Creating Balance in a World of STRESS is about having the tools you require to create the needed balance in your life that will in turn reduce the majority of stressors that you face on a daily basis. Balance is created when we can accomplish a smooth flow in all areas of our lives: work, school, home, family, friends and relaxation time. Unfortunately, when we get overwhelmed with duties, responsibilities, commitments, and obligations, we seem to place our own time for relaxation on the back burner. Ignoring our need for relaxation will result in burnout and stress. Creating Balance in a World of STRESS takes you through each part of your life and gives you ways to balance each area, what actions need to be taken and numerous ideas, tips, and techniques to get you where you want to be. The book explains the six key habits to avoid that will reduce stress and optimize health. The end result will leave you stress-free and empowered to establish inner peace, happiness, positive thinking, and healthy living.

Creating Balance in a World of STRESS

Six Key Habits to Avoid in order to Reduce StressBy Susan J. Del Gatto

iUniverse, Inc.

Copyright © 2009 Susan J. Del Gatto
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4401-4905-4

Contents

Preface.............................................................ixIntroduction........................................................xiChapter 1 What Causes Negative Thinking?............................1Chapter 2 Anxiety Disorders.........................................27Chapter 3 Verbal Abuse / Mental Stress..............................55Chapter 4 Bringing Our Bodies In Balance............................65Chapter 5 Balance Relationships / Home Life.........................85Chapter 6 Occupational Stress.......................................103Chapter 7 Perception and Positive Thinking..........................121Chapter 8 Relaxation Techniques.....................................149Chapter 9 Morgan and Me Closing Positive Quotes.....................207Bibliography........................................................217About the Author....................................................221Index...............................................................223

Chapter One

What Causes Negative Thinking?

Stress is one of the primary causes of negative thinking. We have the ability to make our life more satisfying and more fulfilling, by learning to live more in balance with our environment. We can eliminate the feelings of being stressed, overwrought, uptight, and anxious and replace these with stress-free, peaceful, calm, and tranquil. I wanted to master this and I know you do also. So let's get started on our journey of soul searching and removing the negative from your life and replace this with the positive.

Everyone experiences stress in their lives. When stress accumulates or becomes chronic it begins to take its toll on both your mental, as well as your physical health. Sometimes, you are placed in a stressful environment that can be manipulated to reduce the effects of stress, such as a work environment. Other stressors may have been brought forward from your past experiences and inadvertently placed in your present day circumstances. Any type of stress that disrupts your life is a stress that needs to be addressed and eliminated.

Traumatic experiences, verbal or physical abuse, mental stress, and psychological disorders such as bipolar disease, phobias, or obsessive compulsive disorder are examples of events and mental disturbances that intensify stress levels. The consequences of these major life alterations are a build up of insecurities and negative impressions that have left an imprint in the mind of the victim. These consequences then multiply as the fears, past experiences, and imagination that create a negative perception in many other areas of your life. Self esteem is low, cultivating trust in another individual is difficult, and a feeling of helplessness causes uncertainty when having to make decisions.

Your overall perception of life becomes a place where doom is always just round the corner. Anxiety is high and daily stressors, or life changes generate tension in your mind and body that seem to be unbearable at times. To conquer these negative reactions we must first understand how and why they control us.

Let's catch a glimpse into Morgan's life as she perceives it.

Morgan stood in front of the sliding glass doors. There was a glimpse of something there, something on the other side. She placed the palm of her hand and fingertips on the glass. It was cold to the touch. There seemed to be a slight movement on the other side of the glass. As she looked closer, looked through the pane she caught a glimpse of a familiar face, the reflection of herself, a fragmented piece of her life that she no longer could connect with but was only a haunting memory of her past. She looked at the hand pressed against the glass on the other side. She wanted so desperately to reach through the pane and reunite with her other self. She felt so alone. The tears trickled down her cheeks but in her eyes there wasn't a reflection of pain it was a reflection of sadness, a stare into nowhere, her thoughts moving her through a maze. She was helplessly searching for a way out, a way to the other side.

This is one of the ways that Morgan views depression. Being one person separated by some force, each feeling and living in a different dimension. They move parallel with each other never able to reach out and connect as one, both moving as if being programmed and directed by an unseen entity. Every moment being weighted and heavy, every second stretching as if put into slow motion. Doing what needed to be done but not understanding why, accept that she had an obligation to continue the battle.

She tells me as I listen intently holding the phone piece that was fixed to my ear. Listening to her words of despair and feeling her heartbreak as she describes her loss. "I know there is another world beyond this window, one where people feel joy in their heart and look forward to what tomorrows will unfold and although I want to be part of that I somehow feel comfortable where I am. I'm alone but there is no confusion, it's safer, it's quiet."

