CHAPTER 1
Detox Your Mind
Whether you think you can, or think you can't — either way you're right.
— Henry Ford
"I don't plan to die."
I'd just shared my diagnosis with my coworkers, and I sat in silence, watching the waves of emotion wash over each face. There was sadness, there was fear, and there were even some expressions I could not interpret at the time. Every person in that room was uncertain about what would happen to me next. Hell, to be honest, so was I. My diagnosis was still so fresh that it felt surreal. Breast cancer. Surgery. Chemotherapy. I didn't know what was in store for me or my body.
I had every rational cause to feel defeated. Cancer had shown its hideous face in my family before. My grandmother was diagnosed in her late sixties and passed away after a mastectomy and subsequent treatment left her body too weak and ravaged to recover. Like her, millions of other women had been diagnosed with this disease and had not made it through the harsh treatment. I knew this because I'd spent days and hours on the Internet researching my possible fate, taking on the mental and spiritual weight of other women's stories, statistics, and outcomes.
In my heart, I didn't believe I wouldn't survive. But my belief didn't stop my mind and my thoughts from running rampant. If nothing else, this cancer's timing was horrible. I was relatively happy in my military career. I'd just launched my personal training business to help women live healthier lives and love their bodies. I was back in school. At thirty-three years old, my life looked and felt good. I was far from perfect, but I felt I'd lived a decent life. I was the best mother I could possibly be to my son. I'd been a good wife. I supported my family. I prayed and thanked God for His faithfulness even when I felt more burdened than blessed. I was a good person. What did I do to deserve this?
Let the Ping-Pong game begin.
When something unfathomable happens to us — a devastating diagnosis, losing someone we love, a snowballing series of bounced checks — our minds get downright evil. We want to blame somebody, anybody, for what's happening. We compile a mental inventory of everything we've done to anyone that could have bought the force of karma or God's disapproval to our doorstep.
At such times, you recall every mean comment, ugly thought, or failure to return a phone call. The mind bounces from one occurrence to the next, subconsciously convincing you that what's happening to you is your fault, although the rational mind knows nothing could be further from the truth. You feel guilt, shame, and anger in rotating breaths. Your mind bounces from one false belief to the next, searching for anything — everything — to discredit everything you know to be true.
Cue the cruel inner thoughts: "Maybe if I had acted differently or not made the mistakes I made, God wouldn't have punished me with this illness." You get the picture? Let me give you the same fortifying speech I had to give myself: Bad things sometimes happen to good people. Yes, sometimes we create craziness in our lives with bad decisions. But before we start spiraling into emotional despair and losing our minds when life throws us lemons, we should take a step back and remember an undeniable truth: All pain is not punishment.
In your rational, conscious mind, you know the truth. You've watched life happen to enough people, and you've been through enough of your own drama to know better. You know you don't deserve hurt or pain. You know that, despite what you've done in your past, there is more for your life.
But somewhere along your journey, you began to believe the lie that you are not worthy of the best and must settle for a mediocre life because of the poor decisions you made in the past or because of circumstances. In truth, you were created to live a life of abundance. Yes, you!
You cannot live a lie and the truth at the same time. The lie is like an overgrowth of weeds that threatens to overtake your thoughts. You can try your best to contain it, cover it, or destroy it from the surface, but it just continues to spread. And before you know it, something bigger, more significant, creeps in. You may not have realized the sneaky shift when it happened, when fear took over your fate by booting out your faith. It starts with your thoughts, and soon fear has control over your life. A life that once seemed manageable is just the opposite.
Your life lacks purpose. You've lost power. There is nothing left on this earth for you to do. Stop believing the lies!
So how do you reel in the false and get back to truth?
Cancel the noise. A positive attitude has the power to change the world around you. I want you to listen to your thoughts closely, intimately, and honestly. Now tell me what is filling your mind. What are you thinking about yourself? What are you saying to yourself? Do any of these sound familiar?
• Why did this happen?
• This is my fault.
• I'll never ...
• I am not as ...
• I don't have much of a future because ...
Have you ever allowed any of these negative thoughts to infiltrate your thinking? Sure, you have — at one point or another, we all have. But these words and thoughts are pure poison. The negativity bouncing around in your head must be silenced. These are the ideas that invade not just our minds but our spirits too. Once they seep in, negative thoughts leave us confused, crippled, and defeated. If we elevate how we think of ourselves, our actions will follow suit, and our inner champion will come to conquer.
