how to listen and ask questions; teaching kids to say someone's name in the greeting process).

Over the next few months, I added lessons as I began to think of situations and scenarios that would help my children develop into responsible adults. During that period, I was inspired by careful observation of the interactions that took place among friends and relatives. For example, after watching my kids' grandfather, Pop-Pop Albie, joking, teasing, and having fun with not only his grandchildren, but everyone he came in contact with, I realized that I needed to include the lesson "Have Fun."

Another time, I was reminded of watching the movie Star Wars with my Uncle Irwin when I was a kid. And that's when it hit me-I had to add "Resist the Dark Side" as a lesson to reinforce "good versus evil" and the importance of resisting temptation. To this day, I have vivid memories of talking with my uncle after the movie. He spoke to me about the consequences of the decisions I make and explained that the good guys win in the long run. By reflecting on lessons I learned from my family members, I realized just how much kids learn from being around loved ones, friends, and other role models.

A major BoostKids theme is the idea that parents must be role models for their kids. Our decisions, temperaments, and actions rub off on our sons and daughters. Kids are like sponges, they quietly absorb personality traits as they observe how people close to them behave. At every turn, parents have to remember that there's a little person watching, with a great, big brain! A brain that is hungry for information, so let's make sure it's good information that we are feeding our kids.

As I developed the program, I also engaged other parents through a series of focus groups to discover what life lessons were important to them. Believe it or not, the issue most often mentioned was teaching kids proper telephone manners. Yes, even today, in the age of cell phones, text messages, and e-mails, parents want their kids to represent themselves and their families with respect when communicating. That just goes to prove that while technologies change, good old-fashioned values rarely do.

Eventually, after much due diligence, the following twenty-eight lessons stood tall in front of me:

Greeting People

Eye Contact

Smile

Turn Up the Volume

Telephone Manners

Become a Good Listener

How to Handle People That Brag

Say Thank You

The Glass is Half-Full, Not Half-Empty

Give Compliments

Accomplishing Goals

Treat Others with Respect

Don't Talk about Other People behind Their Backs

Do Something Nice! It's Addictive!

Have Patience

Be Honest

Don't Let the Little Things Bring You Down

Feel Good about Yourself

Don't be a Complainer

Create Your Own Identity

Improve Your Mood

Be Passionate

Have Fun

Try New Things

Don't Announce Your Strengths/Admit Your Weaknesses

Resist the Dark Side

Apologize Quickly and Sincerely

How to Handle Being Teased

First BoostKids Class

In order to refine and test the concept, I began to teach Matt and six of his friends (boys and girls) the BoostKids lessons in a classroom setting. We met once a week for eight weeks. I utilized a number of teaching tools, from direct instruction and lecturing to role-playing skits. In addition, each student was joined by at least one parent. At every stage of the BoostKids program development process, parental observation and feedback was crucial. At the conclusion of eight weeks of classroom instruction, I was astonished at the positive response that was generated. The parents noted remarkable changes in the behavior of their children at home, at school, and in social settings. All the kids had picked up specific techniques that they began to apply in everyday life to make them feel more confident.

After the successful classroom trial, I put the BoostKids program up against the next level of scrutiny. I wanted to prove that the twenty-eight lessons could pass muster with potentially the toughest critics-educators and child professionals. So I began consulting with teachers, guidance counselors, principals, and child psychologists.

In particular, Dr. Harvey Ziff, a child psychologist in Doylestown, Pennsylvania, heard about BoostKids and requested to take a closer look at it. Dr. Ziff, who operates Camp Friendship, summer camp in Doylestown, PA dedicated to developing children's social skills and self-confidence, found the program to be a useful tool for families and children as a starting point for discussion of important life skills, and as a self-directed primer. I want to thank Dr. Ziff and his wife for the recognition and support they have provided BoostKids.

I also want to recognize Charlie Copp, a professional educator. Charlie helped introduce BoostKids to schools and after-school programs. This effort allowed us once again to witness, first hand, the effect BoostKids was having on kids. And once again, the feedback we received was not only amazing, but validating. Parents, teachers, and guidance counselors continue to write us letters documenting the positive influence BoostKids is making in the lives of their children and students.

BoostKids has taken boys and girls that, in many cases, have almost no people skills and very little self-esteem and provided the tools and skills they need to open up to the world.

Let me give you a great example. In a middle school outside of Philadelphia, we conducted an eight-week program with ten kids that could barely look you in the eye or maintain a conversation. By the end of the course, their teachers were amazed at the change. The children gained the confidence to look you in the eye and recite your name throughout the course of a conversation. Parents testified to seeing changes in their kids for the first time in their lives-changes they had sadly come to expect would never occur.

In a Georgia school, BoostKids ran a similar program with similar results. At the onset, the principal directed our attention to a young girl that perpetually walked with her head down and her hair covering her eyes. By the end of the program, this withdrawn young girl had transformed into a confident young woman who walked tall in the hallways with her head held high and her hair pulled back.

The letters, e-mails, and cards from parents of children that we've helped are truly inspiring and unbelievably satisfying. Whether it's watching my son Matt flourish, or reading about somebody else's child thrive, I must admit the feeling is second to none. What motivates me to get up early every day and tell the BoostKids story is the potential to help another parent, another kid, another family.

Chapter Three

What Makes Kids Confident?

