CHAPTER 1
DANCE TO YOUR OWN TUNE!
We are on earth to dance to our own tune!
We have to know who I the individual is.
Do we take on other people's words to be our words?
Do we choose to live a life fraught with doom and gloom?
Conversely do we choose the path of freedom?
We inadvertently have to know freedom within ourselves
before we can possibly live a life as a free spirit!
We may choose to dance behind the mask of a clown.
or, we may choose to dance the dance of exposure
through our truth in thoughts, words and actions.
We can dance with the gentleness of a summer's breeze.
or, the frenzy of a tornado tearing, ripping and pulling
everything to us then leaving us in its destructive wake.
Nothing matters when we are dancing to our own tune
as it is about me learning about me.
If I do not know me how can I expect anyone else to?
If I can't have a relationship with me how can I possibly
have a relationship with another?
Allow your steps to breathe life into the places within that
are suffocating through denial and neglect.
Dance into your pain and despair to release any fears holding
you in a place where you do not want to be.
Dance into and around every negative in your life then allow
your torch to shine on these negatives to bring positive outcomes.
You must hold onto the awareness to never stop dancing.
If you stop you will find yourself stuck and your flexibility waning.
Your light will then move further, then further away from you.
You may dance around other people's advice and understanding
but you must never dance to their tune.
Dance your dance with steps so light you will leave
no tell tale signs for anyone to follow.
We are on earth at this time to DANCE TO
OUR OWN TUNE and no one else's!
LET GO, SAYS MR WALLABY
Let go of what? Mr Wallaby.
Let go of the illusions you have manifested as your reality then given permission to fuel your perception of life.
Your inner paddocks have created your outer paddocks. You fenced yourselves in then hid your key after your gate was locked.
It mystifies us wallabies as to why you have done this. The aborigines had the greatest respect for this magnificent land. They called every creature great and small their neighbour and killed when they were hungry. We lived a great many years in this manner and it served the purpose of us all.
Then more humans appeared and showed us no respect by trampling over and desecrating this virgin land. Many had their lives terminated by these humans who carried weapons of destruction. FOR WHAT?
There was balance and harmony before you arrived in your boats. Bloodshed, death and destruction followed your every footstep.
We look at you humans and feel extremely perplexed because what you are looking for you already have. Your problem is you look to other people and places to find what is inside of you. It is now time to pull out your key then unlock the gate and free yourself.
We know safety comes from within but when this is not your truth you manifest insecurities from your fears. This is when the egos penchant for power and control becomes your Illusion of Reality.
You then become weaker and weaker because your energy goes into creating a facade you call yourself. Break free of your delusion and carefully created façade to know what is real. Then your energy can be used to manifest the beautiful person you will know as yourself.
In my world I am locked into nothing as my needs are basic. Accordingly I protect my friends and family as we respect rather than destroy. I have my predators and this is in my understanding but over the years more predators have become more apparent. Largely they are humans with guns and humans in vehicles distributing poisons polluting our waterways and our land. We have had to learn to adapt to enable us to survive.
You humans seem to be on a path of destruction or in the larger picture self destruction. It is time to wake up and stop destroying everything belonging to us all so we can all live together in peace and harmony. You humans have to make your choice because we already have made ours. You have to know the only limitations you have are the limitations you have created for yourselves. Do not let it be too late before you Release to know FREEDOM. WAKE UP BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE
THE OWL AND THE DEER
THE MESSAGE
WALK STRONG AND TALL
HOLD YOUR HEAD HIGH
BUT ONLY WITH THE WISDOM OF THE OWL
BE FLEET OF FOOT LIKE THE DEER
KNOW WHEN TO CAMOUFLAGE
THEN WHEN TO MOVE
ONLY WHEN YOU SET YOURSELF FREE
CAN YOU SHOW OTHERS THIS CAN BE DONE
NEVER HOLD THE REINS
AS THIS IS A LOSS OF IDENTITY OF ONE'S SELF
SIT THE WAY THE OWL DOES ON THE DEER
NEVER STOP FEELING THE EARTH
MOVE UNDER YOUR FEET OR
THE WIND IN YOUR HAIR!
A MESSAGE FROM A WISE OLD FLOWER!
Look above then look below But please do not forget to look at now Because there resides the gifts for all your today's Now look ahead and take note because, the gifts you now hold are creating your today's gifts for tomorrow!
A PERFECT MOTHER
Our earth has many grids Our earth's grids parallel our grids within When the earth cries, I cry! When the earth rejoices, I rejoice! When the earth nurtures, I nurture! When the earth feels pain, I feel pain! I can see the patterns All earth's grids (meridians) are solid within me Our Earth Mother's key phrase is – I DO! Our Earth Mother's spirit is – I AM! Our Perfect Mother is Unconditional Love!
