Undoing generations of erroneous practices call for change to the most powerful tool known to mankind, the mind. Only through a "Transformation" can true change take place. Far too long, man has damaged himself by his hurried acceptance of what can be done for him, with some "miracle" product and remaining ignorant to that which is already within him. Examining one specific area- the hair- brings to remembrance for some or all: Sitting between Mama's legs while she oiled your hair. Mama didn't know better. Going to the salon to have your curly hair fried straight. The stylist didn't know better. Using over-the-counter products and then demanded a stylist fix it. You didn't know better. Discover how to revel in your crowning glory. Learn how to replace the generations of erroneous practices, and "Call Forth From the Deep" your true beauty.
CALL FORTH FROM THE DEEP
The Real Case for the Extremely Curly Hair TextureBy Arlene Embola Felicia L. HamiltonAuthorHouse
Copyright © 2012 Arlene Embola. Felicia L. Hamilton
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4772-0891-5Contents
Introduction.............................................................1From Where Do I Come?....................................................7Roots in Revival.........................................................12Pre-Poo and Co-What? Co-Wash?............................................15Destiny, is that You Girl?...............................................21The Road to Destiny......................................................24It Starts with the Head!.................................................29Unhappily Situated.......................................................32Called for the Calling...................................................37You Don't Have to Call Me Black..........................................41The Road Less Traveled...................................................47Remembering..............................................................53Meet Destiny.............................................................54The Answer...............................................................55The Arlene Embola Hair Care System (The AEHC System).....................56Those Who Answered.......................................................64The Pleasure is Mine.....................................................75By: Austin Seidel........................................................77
Chapter One
From Where Do I Come?
I recently read a series of books entitled, Little Black Girl Lost. Although fictional, this series of books told a tale of woe that is all too prevalent in a society where young women don't know who they are or where they came from. I do not mean their given names on their birth certificates or their legal addresses where they receive mail. I mean, what is their story? What has been passed down from generation to generation? What generational curses do they have hanging around their necks like nooses? Who are their role models? What have they seen in their tender years that predicate all of their actions as adults? What baggage are they carrying like bag women on the street? What universal language do they use when they communicate with one another? What tales of woe lie behind those eyes? What burdens are their young souls bearing? Who robbed them of their identities, and when did those events take place?
Our young women are crying. With dry eyes, they are crying. Through fake smiles, they are crying. Through makeup meant to cover up, they are crying. Somewhere along the way, the word "ugly" was tattooed on their spirits, and now when you compliment the true essence of who they are, they don't trust it, don't believe it, and in some sad cases, don't want it.
This isn't something that can be fixed by mere words. Telling a young woman how attractive she is will not solve the problem. It's like spraying perfume on a skunk. The stench is still there. To remove the smell, a deprogramming has to occur. All faculties currently operating under the old regime must cease, and a new way of thinking has to be employed.
To begin this process, stillness must occur. One has to be still in order to move forward. It is hard to gauge yourself if you are moving at lightning speed. Be still. Be still, and listen to your heart. Be still, and listen to God. Be still, and listen to your own breathing. Be still, and reflect on your life. Be still, and break down where things went left. Be still, and ask yourself, "Where do I come from?"
We believe what we want to believe, even when we know deep down that it is not the truth. Sometimes that is a way for us to keep from dealing with what is really bothering us. We actually don't want to get to the root of our problem. It may be too painful or too tedious of a journey. Either way, the end result is the same. We are putting off the inevitable. At some point, the big things in our life are going to meet, and they will do one of two things: They will either gel, or they will crash.
Let's examine this for a moment. What big things are we speaking of? Those things could be career vs. family. They could be love life vs. career. They could be finances vs. education, and on and on. Why is this relevant? Everything is connected to everything!
When I went to college, I crashed. I was an overachiever by nature, and I probably started crashing in high school. I played volleyball and basketball, I was a majorette, a cheerleader, valedictorian, president of the Honor Society, prom queen, and I held down a part time job ... all in my senior year of high school! I excelled at everything I did.
However, I could not manage to excel in my relationship with my father. Now that one, I just couldn't seem to figure out. How was it that this child could be so unloved by one of her parents? It began to wear on me, especially once I got to college. By then, the challenges had gotten bigger, and the achievements had gotten smaller. And since I was my own problem solver, I only had myself to turn to when things got sticky.
I decided to reach out to my dad because at the time, I felt I needed that lifeline. Mom all of a sudden could not fill that void. Maybe it was just to reassure myself that I was still that all-star child, needing him (my dad) to step in and be the problem solver for once, or maybe I just wanted to be a child for a minute. I was more responsible than a lot of adults I knew, so it could have been that I just wanted someone else to take the reigns and let me be that little girl for a moment.
