The Dog That Went to College

Let's make it clear from the start. Butch was no ordinary dog. You might even say he was a dog prodigy. Extremely intelligent and some may even say he was smarter than most of the people in the neighborhood. His little black nose seemed to be into everything, even from the start. He was furry, not short haired like a lab, and had the distinct look of a terrier mix. He was never self-conscious about his mixed breed background and it was never confirmed who the father was, but it was strongly suspected that the culprit was a friendly mutt rounder-about-town named Harvey. Butch's mom, Helga, was a sweetheart of a dog and loved by all the neighborhood kids. She lived up the street with her adopted family, the Smiths. They were two doors up from Mr. John Randle, his wife Gladys and their two children, Hal and Janet. The Randles lived at 275 Maple Street. They were promised one of Helga's pups, which they looked forward to adopting.

When it became well known that Helga was in the family way, it was an exciting time in the west end of the neighborhood. As the glorious moment drew near, the neighbors came to witness the blessed event. They brought puppy food, chew toys, pull ropes, baby beds and blankets, and other things that were obviously for larger puppies.

Butch was the boss of the litter from the start. He was an obvious alpha dog and never let the others doubt for a minute that he was in charge. Mother Helga had to put Butch in his place several times when he got a little too rough with his brothers and sisters.

In about six months, the Randles adopted one of the pups and named him "Butch." They waited until he was weaned from his mother before taking him home, at which time his own bed and bowl were waiting as well as free run of the house.

Butch grew fast and in no time at all, he was tugging and pulling and tumbling. His little sharp baby teeth were soon cutting happily into the unsuspecting flesh of an unwary human hand that carelessly ventured toward his friendly little furry mouth.

When Butch was almost a year old, it became obvious that he was no ordinary dog. He learned fast, much faster than the others in his litter. He was even making up games on his own. He was tricking the family out of food and treats at every opportunity. His demeanor was one of a trickster but one with a seemingly sense of humor. He often appeared to be in deep thought as he pondered his next move.

An event that seemed to set in motion a series of incredible events took place on a cool March Tuesday evening. Hal, the eldest child in the family, was playing a game of chess one day with his younger sister, Janet. Butch would watch intently, and he seemed to learn what each piece did. He noticed that the pawns moved forward, the bishops went diagonally, and the rooks moved straight ahead, backward, or straight left or right. By observing this, he learned what moves to make. He would nudge a pawn or a rook in the direction he thought was best and it turned out he was right most of the time. "Remarkable," Hal would say to his mom and dad. "This dog knows how to play chess."

"Impossible," his dad would say. "He's just a dog." Butch would look at him with indignation and a sense of pity that the father was so naive. A quick demonstration proved Hal to be right.

But Butch was much more than a chess player. He learned the alphabet and could actually read. He understood words and associated them with pictures. Soon, he was playing scrabble, spelling out words with his paws with a special alphabet devised by the father, who by this time was convinced that Butch must be a canine genius.

When the neighborhood kids came over to witness this incredible display of intellect, they would make up games, which Butch quickly learned.

Soon, word got to the local television and newspaper. An article was written about how Butch was a "genius" among the canine community. The TV station did a special program on Butch, featuring him in a question and answer session. He was given words and seemed to match them with pictures. Everyone was amazed that he had actually learned the alphabet and was able to form words and recognize them. He seemed to have a photographic memory.

But Butch's big break came when the local chess champion, Horace Kripes, challenged him to a chess game in the television studio. With the help of Hal and Janet moving the pieces, Butch would nudge the chess piece and then touch the proper square with his nose. The kids would move the piece. Kripes was defeated in twelve moves. "Incredible," the media reported. "It's got to be a trick," they would say. But it was no trick. Butch was for real.

The headlines the next day read, "Butch Randle is a chess master" as they showed his picture on the front page with his paws on the chessboard.

And, of course, the inevitable happened. He was given an I.Q. test by the local high school faculty. He scored an astounding 130. Of course they had to provide the proper way for Butch to answer the questions but to everyone's surprise, he was the smartest "person" in the entire school. And just to prove it was no fluke, he was given another test and he scored even higher, a 135.

As time went on, Butch became more of a celebrity. He cruised through puppy hood and his baby teeth were replaced by his permanent teeth, and his soft puppy fur was replaced by the coarser, more wiry, adult hair. He learned more and more things. He was able to accomplish more important feats that astounded more and more people.

"I think it's time for bigger and better things for Butch," Mr. Randle said one day to the family. "What did you have in mind?" Gladys asked.

"At work today I was approached by dean Alvin McAllister from Hartley College." They think we can make a lot of money with Butch."

