MID LIFE CRISIS 101 – JANUARY - MARCH

THE PLAN

There was that moment; when you knew, life cannot continue on this same path. In my heart and soul, I knew something had to change. My date was the 31st December 2011. Anyone who has had a year, they would rather forget, would know what I am talking about.

The 2011 year started out with deaths of close family members, which coincided with the tsunami and flooding that hit the east coast of Australia in January. The destruction and loss of hope, and an overwhelming feeling, of helplessness was felt world-wide. Between March and August three members of my immediate family nearly died from health issues and a boating accident. In May the suicide of my son's best friend. The failure of my business, due to the impact from the current economic downfall, was the last straw; along with the finalisation of my marriage breakdown.

Out of desperation, on the last day of the year, the decision to walk away from my life, as I knew it, was my only solution, for survival. The hope of finding my sanity, a purpose to live, and a reason to re-invent myself, was my mission. The solution to my mid life crisis, was to travel for eight months, performing volunteer work on farms and properties, in Canada and USA. I Joined WWOOF Canada and USA and started planning the trip; where I'd work for a set numbers of hours in exchange for food and board. My main objectives were to spend spring in Alaska, summer in Canada and fall in Eastern America. I was also toying with the idea, of house-sitting somewhere over winter, but that wasn't part of my original plans.

I spent the first three months of 2012 packing up my life, which included the café I owned; making sure everything was in order and arranging a house-sitter for my home.

Plans for my trip, started with searching for the first host, and then in order of where I wanted to be. I acclimated to the northern hemisphere, spending the first ten days recovering from my exhaustion and working for seven days with my first host, prior to my arrival, in Alaska.

The Universe had an incredible way, of planning my journey; of course I wasn't aware of it at the time. I truly believed the places, events and people I met, was where I was supposed to be, for my greater purpose, and overall well-being. Otherwise, how do you explain, why you're, in a certain place, at a certain time?

You see, I'm a woman in her fifties, not very tall, not very fit and a little overweight. Now these were some of my negatives, but my list of achievements were about two pages long. My life experiences and vocations, led me to hosts involved mainly with farming, as this was my passion. I love gardening and being outside in Mother Nature.

My plan was to wait, for confirmation, from each host, before planning the next location. Waiting for a reply, was the most frustrating part, of my plans. I spent many hours researching each host; looking at the amazing opportunities available to me. Finally, my plan was set, with the departure date of 12th April, the day after my Mum's seventy-fifth birthday. My arrival date back in Australia was set for the 9th December, allowing eight months, to re-invent Bella, the person who loved life to the max, on every level of her being.

THE JOURNEY BEGINS – APRIL

I had had my farewell dinner with the family, as my Mum hugged me goodbye, saying "live your dream".

How did I get to this point in my life at fifty-two years of age? An absolute emotional, mental and physical wreck, walking away from the only life, I'd ever known. The biggest decision was leaving my Thirty-two-year marriage, and grown-up children. Walking away with whatever sanity I still had, before the realisation, was ascertained that I couldn't be saved. This journey started out as trip for self survival; one tiny glimmer of hope, that if I left NOW, maybe I could be saved from obliteration.

I had packed into my bags, all of the essential items, including my support system of inspirational books, music, tarot cards and crystals; the link, from my old life to my new one. My large suitcase contained all of my clothes, shoes, toiletries etc which weighed exactly twenty-three kilograms in weight. My small carry-on bag contained my support system.

At the airport I checked my luggage through, receiving my boarding pass at the service counter. Ricky, my soon to be ex-husband, who had driven me to the airport, asked for a hug goodbye. I had absolutely, not one ounce of feeling, for this man, who had been part of my life for the last thirty-four-years.

Walking towards the security check-in I was distraught, with tears welling up in my eyes; overwhelmed with a nervous, excited feeling, in the pit of my stomach, about the extraordinary opportunities lying ahead of me. With very little time to relax, after being processed by immigration and security, I grabbed my last chance to enjoy a coffee, savouring every mouthful of liquid, walking towards the boarding gate and the trip of a lifetime.

I flew directly to the western coast of the Americas, as I am so over the layovers and delays when travelling internationally. Next time I travel, I won't mention gluten free, as the meals were disgusting.

My seat, for the flight, was in the middle, of the outside aisle, seeing a little of the sky, before we reached the International Date Line; travelling back into yesterday. During the fifteen-hour flight, I slept a little, plus watched a couple of movies. The passenger beside me was an older Australian woman, travelling to join her husband. They both shuffled the immigration fiasco visiting each other, also spending time in Europe. What a wonderful life they had.