MY PREDATOR AND PREY
MY PREDATOR AND PREY ARE ASPECTS OF MYSELF THAT HAD MY LIFE IN TURMOIL!
I say this with clarity because I spent many years in no man's land before I chose to tame the predator then integrate it with the prey. I realised these two destructive influences tearing my life apart were mine, for me to tame. I had to acknowledge them as an aspect of myself before I could untangle the web I had allowed them to weave.
MY BEGINNINGS
My mother was an only child until the age of fifteen when she was presented with a baby brother. She and her mother spent a great deal of time alone together due to her father going to war. My mother had a very lonely childhood and missed the companionship of brothers and sisters. She had a love of babies so was determined to have many of her own.
MY ARRIVAL
My mother met my father and then married. My mother (an impatient Aries) wanted a child immediately and my father (a conservative Leo) wanted to wait. Nonetheless ten months later I (a sensitive Pisces) arrived to take up residence with them. My parents were thrilled with me but somehow I don't quite believe I felt the same. I think I had fairly high expectations around how my life would be. I obviously disregarded the lessons I had come here to learn.
By the time I was two months old I must have had some inkling because I began to cry for what seemed to my parents like hours in the very early morning. Eventually my parents (for their sanity) would take me in my bassinet into the kitchen and firmly shut the door. This became our routine until I was six months old. I obviously realised at a young age my life on earth was not going to be as exciting as I had envisaged.
CHOICES
Somewhere along the line my predator and prey began their games within me. Eventually I came to recognise each was vying for supremacy to control and manipulate. As I grew older I chose to take on the prey (victim) persona rather than my intimidating predator self. I had to create my niche in life and self responsibility was not on my personal agenda. I could hide aspects of myself I did not want to deal with as the spotlight was not on me.
My mother and father were very religious so I learned from an early age fear preceded love.
I learned to fear a great many things so this encouraged me to go deep within to hide any parts I did not want exposed. I created my own personal belief system from what I now know as an illusion but at the time it was very real. I was never encouraged to accept myself as an individual with individual thoughts and beliefs. When unleashed my predator and prey would take me to the highest of highs and then the lowest of lows to leave me in total confusion. It would be years before I could identify myself as an individual with a purpose. Yes, there were always choices but when fear ruled my life I made some very poor ones.
WHO WAS THE BULLY?
The life we live only takes on what we are so I took on the role of a victim; subsequently I brought predators into my life. To do this I kept playing the same game to come up with the same scenario. This always lead me down the path to self-doubt then confusion. I almost welcomed bullies into my life as this reinforced my belief of being a victim.
SABOTAGE?
My mother from time to time gave me a piece of jewellery or other family trinkets to look after. My prey thought this was a wonderful opportunity for me to love and cherish them but then my predator would chirp in with, "you don't deserve this so you will misplace or lose it never to be found again." Guess what that's exactly what happened. I was devastated and wondered why everything I touched would disappear.
No matter what I did or attempted to do in any aspect of my life the same scenario would play itself out. At the time I felt compelled to blame others or situations for what I eventually realised were my own indiscretions and inadequacies. It never seemed to matter which way I turned there was always the inevitable brick wall.
This tug-o-war went on inside of me for many years. I had the ability to sabotage a positive and turn it into a negative very quickly. My ego took over on many occasions to hurt anyone offering me their hand in friendship. My predator would have his sword at the ready to cut down my prey whenever it started to feel the tiniest bit confident.
MY SOLICE?
My greatest pleasure was my beloved bed at night. Once there I could transport myself to places where the predator and prey did not exist. I could curl up and be at peace where no one could see or touch me. Nights were special because my combatants could take off their armour and be as one. This peaceful space was for energising and rejuvenating not fighting and bickering. Then as night turned to day the battle would begin to rage inside of me again.
MORE CHOICES?
As time moved on and my battles within still raged I knew it was time for me to get smart. I decided the best way I could achieve this was to separate my predator from my prey. I put my predator in a cage and threw away the key (or so I thought) and played the victim like a finely tuned violin.
Gradually the predator released itself from its cage and pounced at a time when I was smug in my believing I was in control. I had hold of the reins and I was not going to let them go but what a fool I was. The predator found it easy to influence my life as I was plagued by confusion and low self esteem. I was a boat without a rudder in the sea of my own life.
A LOSING BATTLE?
In this state of confusion I took to alcohol like a fish to water. I allowed the predator and prey to play out any game they chose. I really didn't care (or so I said) but in reality I did because I wanted to hide all the parts of myself that did not stand on their own. For many years my predator played its game behind closed doors and my prey would come to the fore in public. Only my immediate family experienced both parts of me and it was not pleasant for any of them.
WHY IS THE BAND PLAYING THE DEATH MARCH?
