CHAPTER 1
Finding theright church
April 29th 2009 was the last and final straw for me.I was put out of the church that I belonged to fortwelve years. I was 23 years old when I first startedthere, and a single mother of two young children.The pastor was very mean, nasty and hard to dealwith. He had a very controlling and manipulativenature about him. I didn't understand this type ofbehavior because I had never encountered anythinglike it before. I am a believer of God and alwayswanted a closer walk with him, but I really didn'tknow how to do it. I was a member of Baptistchurches so when I joined a Pentecostal church, thiswas a whole new experience for me. Most peoplemay say "Why did you stay so long?" As I tell mystory, I am going to explain my journey as to howthis cult experience changed my life.
It was about fourteen years ago in 1997 thatI was confused, hurt and didn't know whichdirection to go in. I had just gotten out of aphysically and verbally abusive relationship andI needed some guidance. An older lady fromanother church to which I belonged, told meabout a new church on the corner. She braggedvigorously about this church saying "he is a newpastor he believes in holiness, cares about souls and heis a good leader." I was glad to hear that, knowingthat I had come out of an abusive relationship andwas feeling scared and alone. The old church that Iwas in promised to help me, love me, and teach mehow to live a clean righteous life, when all they didwas do the total opposite of what they stood for.There was gambling, witchcraft and fornicationgoing on in that church. When I found that out, Isaid to myself, "I'm not coming back here!"
I left the old church and began my journey onfinding another. I finally got up enough nerves tovisit the church called "The Church of Holy Living."I felt strange at first because I didn't know what tothink or say. I wondered if they would like me orif they would look down on me for being a singlemother or they would say anything at all. It wastime to find out.
My children and I walked up to the newchurch because it wasn't far away. This churchwas a former church of another Pastor who haddied some years ago. The church had been aroundfor many, many years and numerous respectedleaders had come out of this church. On a hotsummer day in July on a Friday evening, myselfand my children decided to take a walk to thechurch. As I approached the door the Pastor,Pastor as I will call him, walked up to me andgreeted me warmly. He said to me, "I am veryglad to meet you and happy to have you come to ourservice." I thought, "Wow!" maybe these peopleare nice and loving after all. Pastor immediatelyshowed me the church's sanctuary. He explainedto me, "We are just starting out and look forward toseeing more of you." It felt good knowing that you'reneeded and wanted.
As I came into the sanctuary, it looked likemany people were trying to change their lives justas I wanted to. There were single mothers therewith their children as well as me. Many peoplestood up to give their testimonies telling about thetests and trials that came their way. It encouragedme because they gave reverence to God saying, "Ifit wasn't for God being by their side, they would nothave made it." It was very uplifting to hear that Iwasn't alone and other people could relate to me.I started to feel comfortable and thought maybe Ican get used to this atmosphere.
Right before Pastor got up to preach, hiswife Asst. Pastor got up to sing a beautiful andtouching song. At first I didn't know she was hiswife because she looked so young and innocent.He made reference to her as she sat on the frontrow so that is how I knew she was married tohim. She was short in stature, medium to lightcomplexion and stood about 5'2 inches tall and hada petite build. Asst. Pastor had a really young face;anyone who didn't know better would think shewas about sixteen to eighteen years old. After shesang her lovely song, she expressed her love anddedication to the lord.
I really felt full and believed that I could go onfrom that point on. I had made up in my mind thatI was going to make it my business to get to knowAsst. Pastor the first lady of the church. Once thepraise and testimony service was over Pastor gotto preach the word of God. I can't remember whathe preached about, maybe because it was sometime ago, but I remember Pastor jumping overchairs and being able to move the people. I was soimpressed with what I saw, that instantly I wantedto join the congregation. It seemed finally I couldgo somewhere and be accepted for me and nothave to worry about being looked down upon.
After Pastor got through preaching his sermonhe asked "could you wait a little bit after the churchservice, so that you can meet my wife and children".He offered us a ride home because it was too lateto walk. I agreed Pastor and Asst. Pastor hadfour children three girls and a son. They were allone year apart from each other. The children allseemed nice and acted as if they liked me. Theyseemed to take a liking to my children as wellmaybe because my kids were young and they wereolder.
As my children were getting to know thePastor's children, I began to get to know the Pastorand First lady. They were positive about thechurch and the new and exciting things they hadplanned for the future well-being of the church. Iwas happy and excited and was looking forwardto being a great asset spiritually and naturally tohelp up build the church.