I arrived on the West Coast at 9:00am on the 12th April 2012 two hours before I left Australia. Isn't the world an amazing place, where you can travel back in time, to start again? Wouldn't it be great if it worked all of the time? A little time machine would work wonders.

I was processed through customs and immigration easily, only to find out I had to buy a new suitcase, as the wheels had been ripped off, during the transit. I had a couple of hours to wait for the transit bus, to travel over to the island. This was the first time I had arrived absolutely exhausted to start a holiday, but this wasn't any normal holiday. Over the next eight months I would question 'WHAT WAS I THINKING' when I thought, I would volunteer my way around Canada and America.

I visited the ATM, obtaining enough cash for any unexpected expenses or treats. While waiting at the airport, I found it so hard to stay awake, wandering around, trying to stay active, and stop falling asleep. Even with coffee and more coffee, I was struggling to maintain my energy. Then, with all of the coffee, I had to find washrooms; fortunate the handicapped bathrooms, were big enough, the entire luggage cart fitted in the cubicle with you.

Once I boarded the bus, I slept all the way to the ferry terminal, until it was time to leave the bus, to go upstairs. Passengers weren't permitted in the vehicle bays, while the ferry was sailing; due to a disaster a few years back. Passengers were found in their vehicle, when rescuers retrieved a ferry that had sunk.

I ordered French fries and a coffee, for my lunch time meal; then I really felt like a zombie. I needed sleep, and I needed to be horizontal to do that. I sat at a table, but found it hard to stay awake. I panicked at one time, thinking it was time to re-board the bus, only to realize, we were only half way across the bay. I should have gone outside, onto the deck, to brighten myself up, by looking at the houses and the view; instead of walking around through the shops. I couldn't think straight, as my eyes could see nothing; obscured by my total exhaustion.

I was disappointed my enthusiasm, for this trip, was nowhere to be found. I had always enjoyed the ferry ride, looking out over the inlets, as the ferry manoeuvred between the islands; catching sight of the magnificent houses, on the water's edge, dreaming of a house, to enjoy the beautiful sunsets and sunrises. I'd be searching the waters for whales, while enjoying the fresh air; being excited by the fact, I was here again.

Oh boy, do I need this holiday? I was now questioning what sort of holiday was this anyway, where I'd be working all of the time. I needed to change, the title of this trip, to an adventure, with unlimited experiences to explore.

Are we there yet? As soon as we boarded the bus again, I slept until we arrived at the bus depot. That's a pity, because the whole island was breaking free, from the cool winter weather with everything coming alive. This time was supposed to be the spring, of my new life's journey; I just wasn't feeling that way.

I couldn't think about anything. All I knew was I needed sleep – really badly and NOW.

MOTEL ACCOMMODATION SUMNER

I checked into the motel, went upstairs; lay down on the bed and slept for four hours. By the time I got up I wasn't hungry, ending up having French fries and a hot chocolate. French fries twice in one day, was definitely a record, for someone who doesn't normally eat fast food.

The room was clean with a comfy bed and a view of the main street. The internet didn't work in my room; I had the choice of sitting on a step in the stair well or in the bar downstairs. The back area of the reception had a warren of alley ways, leading to bars and restaurants.

That night, I wouldn't have heard a bomb go off, falling into a deep restorative sleep. On Friday morning, I woke up refreshed and starving; searching for breakfast and a new suitcase. I found a shop to purchase my suitcase as well as a new camera, new bamboo socks (which lasted one month), slippers and hair products.

I had a fantastic meal at a diner, decorated with white and black checkered floor tiles, you see in the movies. I kept forgetting, to tell the server, no cream on top of the hot chocolate. Why do they do that? I found a shop to buy enough yummy snacks for the next couple of days. Finding the flights and time zones really play havoc, with my eating habits; discovering if I wasn't hungry, had something to do with the fact, I should have been asleep and vise versa.

As this was my third visit to this city, I spent a couple of hours re-exploring the streets, finding the Christmas shop I had visited previously. It was an amazing fact, these shops were open year-round. I just wished I bought a couple of things to send home, but I stopped myself, as I'd be collecting eight months worth of stuff.

Friday night after my afternoon expedition, I enjoyed a nice dinner downstairs at one of the restaurants. The whole ground floor, of the motel, was filled with bars and restaurants and unfortunately my location wasn't the place to be, if you wanted a good night's sleep. I slept well until about 1:00 am, when disturbed by the patrons, who started leaving the bars. I hate my sleep being disrupted, struggling to get back to sleep, especially when I'd been living in a different time zone, staying awake until about 3:00am.

