As we age and grow from the time we are born we become pulled into the net of should", "don't" and "can't". We lose the true nature of ourselves as the picture of our personality is painted by others. At some point, we must take back our lives and awaken the possibilities that have been long buried. In You're Not the Boss of Me, author Alma C. Lightbody provides a one-step-at-a-time guide to help you see your life from a new perspective. Using personal examples from her own life, Lightbody shows you how to take responsibility for your choices, find your own truth about what really matters to you and stand up for what you believe. This manual presents definitions and information about how influences from various stages in your life imprint and mould your personality and discusses how your body speaks to and communicates with you. It can also help you to understand the energetic and physical systems that support you, as well as guide you through the charts of possibilities. You're Not the Boss of Me leads you to think your own thoughts and have your own opinions to help you be healthy and happy".
YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME
Discover Your Authentic Self By Alma C. LightbodyiUniverse, Inc.
Copyright © 2012 Alma C. Lightbody
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4759-5037-3Contents
Preface.....................................................................viiIntroduction................................................................xiChapter 1: Patterns, Imprints and Masks.....................................3Chapter 2: Awareness........................................................13Chapter 3: Listening to Body Messages.......................................39Chapter 4: Acknowledgement..................................................53Chapter 5: Be the Choreographer of Your Life................................69Acknowledgements............................................................99About the Author............................................................101
Chapter One
Patterns, Imprints and Masks
The story of what happened to you while you were trying to find the path on your journey. —Rosalyn Bruyere
What happens when you finally wake up and find you have been following someone else's dream? You've spent your life trying to please others and live up to their expectations, and in doing so you've lost your own voice. You begin to realize your personality is made up of the desires and controls of others. This chapter is the first step in understanding how your reality is birthed and controlled as you take your place in the world. You become part of planned agendas, and the resulting patterns, habits and imprints create expectations of who you should be.
A final destination of peace of mind and love is a motivating force to encourage you to create a map of your own belief system—a map of your authentic self that defines your truth and values as you know them.
The world is moving forward at a very rapid rate, as we can see by the constant progress of spirituality, technology and social media. When we talk about imprints from our childhood and schooling that need to be shed, it doesn't necessarily mean our parents and teachers were wrong or bad; some of their imprints and patterns are just outdated and are now excess baggage. These will be easier to shed than other deep emotional imprints, but with awareness and intent, we can break through all the illusions that control us.
We arrive at birth filled with an essence of innocence and purity, but through all the stages of our lives, others influence us as we take on numerous opinions, agendas, controls and bosses that are not us, but through time they are superimposed into our sense of reality and shape who we become. Some terms that are used to describe what we've become in our society are "living in a cultural trance" or "sleepwalking through life." They are about following the rules, doing what we are told is right and believing most of what we watch on television and read in newspapers.
A realistic example of how we are controlled came to me when I was talking to a friend about these thoughts. He said, "I know exactly what that is; I call it the `hardly used' brain. First, my mom told me what to do, next my teachers told me what to do and then my wife told me what to do." We are constantly engulfed by people telling us what to do, how to think, what to say, how to dress, how to vote and so on. Even live theatres hold up signs for when we are supposed to applaud.
It is time to awaken to the changing dynamics in the universe right now. We all need to be present, grounded within ourselves and clear of our own direction. We need to learn about what masks we hide behind and how to remove them to find our original essence.
The following topics provide some basic information on various subjects that will come up throughout the book.
Patterns
The issues involved here are mainly to do with family, race, ancestry, religion, school and work. It's about the way things are done, such as procedures, habits, rules and beliefs. It's the conditioning we acquire from those around us on a routine basis. Within these patterns is how the family lives on a day-to-day basis, which includes habits around food, music, sports, educational values, TV, video games, where the parents work, relationships and the surrounding social environment. It also relates to what kind of atmosphere predominates in the home, be it loving, happy, violent, disconnected or any other option. The patterns create the initial programming in childhood and affect how we see things, hear things and, most of all, react to things. Patterns are repetitive in nature.
Imprints
This category is extensive and is still affected by family, but it also moves outside that nest to include grandparents, relatives, friends, teachers, mentors, coaches, ministers, role models and many others. While patterns have more to do with habits, imprints deal with things like honesty, secrets, truth, friendships, values and integrity. Imprints can deeply affect the forming personality and ego. An imprint can be a compliment that boosts self-esteem, or it can be a derogatory remark like "You are stupid," which has a destructive effect. All kinds of imprinting happen on a routine basis and are very critical in the developing years. If parents plan their children's careers and try to impose the desires they did or did not fulfill themselves, it can stop creative dreaming and limit possibilities.
Influences
These global bosses are very powerful and affect all of us as a collective consciousness, in some way. Some examples of influences are social technology, money, media, magazines and religion. The strong control of these powers is a major reason society lives in a cultural trance. We can walk away from influences more easily than ingrained imprints, if we choose not to trust or believe them.