Morgan is one of the lost souls frozen by fear. Anxiety disorders, depression, bipolar disease, and/or phobias can compound each other and cause devastating results. Results that steal lives and separate families. Still, once these conditions are brought under control with the help of physicians and therapists, there are additional issues to be resolved. There will be built up fears to be banished, self esteem to be built, and balance to be reestablished in Morgan's life to untangle the thoughts and fears that created these multiple results. We'll check back in with Morgan a little later.

Even in an altered state our minds are powerful. We can fall prey to our minds imagination. This invisible entity takes a firm hold on our thoughts and emotions. The feelings become real yet you can vaguely sense a shadow of illusion, like Morgan viewing the shadow on the other side of the glass. Mental illnesses are widespread, some seek help and others stumble through their lives hoping tomorrow will hold the answers that finally give them peace and happiness.

Are you suffering from any abnormal thought patterns? Let's take a look at some forms of stress to see if you may be able to identify with any of these underlying symptoms or anxiety disorders.

Stress is a feeling experienced when a person perceives that the demands placed on them, surpasses their capability to reach a successful outcome. Loss of control in any situation can project the feelings of fear and this will escalate to stress. It is your perceptions and expectations that will determine the level, if any, of stress that you will experience. Stress in any form can produce negative behavior and thought patterns.

One of the most well known types of stress is acute stress. This type of stress activates what has been termed your "flight-or-fight response." This is your body's reaction to a threat, challenge, or scare. It is a reflex that signals to your body that you may be entering a threatening situation. Your body then automatically changes its chemistry to prepare to defend itself or flee from danger. The acute stress response is immediate, it's intense, and in certain circumstances, it can be thrilling as your body experiences an immediate rush of adrenalin when you become frightened, such as jumping out of a plane on your first skydiving experience.

Your body's reaction to stress will cause increased blood pressure and heart rate, sweaty palms, shaking, nausea, and shortness of breath. The hormone that releases adrenaline will boost the supply of oxygen and glucose to the brain and muscles, this prepares the body to defend itself, at the same time the release of adrenaline will suppress other non-emergency bodily processes for instance the digestion system. At the same time a breakdown of lipids in fat cells is occurring, which will release stored energy.

Almost everyone has experienced these changes in the body. For instance, you are driving along and another vehicle all of a sudden hits his breaks in front of you. You have to react fast. This causes a jolt of energy due to the sudden increase of instantaneous fear. When this happens, your body signals your hormones for help. You clutch the steering wheel with a tight grip and at the same time your foot slams on the brakes as you come to a screeching halt. Your heart is beating fast, your breathing has increased, your hands are shaking, and an overwhelming feeling of fear surrounds your being. After you acknowledge that the immediate threat has passed and you are safe, your body should begin to self-regulate. This will begin to decrease the hormone levels triggering your body's response, and return to them to their normal functioning.

The negative response that may appear in this example might be displaced anger. You may jump to the conclusion that it was the person driving the vehicle in front of you that almost caused you to become involved in an accident. But what if it wasn't that persons fault but the one ahead of him or possibly an animal ran out in front of him or he's having a heart attack. Okay I may have stretched it a little with the heart attack. The point is that you are immediately looking at the negative in the situation. The positive may not have even entered your mind. You didn't have an accident, nobody got hurt, your car didn't receive any damage, you may even have taken part in saving an animals life. To top it off you may not even have entertained the thought that this person didn't intentionally stop dead in his tracks so that you would become angered and fearful and possibly injured. Have you even unintentionally made an error in your driving skills that affected another individual?

Since we can't prepare for or expect the unexpected, there is no way to avoid this type of stress, only our reaction to it. Your body's reaction to stress is a natural reaction to self preservation and is a beneficial type of stress. This stress requires no treatment or medications to alleviate its effects.

Chronic stress results from long-term exposure to acute stress. This response is much more subtle in its activation than the acute stress response, but the effects are more problematic due to the duration of the symptoms. This category of stress is one that you feel when you are continuously in an environment that causes you undue stress. Under these circumstances, the very stress response intended to protect you from harm can do you harm. Sometimes your stress hormone system fails to shut off and goes into overdrive.

The difference between your feelings of acute stress and chronic stress is the length of time that your body is subjected to these altered states. While acute stress may ignite increased blood pressure and heart rate, sweaty palms, shaking, nausea, shortness of breath, and other possible symptoms, it is the chronic stress that has more dangerous effects since these feelings are prolonged rather than short and sporadic. (Susan Perry, 2006, 24) "Chronic stress has been linked to a host of physical complaints, including headaches, fatigue, back and neck problems, irritable bowel syndrome, heartburn, diarrhea and skin problems. It can weaken your immune system, leaving you more susceptible to colds, the flu and other infections. And most disturbing of all, it can lead to heart attacks and stroke. The constant bombardment of chronic stress takes its toll on your body. If you ignore stress it won't go away. If you allow stress to continue it may literally kill you."

