CHAPTER 1
Life Lesson I Communication
FAMOUS QUOTES ON COMMUNICATION:
* Before you speak, it is necessary for you to listen, for God speaks in the silence of the heart.... Mother Teresa
* "You are not only responsible for what you say, but also for what you do not say".... Martin Luther
Love Yourself Respect Others
Be Honest Give only what you want in return. Think if you give change, you get change back ...
* Don't wait until your birthday to celebrate your life. Do it now!
Make the choice to celebrate each day, as if it is a new birth with an opportunity to make changes in your life.
&
acknowledge the day of your birth as the anniversary of your life. (this day becomes just another day to celebrate life).
Your life is unique, make the most of it....
"Live, Love, Laugh, Pray, Be Happy"
Lesson 1—Communication
* Honest communication has proven to have health benefits. Decrease frustration, stress and anxiety levels with the opportunity to create healthier relationships.
* If you are too emotional and unable to think, request to leave or politely leave. After calming down and reflecting on the situation, return to apologize for leaving, and admit honestly that you needed the break to think. Express you were too emotional to communicate effectively or make rational decisions that will benefit everyone involved.
* Identify dearly your honest and specific feelings of;—angry, sad, mad, disappointed, frustrated, etc. Give specific reasons why and avoid blaming for what you felt. In other words take responsibility by owning your emotions!
* Use assertive communication, by being honest, dear, respectful and direct when expressing feelings to others.
Note: all human beings have a basic need to be heard and respected for their ability to think and having a opinion.
* Use effective listening skills to hear the other person's perspective, can change the tone of a conflict in your relationship. It requires no or limiting verbal communication while using direct eye contact.
LINGUISTICS EXPERTS REPORTS; 90% OF COMMUNICATION IS NON VERBAL.
EARLIER RESEARCH BY PSYCHOLOGIST SIGMUND FREUD (1901) PROCLAIMED OUR SUBCONSCIOUSNESS MEMORIES REFLECTS OUTWARD BEHAVIOR.
RESEARCH VALIDATES THE IMPORTANCE OF USING ASSERTIVE/HONEST COMMUNICATION.
CORE COMMUNICATION STYLES
* Passive—shy, quiet, indirect communication, avoidance and dishonest. (most important aspect of this style due to withholding of real emotions leading to detrimental consequences to self or others).
* Assertive—clear, direct, honest, responsible confront and respect (most important element of this style due to conflict of uncomfortable feelings of truth by others but respected in long run).
* Aggressive—overbearing, controlling, one sided communication and disrespect. (most important aspect of this communication style is to make distinct difference and avoid confusion with assertive style).
* Passive Aggressive—Combination of passive and aggressive which refers to holding honest emotions inside until explosive stage of hurting self and others.
STRESS AWARENESS
Stress Levels
Do yourself a favor; lower your stress levels by using assertive/ effective communication. Remember passive communication relates to trapped emotional energy. Research show high stress levels for long periods could detrimental health issues. Choices 7 Steps-Communication
COMMUNICATION LIFE LESSON EXERCISE I-A
IDENTIFY YOUR CORE COMMUNICATION STYLE
* I identify my communication style as; _______________________________________________
* I justify this style with real examples like: _______________________________________________
I AM THE ARTIST OF MY LIFE
* As the artist of your life. Use honest communication below to describe the type of picture you are painting? Include clear details on specific colors you have chosen in your picture. Indicate the significance of your colors choices.
* Date: ______________________________________________
QUESTION ON YOUR LIFE LESSON
(MEDIATION OR DISCUSSION OTHERS)
* Question: what lesson am I learning from the people around me? ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________
* Question: Is the lesson over, or am I still in the course? ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________
* Question: what more can I learn in this relationship and how will I apply the lesson learned to other phases of my life. ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________
To heal and move forward, I will thank the teacher(s) who taught me the tough life lessons. I promise to apply my life lessons by teaching others what I have learned in other chapters of my life. ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________
Date: ________________ Signature ______________
Learn a lesson to teach a lesson
LIFE MEANS; SOMETHING LIVING....
DEATH MEANS; SOMETHING NO LONGER LIVING....
SHOW APPRECIATION FOR THE LIFE YOU HAVE, BY LIVING....
THE CHOICE IS YOURS....
COMMUNICATION LIFE LESSON EXERCISE I-B
7 POSITIVE DAILY COMMENTS (BRIEF AND SINCERE POSITIVE COMMENTS I MADE TO SOMEONE EACH DAY)
I. ___________________________________________________
II. __________________________________________________
III. _________________________________________________
IV. __________________________________________________
V. ___________________________________________________
VI. __________________________________________________
VII. _________________________________________________
Life Lesson II
Honesty
"HONEST COMMUNICATION IS THE BEST POLICY TO PROMOTE HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS.... DR. SHORT
UNEXPRESSED HONEST EMOTIONS IS BEING DISHONEST.... DR. SHORT
LESSON 2—HONESTY
• Honesty is always the best policy for the best results!