I needed it badly. I was gasping for air, running out of steam, and burning the candle at both ends. I needed that parental support. Well, no surprise and no cigar; it didn't happen. Because my reaching out was a last ditch effort at survival, I crashed when it failed. That one moment of rejection summed up all of my almost 19 years of living. Even though I had just had two of the most marvelous years of my life (my junior and senior years in high school), it all seemed a moot point because at that moment, my daddy didn't want me. My daddy didn't love me. My daddy wouldn't help me pay my tuition. I was broke, and I was struggling through my classes because I could barely stay awake, due to working all night long just to make ends meet. Certainly my mom was there. She had always been there; but by this time, she was more preoccupied with my five younger siblings. Who could blame her?
In everyone's mind, I was the one no one really had to worry too much about, because I was a survivor. I had proven that I could self manage , so my mom took her hands off the wheel so she could tend more to the other five still at home. All of a sudden, life was so much harder when everything had been so simple just the year before. I was tired. To sum it up, I was just tired. I was tired of carrying the weight of a grown woman's responsibility around in a young girl's soul. My body was that of a teenager, but I had the worries of a much older woman aging my spirit. That is where things went left for me.
Everything became cloudy, and I wanted to mask my pain with whatever seemed appropriate at the time, no matter how short-lived. Those were dark days. Lord only knows how I survived that period still in one piece. But here I sit behind these keys, typing, thinking, asking the question to those who are where I was ... "Where do you come from?" ... or ... "Where did things go left?"
These questions must be answered in order to achieve what we are here to do. This book is intended to be more than just a take on hair (naturally curly or otherwise). This book is intended to erase those question marks that we have about ourselves. We need answers. We demand definitive answers about who we are and where we are headed. We need to experience life after interruptions and left turns, so that we may discover the beautiful things God has for us.
Are you asking, "What has all of this got to do with embracing the natural texture of your hair?" Well, for me, it all started with the mirror. I realized I was not ready or able to look at myself wholesomely until I had a completely transformed mindset about my life in general. I asked myself, "Why did I need so badly to look well on the outside when my inside was not well?" I had to be satisfied with myself to a certain extent and fed up with myself at the same time.
In other words, I came full circle with what I had missed in life and what I was still missing. I was now finally satisfied with what God had created for me and where my life was headed. I was no longer making life decisions based on old wounds and missed opportunities. I experienced my "be still" moment. I was ready for a revival. And with any revival, you start at the root of the matter. I worked on my finances from the roots; I worked on my bad choices in relationships from the roots; I reconciled with my father and healed from the roots; and I began to build my career as a writer from the roots. It was no coincidence that when I continued digging for a healthier approach to life from the inside, my outside issues became obvious. I realized the inside processes must be physically displayed for thorough transformation. My hair transformation definitely needs to start from the roots!
How do we truly transform and commit to change on the outside if we have not truly done so on the inside? When I decided to transition back to my naturally curly hair texture, I was ready. I was committed. I had already looked on the inside and asked myself the critical questions. I had already reformed my destructive habits and evicted my destructive influences. In essence, I was ready to live freely, not just relaxer-free. I wanted to truly be free of any and every thing that potentially kept my true beauty from shining through. The glory that God intended for me to have could no longer be put on hold or interrupted. Absolutely, only right turns ahead. I think about it now like it was yesterday ...
Chapter Two
Roots in Revival
Ahhhh, I sigh as I sit by my window, and I hear the pitter patter of the rain. The sound is so melodic. It gives me such comfort. Not only is the earth being nourished, but my soul is being comforted at the same time by God's heavenly symphony. I am engaged and hypnotized by the sound. I know the ground is rejoicing, saying grace for all the attention it's getting. Then I run my fingers through my hair. Not just the surface, but down the scalp. It has been touched by a physical symphony. It has been attended to, and its palate has been fulfilled. Much like the earth, it had to be tilted, turned over, fertilized and positioned for new growth. Ahhhh, what a symphony!!! I can recall like yesterday, the moment my scalp and hair got what they needed in order to perform. It was as if a trumpet had sounded and the heavens had opened up to welcome us. I know that sounds extreme, but literally that is what it felt like. You see, when you receive revelation, it is as if you are born again. The revelation can come in many forms and can be about anything. But the bottom line is that you have received it. And the heavens do celebrate. They celebrate all of the small victories. It is only us (earthlings) who get caught up in only reveling in big things. So anyway, back to my reverie. I am in the moment of this epiphany. -This opportunity, if you will, to analyze the history of my relationship with my hair, and I realize that I had it all wrong!!! That's right! For 24 years, I had it all wrong. I was trying to manufacture nature's true intent that was present all along. I was trying to replicate, recreate and duplicate what GOD had intended for me and my hair all along. For years, I had used pomades to get it to lie down. I shellacked it with relaxers to keep it bone straight. I shell-shocked it with hot oil treatments to give it moisture and then siphoned the moisture right back out by drying it out sitting under the hair dryer for hours after spraying and spritzing. I can recall a deafening singe sound when I sprayed spritz on my hair and then used my curling irons, never once thinking at that time that I was torturing my