CHAPTER 1
Mind
Your mind isn't new to you. You've had it your entire life, right? You've undoubtedly listened to your inner monologue every day of that life. The question is, do you run on "mind autopilot," or are you aware, and choosing to do what your mind says? The more research that I read about the mind, the more fascinated I am. Our minds are amazing in their ability to reason, think, design, create memories, and connect emotions to events, on top of regulating our entire bodies (can you imagine having to think about making your heart beat or breathe? I wouldn't make it 2 minutes). We all form habits, such as our daily morning routine, and our brains form habits of how we typically think as well. Do you know your mental routine? Did you know that you can change how you think? Scientists are learning more about neuroplasticity (the ability to create new neurological connections in the brain), and how changing the way in which we think can quite literally change our lives, our habits, and our health. Now the question becomes, how do you change your thoughts?
Step one: Learn to be aware of your thoughts in the first place.
Awareness starts when you separate consciousness from your thoughts/brain. The trick is to be aware of what is going through your mind, and to not get caught up in it. Learn to stand aside and listen, like you would listen to a "rambling colleague." This process definitely takes time and diligence – your brain will highjack your awareness often before it becomes a routine separation. One moment you will be aware of your mind thinking, "I saw Susie Q yesterday," and the next you are in the memory with Susie Q. Allow yourself time to learn how to separate. Name your brain and your awareness to help create a sense of two separate "people." Ponder over the following questions to help figure out what your brain thinks about:
• When your mind is wandering, what does it think about? To do lists? Worrying about tomorrow, or yesterday? Daydreaming about a beautiful vacation you've wanted?
• What does it tell you to do?
• Is the voice annoying, soothing, irritating, calming, or variable?
• When is your mind the loudest, quietest, testiest, or happiest?
• How does it describe your actions?
• How does it describe the world?
Exercise: Free Writing
Settle into a quiet space with a pen and paper (YES old school!).
Take a deep breath, and then literally write down any thought that runs through your head for the next 10 minutes. Do not worry about grammar, spelling, sentences, or comprehension.
Treat it as a true brain dump of thoughts. By physically writing them, you will foster a connection between your thoughts and your body.
Step two: Do you even like your brain/thoughts?
Imagine your thoughts/brain as a person standing in front of you and speaking your thoughts out loud. Would you consciously say the same exact things your mind says to a real person? If so, wonderful. If not, why allow your brain to say it to you, if you wouldn't say it to someone else? Some questions to ponder:
• Would you choose to be best friends with your mind?
• Would you always listen to the advice it gives?
• Does your mind most often speak to you kindly, or judgmentally?
• Do you trust what it says?
• Do you act upon your thoughts without critically thinking?
• Does your mind sound like a specific person in your life (i.e., a parent, sibling, or teacher)? Do you want to be like that person in real life?
• Do you feel that your mind overrides other influences about decisions regarding your life?
Step three: What is your mind's emotional default mode?
Quite often, we react to situations with a pattern or a habit. For example, if someone cuts you off in traffic, do you automatically curse, or try to cut them off? Or do you not react at all? Or think, "that's my payment for cutting off someone yesterday?" How does your mind automatically react to others? By giving the benefit of the doubt, or by assuming wrong-doing? What are your typical internal thoughts when you make a mistake? We have many default modes and reactions throughout our daily routines that are mostly controlled by our minds. Do you know your default mode? Think about the following:
• Do you react in a way that is productive, or in a way that causes more drama?
• How would you describe your mind based on what it rambles on about?
• Does it encourage you, or bully you?
• Support you, or try to knock you down?
• Does it believe in miracles, or constantly think that the sky is falling?
• Does its mood depend on circumstance?
• Is your mind nicer when you're in your favorite place?
• How does your mind talk to you at home? At work?
• What is your mind's default mode when a life roadblock occurs?
• Does your mind talk about you in the same way that it assesses others? If not, how is it different?
• When your mind takes over, how do you feel?
• Do you enjoy or become productive when you mind is in control, or is it the opposite?
The miraculous part of a mind is that we can change it. Don't like what your mind rambles on about? Then make a conscious effort to edit what it says. You have total control over your thoughts – you just have to break through your habitual thinking. Become aware of repetitive thoughts, and then kick the mean ones to the curb. Anytime an unwanted thought comes up, stop, and reword the comment to be supportive and positive. Any time a disruptive memory flashes, stop, breathe, and rewrite the memory (our brains can actually do that!).
