CHAPTER 1

The Carriage

The Carriage = the Physical Body

The specific properties — colour, shape, and characteristics — of your carriage came from your ancestors.

Exercise 2: Family Tree

Fill in your family tree below. Think about the physical features of your carriage as they were passed down to you from generation to generation.

Although the colour of your skin, your build, and the shape of your body resemble others in your family, this does not mean that you have no choice with respect to your carriage's appearance. Think about how you are physically. Are you in good physical shape? Do you keep your body clean? Do you exercise regularly? Do you eat healthy food?

If well cared for, our carriages (bodies) will last for many years. If treated carelessly, they tend to break down and wear out — and replacement parts may not be readily available.

In your infancy, your parents cared for your carriage. As you grew and became more coordinated, you were gradually given the responsibility of caring for it yourself. As an adult, if you do not take care of your body, nobody else will; full responsibility for the care and maintenance of your carriage is yours alone.

A carriage that is unclean and uncared for may provide a very unpleasant ride.

Some people prefer their carriage to be well padded and built for comfort rather than speed.

Others choose to keep their carriage sleek, well oiled, and streamlined.

Some people think of their carriage as simply a means to get around.

Exercise 3: Carriage Care

There are professional trainers at most gyms who can give you a physical-fitness assessment and provide a personal programme to fit your needs. Many gyms have a machine that looks like a simple bathroom scale, but instead of only telling you your weight, it gives your percentage of body fat (both visceral and external), your bone density, and your metabolic age. Make a point of going to your gym to discover how fit you are. Take care of your carriage; it has to last you a lifetime!

Exercise 4: Physical Fitness

Take a moment and think about your carriage as it is now. Write brief statements about the following.

What aches and pains do you have?

________________________________________________________________

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How easily do you move?

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Are you carrying extra weight?

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Are you in desperate need of some repairs?

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What is your plan to take care of your carriage?

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Exercise 5: Horse-Drawn Carriages

Below is a list of horse-drawn carriages. Circle the one that best describes how you currently see your physical body.

Ambulance
Armoured vehicle
Beer wagon
Buggy (open)
Buggy (closed)
Carnival wagon
Chariot
Cinderella's pumpkin coach
Dogcatcher's wagon
Firetruck
Garbage wagon
Hackney carriage
Hearse
Ice wagon
Manure spreader
Maple-sugar sled
Medicine wagon
Milk wagon
Pastry or bakery wagon
Prince Charming's royal coach
Prison wagon
Racing cart
Royal coach
Show carriage
Sleigh
Stagecoach
Sulky racer
Wine-barrel wagon

Now, put a smiley face beside which kind of carriage you would like to have in the future, the one you are motivated to work towards obtaining.

Remember to take care of your carriage. There is a special passenger inside: YOU!

CHAPTER 2

THE HORSE

THE HORSE = EMOTIONS

Your emotions are the horse that pulls your carriage.

Like the horse that provides the energy for the carriage to move, your emotions provide the energy you need to move along in life. When you are happy, you have an abundance of energy. When you are sad, simply getting out of bed in the morning may become very difficult. When you are depressed or upset, going anywhere or doing anything may become just plain hard work.

Your emotions are innately primitive and natural. When something frightens you, you jump. When you feel threatened, you run away, prepare to fight, or freeze in your tracks. This is how you and the rest of the animal world are programmed. Flight, fight, or freeze are natural, instinctive, and emotional reactions.

I grew up around horses and other farm animals. My grandfather had a team of huge draught workhorses. My uncles used quarter horses to round up their beef cattle and bred thoroughbred racehorses that were renowned for their speed. How different these horses are from each other!

The workhorses were gentle giants, calm and easily handled. They permitted us to jump on and off their bare backs without taking any notice of us while Grandpa led them around the farmyard.

The quarter horses were swift and agile and loved to gallop. We rode them with cowboy saddles that had a large pummel. We hung on to this tightly as these horses could turn sharply, leaving us facing in one direction while they headed off in another.

The thoroughbred racehorses were built for speed. They were excitable, extremely alert, and highly athletic creatures. We were not permitted to ride them; they were too much for us to manage. We could brush them and clean their stalls, but riding them was completely forbidden. Each of the different horses required a different approach.

Draught workhorses are known to be calm and easy-going, while thoroughbreds are considered to be extremely alert and highly athletic. As individual humans, however, we each have an emotional disposition that is an acquired, habitual nature composed of a combination of our emotions and behaviours.

Some people are very emotional, easily excitable, and highly responsive. Others can be angry, aggressive, fierce, even irritable, seeming more like a grizzly bear than a person. I have also met people who are shy, fearful, and extremely anxious; they remind me of frightened rabbits. Emotions can set you in motion or stop you in your tracks. Is it any wonder that learning how to control your horse (your emotions) instead of letting it (them) run away with you is a lifelong challenge? Are you able to bridle your emotions — or do they run your life? How do you use this energy to take you down the road you want to travel? Do you run your emotions, or do they run you?