• For emotional relief and health benefits, use assertive communication to express your honest feelings within relationships.
• To be honest, does not mean to hurt or harm others. It should clearly express what you feel for the intent to achieve better understanding on the reality of individual position with the goal of establishing or maintaining good healthy relationships.
• Honest communication is a risk that helps you and others!!
ADOPT AN I CAN & I WILL ATTITUDE
* To reinforce daily positive attitude and thoughts, post positive affirmation notes in plain sight for regular viewing. By seeing at least one positive message a day, promotes change of negative attitudes to positive ones. Try saying; "I can" = ability/action vs. "I can't" = no ability/no action.
* Believe in yourself for the vital aspect of achieving a positive life and taking control for self actualization. Just ask a successful person.
* Adopt a positive attitude when life throws out lemons. Express thank you! Make unique lemonade with a cherry on top for twist in life. {In other words, look for the positive in bad situations, while still acknowledging the reality of it}.
* Look at bad experiences as another learning experience to move forward and not backwards.
* Remember if you think you are a failure then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
* Think success to be successful! & Think failure to be a failure!.
* The best thing about life, is living....
* Make the choice now by using this moment to say "I can and I will"....
HONESTY LIFE LESSON EXERCISE II
I can ... and .... I will attitude (Daily Guide)
Always be honest with your self.
Do self assessment daily by asking critical questions:
I. Did I give sincere thanks to God for the gifts I have?
II. What gift did I give yesterday? and what gift will I give
III. What past behavior influenced my present behavior and how will it influence the future,
IV. Am I living the legacy I want to leave?
V. Do I know my purpose in life?
VI. Am I aware of lessons learned so far?
VII. What efforts can I do today to contribute towards tomorrow's success?
VIII. Am I showing the love for myself, to reflect I want
CHOOSE HAPPINESS AND SUCCESS FOR POSITIVE RESULTS OF; CHANGED BEHAVIOR, ENERGY AND POSITIVE THOUGHTS ON YOUR ABILITY TO ACHIEVE GOALS.
TO ACCOMPLISH PREVIOUS GOALS, DON'T FEEL DISCOURAGED OR FRUSTRATED, TAKE ACTION BY
CHOOSE TO ACCOMPLISH PREVIOUS GOALS, DON T FEEL DISCOURAGED OR FRUSTRATED, TAKE ACTION BY CHOOSE TO EXAMINE AVAILABLE CHOICES, AND MAKE POSITIVE CHANGES IN YOUR LIFE.
CHOOSE TO DEVELOP A MORAL ATTITUDE AND DON'T COMPROMISE YOUR VALUES AND CREATE EMOTIONAL CONFLICT.
CHOOSE TO CONSIDER WORDS OF WISDOM SPOKEN BY THOSE WHO PRACTICED HONESTY & DEMONSTRATED BEHAVIORS THAT WAS HIGHLY RESPECTED BY OTHERS.
MAHATMA GHANTI
* "Honest differences and disagreement are often a good sign of progress"....
* "Happiness is what you think, say, and do in harmony"....
* "The weak can never forgive Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong"....
* "The human voice can never reach the distance that is covered by the still small voice of conscience"....
* "Be the change you want to see in the world"....
Life Lesson III Objectivity LESSON 3—OBJECTIVITY
* Being objective requires logical thinking without emotions.
* Listen effectively and make inferences or Look beyond what you see to evaluate a problem.
* Think about feelings of all involved parties and the consequences of final decisions.
* Consider different perspectives on a problem, before making a final decision.
* Consider sensitivity on delivery of individual actions and the effect on others.
* Use empathy and not sympathy to understand another person's position with a problem.
* Ask yourself if this was you, how would you feel? In other words put yourself in their shoes!
* All decisions are lessons that later in life you will; laugh, cry, sing and share with others. Think about those you can share without shame.
OBJECTIVITY LIFE LESSON EXERCISE III
7 DAYS THINK OBJECTIVELY BY; ACKNOWLEDGING APPRECIATION AND GIVE THANKS ON THE REALITY OF SPECIFIC SUPPORT IN YOUR LIFE
I. _____________________________________
II. ____________________________________
III. ___________________________________
IV. ____________________________________
V. _____________________________________
VI. ____________________________________
VII. ___________________________________
"Keep the joy of loving God in your heart and share it with family, friends and other individuals you meet" ...
"Put a song in your heart and dance to music no one else can hear".... Dr. Short
Life Life IV Intervention
CHOOSE
TO GIVE A GIFT
Intervene in your life by helping someone else's life. Choose a special person to give a gift with no expectations.
Try to avoid giving monetary gifts, and think more about something that another person can use or appreciate.
As a powerful gift, provide a special service to someone or your favorite charity.
LESSON 4—INTERVENTION
* Use intervention to improve or amend the relationship with your self first and then others.