life line, and that sound I was hearing was a cry for help. I heard that cry many times and ignored it for the sake of vanity. Even if the effect and reward were temporary, I was willing to singe the life out of my hair, forever wondering why I needed my ends trimmed so much. They were dead, and I had killed them. I had sent them to the electric chair and then let them lie there on display until I felt like trimming them away. WOW!!! You see my picture. And with me having shoulder- length hair, that was a lot of burning and trimming and no growing. Every weekend welcomed a 4-6 hour ritual of washing, conditioning, treating, adding lotion, relaxing or coloring (depending on the week), then rinsing again, setting the hair on rollers, and sitting under my made-for-home-use hair dryer. Torture! Pure torture!!! All of that, and I still had to trim away and cut away most of what I had done, because at some point, my abuse of my hair would reveal itself. To some this story may sound familiar, and you can identify. To others, it sounds purely inhumane, and you are probably wondering if there is some sort of punishment, repercussion, or therapy for it. All I can say is, "Thank God," for sending a revival. Yes, it did take place at Transformation Salon. The name alone should give you some indication of what took place! It was instigated by a stylist, Arlene Embola, who is one tough cookie. She uses a specific system that the average eye or ear will generally not comprehend, but the heart cannot deny. God laid claim to His land again. Through an earthly being and brick and mortar business, the natural regimen that was intended for our hair, as it has been for all other hair types, was restored. My pass was revoked. My credit was cut off, and my years of tormenting my hair were counted as time served. The jig was up. It was time to get down to brass tacks. Life as I knew it would never be the same. Yeah, I know, that sounds a little deep, but you have to know me to understand. For me it was deep. See, I connect everything with everything. And my new-found freedom was buried beneath all of the relaxer and pomade and spritz and spray and oil sheen and dye and yaddah, yaddah. The true essence of my hair had been locked away since I was 16 years old!!! A part of my personality had been locked in a basement without food or water for over 24 years!!! I had been trying to replicate, re-create and duplicate what had already been in my life since the day I was born!!! Where, when, why and how did I lose myself? That is what I had to ask, especially after I got out of that chair feeling 30 pounds lighter. I hadn't worked out, and there was no dieting. But I felt like I had a new body, with a new out t and a brand new pair of shoes on the rst day of school! WOW!!! What a feeling!!! So as I sit here and listen to the pitter patter of the rain outside my window, I know how that ground feels. I know what that grass is thinking. Even that overused sidewalk is shouting hallelujah!!! That's what happens when your roots are in revival. There's a whole lot a shoutin' going on!!!
Felicia L. Hamilton
Chapter Three
Pre-Poo and Co-What? Co-Wash?
Don't you just love love-songs? I know I do. I could listen to them all day and just let my mind wander into a place where there is nothing but beauty and contentment. I could dreamily create a whole life. I could imagine the smallest detail of the perfect life, the perfect love, my Prince Charming. Everything from what he would wear to the timbre of his voice would be crystal clear in my mind. The picture is so vivid and real. I could feel the anxiety growing if I even entertained the slightest bit of discord between us or God forbid ... a breakup. With her forever-connecting dots-through-hair analogies, Arlene Embola, my hair stylist, would say this sounds like a Co-wash. (She will explain later. No worries.)
Let us continue with our Prince Charming for now. I invested a lot of time trying to physically recreate those dreams without the reality of breakups. I wanted them so badly. It is heartbreakingly funny how wanting does not produce having. When I could not have, I would start over. Each fantasy Prince Charming was progressively a greater love, because the smallest detail he neglected in the previous romance became the one thing to complete the perfect scenario in the next. I really believed there was none before and would be none after, every time! I think I must have been in and out of puppy love five or six times. In the throw of these fantasies, I sure didn't think it "puppy." Anyhow, when "puppy" eventually turned out to be a "dawg", something went missing in me that I thought I would never be able to replenish or restore. This sounds like Pre-poo. (Again, Arlene will explain.)
I wanted that Prince Charming in my life that would whisk me away, love me unconditionally and answer all of my prayers, hopes, and dreams. Instead of waiting for my Prince Charming to find me, I found myself becoming the princess of making adjustments. I would go into a relationship changing myself to fit the situation. I would give, without receiving. I would understand, without being understood. I would care, without being cared for. I would give respect, but receive little in return. Shucks, this definitely sounds like Co-wash again!
Finally, I asked myself, "How did I get to this place?" What junk allowed me to minimize my worth? Absolutely, Co-wash. It took some soul searching to really bring me to the surface. In desiring Prince Charming, I was seeking love. In wanting acceptance, I was seeking validation. I was wanting and not having, because I was looking in the wrong places. I am positive I would have continued down this long, winding, destructive road, had I not realized God created me completely whole. If I had not gotten this revelation, I would have killed my potential to lead a healthy and fulfilled life by latching on to people and things that could not serve or love me the way that God intended. Before knowing that I was completely whole in and of myself, I went looking for lifelines outside of God's creation for inside validation.
This is the very essence of Arlene's gifting. You will never find her looking for a cure on the outside for a problem on the inside. She will always use the inside to heal the outside. Let Arlene explain ...
(Continues...)
Excerpted from CALL FORTH FROM THE DEEPby Arlene Embola Felicia L. Hamilton Copyright © 2012 by Arlene Embola. Felicia L. Hamilton. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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