What are you talking about," Gladys asked candidly.

"I mean he thinks Butch can go to college." Mrs. Randle almost fell over in her chair and the children were dumbfounded. Butch go to college? How absurd is that, they inquired.

The next day, they all went to the Hartley College registrar to discuss this bizarre possibility. After a lengthy discussion with dean McAllister and the registrar, it was decided that even if it didn't work out, it was some positive publicity that the college needed.

"Enrollment is down somewhat," the Dean stated as he sat up in his chair. "Butch could be the shot in the arm we need to bring more people in.'

"But, keep in mind," the registrar added. "He must take the SAT," If he scores high enough, I can recommend to the board that Butch be accepted. Besides, freshman Butch Randle might even get a scholarship."

It all seemed sort of crazy. Whoever heard of a dog going to college? "What's in it for us?" Mr. Randle asked. "After all, Butch will be leaving home and the children won't like this very much."

"Monetary compensation," the Dean answered succinctly. "We'll pay you a goodly amount of money to let us put your dog through four years of college. As far as the amount, I'd have to discuss this with the board of directors."

Mr. and Mrs. Randle decided to talk this over with the kids before he proceeded any farther with the project. After all, they all needed the money, regardless of how much it would be.

The children were, as expected, upset over this. But, after realizing that they could see him on weekends and get some money out of the deal, they reluctantly agreed. Dollar signs do have a lot of influence and Butch was halfway to the halls of ivy.

And Butch jumped through the hoops with flying colors. On the SAT, he scored 1,800 and was in the 90th percentile. This meant he was in the top 10%. He passed the physical given to him by their local veterinarian.

A special meeting was held with the administrative staff at Hartley and after many hours of debate, it was decided to give it a try. There were many logistical problems to overcome such as housing, special food, training a person to take care of Butch. But, in time, it was all worked out. In fact, half of his tuition was paid for as well as all of his food. It looked like a good deal for all concerned.

During the summer before classes started, a senior was chosen, someone who had already been accepted to a veterinarian school, who they had picked to take care of Butch and some of the unique problems that would arise. His name was Tom Wilson and he and Butch got acquainted during a session at Hartley. They got along exceptionally well and were assigned to Butler Dorm, room 426. Butch had his own bed, of course, and a special diet that was provided by the college.

As the big day arrived in September, Hal and Janet were in tears, having to say goodbye to their good friend Butch. The first check was already received by the Randles and it helped ease the pain for the family. Butch was excited and seemed to look forward to his new adventure. He was a celebrity now with a bright future and he seemed to know it. He had a bit of a swagger in his walk and his tail wagged with more authority and confidence than ever. The look in his eyes revealed a bit of a pretentious arrogance.

"It's only going to be for four years," John said to his family. Then we'll have Butch back again right here at home."

"Only," Janet stated as she lowered her head.

"And what if he wants to go to grad school?" Hal asked. "What am I saying? It's not like he will become a professor or anything."

On that cool fall day in September, the Randles arrived at Butler dorm and Tom was there to greet them. And not only was Tom there but the news media was blitzing the area with reporters. It was a big event. Butch seems to relish the moment, wagging his tail and looking smug. He was caught up in the excitement and hardly looked at his family. They stuck a microphone in Butch's face and he responded with a sarcastically sounding "woof."

"Goodbye Butch," Hal and Janet said to Butch as they fought back the tears. Butch glanced back at them, then turned around and headed for the door to the dorm and disappeared. Butch never looked back. The Randles sadly went back home. "We're scheduled to see Butch next Saturday at 3:00 pm," John stated, hoping to fight back the depression of the moment. "I'm not sure he even cares if we come and see him. He seems to be having too much fun." The family was silent as they drove home and tried to accept the situation.

Meanwhile, Butch was having the time of his life. He was a real celebrity. Everyone in the dorm wanted to get a good look at Butch and to test his intelligence. To play him in a game of chess. To see if this was all real. Even touching his fur was a thrill to some of the students.

Tom was an ideal room mate and fixed Butch his dinner. Butch insisted on following Tom so it became apparent that he was oblidged to take him to the cafeteria. He was, of course, greeted with lots of pets and Butch loved every minute of it. Soon, the ham scraps were heading his way along with other food morsels that the students were discarding.

"Doesn't he miss his family?" Barbara Jones said as she stroked his ears. "He doesn't seem to," Tom answered. "At least not now. I think he's too excited."

Butch had an interesting schedule of classes, which started the following Monday. First, it was Physical Education. Then a math class, followed by Spanish. In the afternoon, he had a history class followed by biology.

