CHAPTER 1
Find Your Passion, Spirit, Purpose, and Connection — the DOXA Way
Wake up! Open your senses! Free your eyes, ears, nose, mouth, and fingers to explore the magic of this (and every) moment. It's time to discover your passion, purpose, and spirit — and let them shape everything you do at home, at school, at work, and everywhere in between.
I want you to love your life, the way I love mine.
Loving my life, with its many tumultuous transitions, wasn't easy or quick. I'm a double immigrant who started from nothing, twice — and had quite the checkered career. English is my fourth language. I had to learn how to immerse myself in happiness even when things seemed desperate.
I'd like your journey to be shorter and easier. Let me show you the way, and shortcut the many painful twists and turns I had to take. I'll share with you the best success formula I struggled to understand through years of trial and error, years of failing and getting up again.
All of us can learn to wire ourselves for success. Yes, even when life seems like an endless series of unexpected and frightening challenges. We can still choose how to respond, and our choices change the outcome.
My Best Success Secret: The DOXA Method
The best success formulas are simple — because simple formulas are easy to remember and easy to make a part of your life. The DOXA formula, one of my favorites has only four steps:
D – Desire
O – Outstanding
X – X out the impossible
A – Allow you to be YOU
We can put this into practice in every part of our lives — into all life's puzzles, mysteries, and desires. As we focus on these four steps, we transform thought into action and create the life we choose.
You might feel that you have no control over your life — that you didn't choose your situation. And truly, there will be some parts of your life you can't control. But even when he was a slave in a Nazi concentration camp during World War II and had no control over his circumstances, Viktor Frankl refused to relinquish control over the inner person he really was. If he could do it under the worst circumstances a human being can experience, we who live in freedom can certainly do it as well. So yes, you will have unforeseen challenges and complications — but they don't rule you!
Let's start by thinking about all the parts of our life we can control, all the places where our choices make a difference.
For example, we can choose to ...
• Eat healthy, nourishing foods
• Get a good night's sleep
• Exercise our bodies every day
• Hang out with friends who encourage our greatness, not our passivity
• Take steps to achieve a meaningful and well-paying career
The list goes on and on, at every step from infancy to old age. We strengthen our good choices by acting on them. Think about this traditional fable:
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.
"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil — he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is good — he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you — and inside every other person, too."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
Through the DOXA Method, you'll feed the good wolf. You create the kind, gentle, and loving empowerment to ask yourself questions, sift through your responses, let them marinate, and improve your answers through your actions.
You'll find after a while that you get clear answers that you can convert to action — and that you're using both sides of your brain: tapping into both logic and emotion. And it all joins in harmony to create a life you can love.
Choose Authenticity!
My first challenge to you is to live life authentically and genuinely. Authenticity gives you the strength to face those puzzles, mysteries, and desires — and come through any obstacles stronger than ever.
Using the DOXA Method, that authenticity can transform your thinking. If you've been stuck in fear or negativity, DOXA will help you shift to the positive thinking that embraces and accomplishes your goals. At the same time, you're not a slave to your ego. You recognize that humility will get you to those goals much faster and on far more sure footing than arrogance.
Life is a series of choices. At any moment, we can be asked to choose. Perhaps you're planning a vacation. You'll choose where you'll go, how you'll get there, who's coming with you, what sort of place you'll stay in, and many other decisions.
Someone could ask, "Will you marry me?" If it's someone you have grown to know and love, you'll at least consider saying yes. If it's a stranger you met 15 minutes ago in a bar, you'll probably choose no. But maybe you'd choose to invite that stranger to have coffee and get better acquainted when you're both sober, and two years later, you answer differently when the question comes up again.
Every time we make a choice, our opportunities shift. Some doors open while others close. You may start to regret some of the choices you made, some of the doors that closed. Just remember that 1) other doors opened when you made that choice; 2) sometimes, as in the wedding example above, you can revisit the situation and choose differently; and 3) even if you can't revisit the choice, you have new and exciting possibilities at every moment. Never let regret be a weight around your neck!
Owning the Choosing Process
When you choose in a conscious way, you own the choosing process, and you make stronger, better choices.
Pause your routine and take a break. Take a deep breath and ask yourself: What are my choices? What path should I walk on? Is there a sign in this? Do I need to shift to another path?
