CHAPTER 1

BEGINNING THE JOURNEY

Gifts for Transition

If you are holding this book in your hands, most likely you are on the vestry,Self-Study Committee, or Discernment Committee of a congregation undergoing achange in clergy leadership. The future is a question mark, uncertainty looms,and you know that somehow you are in the role of giving shape and voice to thatuncertainty, through the calling of your next rector or vicar—an awesomeresponsibility, one that will lay heavily on you at times, challenge you atothers, and fill you with joy at still others.

You are beginning a new phase of your spiritual journey, a journey to which youhave been called. The people in your congregation have seen something in you,some gift of the Holy Spirit, which has led them to either elect or appoint youto a special role in your church's Discernment Process. As others havediscerned the needed gifts in you, you are now called to discern the giftsneeded in the next priest who will lead your congregation or to discern whichcandidate best embodies those gifts.

As you begin this journey, it is helpful to be aware of your own particulargifts of the Spirit as well as of the reality that you are called to use thosegifts during a time of transition, for your congregation and for yourself. Howyou personally deal with transition will necessarily affect your role in theDiscernment Process. So first, let's talk a bit about transitions.

Simply living, being, and moving through the life cycle forces us into onetransition after another. Just think of all the transitions you have beenthrough. Transitions from home to nursery school, into the upper grades, thenleaving home for college or a job. Transitions in changing jobs, moving from onecommunity to another, saying goodbye to friends and familiar places, joining newchurches. Transitions of getting married or partnered, children growing up andleaving home, losing loved ones to death, facing unexpected illness—and thelist goes on.

As you begin this significant new role in the life of your parish, you may wantto begin by reflecting on some of the transitions you have experienced. Whatwere they? How did they affect you? What was it like for you and for those wholove you? Were any of your transition periods accompanied by great emotionality?If so, how did you deal with it? Did your faith play a role? Your prayer life?

Knowing your own transition patterns will be helpful to you as you assume aleadership role during this time of transition in the life of your congregation.If you are not clear about your patterns or the role transition has previouslyplayed in your life, you might want to discuss this with another member of yourcommittee, a trusted friend, a priest, or a spiritual director. Journaling canalso be helpful in uncovering those feelings that may not be readily accessibleto you. Whatever method works best for you, self-awareness of how you personallyrespond during times of uncertainty or loss will stand you in good stead as youbegin this new phase of your spiritual journey.

If you are currently experiencing a major transition in your own life, you maywant to discuss this with your priest, a trusted friend, or an advisor. Whereare you in that process? Is it a particularly emotional one for you right now?If so, you may want to reevaluate your role in this process. How you feel aboutone transition in your life will affect how you feel and react to the ups anddowns of the Discernment Process. It is important to focus on self-care and itbegins now, so if this is not the right time for you to be engaged in thisministry, do not hesitate to say so at the beginning.

As I write this chapter it is the season after Pentecost, a time when weChristians focus on the Holy Spirit and all the many manifestations of her giftsand grace. For many people, both in the sacred and secular worlds, the earlymonths of the season after Pentecost are a time of beginnings and endings.Traditionally, it is a time for graduation ceremonies and weddings, in which weboth celebrate and let go of a life we have known and loved for many years. Itis a time in which we might feel a sense of accomplishment and completion forwhat has gone before, along with butterflies in our stomach for what is yet tobe. It is a time of letting go of the familiar when we cannot fully embrace thenew because we have not yet experienced it. The new tomorrow that awaits us isfuzzy and filled with questions, because all the pieces are not yet in place.

My husband Michael and I are preparing to take our youngest child, Mike, tocollege next month. I know that things will never quite be the same again. Iknow that our family unit on a day-to-day basis will now be two rather thanthree. But I am also aware that I don't really know what this will mean for usas a couple, because we haven't experienced it yet. As a result, there is partof me that hasn't accepted, much less embraced, this new reality.

I realized this last week when Mike was staying over at a friend's house onenight. As we turned out the downstairs lights, I reminded my husband to be sureto leave the outside light on for Mike when he came home. Then it hit me. He'snot coming home tonight and in another month, he won't be coming home formonths at a time. He'll be away at college. And I had my first jolt of realityabout his leaving.

Our psyches have a way of protecting us in situations involving loss—whetherit's the death of a loved one, or something very happy and exciting like aloved one leaving for college or entering a well-deserved retirement oraccepting a new call. Our psyches protect us by letting the reality seepgradually into our souls. In all the grief situations I have been involved ineither personally or with others, I don't believe there is one where the newreality hit full-force all at once. There has always been some denial going onsimultaneously with the gradual acceptance and understanding of what the lossreally means.