How would you best describe your horse (your emotions)?

Exercise 6: horse Breeds

There are many breeds of horses, each with their own dispositions. For this next exercise, I would like you to research the characteristics of each breed; this information is readily available online. Once you have had a chance to peruse the various breed-specific characteristics, select the breed that most resembles your disposition.

Next, ask your friends to select the breed they think most accurately reflects you.

You may be surprised at how others perceive you compared to how you perceive yourself.

Here are some examples of emotions (in alphabetical order) that you may relate to. Circle the ones you feel at the moment, and put a smiley face on the ones that you would like to nourish in the future.

List of Emotions

How are you feeling at this moment?

Abandoned
Closed
Disgusted
Abused
Closed off
Dishonest
Accused
Clumsy
Dismissed
Affected
Complex
Disorganised
Aggressed
Condescended
Disoriented
Aggressive
Condoned
Disputed
Ambivalent
Confounded
Dissatisfied
Angry
Confused
Distrustful
Annoyed
Contained
Dominant
Anxious
Coward
Dominated
Arrogant
Demanding
Embarrassed
Astonished
Demolished
Enraged
Attacked
Dependent
Envious
Betrayed
Depressed
Excluded
Blame
Destroyed
Furious
Censored
Disappointed
Grouchy
Guilty
Hesitant
Hostile
Humiliating
Hurt
Idiot
Ill-treated
Inadequate
Incapable
Incensed
Indifferent
Infantile
Innocent
Insensitive
Insulted
Intimidated
Intolerant
Invaded
Isolated
Jealous
Judged
Left out
Malicious
Manipulated
Melancholic
Mischievous
Miserable
Misunderstood
Monitored
Not respected
Off Perplexed
Persecuted
Proud
Remote
Reprimanded
Ridiculed
Rigid
Sad
Sarcastic
Scared
Shameful
Shocked
Shoved
Shy
Stubborn
Stunned
Subjugated
Submissive
Surpassed
Torn
Touched
Unhappy
Unjust
Unreasonable
Unworthy
Used
Worried
Wronged
Wrongful

CHAPTER 3

The Driver

The Driver = yqur Thinking

The driver represents the way you think.

The driver of your carriage has control of your horse (your emotions). Your horse provides your energy, but your driver holds the reins. Discovering how to drive or control your emotions is a lifelong learning experience.

Think back to when you were a young child. Do you remember times when your emotions got out of control, when your happiness, anger, sadness, and/or fear were overwhelming? Have you ever thought, I wish I could just feel happy?

Do you remember ever blaming others for your emotions? Do you remember ever making the following comments: "You made me angry," "You hurt my feelings," "You made me sad," or, "You frightened me."? Then, after these statements, do you remember expecting the other person to do or say something to make you feel better?

Do you ever tell yourself, "I'm not good enough," or "smart enough"? Do you ever hear yourself getting impatient and saying, "Hurry up!" "You're going too slowly," "You're taking too long," "You should be faster, better, quicker," and things like that? Such thinking is like driving your horse with a whip.

Angry and frustrated thinking makes a frustrated, upset horse and a captive passenger.

Exercise 7: You Make Me Feel

The driver controls the horse with the tightness of the reins and uses his or her voice to talk to the horse, slowing and calming it down or encouraging it to go faster. This is the same way your thoughts affect your emotions. You can think of any situation as fun, a great adventure, stressful, undesirable, or as hard work.

In the box provided, make a note or draw a picture of how you drive your horse. A good time to become aware of your driver is first thing in the morning when you get out of bed. If you are still not certain, during the next part of your day, note how you talk to yourself in any given situation.

A Note to "Drunk Drivers"

You can lose control of your emotions if you choose to drink and drive. This leaves your horse (emotions) in control rather than your driver.

Exercise 8: Distinguish Your Thoughts from your Feelings

The Ride of Your Life model allows you to distinguish your thoughts from your feelings.

1. Notice the thoughts that come into your mind the moment you say the following.

a. "I feel sad."

b. "I feel happy."

c. "I feel angry."

d. "I feel jealous."

2. Then add "because."

a. "I feel sad because ..."

b. "I feel happy because ..."

c. "I feel angry because ."

d. "I feel jealous because ."

3. The "because" is the entity that you are holding responsible for your feelings; the "cause" of the matter. Your emotions respond to what you think. You are not troubled by what happens to you; you are troubled by your thoughts regarding what happens.

Permit me to tell you one of my aunt Nonie's stories to help you understand this concept.