* Involve a support system to develop intervention strategies by getting different perspectives on problems and gain higher value of results.
* To have a healthy birth of a child, support is required by health professionals. For a healthy self concept, emotional support is needed by family and friends.
* It takes a village to raise a child and it takes adults to support other adults to have balance in life.
* Support is not a handout, but simply people coming together giving hand.
INTERVENTION LIFE LESSON EXERCISE IV-A
IDENTIFY A SUPPORT SYSTEM
I. __________________________
II. _________________________
III. ________________________
IV. _________________________
V. __________________________
VI. _________________________
VII. ________________________
* Seven key people in your life who are supportive and help to promote a healthy and productive life?
* ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________
INTERVENTION LIFE LESSON EXERCISE IV-B
IDENTIFY 7 THINGS ABOUT YOU, THAT YOU LOVE AND PROUD OF (EACH DAY WRITE SOMETHING YOU LOVE OR PROUD OF ABOUT YOU)
I. _________________________________________________
II. _________________________________________________
III. ________________________________________________
IV. _________________________________________________
V. __________________________________________________
VI. _________________________________________________
VII. ________________________________________________
CHOOSE TO USE FORWARD THINKING BY DEVELOPING POSITIVE THOUGHTS TODAY ON YOUR FUTURE.
INTERVENTION LIFE LESSON EXERCISE IV-C
7 DAYS CHANGE 7 BEHAVIORS
* Each day chose one primary negative thoughts and one behavior.
I. __________________
II. _________________
III. ________________
IV. _________________
V. __________________
VI. _________________
VII. ________________
Negative ____________
* Each day choose one primary positive thought and one behavior to replace negative ones.
I. __________________
II. _________________
III. ________________
IV. _________________
V. __________________
VI. _________________
VII. ________________
Positive ____________
"LIFE IS ACTION AND PASSION, THAT IS REQUIRED OF A MAN WHO SHOULD SHARE THIS PASSION AND ACTION OF HIS TIME, OR RISK BEING JUDGED NOT TO HAVE LIVED.".... OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES (1884)
PERPETUATED NEGATIVE THOUGHTS FOR THE MIND, IS LIKE BAD FOOD FOR THE BODY. THINK AND CHOOSE WISELY.... DR. SHORT
Life Lesson V Conflict
LESSON 5—CONFLICT
* Real conflict starts within you and not the other person.
* Take control of emotional conflict situations by choosing to not live in the past.
* Choose a better future by confronting and embracing problems.
* Choose to increase cognizance awareness on psychosocial pre-cursors/triggers and limits. Gain understanding through different perspectives on conflict.
* Choose to gain positive relationships by confronting the reality of affects for you and others. (pain and suffering generally involves more than one person)
* Choose to develop a moral attitude, and don't compromise your values creating emotional conflict.
"Live a life with little regrets"
* Exercise the power of choice by confronting a problem to break the cycle now.
* People who desire to resolve conflict, and move forward, apologize for their behavior and consider solutions to change behavior.
* Logic relates to verbal and non verbal communication matching. (it should sound, feel and look genuine)
MASLOW'S HIERARCHY OF HUMAN NEEDS 1954
* Human needs must be satisfied successfully before moving on to higher levels. However, if certain needs are not, met or are deficient, you will be motivated to satisfy them before moving on. Once all human needs are satisfied,
The highest level of needs are when you reach self-actualization where you are aware of personal potential, self fulfillment, and desire to grow with peak experiences.
....Abraham Maslow
MORAL EMOTIONAL BEHAVIORAL CONFLICT (MEBC)
Resolving emotional conflict requires awareness on relationship between morals, emotions and behavior. Promotes growth towards higher psychosocial emotional levels in relationships.... Dr. Short
CONFLICT LIFE LESSON EXERCISE V-A
DEVELOP SHORT AND LONG GOALS
* Perception on life for next 5 years?
* Short term: (2 years) I see my life ________________________ ______________________________________
* Long term: (5 years)
* I see my life ______________________ ______________________________________
KNOW YOUR TRIGGERS
* Use self awareness to learn cause and affect of your angry, sad, disappointments, frustration to develop appropriate coping strategies.
* Change your attitude and behavior to avoid conflict and be responsible.
CONFLICT LIFE LESSON EXERCISE V-B
7 DAYS
WRITE DAILY PERSONAL POSITIVE NOTES
I. __________________
II. _________________
III. ________________
IV. _________________
V. __________________
VI. _________________
VII. ________________
Encourage to write
"I SOUGHT THE LORD AND HE HEARD ME, AND DELIVERED ME FROM ALL MY FEARS".... PSALM 34:4 PSALM 34:4
"CONFRONT YOUR FEARS TO TAKE CONTROL AND CONTINUE YOUR LIFE'S JOURNEY. WRITE A UNIQUE STORY THAT ONLY YOU CAN WRITE".... DR. SHORT
"EAT, THINK AND ACT HEALTHY"