Let's face it, at one time we were all kids. While that's hard for our children to grasp, many of us remember it all too well. Today, as concerned parents, we know how fragile a child's psyche can be growing up. Adolescence was, is, and always will be a difficult stage of life for most kids. The early teenage years, in particular, can prove to be a challenging period.

As our sons and daughters mature, they will experience the gamut of emotions, from social anxiety to newfound feelings for the opposite sex. Of course, most kids find a way to survive puberty's bumpy ride, as they gain confidence through the natural physical and psychological maturation process. But there's plenty of room for improvement. Why not speed up the process of feeling confident by helping your child develop the skills to navigate this difficult time?

The Base: Love and Affection

The foundation of your child's confidence comes from the love and affection that you provide on a daily basis. In fact, it's a very simple formula. If you have ever heard the adage "You get what you give," you know exactly what I'm talking about. The level of emotional development a child ultimately carries throughout life tends to reflect the level of emotional involvement that parents, guardians, and other family members invest in that child. In other words, low doses of love and affection will likely yield low levels of self-confidence and low self-esteem. At the opposite end of the spectrum, high doses of love and affection will likely result in high levels of confidence and high self-esteem.

This is not to say a person is doomed without doting parents. We all know people who have grown up to be perfectly adjusted adults after enduring tough childhoods. I must admit, it is amazing when you see a kid from a broken home become successful in life. But these exceptions do not negate my point concerning the prominent role of love and affection. The odds of a child growing into a happy and successful adult are greatly improved if that individual is raised with devoted caretakers.

They Need Skills!

As children grow, they begin to encounter social situations in which their self-confidence will be tested. At this point, the love and affection they received at home may not be enough to sustain their self-confidence in school and society at large. Love and affection gives kids a great head start, but it might not be enough. To forge ahead and become successful in their interpersonal relationships and careers, kids need additional skills and techniques to aid them in challenging social situations where they lack comfort.

Although a parent's praise and adoration does create a great foundation for building confidence, kids need practical techniques to refine their skills and help them handle basic human interactions. Love and affection may only take them so far. Children need to understand how to effectively deal with others in order to earn respect and become "likable." That's where BoostKids comes in. The BoostKids lessons and techniques can take children that have good foundations through love and affection and launch them to the stars.

Chapter Four

BoostKids Philosophy: People Skills and Strong Character

The fundamental concept behind BoostKids is that true confidence is derived from possessing two primary broad-based qualities:

People skills

Character

People skills

People skills are the ability to feel comfortable in social situations and get along with others. Basic human interactions such as chatting with friends, meeting someone for the first time, and conversing with the grocery store clerk require people skills. Effective social skills will afford your son or daughter the opportunity to be viewed favorably by the person or people with whom he or she is communicating.

Strong people skills do not come naturally to everyone, but the good news is that they can be taught. BoostKids covers specific techniques that will allow your children to maximize their people skills.

Character Development

The second area that BoostKids focuses on developing is character. It is very simple why building strong character in your son or daughter at a young age is crucial. Character is one's moral compass of values and beliefs. In order for a child to attain true self-confidence, BoostKids believes that outstanding people skills must be accompanied by the ability to distinguish right from wrong. BoostKids helps parents develop character in children that will allow them to establish a high level of confidence.

Are People Skills More Important Than Character?

BoostKids places equal weight on people skills and character. History is filled with crooks and thieves who had great people skills, but very little character. Some of the best con artists in the world were smooth talkers, but lies and deceit eventually caught up with them. These are not the type of people I want my kids to admire or imitate. And I am guessing that, as a concerned parent, you share my feelings.

On the other hand, we all know people with strong character, who are honest and trustworthy, but lack the appropriate people skills. It's difficult for these individuals to develop relationships because they are unable to connect with others in social settings. If your child is an upstanding citizen, but timid and shy, his or her reputation may suffer. Now, of course, your son or daughter is a good person, but few people will have the opportunity to see that if he or she appears standoffish. In order to be likable, children must be approachable.

Parents that want to help their children to create healthy, long-lasting personal relationships throughout their lives will promote both strong people skills and strong character.

Chapter Five

Give Praise-When Deserved!

WARNING: If you have been conditioned to believe that all children deserve adulation all the time, BoostKids may disrupt your misinformed view of child rearing. Consumption of the words below may cause you to abandon your long-held views of parenting.

The mission of BoostKids is to increase confidence in children by developing their people skills and characters. Specifically, the BoostKids program is designed to help parents teach kids social lessons and techniques that will allow them to develop in these two important areas. BoostKids is not designed to tell kids how great they are, especially when they are not deserving of praise.

About twenty-five years ago, a movement to develop self-esteem taught parents to praise their children whether they earned it or not. This began the "feel-good" trend of giving every kid in the league a trophy, instead of just members of the championship team. The BoostKids philosophy is to praise children in order to help build their self-esteem, but only when it is earned.

BoostKids is not about giving kids a false sense of accomplishment. If you try to give your son or daughter the perfect childhood, you will have failed to equip your child for life. Children need to develop the tools to handle the highs and lows that come with each and every day.

The lesson portion of this book covers some very simple, straightforward techniques that will allow your child to develop strong people skills. As opposed to undeserved praise, teaching these specific lessons will allow your child to flourish. Believe me! I've watched Matt's confidence grow leaps and bounds, right in front of my very eyes.

(Continues...)

Excerpted from BOOST KIDSby Rob Heller Copyright © 2009 by Rob Heller. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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