This battle took place over many years. I was in the middle of a very intense struggle when I heard the death march playing. I looked around to see who else it could have been for but I was the only player on my own battlefield.
I then knew I had pushed my boundaries as far as they could go so I had to make a choice. At that time death was appealing but somewhere inside I knew this had to be a beginning not an end. It was time for me to put away my armour and call a truce so I could bring the fractured fragments of what I could loosely say was my life together.
WHERE WERE MY STRENGTHS HIDING?
I had to find then learn by delving into the aspects of myself I had kept hidden. I had to bring out my strengths and learn to trust myself and know who I was and why I was here. I had to learn to like then love the person who was waiting patiently to enter into my life. The me that wanted to laugh and have fun, the me that wanted to feel then give and receive love. It was always there but I was too busy feeling sorry for myself to know.
This was the beginning of a very painful recovery. I had to learn to trust myself and walk with my decisions and not fob them off. My quest was to know and love myself from truth and not deceit.
THE LONG AND LONELY JOURNEY TO MYSELF
The road was narrow, rough and pot-holed. I slipped and fell on many occasions but I knew I was the only one responsible for picking myself up and moving forward. In doing this I brought the predator and prey together to be at peace. It has taken years before I had any real inkling of me. My biggest and hardest lesson from this was the realisation that actions do speak louder than words.
ACCEPTANCE
THE PREDATOR ACCEPTS NO BOUNDARIES
THE PREY CREATES BOUNDARIES
WITHIN BOUNDARIES
THE TRUTH IS SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN
WHEN YOU FIND YOUR TRUTH YOU WILL KNOW!
I AM ONE WITH THE EARTH
My heart beats in unison with the spirit of the earth.
My heart beats in unison with the earth's heartbeat.
My footsteps meld with those of the earth.
My breath reverberates then joins with the earth's breath.
My blood flows as it emulates the waterways of the earth.
My lungs take in air that has been cleansed by the plants of the earth.
My hands caress and nurture as a gentle breeze does to the earth.
My ears hear the songs of the earth when the pain
of loneliness threatens to crush my being.
My eyes see beauty where there are no words to describe.
My senses sing and dance with the whisperings of the wind.
My heart feels pain when unguarded words are spoken.
My footsteps become heavy when I am in a state of anger.
My footsteps become light when I am in my place of delight.
My journey is my reality due to this wonderful earth.
SO
Why is it my intent to destroy me?
Why will I not budge when holding a grudge?
Why are my eyes open when I will not see?
Why am I alert to the sounds of pain and not love?
Why do my words come back to haunt me?
Why is my breath harsh and raspy not gentle and loving?
Why does my heart keep searching for love?
Why do I allow my footsteps to become heavy because of anger?
Why do I lose sight of my place of delight?
Why do I allow loneliness to crush my being?
Why do I purge all that is good?
Why do I obey the call of destruction?
Am I one with the earth?
Is this how she feels in her moments of despair?
The difference between her and me is that she absorbs my pain, anger,
misery and I absorb her love, nurturing, beauty and freedom.
It would seem it is time for me to learn to give and
receive rather than take, then take some more.
FEMININE AND MASCULINE
It is imperative for us to grow as an individual to bring our feminine and masculine together for balance and wholeness. This enables us to live our life in peace and harmony. Our steps will be light and purposeful without any quibbling between the feminine and masculine. Unless we can bring these aspects of ourselves together we will always be out of balance as will be evident in our relationships.
THE BATTLEGROUND WITHIN?
My feminine and masculine have had some ding dong battles that tore at the very fibre of my being. It took me a long time to understand what was happening and the importance of bringing them together for my sanity. I believed I was feminine because I am a female but in reality the joke was certainly on me because I could not have been more wrong. My feminine was insecure and vindictive and my masculine was a sheep in wolf's clothing. The masculine thought he was honest and above it all. He certainly had a lot to learn, as a matter of fact the two separate aspects of myself did. I would never have found balance in any area of my life until they both contributed equally for me to be whole.
IS FREEDOM INTANGIBLE?
My feminine wanted freedom. Due to her limited experience of life she had no real understanding what it was she was looking for. She believed if she removed herself from her uneventful life, freedom would be her reward. In doing so she deemed herself incapable of finding the freedom she craved. She had to stop grabbing from other people things she presumed should have been hers. Freedom is an intangible so she could not touch, see or hear it on the physical level because it is a feeling an inner knowing.
ARE YOU A CREATURE OF HABIT?
My life is not any different to his, hers or theirs because we are all creatures of habit. Whether we acknowledge this or not we keep creating routines for ourselves. In and of itself there is no problem with this but we have to be flexible. Unless we are flexible we give ourselves nowhere to move. We will find ourselves stuck and constantly marching up and down on the spot.