Butch sat attentively in classes, absorbing every word, seemingly immune from distractions. His specially designed testing procedure allowed Butch to move his nose to the multiple choices, which he would mark. His scores were remarkable. "He's doing very well," one professor stated. "His power of concentration is better than any of my students."

In Phys. Ed., he was the fastest runner and had more agility than all the other students. He sat a record in the 50 and 100 yard dash that would never be broken. He could do hurdles and relays like an Olympic star. and there was talk about him being on the track team.

As he followed Tom to the cafeteria, he developed a taste for "human" food and decided that his special "dog food" was just not his cup of tea any more. As Butch began putting on weight from morsels from some of the students, Tom began to get concerned and banned the students from feeding him.

This, however, did not apply to a party one night. Butch had been instructed to stay in his room while Tom socialized at the Zombie room-a special area for senior parties. Butch pushed the latch on the door and left his room, following Tom's scent till he arrived at the party. Letting himself in, he was, of course, warmly received as Tom failed to notice him at first. Butch found a glass of beer someone had left on an end table and proceeded to try it. 'Not bad,' Butch thought to himself as he finished it, followed by a burp. By the time Tom realized Butch was there, he was sitting the lap of a girl with another beer in his possession. 'The pretzels aren't bad, either,' Butch thought. Finally noticed by Tom, Butch had already become a bit tipsy. After all, he wasn't used to drinking beer. Tom escorted a slightly inebriated dog back to his room. By that time Butch had already been made an honorary member of the Hartley College drinking club. Suffering from a slight hangover the next morning, Butch decided to skip breakfast and sleep it off.

When news got back to dean McAllister, he expressed concern that Butch needed to be watched more closely.

"He seems to be manipulating us," Tom said. "He knows how to get his way."

"Well," answered McAllister, "make Butch walk the straight and narrow from now on. If word gets back to the Randles, they may take Butch out of Hartley. Enrollment is already up, maybe an all time high. I want to keep it going up."

In the dorm poker games, he teamed up with Tom. Quickly learning about poker, he would point to the cards with his nose for Tom to discard and was soon displaying an incredible ability to win. His keen sense of logic, along with his poker face seemed to make him into a great poker player. He even found out that if he wagged his tail, the opponents would think he had a winning hand, only to realize it was a trick. Once he was accused of cheating but an assertive growl and show of teeth put an end to any further accusations.

He became a member of the chess club and was defeating all competitors. Soon, he was the champion chess player of Hartley College. It was suggested that he travel to other colleges for demonstrations.

Meanwhile, the Randles made their weekly visit to Butch, only to find him preoccupied with the routine of college life. Once when they came to visit him, he had sneaked out of his dorm room and was away at the art studio, posing for a painting.

At the end of the first quarter grading period, Butch had made the Dean's list. The news media was swarming around campus. As the Randles arrived during their weekly visit, Butch was caught up in the excitement and didn't even notice his family. They left for home and had a rather sobering conference among the family when they got back.

"Well," Mr. Randle said with some consternation. "I think we've lost Butch."

"Sure seems that way," Gladys answered.

"He likes college life better than us," Hal added sadly as Janet began to sob.

"We might as well tell Dean McAllister to turn him over to Tom Wilson for keeps," Mr. Randle finally concluded. "Tomorrow, we'll go back to Hartley College and give them the news."

Meanwhile, back at the dorm on that very same evening, Butch sat in his bed and pondered his schedule for the next day. Tom tried to develop a routine so Butch would know what to expect.

"Here's a treat, Butch," Tom said as he reached his hand in a bag. Butch knew it was time for a snack and he smacked his lips. "You'll need a good night's sleep. Tomorrow you will be doing a swimming test. If you make it, you might get exempt from some of the phys. ed requirements."

Butch was a great swimmer. Not a fast swimmer but with good stamina. He was no retriever but when he was at home, he could get the ball that was thrown out in a lake and bring it back. Butch thought it was a bit boring but it seemed to please the family so he continued to do it as many times as they threw the ball. 'They were so easily amused,' he thought to himself.

As Tom turned off the light, Butch began to think about his family. He started thinking about John and Gladys but most of all, he missed the kids, Hal and Janet. He remembered chasing a ball in the back yard and climbing on the bed on a cold night. He thought about those cozy evenings when he would sit in front of the fireplace while the family watched television. He even thought about jumping into a cold lake and fetching that red rubber ball. It was a time where there were no schedules to keep, no learning words and phrases. No numbers to remember. Just an occasional chess game or a brisk walk through the park. He drifted off to sleep but it was a restless sleep. Then, and all too soon, the alarm clock went off. "Time to get up, old boy," Tom would say as he yawned and slid out of bed, his bare feet hitting the floor with a familiar thud.