Just as children are meant to move on to college or a job some day, so priestsare meant to answer another call or retire. It is part of the rhythm andmovement of life and I believe that it is particularly part of the rhythm andmovement of the Christian life. Why? Because in the final analysis, for all ofus, whatever our situation, there is only one being who is eternal andpermanent, and that is God. It is only God who is with us always to the close ofthe age and into eternity. It is only God who ultimately can fill that achinglonging we have for the holy. It is only God who never leaves us, even for amoment.

Several years ago I was privileged to be the keynote speaker in the Diocese ofArkansas for a yearly event called the Women's Institute. It was held in acamp on the side of a mountain overlooking the most beautiful valley andmountains I have ever seen. In fact the "stained glass window" behind thealtar, with a cross in the middle of it, was actually clear glass with a view ofthe incredible scope of God's creation.

On Saturday night it is their tradition to host an event called Cabin Fun,filled with imaginative and funny skits. One woman's skit was just to stand upand tell a story by herself. Like all good stories it began, "Once upon atime...." She then told the story of two little boys who were constantly introuble at school and with their parents. They were brothers two years apart.They weren't delinquents; they were just full of mischief and liked to pull alot of pranks that continually kept them in the principal's office. Finally,after a prank that went a little too far, in desperation their parents sent themto talk to their parish priest. They decided to send them in separately—theold divide-and-conquer routine—and they sent the youngest boy, who was aroundseven, in first.

The rector looked at him and said, "John, where is God?" John sat there insilence. So the rector raised his voice a little and said, "John, where isGod?" The child sat there in stony silence. Finally, exasperated, the priestbellowed out, "Where is God?" The little boy's eyes got real big andsuddenly he bolted out of the room.

He ran all the way home and immediately went upstairs and hid in his closet. Hisbrother had been waiting for him to get home and ran after him upstairs,concerned that things had really gone wrong. "What happened, John? What'dthat priest do to you?"

"Nothing yet," he said, shaking and trembling, "but they've lost God andthey think we had something to do with it."

The good news is that God does not get lost, or graduate, or retire, or move.God has been in your church since before your church was conceived and God willbe there until after the last bell has rung, if in fact that ever occurs. God isour alpha and omega, our beginning and our end. Focusing on the permanence ofGod throughout your Discernment Process for a new rector or vicar will groundyou, the vestry or committee on which you serve, and the members of yourcongregation.

It is my prayer that this book will help you do just that. Let the journeybegin!

Eternal God, in whom we live and move and have our being, you have been with methroughout all the transitions of my life. Be with me now as I seek to serve youby serving my congregation during our search for a priest to lead us. Help me tolook honestly and without fear at other times of transition in my life and todeal with any unresolved issues related to them. Strengthen my desire to praydaily and my commitment to the task that lies ahead; in the name of the Source,the Word, and the Spirit Amen.

Discerning YourGifts Retreat

Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varietiesof services, but the same Lord.... (1 Cor. 12:4–5)

One of the most important aspects of the Discernment Process is the interactionbetween the vestry, the Self-Study Committee, and the Discernment Committee.When this relationship is healthy, open, and trusting the process can beseamless and life-giving to those involved. When it is not, frustration andburnout can occur, leading some people to question why they ever agreed toserve. In such circumstances, I have seen parishioners tender their resignationfrom the vestry or committee in the middle of the process. I have seen wardensand committee chairs resign. Such an outcome can be devastating and can derailthe Discernment Process, which multiplies the sense of frustration, spreading itthroughout the congregation.

A Discerning Your Gifts Retreat for vestry, Self-Study Committee, andDiscernment Committee members together, at the very beginning of the DiscernmentProcess, can establish a spiritual tone for all that is to follow, build a senseof teamwork among these three critical groups, and help members become aware oftheir own spiritual gifts as well as the gifts of those with whom they will beworking. It can replace the annual vestry retreat to be sensitive to vestrymembers' time commitments. It can be held overnight in a retreat center, ifmoney permits, or as a Friday night/Saturday retreat in a nearby church withparticipants sleeping at home. However you schedule it, the retreat should notbe held in your own church facility. It is best to get away from alldistractions and to view this as a sacred time apart from the normal routine ofchurch work.

The Discerning Your Gifts Retreat included in this chapter can be led by anyonewho is an experienced retreat or workshop leader—lay and clergy alike.Everything needed to lead it is here in the three sessions that follow. InSession 1, an additional two facilitators will be needed.