Connect and tap into yourself. No one knows you better or understands you deeper than you do. Honor yourself and your personal identity.
As you bring that choice into balance, you'll be amazed by the results you create. You'll experience a complete domino effect that improves many areas of your life. When one area is balanced and functional, everything else falls into place.
Better yet, it doesn't have to be perfect. Perfection can be a roadblock that keeps you from moving forward — because the time isn't right, because you want to sharpen your skills, because you don't have your team in place ... Because, because, because. Don't let all these "becauses" become your excuse for staying stuck. Start down the path!
Unless you're doing brain surgery, flying a commercial jet, or doing something else that actually requires perfection, you just need to get moving. There will be plenty of time to improve it later — and meanwhile, you can begin to experience the joy of knowing you're doing what you came to this life to do. Even if it's not utopia, learning to love your life and fully appreciate it is still enormously satisfying. Better yet, your positivity will be contagious; you'll attract interesting, compassionate people who can help you. Never again will you have to feel isolated, alone, or robbed of opportunities.
Come and be part of this magical journey! The rest of this book will show you how I work this magic in my life, and how you can, too. And we'll keep coming back to and going deeper with the things we're talking about right here in Chapter 1.
Let's get started.
CHAPTER 2
Sweet Tastes of Life!
Now that you're living and practicing THE DOXA Method, you're stepping away from fear and entering the new gates of success and happiness fueled and guided by Passion, Spirit, and Purpose.
There is nothing like it. Once you experience this magical way of life, there's no going back.
Through the DOXA Method, we learn to:
• Be at ease with our hearts
• Develop a dialogue with our minds
• Ask questions as freely as we wish for, and
• Find the responses through the choices we make.
With the DOXA Method, we expand and stretch our minds. We blend our thoughts and actions with our hearts and emotions. And our possibilities become unlimited.
People often ask me to write my entire life story and share my thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
My life has been exciting and challenging as long as I can remember. It's been full of unusual circumstances, challenges, and wonderful outcomes: the dramatic highs, lows, and everything in between. I've shared this story in detail in my earlier book, The Money Flow. So here, I'll just give a quick overview of the highlights and concentrate on helping you develop a positive, empowering outlook and philosophy. I'll ask you questions about what you might choose to keep sacred, help you experience the sweet tastes of life, and so much more.
When I was not quite 8 years old, I got scarlet fever. My town, Cluj (the capital of Transylvania, Romania) was infested with scarlet fever that winter. Hundreds of children ages 7 to 12 were sent to the hospital. Most of them shared rooms with other children and healed pretty quickly.
But not me. I guess I was special. My scarlet fever was so strong that I was given a room by myself. I was an only child, and living in that single hospital room was punishingly isolating. I will never forget that lonely time.
I had no one to share my feelings, my fears, and my dreams with. I had no TV or radio and no one to talk to. All I had was myself: my hopes, my dreams and my reality. It was a lot to hang on to. I was three weeks in that small room and three more weeks at home recuperating from this terrible disease.
Yet this isolation may have been the most growth full period of my life. At first, I asked questions like "Will I ever get out of here? Will I be healthy and go back to my regular activities? How is this event affecting my mother?" But as my illness continued, I became comfortable with all that I was feeling. I accepted my circumstances and felt that hope was on the horizon. And after more than six weeks, I was able to return to normalcy.
What was my normal life? Sharing a bedroom with Mom in a small apartment on the 3rd floor of an old building, with a large bay window overlooking the street. We had a tiny cooking area and shared a bathroom with 3 other families.
Every week, Mom purchased us tickets to the movies, opera, theatre, ballet or classical concerts. Yes, I was raised with culture, music, and deep emotions.
I felt love, compassion, kindness and co-dependence.
My parents divorced when I was 5. With no siblings or large family, Mom and I got very close and made the best of the life we knew.
Is There a Role for Prayer?
Throughout my childhood, I saw Mom mumbling a few words here and there. But I never associated this with praying or spirituality.
This is one of the things I want to explore with you — and remember, for all the questions I'll ask you throughout this book, there are no right or wrong answers. There's only what's true for you, right now. Your answers may change later on.
What is prayer to you? Do you pray? Do you think of what the future will bring to you? Are you stuck in the past? How is your present time — school, career, family, work, social, and your intimate life?
Do you often forget about who, how and why you're here in the first place?