One Sunday I was listening to a sermon from a pastor whom I didn't know at the time. His message was focused on mind-set. I had heard what I thought were similar words before. I was listening to his talk with one ear while multitasking with dishes, laundry, and all that typical weekend household work. But then he said something that immediately caught my attention, and it stopped me in my tracks: "It is time to prosper your thinking."
"Prosper," I thought. And from that moment, the word took on new meaning for me. The pastor was right. To achieve anything measurable in life and succeed in the tasks we set out to accomplish, we tend to think about the physical attributes and the professional skills we need to build up. There are also the matters of money and resources. Typically, we hear prosper in the context of money, wealth, and material possessions. But on that Sunday morning, I realized that our minds, specifically our sentiments toward ourselves and our possibilities, need to prosper too.
Think about it. If you were to prosper your thinking, how would the results play out? If you committed yourself to flourishing in your thinking, to expanding and stimulating your mind beyond what you thought possible, and to succeeding in big, audacious ways, what would you do? If your thinking were a bank account, what would you deposit in it? What would you make happen in your life? Would you start that business you've always dreamed about? Would you start eating better and exercising a little more to have the body you've always wanted? Would you start those classes toward the degree you need to take your career to the next level?
Now consider the results of the opposite approach. What happens if you were to convince yourself that where you are — right now — is the furthest limit? You'd stay stuck, feet cemented, in the mire of your past.
A lot of the noise that holds us hostage to less than prosperous lives is rooted in shame. We feel ashamed about the bad decisions we've made, and the people we've disappointed. So many of us are still beating ourselves up about incidents in our pasts for which God and everyone else have forgiven us. The only person still holding on to that sickening shame is you!
I know a young woman who was — and still is — simply an amazing person. As beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside, she lives a vibrant life. She's smart, giving, and has plenty of people who love her. Professionally, she has a good, solid career, and when she's not excelling there, she's serving at church or somewhere else in the community. There is nothing about her or her lifestyle that would lead you to believe she carried a heavy burden. She held a deep, dark secret.
As a teenager, she fell in love with a boy, and their immature but not uncommon decision to have unprotected sex led to an unplanned pregnancy. Scared and spiritually unprepared to be a mother, she regretfully decided to have an abortion. Aside from her family and a few close friends, no one knew, and she carried the secret and the shame of her past with her for many years. The shame kept her stuck.
Despite her attempts to control the volume of the noise in her head, there was something beneath the surface. Behind closed doors, she would denigrate herself, leaving little clues that her self-worth had been shaken. She was seized by pain and weighted by guilt. It didn't matter how much positivity she poured over herself, how many people told her how beautiful she was, or how much applause she received for her accomplishments. She had to make the conscious decision to leave the past behind, break free of the chains, and finally move forward to feel worthy of the air she breathed every day.
It was a long, tough journey, but eventually she made it. She made the decision to receive the forgiveness that God had for her willingly, and she allowed positive support from others, but the bulk of the work was an inside job. She stopped blaming herself for the past and granted herself permission to step forward into her future. She was finally free.
She had to cancel the noise. The noise of being put back into a box of shame by others or the noise of how others would see her, based on their spiritual growth or political ideologies. She didn't listen to those who might have said, "I would never do anything like that," or "I was in the same situation, but I chose a different route." Yes, that noise.
But the pain of her decision was not for her.
Years later a coworker pulled her aside and revealed that she was struggling. She was married and had a child, but she had found out she was pregnant with her second child. For several reasons she felt the timing was wrong and she considered having an abortion. The young woman shared with her co-worker about her decision she made many years before. After spending time with her and sharing her story, her coworker decided not to have an abortion, and she now has two beautiful children.
Wherever the volume of the negative noise in your life is turned up, turn it down. You cannot change the past.
Be brave. Face your fears so you can find your freedom.
For years she lived full of guilt and shame because of that decision until she learned to accept God's forgiveness and to forgive herself.
Give Yourself Permission to Forgive ... Yourself
We all have made decisions that have hurt someone. You broke someone's heart; someone broke your heart. You didn't live up to someone's expectations; someone didn't live up to your expectations. You lied; someone lied to you. And the list could go on. They snatched something — our love, our self-esteem, our peace of mind — and never returned it whole. And somewhere, deep inside, we've resigned ourselves to the understanding that people mess up. So we move on, which is often our silent way of forgiving someone else. But have we forgiven ourselves?