We had two water wells; one at the house, and the other back at the bush. Somebody had to walk back to the bush well and pump water for the cattle. Mostly, this was done in the evening, just before dark. One evening it was my job to pump water, which went into a water trough. We were supposed to leave it full after the cattle had finished drinking, but it was getting dark before I had the tank full. I noticed some bright lights in the grass. I was sure they were the eyes of some wild animal with sharp teeth and long claws, sneaking out of the bush to eat little girls. Oh, I was scared. I ran as fast as I could. I ran straight to the safety of the house. Every time I looked back, the eyes seemed to be getting closer. When I reached the house, out of breath, I was told it was not wild animals at all, just fireflies in their mating season.

Many years later, my little son, Bryce, saw the same phenomenon and rushed into the house all excited to tell me he saw the "fairies" lighting their lights and asked if he could he go and play with them.

Aunt Nonie thought wild animals when she saw the fireflies. This thought suggested danger and made her feel afraid. Bryce thought fairies. This thought painted a picture in his mind of fun and made him feel happy, wanting to go and play. Emotions certainly do respond to thoughts.

I had an experience when I was a little girl staying overnight at my favourite aunt's place (Aunt Nonie, of course).

It was bedtime, and I was to sleep in the front porch bedroom. After reading me a story and kissing me goodnight, she left, turning off the light. There, suddenly at the door, appeared a huge monster. I screamed in terror. Aunt Nonie quickly returned. When she opened the door and turned on the lights, I was certain the monster had hid behind the door. She looked, but it was not there anymore. I was certain that it was hiding somewhere and did not want her to leave me alone. I told her that there was a big, huge "monster" that was going to get me. She gave me a hug, calmed me down, and said that she would stay with me when she turned the lights off again to see if the monster would dare to come back out with her there. It did. As soon as she turned the lights out, the big monster appeared suddenly as it had before. Aunt Nonie fearlessly got up and took a step towards it, stepping between the monster and the porch window. It disappeared magically, and I cheered and clapped because it was afraid of her. However, when she came back to sit with me, it jumped out of the dark again. I screamed for her to turn around quickly, so she could see.

Aunt Nonie calmly explained to me that the monster was the reflection of the bedpost onto the door from the moonlight coming in the porch windows, and I didn't need to be afraid. Together we made the monster shadow disappear by taking away its light. I did it several times on my own and felt very brave, no longer afraid. I thought, I am very strong, stronger than the shadow monster because I can take away its light and make it disappear.

Aunt Nonie's story and my own experience led me to begin taking note of my thoughts, testing out their validity, and watching how my thinking could directly influence my emotions. I was beginning to understand how to drive my horse.

Learning to Drive Your Horse (Emotions)

Thinking and expressing emotions is part of what makes us human. Many people, however, when children were encouraged not to show their emotions and made to believe that expressing them was a sign of weakness. Consequently, many people become disconnected to their emotions and are unable to manage them.

Most of us learn to drive our emotions by trial and error. You are given brief instructions, and more often than not, there are essential details missing. You usually learn after the fact; when you are brought up short with some type of scolding or are disciplined with some type of time out — or something harsher. This happens when letting your emotions run you has led you into a potential dangerous situation. Steering your emotions, like riding a horse or driving a car, requires full control.

Let me tell you the story of my aunt Nonie's learning to drive a car to illustrate. My Aunt Nonie had always in the past either hitched up the horse and buggy to go somewhere or simply walked if it was close enough. This was until my Uncle Harvey bought their first car. When they got it home, my Uncle Harvey bet her that she could not drive it to the corner and back. He showed her how it worked: the gas pedal to go, the brake pedal to stop, put it in drive to go forward, and reverse to back up.

Aunt Nonie got in, put the car in drive, stepped on the gas pedal, and drove to the corner. Once there, she stomped her foot on the brake and stopped. She then put the car in reverse, stepped on the gas pedal, and drove backwards all the way back home. She took her foot off the gas and stomped on the brake. She had made it to the corner, back, and won her bet. She said, "Now I can drive!" (Although she did not know that you used the brake to slow down. She thought it was only used to stop. She figured you just took your foot off the gas pedal a lot or a bit to go slower.)

The next day she decided she would drive to see her neighbour who lived on the next farm up the hill instead of walking as she usually did. Getting there was no problem. She just repeated the way she had driven to the corner. Getting back, however, was more difficult. Uncle Harvey yesterday had scolded her for driving so far and so fast backwards on the road. Therefore, when she was to leave, she drove around the neighbour's house to get back on the road to head downhill towards home. As she got closer, she took her foot off the gas pedal, expecting to slow down. However, the car did not slow down. In fact, it gathered speed. She knew the car was going very fast, and she was not sure how she was going to turn into their laneway. Therefore, she just whipped it in and stomped on the brake, coming to a skidding stop right in front of her house. She was glad to be home safe and quite pleased with herself.