I've forgotten numerous times in my life. Sometimes, I had to place others first — and got consumed by the need and the task. Other times, I acknowledged another person's vulnerability of the stressful situation, and I had to take action and take charge. I'm sure you can relate.
Let's go back to the "I"— the person inside of you.
Get to know that person! Understand and be just with yourself, even if feelings of guilt, overwhelm and inner emotional pain take over.
A song, a tune, or a place might remind you of a connection, a lost love, a sense of belonging and often, the desire to go back and do it all over again.
That's where the impossible comes in. Regardless of how much you want to run away or deny the inner seed, you cannot escape reality.
So, let me ask you a few big questions:
• Is realty connected with the illusion?
• If so, how?
• If not, are they two separate facets of life we need to keep apart?
• Are we living in the present time, forgetting the past, and not worrying about tomorrow?
• Are you still absorbed in past experiences, feeling the sweet tastes of life? Or do you simply just build?
• Do you embrace a mysterious, uncertain future without worrying about how it's all going to play out?
At first, living in the present may sound like something important to do — but consider that maybe it's not. We achieve so much more when we let go of the past, extract wisdom and seeds filled with experience, and dream about what we want to accomplish in the future.
The "Time Zones" and life cycle
For a long time, I've been fascinated with the three "time zones" (past, present and post time (future) I accept that these time zones play a significant role in our lives. Despite our efforts, we cannot change the cycle and influence the circulation of time.
Let me return to my mother as an example. Mom is over 100 years old and in declining health. Her mind is rapidly passing through, her body is too tired to function. She barely sees what's around her. Most of the time, she lives in the past. Little speckles of tomorrow and the present poke through, but they're totally skipped and forgotten in minutes.
Comparing what she used to be and what she is today is incredibly powerful; it reminds me daily that all of us are fragile and mortal.
Mom is in the process of leaving this physical world — leaving me. Despite the care I give 24/7 and all my love and appreciation for all that she has done, for all that she ever was, and all that she ever gave — nothing can alter this destiny.
All I can do is continue to be there for her, love her unconditionally, and accept this turn of the clock.
Why is it all going by so quickly? I wish I knew! But when we're young, we are filled with expectations, desires, and actions. We overlook getting older, until we finally realize that each and every one of us will get there, one way or another.
We pray and wish for long lives, getting old with loved ones around us, and not suffering or being a burden to others.
We ask for so much!
Is Mom suffering? I don't know. She never complains; she smiles a lot. But the reality in between the smiles shows a grey picture, painted in feelings.
She is a true hero to me, holding on to a frail, fine thread that connects life as we know it to what we truly don't know — what we often fear and keep as an unknown sacred mystery throughout our entire lives.
Shifting between watching her and my own routines, I've learned to feel time, and not just fill time. I share this phenomena with people all over the world. The concept is well-received but not steadily followed or practiced.
I don't know how this works for you; for me, it took more than 30 years to shift and navigate and let go of past moments, peel off the onions filled with experience and dress up again in the present time, keeping illusions and dreams alive in my daily routine.
These dreams keep me going when the sun decides to hide behind the big heavy dark clouds. When no one calls me or cares to hear how is my life going. When I feel lonely and sad and depleted — and especially when I go deep and accept that "time stops for no one, not even for me."
Time: Feel It and "Goal It"
Do you ever feel lost? I sure do! I get lost in the feeling, lost with emotions dancing around me, and lost with the worry that I don't have enough funds to do all I hold dear — from travel to donating without limits to heal this troubled world.
Both in my own business and in the company I work for, I've been blessed to achieve success. Almost 10 years ago, while working full time as a consulting CFO for a manufacturing company in Gardena, California, I began writing and selling books and offering lectures, workshops, and group coaching.
A decade later, I'm still doing both. I love working with numbers and keeping organizations alive and prosperous — but I've reached deep within and tapped into a whole new creative world that I cherish and feel passionate about. I'm driven to share my wisdom, my tools and my findings with the world.
Rather than just waiting for the big break to influence my life, I'm actively enabling it. It's been taking much longer than expected — but I still haven't given up on it.
Instead, I chose to give more of whatever the situation — or the person — demands. I clean up the soil before planting new seeds. I stay away from so-called friends, spend time with real friends, and I'm content with my three times zones. When I experience a setback, I just move on and move forward.