Session 1REKINDLING YOUR LIGHT

MATERIALS NEEDED Nametags, whiteboard and markers, meditative music, CD player,individual candles with drip holders for each participant, matches, "ThisLittle Light of Mine" (160 or 221 in Lift Every Voice and Sing II)

HANDOUTS Scripture Passages about Community

QUOTATION "You are the light of the world." (Matt. 5:14)

1. Seat participants in groups of eight to ten, with a facilitator for eachgroup. Each group should have its own whiteboard and marker.

2. The retreat leader gives the following talk or something similar to everyone:

Each one of you here has been chosen—chosen to lead your congregation duringthe time of transition known as the Discernment Process. And you have said yes.You have stepped up and answered this call, not knowing exactly how much work itwill entail or where the journey ultimately will lead you or your parish. Youmay be wondering, "Why me? What gifts do I bring?" Or if you're beinghonest, you may be thinking, "Why is she/he involved in this effort? What canthat person contribute?" Or, "So-and-so drives me crazy. How can I workproductively with him/her?" Right now, just know that there is a reason everyone of you is here and that all the gifts needed are in this room.

"This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine." In the words ofthis familiar song lies a great truth, yet one that eludes many peoplethroughout their life. Many people truly don't believe they have a light toshine. They look about them and feel that somehow their talents don't measureup, aren't worthy, aren't needed. So they keep their light to themselves,truly believing they have nothing to give.

Yet in Matthew's gospel Jesus tells each one of us, "You are the light ofthe world" (5:14). Here Jesus is not speaking only to some who have been givenspecial gifts or talents, but to everyone.

What can we do if "this little light of mine" seems shrouded in darkness?First of all, we can remember that the light was never ours to begin with, butGod's. In John's gospel Jesus tells us, "I am the light of the world.Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light oflife" (8:12). Jesus is the light and can become our light when we acknowledgethe One who dwells within each one of us. The light that shines within us andoutside us is the light of Christ given to us at baptism.

What has happened to the light given to you at baptism? Has it flourished andgrown brighter over the years in service to Christ? Has it all but disappeared,because you've forgotten it's there? Or is it a combination of the two?Sometimes you're a gleaming beacon of light for all to see and at other timesyou can't decide what light you have or where it's supposed to shine? Or,has your light burned out?

To be beacons of light in a world filled with darkness, we need to nurture andfocus on the light within us. This retreat gives all of us a wonderfulopportunity to focus on the special gifts God has given to us and to eachother—gifts you have been given not only to complete your church'sDiscernment Process but to grow spiritually through it. This weekend we are allgoing to help one another discover the many lights, the many gifts that each oneof us has within us, just waiting to be uncovered. As we focus on that light anddiscover new ways to share that light with others, we can come alive in Christ,not only as individuals, but also as a church. And we will realize that all thegifts needed for a productive Discernment Process are right here in this room.

To begin to look at the light that was given us at baptism, I'd like to talkfor a moment about the meaning of baptism. The Book of Common Prayer tells usthat "Holy Baptism is full initiation by water and the Holy Spirit intoChrist's Body the Church. The bond which God establishes in Baptism isindissoluble" (BCP 298). So this covenant we have made with God is eternal.There's nothing we can do to get out of it. If we're baptized, we'rebaptized, and that's it. And in our baptism, we have all been made ministers.We are all ministers—and what is ministry? It's a whole new way of being,not just a way of doing.

To go into the ministry is not to be ordained, but to be baptized. Who are theministers of your church? You are! Yes, you have clergy who serve yourcongregation, but you are the ministers. Throughout much of its history, thechurch has denied this scope of vocation to ministry and given higher credenceand respect to clergy vocations. Today this church tradition is being guidedback to an awareness of the breadth of vocation to ministry, notably in terms ofits expression by the laity.

You all may have heard clergy saying they want to "empower the laity." Butof this concept Stewart Zabriskie writes in his book Total Ministry, "I seethis whole notion of 'empowering the laity' as being condescending to thosewho have been unable to do anything all along, which is far from the case. Thatsame mindset has also retranslated the word lay to divert its roots in laos to asecondary and more popular sense of 'inexpert.'" He goes on to say that anessential part of understanding total ministry is to listen to those who arealready ministering as Christ's body. "Listening is more important thandevising systems to 'empower' the laity, those who are already expressingthe Spirit's power." Right now, I'd like us all to listen to ourselvesand to each other in our small groups. (Break into small groups at this time,and play appropriate music to help people get comfortable.)