There are life changing events that cause higher degrees of stress than day to day living. Examples of some of these experiences are listed below.

Death of a loved one Changing schools Birth of a child Beginning a new school year Start of a new relationship Arrested and/or placed in jail Divorce or breakup of a relationship Sexual difficulties Health issues Holidays Marriage Violence in school Retirement Peer pressures Loss of a job Work overload Personality conflicts

The instances above involve not only very strong emotions but a mix of many different emotions. These types of stress are usually referred to as a crises or a life change. In addition to causing a high degree of stress, in some circumstances, this may graduate to an advanced disorder such as generalized anxiety disorder or post traumatic disorder. This is due to the type of event that is experienced, how it is perceived by the individual, and how it is specifically dealt with in the terms of mental health. (More on anxiety disorders in Chapter 2).

Let's use for example, the death of a loved one to reveal the mix of emotions that can take place in the mind. When someone experiences a death whether it is expected or sudden, the emotions are similar. Stages of development may include denial, anger, depression and then acceptance. Not every individual will go through each stage or they will go through each stage in varying degrees.

There are ways that you can help the individual pass through the stages of development that will ultimately lead them to acceptance. If you are the one who has lost someone very dear to you, than being aware of the stages will let you understand the normalcy of each stage. This will also give you ways to define your grief and help you to adapt and re-enter the world. The most important thing you can do to help someone is to let the person talk it out. Be there as their sounding board and if need, suggest speaking to a grief counselor.

Even though death is apparent, it becomes a difficult reality when you have spent time and developed an attachment to the one who has been lost. The survivors are the ones who are left behind suffering and battling confusing emotions. Due to the shock of the loss of a loved one the individual may function through days in a dreamlike state of mind just moving from one moment to the next. Our feelings of denial and disbelief-"I was just talking to him yesterday" or "I can't believe this is happening"-may suggest guilt as we are plagued with the question of "why," which we can't answer.

Death is something that is out of our control therefore we tend to lash out with frustration and deal with feelings of helplessness and possible outbursts of anger. You blame the doctors for the death-"Why couldn't they have done better?" You blame yourself, "I should have been able to do more." You may even blame God, "How could you let this happen?" Your anger can be projected onto others as well as projected directly at the person who you feel has abandoned you and left you behind.

As days pass you might entertain several thoughts about how others should perceive death. As they try to cheer you up and lighten your load you wonder how they can seem so carefree, how they can smile at a time like this when there is so much grief and heartache. You feel that they should be experiencing the pain that you are feeling. The anger stage can intensify these negative thoughts. You know that your friends and family are there to help you. The ability to reach out and express your emotions to another is advantageous to your recovery.

Dwelling on negative emotions can further lead to depression. It becomes important to acknowledge your feelings and find the answers to your negative thoughts. You may not have had the time to say your good-byes to someone who has past suddenly, or you may feel abandoned, alone, and defeated by the circumstances that have been dealt to you. You understand and can differentiate between unintended death and an intentional abandonment in pursuit of something different. You understand that truly nobody is alone unless it is of their choice. You have the logical answers to all of the questions inside of you no matter what they are and once you reach acceptance you will have answered all of your questions.

Take baby steps to gradually re-enter the world. As time goes on small depressions will be normal as you see or hear things that bring back special memories that you had shared with this individual. Some will tend to blind themselves from the loved ones faults and place them on a pedestal of perfection. If this is a spouse this may implant the idea that nobody could ever be able to take their place and therefore they stop looking for happiness. It is important to appreciate that all persons are unique and in that essence they can never be replaced, yet happiness is not forever out of reach. Thoughts will need to be altered to release any guilt and realize that moving on is not betraying their love or memories as these will always remain close at heart. Thresholds of pain, anger and fear are not the same for everyone. There is no set timeframe to follow, to accept death, to move on, or to start another relationship. Our universe as well as our being is based on balance, which includes the giving of life and the taking of life. You must believe and accept as fact that their spirit and soul lives on.

When you are temporarily overcome by a crisis that immerses you into a negative thinking pattern with bouts of anxiety there are many natural stress reduction techniques that can help you to progress through these times of difficulties. Our objective is to place focused thought into a project that allows our minds to relax and break away from the negative impact. Possibilities include such ideas as becoming submersed in a hobby such as drawing, painting or gardening. Other positive alternatives would be guided imagery meditation or writing therapy. (See Chapter 8 for more relaxation techniques.)

(Continues...)

Excerpted from Creating Balance in a World of STRESSby Susan J. Del Gatto Copyright © 2009 by Susan J. Del Gatto. Excerpted by permission.
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