Masks
Masks have been around throughout history; they are often used as a type of muse to hide one's identity. At a masquerade party, the mask is something we can physically see and touch and remove in an instant. A mask gives the perception we are someone other than ourselves, and we can wear all sorts of masks to keep changing the picture. In Shakespeare's original theatre, the actors played many roles and held up various masks to portray the different characters.
In our daily lives, we may not wear physical masks to change the perception of who we are, but symbolically we wear different masks of illusion all the time, and they change depending on the situation we are in. The big questions are: Why do we wear them? What do they cover up? Where do they come from?
Personality
The personality is about how you talk, walk, dress and present yourself to others. It is the cover you wear in your present life to influence how you want to be seen. The question is, do you present what you feel inside? The personality is strongly affected by ego.
Authentic Self
Your authentic self is your soul's compassion about honesty, truth, integrity, working from the heart, doing what you love and being clear about your opinions of life. It is wholeness. This quote from Andrew Cohen offers a good summary: "The authentic self is the best part of a human being. It's the part of you that already cares, that is already passionate about evolution. When your authentic self miraculously awakens and becomes stronger than the ego, then you will truly begin to make a difference in this world. You will literally enter into a partnership with the creative principle."
The Soul's Message
Occasionally, at our lowest level we might hear this inner voice saying, "I'm here, and I can help if you will listen to me. I will never overrule you, but if you pay attention to the ideas I conceive, then the mind will create, the body will take action and we will work as a team to bring you wholeness."
We all need to allow quiet time in our lives to be able to hear these subtle messages. The soul is timeless love and doesn't hold grudges; it is something no one else can ever take away from you, no matter what happens. It is ever faithful to you, your true, authentic self. It is always ready to help clear old baggage and make space for your genuine truths. Be willing to ask.
The Spoken Word
The formation of patterns and imprints are created through words, actions and the underlying energy around you. Words are a vow you make to yourself and others; they create thought images, and thoughts create reality. They are powerful teaching tools if we pay attention to what each word carries. If they are positive, inspiring and creative, they can move us forward and open doors of opportunity and growth. Other types of words can be diminutive, fearful and destructive. Scenarios are created in our mind with words such as "impossible," "can't," "limitation," "difficult" and "should," that can cause withdrawal or anger and repress possibilities of greatness. The way we speak to people as a parent, sibling, teacher or employer affects the self-esteem and personality of the recipient in some way.
Filters
"What I said is not what you heard." This statement is a reality for most of us because we all speak through filters we have developed regarding how we perceive things. Patterns and imprints from our life experiences create filters unique to each of us that affect how we see, judge and react to people and circumstances. We are unaware of how restrictive these filters can be and wonder why communication with others can be so difficult. Once we learn how to recognize their presence and acknowledge where they come from, we have an opportunity to release their effects.
False Gods
We create false gods through how we perceive their power over us. We believe they are better, have more authority and know more than we do. In our minds we place them on a pedestal, remain silent and allow them to tell us what to do. Some examples would be parents, doctors, employers, presidents and dictators.
The Onion Analogy
Removing imprints imposed on you by others can be likened to peeling away layers of an onion: it is best done slowly with intent, one layer at a time. If you peel the layers away all at once, it may be hard on you. Learn to lift the peels one by one, layer by layer, slowly and with care. Be respectful of your vulnerability and self-worth as you introduce yourself to your true self.
Power of Presence
Very few people are able to be in the present moment on a regular basis, even though it is a place of power. We carry values and assumptions from the past as heavy baggage and move them forward into the future. The past drains our energy, and dwelling on what might be in the future also takes away from the power of the present moment. We have a choice to stay in the present moment and recognize old issues and imprints for what they are.
One of my teachers, a Q'ero elder named Don Manuel Quispe, tells us, "Be aware; we have all adopted patterns during our journey—some hurtful, some just from the innocence of not knowing better but the past is history and needs to be released in order to give power to the presence and what we need now. The past issues are not important."
Creating a Story
We've talked about how opinions and the agendas of others influence us, but sometimes we can be our own worst enemy. The reality we live in is often a story we create in our mind that doesn't even happen. How often do you begin to think of an issue that's bothering you, and you find yourself creating a scenario of what you imagine someone might do or say? Even though it's all in your mind, you are upset with that person or issue; you are convinced it is real. An example is how in relationships, we tend to create a story in our mind of how we want someone to act and feel. When they don't live up to our expectations, we think they have failed us—even though they have no idea what the expectation is.
That's often how we create the stories in our life, and they are just that—stories. They are not us. If we hang on to the stories we've created, they suck the life out of us. Mind stories can be so powerful and convincing that they become internalized, as if they really happened; the resulting stress is the same.
Secrets and Lies
From the beginning of our lives, we are immersed in a maze of contradictions. What is shown in body language is often not what is spoken. From the time we are small, we are told secrets we are not supposed to share because it's a secret, sometimes a family secret and other times our own. In more severe cases they are secrets of trauma and abuse that become locked inside.