CHAPTER 2
Getting to knowone another
After that, I began to call this church my churchhome. Everything seemed to be good. The Pastorwas nice, the other people in the church were niceand I felt good about it. As I began get closer to thefirst lady, I felt a strong connection between us.She was nice to me and showed me love and I feltspecial. I looked at her as a big sister that I neverhad and wanted to impress her.
In January, 1998 the church took a trip toHamilton Ohio, and I was asked by the first lady toride with her on the way. I felt so special becauseI was asked to ride with her. I had given her myphone number previously so she called me toconfirm that I would meet her at the beauty shop.I met her at the beauty shop where she was gettingher hair done. She was so happy to see me and Iwas happy to see her too. Everything seemed andfelt so right I thought we had a good connection. Ihad always admired women who were strong andwas sure of themselves. I have been shy, timid andscared to open my mouth to people. As I looked ather it gave me a ray of hope. After meeting her atthe beauty shop we went to her house to pick upsome of her children and we were able to talk alittle bit among ourselves.
She was a beautiful woman to me and seemedto be hiding her beauty. At the time apostolicchurches didn't believe in wearing pants, make-upor jewelry. The women looked plain; Asst. Pastorreally was beautiful and just needed someone tohelp bring the glamour out of her. After getting therest of the children we all met down at the church.We prayed before we got on the road and shortlyafter that everyone piled up in cars. I didn't feelany tension from anyone at the time so I thoughtthat things were fine. Finally we all started on ourway to Hamilton. As we were riding in the car, thefirst lady and I started talking, laughing and justconnecting to one another. She started to sharepersonal things about herself to me and I started toshare personal things about me to her. Everythingwent well. When we arrived at the church herhusband started to act a little strange. It appearedto me that he was getting jealous because I and thefirst lady were getting close. He started pulling herclose to him as if he was protecting her from me. Ithought to myself, "He is a Pastor, pastors don't actthis way!" After all, I thought he could overcomeanything.
Once everyone arrived at the church Iimmediately put it out of my mind. Asst. Pastorhad to preach that night and she also had todirect the choir. When she preached, it was of themost amazing things I had seen. Watching herpreach gave me the strength to feel that I couldbe as powerful and confident too! She had suchan anointing on that she was able to encourageand inspire the people. I enjoyed watching andlistening to her blow her trumpet. It was beautifulto see a positive black woman like her talk aboutthe word of God and mean it. It made me evenproud to be a member of this church.
After she was done preaching I was able towalk with her to her car. While walking with Asst.
Pastor again her husband the Pastor was veryprotective of her. He began to make snide remarksat me by saying "My wife is to come straight homeno hanging out!" I soon realized that this wasn't adream but it was real. When we got into her car,I said to her "Does your husband always act thisoverprotective of you?" She explained, "It's okaydon't let it bother you." I can remember saying okay,but in the back of my mind I felt something wasn'tright.
Once we got on the road and was on our wayhome, we continued to pick up where we left off.This was the beginning of a wonderful friendship.Asst. Pastor made me smile and I made her smileas well. I could feel the love from her. I had friendsbefore, but never a friend like this one. She waseleven years older than me, but it didn't matter,I still wanted to be around her. She droppedme off at home and she walked me to my doorhelping me carry my two children in the house.We both were happy and wanted to continueour friendship. After helping me to my door wehugged each other and she went straight home likeher husband wanted.
CHAPTER 3
A new friendship
Having a friend that you value is very special.Growing up going through school was not veryfriendly to me. I was picked on a lot by girls andboys throughout my years in school. My demeanoris very quiet and calm and because of it, peopleused it against me. When given the opportunityto have a friend who was older and thought to bewiser it made me feel important. Asst. pastor andI eventually did build a friendship together. Westarted calling each other all the time and tried tohang out as much as possible. I didn't think that itwould cause so many problems with her husbandas it did. The minute that myself and Asst. Pastorstarted to hang out it brought out a jealous rage inPastor and their children. Each time that we wouldcome together either at church or at her homethere was always a big problem. Examples of hisjealousy would be him calling my house phonethreatening me over the phone. When Asst. Pastorwould go to other churches to preach, he wouldnot let me go on purpose. When Asst. Pastor andI would be talking on the phone he would take thephone from her and hang up on me.