Is your first thought, "There is no way I can do that?" If so, please introduce yourself to your mind. The very one you must be aware of to adjust. That voice saying, "no," "I can't," "I'm not good enough" is the one you must first become aware of (back to step 1). Once you are aware, then edit the thoughts. You may not be ready to change your habits at this moment. If you do not feel you need to edit your thoughts, you won't, and there is nothing anyone else can say to persuade you. And they shouldn't, because only you are in control of your life and thoughts. However, if you are reading this, chances are you are someone who IS ready to change (or you're a member of my family who felt obligated to read this!). It may take a while to change your habits. If you want to grow, you will, but allow yourself baby steps. Changed one thought today? Congratulate yourself! It's one more than was changed before. Habits are tough to break, and it's very easy to slip back into negative thinking. Best chance you have to win? Persistence, and the ability to give yourself a break. In my experience, it takes time to create or break a habit, so you will need to stick to changing your thoughts for a while. No one masters a new habit in one day – take as long as you need to create new thought patterns. There is no timeline or deadline for when we change and grow. Do what is best for you, and do not compare your progress to others. Only you are living your specific life, and yours is going to be different than every other person on the planet. Everything happens for a reason (even if we don't know it), and everything happens when it's supposed to. Have faith in yourself that you can, and will, change.
Your mind should be your greatest ally, biggest fan, and ultimate cheerleader. Too many people make a point of pushing others down – you don't need your mind doing that too. You have no choice but to live with your mind, so why not live with a comfortable, happy, positive "person?" Positive thinking is physically good for you (it improves your immune system, for one), and assists with resilience (the ability to continue through set-backs). To live your dreams, you need to reach for them, and to have support. Get your mind on board first.
CHAPTER 2
Body
It's truly a shame that we spend so much time blocking out what our bodies tell us, because our bodies are amazing and fascinating. Cut your finger, and the body instinctively knows just how to regrow the skin. Our chemistry is so complicated when studied, but it works so beautifully to keep our bodies in homeostasis. So many people do not honor their bodies for what they are, and don't listen to the body's intelligence. Our senses tell us if an object is hot, cold, soft, round, or wet. Our hearts race when we are excited or anxious. Our intestines ache when we cannot digest life easily. Our shoulders turn to rocks when we are stressed and do not have an avenue for stress release. Hands sweat when we are nervous, and tears drop or cheeks redden when we are angry. Sometimes when you meet someone new, you want nothing to do with him/her, while other times if feels as if that person is destined to become a life-long friend. That would be your gut, your body, talking to you through sensations. Do you know how to listen? To me, intuition and sensation are the body's way of communicating to the brain.
When do we learn to stop listening to our intelligent bodies? As babies, we are in tune, and know to cry when we are hungry, and to eat just the right amount. We also diaphragmatically breathe naturally as babies and children. But when do we stop? Diaphragmatic breathing allows the body to take full, deep, cleansing breaths, and can refocus your attention, lower your blood pressure, and bring a sense of calm. Typically, adults shallow breathe, which uses the shoulder girdle muscles more, and increases stress to the upper body. The calming side effects are also negated with shallow breathing. Most of the time, we do not even notice that our breathing has changed to shallow. But we can decide to take deeper breaths.
Breathing is just one example of how many people have a disconnect between their minds and their bodies. I find that pain, illness, and discomfort are the body's way of screaming at our mind, often because the mind ignored the body to the point of exhaustion. Our bodies are meant to adapt in many situations and can heal from devastation in miraculous ways. What's the key? Allow our body time, space, and treatment to actually heal. What do you do when you have a cold? Stay home, sleep, drink water, and rest for two days? No, you probably rush to the store to buy medications to dampen the symptoms in order to push through the cold. You refuse to allow a cold to slow you down. Despite seeming like a hero for continuing on, not only do you potentially bring the bug to your work place, but you prevent your body from healing as rapidly as it could. Your body is under attack from the virus or bacteria, and is literally fighting a war to remove it. Rest, water, and calming your mind will help your body to heal more quickly, and yet we rarely do any of it. Miss work to heal? It's a foreign concept for most companies, which is a shame. Your work production while you are sick is typically subpar, and may even need to be revised. With proper rest, even if you miss a few days and are behind, you will have the energy and mental focus to catch-up and complete topnotch work correctly the first time.