In school we might tell and share secrets about others, some real and some fictitious. When we can't remember whom we told secrets to, we begin to lie to cover up the secrets, and then we lie to cover up the lie. The cycle goes on, and years later we find ourselves in therapy, trying to unwind these interwoven cycles of confusion. We might call these family habits, but sometimes we create a reality of self-inflicted stress for which we have to take responsibility.
Speaking Our Truth
This is a sensitive topic that is often misunderstood. The surface truth is about being honest in your words and actions when dealing with others, as well as yourself. Then there is speaking your truth about your feelings and more sensitive issues. In this case sometimes saying what others want to hear is easier, so we tend to take the road of least resistance.
In my journey I found learning to speak the truth was not as easy as trying to learn a sport. I needed to experience aspects of truth in myself to be aware of its meaning. During a time of major life changes, I received some guidance from a woman who channelled Archangel Michael. Part of the advice I was given was to speak my truth.
This advice mystified me for many years following that reading; it didn't resonate with the surface or literal world I was living in. I thought I was truthful; I wasn't a liar. If someone gave me too much change, I would give it back. I didn't cheat on my taxes. I felt I was an honest person, but later I began to realize all that was small potatoes in the grand scheme of things. The truth I was looking for was much deeper.
I didn't even know my own truth, so how could I speak it, act it or walk the walk? I didn't know the truth as my soul did. My life was clouded with imprints and veils of deception of which I was not even aware.
It is not common for society to teach us how to get in touch with that inner part of us, the deep, spiritual self. We see the diagrams of the equilateral triangle for mind, body and soul, but in reality our society mainly focuses on the mind (business) and the body (vogue images), while the soul is barely given honourable mention.
Since my channelling 20 years ago, with the message to speak my truth, I finally get it. It's been an enlightening but cumbersome journey as I peeled back layers of my onion. It doesn't have to be difficult or take that long anymore. The steps in this book are meant to lighten your load and speed up the process of finding your truth, your authentic self.
Freedom
Freedom exists when you are free of patterns, controls and imprints imposed by others' agendas. It will take awareness, time and acknowledgement to keep bringing you back to your goal of freedom, because imprints are well embedded as unconscious habits. You must train yourself to recognize and respond when you slip back into them; it's a job. There will be some influences you choose to honour because it feels right. In that case, freedom exists because it is your choice.
Chapter Two
Awareness
Most of us don't know ourselves well enough to know what we want. —Shirley MacLaine
Now that you have a sense of the book's focus and its related terms and topics, it is time to take the next step. This chapter will help you understand at what point in your life imprints were most likely to be embedded, and what other worldly influences played a role. It's a good time for you to get involved and pay attention to what influences have a hold on you.
When I began this book, I focused on a few obvious categories that affect us all, as a collective consciousness. As I delved further into this idea of bosses and spoke to more people, I realized the list was never ending. The controls weren't just from people, feelings, institutions and technology but from something much deeper that goes back through generations of race, religion, genetics and traditions; also included are the current stresses of our changing world. Some influences may seem like natural guidelines for safe and healthy living, and others are more binding. Who is to say how these bosses affect any one of us? Our life experiences are not the same, so we see things through different filters, and what controls one person may be a non-issue for someone else.
This section provides examples of possible imprints and controls that painted the picture of your life. These are my own opinions, and each reader will relate to different parts of them. This stage of exploration is just meant to be thought provoking as you start to think about your history of issues, experiences and landmarks that have built your life into who you are today. You live through numerous stories about what you should do; some are exciting and pointed you in the direction of your dream, while others are orders given and commitments made in your best interest. If they made you uncomfortable or unhappy, and you were forced to participate, they most likely are not you. These are the ones you want to pay attention to now.
The topics explored are meant to help you peruse possibilities in your mind as you begin to get a sense of how powerful and life-forming (or limiting) imprints and false gods can be. Words create images, so open your mind as you read through these examples regarding where imprints come from. You'll begin to remember other experiences that affect you and hold you back, so make a note of them and pay attention to the impact and feelings associated with them. Each issue you read about and add to your list will help spark your thought processes. Let things perk and flow through you as you begin to unveil hidden parts of your personality.
It is our job, as part of a collective universal community, to awaken, dig beneath the surface and locate the stories of how our personality developed. With clear thought and understanding, we will discover the truth of who we were meant to be. In the past we listened to other people's opinions and beliefs, and we made them our own. We were trained that way, but it's the lazy man's way.
Step up to the plate and take responsibility for your own choices. Find your truth about what really matters to you and become aware of how you honestly feel about an issue. You may get shunned by some who hold a different belief, but if that's the way they act—they are not friends but controllers. Make plans to know and speak your truth, and in that you will find selfless freedom.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF MEby Alma C. Lightbody Copyright © 2012 by Alma C. Lightbody. Excerpted by permission of iUniverse, Inc.. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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