It got to a point where we had to sneak andtalk to each other because he didn't approveof the friendship and he tried to get the otherwomen in the church to side with him. I startedto get discouraged because I couldn't believe theproblems it was causing. I would say things like"why is it such a problem for us to be friends?" Shewould always say to me "please don't leave me I needyou in my life right now so don't leave." She also saidto me "God had dealt with me concerning you, so Ibelieve without a shadow or doubt that you are the oneto be my friend." it made me feel a whole lot better.
Although she reassured me that everythingwould be okay, things only got worse. I remembercalling the house to speak to her and the Pastoranswered the phone. He told me, "No you can'tspeak to her!" and hung up. I thought", what is goingon here? Did I do anything wrong? Pastor true colorswere starting to reveal itself. Of course again thefirst lady came to me saying" Don't worry abouthim he didn't mean anything by it". I felt in my heartthat something wasn't right, but I didn't knowhow to get out of it. I believed that I was in a goodchurch, I loved my friendship with the first ladyand I believed whatever she said to me. I was justlooking for a friend, because all my life I felt I hadto buy friendships from people.
As a little girl in elementary school, I canremember having money and using it to buy forpeople who I thought were my friends. I wantedto be like so badly, that I was willing to do justabout anything. I had gone through the agonyof all the girls in the classroom turning on mebecause one particular girl told them not to talkto me. I had gone through this for years that'swhy I wasn't about to go through it as an adult. Ibegan to shower Asst. Pastor with gifts because Icared about her and because I didn't want to loseher as a friend. I continued to buy her gifts andoccasionally when we could we would hang out.
CHAPTER 4
Jealousy is as cruelas the grave
While growing up throughout my lifetime, I havehad many bouts with jealousy. All through schoolI have been called yellow dogs, half white and toldI came from a white family. Children are especiallycruel in school but when you have a pastor whois just as ignorant that is bad. Pastor started to getmore and more jealous of the friendship and beganto say negative things over the pulpit about me. Hewould always find a reason to cut me up over thepulpit. He once made a comment saying "My wifehas a husband and kids and she needs to be home withus". His children didn't like me either they wouldwhisper among themselves about me or laugh atthe clothes or shoes that I was wearing. They werelistening to what their father said at home aboutme. The children would get mad if they saw mewith their mother. They would sometimes rolltheir eyes at me or get mad whenever I would ridein their car. If they weren't making jokes about methey would make jokes about my kids. The onlyreason I stayed is because I thought that it wasnormal for me to take this, I didn't know that itwas abuse.
Pastor continued to get worse and worse withthe abuse. Sometimes he would call me on thephone saying stuff like "I don't like you" or "yourtrying to break me and my wife up" I wasn't. All Iwas trying to do was be a friend to Asst. Pastor.I would mention the things that he would sayto her and he would get mad a say "If you tell mywife anything else that I said, I will put you out of mychurch". It scared me because I didn't want to beput outside of the church. I thought where wouldI go? Who would I talk too? I was brainwashed tothe point that I believed whatever was said tome. At this point in my life, I didn't know whatwas happening. I didn't know that I was beingmanipulated like I was.
Asst. Pastor had preached at a church and sheasked if I could assist her while she preached.Pastor got so upset about it, that after she left thehouse to pick me up he called me on the phoneand told me that he didn't like the fact that I wasgoing to assist his wife. Somehow she was able toconvince him because I was able to assist her thatnight, but of course I was put down from it thenext day. He used the pulpit as a weapon to getat people. The abuse just continued it began to goto a deeper level. Pastor started to get bolder andbolder with his comments. He would make fun ofme anywhere and anytime in front of anybody. Italk with a drag in my voice that makes me soundas if I'm slow. I am not slow or incompetent.
I am very aware of my surroundings but whenpeople don't know you or get to know you, theyassume things. He called me air heads, and wouldcompare me to the "Water boy" played by AdamSandler. It got to the point where I didn't wantto say anything because I knew that I would beinsulted. No child of God should ever feel thatthey have to be quiet because of another person'signorance. He would mistreat me right in front ofmy children. I could see the sadness in my son anddaughter it made me very angry. My daughter andson were called names as well. My son was calledcrazy and my daughter gay.
My daughter has walked away from the churchscene because of the abuse that she witnessedgrowing up in the church. My daughter dislikedthe fact that I was being talked down to in thatmanner. She was a little girl so she kept hercomments and feelings to herself. My son was veryyoung at the time so he didn't remember as muchas my daughter did. Although my daughter hasstayed away from the church body, she will alwaysbe in my prayers. One day she will come back! Myson is now older and loves the lord with all hisheart, soul and mind. God protected him throughall of this and I thank God every day for keepinghim.