As a massage therapist, I cannot tell you how many clients have asked me where they ache, where they are stressed, why they hurt when I touch them, or the classic question at the end of a session, "do I feel better?" Even though I've touched thousands of people to provide comfort, ease aching muscles, and educate on healthy living, this disconnection still surprises me. People just don't listen to what their body's say. When you have a headache, you think, "I need some medicine to stop the pain," but do you at any moment ask yourself why you have a headache? And I'm not talking about googling every possibility from allergies to brain tumors, and becoming a worried, anxious person. I'm talking about connecting with your actual brain, and asking it why it hurts. Talk to your body as if it's another person, and listen for an answer through sensations, or through a knowing in your gut. If you stop and listen, your body will tell you, and will provide early warning signs that could prevent many illnesses. In my opinion, illnesses emerge when our bodies are under too much stress, and cannot fight off the normal invasion of viruses, bacteria, and over-proliferating/crazy/out-of-control cells. The intruders have an advantage! Then, to make matters worse, we usually ignore the beginning signs of pain, discomfort, or that "something's off" feeling for as long as possible. When the pain finally becomes too much, we then treat the symptoms, until our body just gives out and illness takes over. When medicating the symptoms eventually fails, we seek specialty help, and can classify ourselves with a medical diagnosis.
I fundamentally believe that we have more control and power over our bodies and minds than we realize. If you listen to your body regularly, take care of it, and are active in your healing, you can improve your health. Be a part of the healing process, and stop depending upon doctors and medicine as your only avenue. Do we need medication and doctors? Yes! If I break my arm I certainly want a specialist to set it, and a physical therapist to ensure range of motion. If I have a sinus infection that just is not healing, then antibiotics can definitely assist in my recovery. However, I would also ask myself if I was stressed, and preventing my body from fighting the infection on its own. Was I not listening when my body may have told me to rest?
Stress is a perfect example of a mental state manifesting in our bodies. Stress is not typically diagnosable by itself – you would not go to the doctor for stress, but you would if the stress brought on migraine headaches that needed treatment. Wouldn't it make more sense to do something about the stress in the first place, and not have a migraine to treat? Sometimes life throws road blocks, challenges, and seemingly insurmountable tasks at us. They are all lessons to help us grow. Would you truly change if you weren't forced at some level? We can become stronger, smarter, and more adaptable with each challenge. How we handle these moments also defines how our minds and bodies react. When life throws you for a loop, do you run away and hide, or do you face it and deal with the challenge? Do you allow yourself to feel how the challenge impacts your body? Do you know where you hurt, or how the stress manifests for you specifically? How do you let go of your stress? Are your coping methods healthy, or do they add more stress?
I have found that my toughest moments in life were also the best teachers. There's nothing like being thrown to the wolves to see if you survive. However, I am the woman I am now because of every choice that I made, and I do not regret any of them. I have learned how to handle stress more efficiently over the years so that my body is not as affected. It takes time to learn how your unique body works and reacts, but the first step is listening to it!
Part of listening to your body includes trusting and developing your instincts. The first step is to feel when your gut sends a signal, versus your mind or your heart. Gut instincts form in the body and not the mind. You may not even be able to rationalize it, understand it, or explain it to someone else – it's a feeling and a knowing, not a thought. Your body speaks in the language of sensation, and you must learn to communicate. Learn your body's language! It's like learning to read km/hours or Celsius instead of mph or Fahrenheit. It takes time to learn to connect with your body, and not listen to all the "reasons" your brain doesn't agree, or wants to keep you "safe." Safe doesn't always mean best. Growth doesn't feel safe. Instead it's freeing, life altering, painful, scary, liberating, and beautiful.
How to listen to your body:
• Are your feet typically hot, cold, or room temperature?
• How often does your head hurt?
• Do you have allergies, and if so, when do they flair up?
• When was the last time you felt your gut/intuition tell you something?
• When are you hungry? Do you have control over the hunger?
• How do your joints feel in the morning? Afternoon? Evening?
• Do you feel your back and feet during the day?
• Are you aware of when you feel your best?
• Do you hyper-focus on what is wrong with your body and not on what is working?
• Do you approve of your body just the way it is today?
• Do you love your body?
• Do you ignore your body because you don't love every part of it?
• Do you ignore your body because it hurts too much to listen?
• Would listening to your body force you to deal with an underlying issue?