I was shocked, to discover, it was lunch time on Saturday when I finally woke up. I had planned to visit the botanical gardens for the entire day; however by the time the shuttle bus arrived, I had less than two hours to race around to see EVERYTHING.

On the return trip back to town, the bus I was travelling on was a 'hop-on-hop-off ' bus, with the driver telling us, about the local attractions we could visit. I decided to 'hop-off ' in China town, not realising it was a forty minutes' walk back to the motel. It was beautiful spring evening, as I enjoyed walking off my meal of honey king prawns – with left over fried rice for breakfast. With all of my travels and the different restaurants I've visited, I haven't found a restaurant that serves fried rice better than the one in my home town.

When I arrived back to the motel, I repacked by bags, ready for departure at the bus depot at 7.30 am. It's a real pity, the guests partying until 3:00am, did not appreciate I needed sleep; once again awake half the night. When I rang the reception at 1:00am, the clerk on the phone said "the motel wasn't advertised, as a quite motel, and if I wanted a good night's sleep, I should've stayed somewhere else".

You can imagine I wasn't impressed, with his answer or attitude, as ear plugs were delivered to my room. The hotel should have offered them, to all guests, as they checked in. Checking out the next morning, I was advised, how lucky I was, as if it was summer time, the roof-top nightclubs were open, and nobody gets any sleep.

The lesson learnt from this experience; before I book anywhere to stay, read the comments of other guests, mentioning the bars and lack of sleep. There were many other motel complexes in and around the city; I could've stayed at, where I'd have had a good rest.

I believe there're three main reasons, for staying at any motel, yes overnight. The first was a clean room; the second a comfy bed and the third, was you actually get sleep, thrown in for good measure. Fancy having a motel where you don't actually sleep; maybe the sleep comes during the day, since you're supposed to be partying all night long. I added my comments of my impressions and funnily enough it wasn't a favourable review.

THE GARDENS

Nature was my church; searching to find a special place in the gardens, to pray this year would open doors, to life's wonderful treasures. I desperately needed to find the Bella, buried amongst all the grief, suffering, stress and loneliness. What I needed the most, from this adventure, was the 'freedom' of time, allowing me the space to re-evaluate my life, and find my true self.

Once I overcome the disappointment, of the time factor, I enjoyed the afternoon. There must have been millions of bulbs, planted throughout the gardens. Everywhere I looked hyacinths, tulips, daffodils and many other bulbs were displayed, in their most magnificent glory. Not many people were visiting the gardens, this late in the afternoon. I must admit, the summer visits to the gardens, were more alive with flowers and children, running around, with a heightened sense of energy, laughter, joy and happiness.

Today, there seemed to be a quietness that I needed. The other visitors were quiet, in their own little worlds, exploring the gardens, finding vistas to enjoy the ambience, of the gardens, from different viewpoints, while eating my snacks. The structure of the gardens was different this time, because the trees had bare branches, displaying a unique look. Spring flowering ornamental trees, glistened in the afternoon sun; their dropped petals, creating a beautiful, colourful carpet underneath the trees.

I discovered a merry-go-round located in its own building. Oh to be a child again or just a child at heart, to enjoy the ride, but today the doors were locked; the lights turned off. It would've been lovely, for the ride to be lit up, listening to the fairy tale music playing, as the carousel revolved around, for everyone to see.

Wait a moment, I can imagine it all now in my mind, visualising the lights shining brightly, spotlighting all of the different animals. The children would have climbed onto the carousel, searching for their favourite character, with mum or dad lifting them up. The carousel starts moving; the music in rhythm, with the children, bobbing up and down, on their favourite creatures. The children's laughter, echoes throughout the building, as the parents, stand by, waiting for their child, to come back around, to take another photo. The happiness and joy, this merry-go-round has created, was evident on the smiling faces, of the children and parents alike. The parents would be taken back, to a time, when they were the ones, on the carousel, with their parent's waiting for them, to come back around.

I just loved exploring all of the places around the garden, checking with myself, I remembered it correctly. The walk through the Japanese part of the garden, was interesting, with the structure of the bare tree trunks; noticing the buds re-emerging. My favourite surprise, from the last visit; a 'window' in the hedge, at the bottom of the Japanese garden, allowing a view, of the cove, where boats moored for safety, and a dock available, for visitor to the gardens.

My visit was a wonderful peaceful time, as I was also embarking, on a new cycle of life. My new season, was about to begin, in a display of wonderful blossoms, highlighting my true magnificence. I will be honoured, in a type of 'coming of age' presentation, unveiled to the world, 'this is me'.

The afternoon went by in a dream, as each corner I turned, revealed another amazing vista. After I finished my quick tour of the gardens, I relaxed, near the gift shop, enjoying an ice-cream.