Past mistakes can weigh heavily on you so much you feel as if you can barely breathe. Divorcing my husband just shy of our twentieth anniversary, and living with the guilt of not being equipped to be the wife at nineteen that I foolishly thought I could be when we married. Failing as an entrepreneur several times to the extent of thousands of dollars, a plummeting credit score, and a foreclosure notice.
While none of these circumstances were a result of great decisions, I made them with the best information and reasoning I had at the time. The emotionally inexperienced nineteen-year-old bride, and even the thirty-year-old woman who tried and failed at business permission to forgive herself. But eventually I did. Learning to forgive myself was the only way I could get out of the sinking sand and save myself from a long, slow death. My self-worth was sinking, and I knew If I didn't truly accept God's forgiveness, I'd be lost.
If something in your past causes you to hang your head or creates shame, work to let it go. When you receive forgiveness and forgive yourself, you are free. Let the past be the past and finally heal. Forgive so you can live.
1. Stop comparing your story to everyone else's.
Here's the truth. What's for you is for you. Period. You can't live your life through someone else's lens. When you constantly measure yourself against someone else, it's impossible for you to take stock of your greatness. Comparison is a confidence thief and an energy blocker. Focusing on what someone else may have only blocks any positive energy that could come your way.
The evil of comparison works both ways. Sometimes we covet other people's success and feel inadequate when we feel that our own lives don't measure up. But then there are times when we struggle into their worn, sad stories like a pair of brand-new shoes. I compared my cancer story to that of the women online whom I didn't even know, and had it not been for a shift in mind-set, I would have written myself off before my treatment — and recovery — even began.
This is your story, your life, and only God gets to weigh in on how it will end. And I'm sure He knows you will overcome.
The question is — do you?
2. Remember your present situation is only temporary.
Focus on the outcomes and not the circumstances. This situation, this setback, this season — none of them will last forever.
3. Look around you.
This may sound harsh, but I mean it in love. You are not the first person to experience what you're living through. People have problems — it's life. Right now, someone in this world is coping with the exact situation or worse. Somebody else is sick. Somebody else is tired. Somebody else is temporarily out of funds, has lost a good job or a child or home.
Others have come out on the other side, and you will too.
If you don't personally know anyone who can share your experience, maybe you can look to someone in your community. When you feel backed against the wall and your mind wants to count you out, imagine what that person would do. Read others' stories again and again. Ask, "What would he or she say right now?" Follow that question and its answer as a guide.
Action Steps to Think Like a Champion
Step 1: List any negative noise you have in your head right now. This includes fear, inadequacy, self-doubt, shame, or insecurity about anything from your past.
Step 2: Write each thought or belief down on the back of a sticky note.
Step 3: On the front of the note, write the positive opposite of the word. For example, if doubt is on your list, your positive opposite would be belief. For inadequacy, adequacy and abundance are positive alternatives.
Step 4: Attach your positive notes to a mirror, work space, or even the dashboard of your car. The point is to see them daily and often. Affirm the changes until they seep into your spirit.
You are forgiven.
CHAPTER 2
Learn the Language of Champions
Words are things. They get in your wallpaper. They get in your rugs. In your upholstery, in your clothes. And finally, into you.
— Dr. Maya Angelou
In my soul, I've always been a runner. There was something undeniably special — almost majestic — about track and field athletes. It could have been the way they moved — powerfully and gracefully. Maybe it was the strength in their strides or their overall athletic agility. My fascination with the sport started in middle school, when I watched every meet in awe as they practically flew in motion — circling the track, powering over hurdles, dashing with ease. I felt compelled to be out there too.
I wanted to do that.
One day I decided to stop stalking the kids from the grass and tried out for the track team. I was nervous — okay, terrified is more like it — but my youthful curiosity and unchecked sense of adventure pushed me forward, and I made the team. It was love from first practice. My body felt made for the track. I was fast, much faster than I ever knew. Since I liked speed and had the legs for it, I naturally gravitated to sprints. It wasn't long before I conquered what became my favorite event — the hundred-yard dash. I won quite a few races and lost a few more, but meet after meet, my confidence soared. I felt stronger, more fluid, free. I was good. So good that, had I continued competing until I got to high school, I believe I could have easily earned a scholarship to college. But I let it go. I wanted to do something else once I got to high school. But my love for running never left me.
