From the streets, to college, to the military, author Reginald L. Bullock, raised by a single mother, survived many challenges and life-altering experiences. In Father to Son, he shares his story of how growing up without a father left a void in his life. Targeted toward young men who are not being raised with their fathers, those who need male guidance in their life, and for those who cannot find the right path to manhood, Father to Son addresses the issues and problems faced by today’s young men. From a father-to-son perspective, Bullock gives guidance and direction on topics such as guns, gangs, drugs, law violations, homosexuality, communication, friendship, religion, mothers, health and fitness, education, and sex. Father to Son helps young men find balance in their lives through the important tenets of integrity, courtesy, respect, ethics, and others. Based on his personal experiences, Bullock gives helpful information and offers advice on how to cope with and get through the difficult years of adolescence without falling into the trap of negativity and bad decision making.
Father To Son
A Guide To Growing Up In A Difficult WorldBy Reginald L. BullockWriters Club Press
Copyright © 2002 Reginald L. Bullock
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-0-595-21673-4Contents
PREFACE..............................................xiINTRODUCTION.........................................1Chapter 1 Guns.......................................7Chapter 2 Gangs......................................17Chapter 3 Drugs......................................27• Alcohol.......................................27• Cigarettes....................................30• Illegal Drugs.................................33• Selling Drugs.................................34• History.......................................36Chapter 4 Law Violations.............................39Chapter 5 Homosexuality..............................45Chapter 6 Communication..............................51Chapter 7 Problems and Struggles.....................63Chapter 8 Friendship.................................71Chapter 9 Religion...................................79Chapter 10 Mothers...................................93Chapter 11 Health and Fitness........................103Chapter 12 Hygiene...................................113Chapter 13 Sex.......................................123Chapter 14 The Game..................................129• PREAMBLE......................................130Chapter 15 Tenets....................................141Chapter 16 Education.................................147• READING.......................................151• THE EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM........................153• TEACH YOURSELF................................155• PAY NOW—PLAY LATER......................157• FINAL WORDS...................................158Chapter 17 Ethnic Origin.............................159Chapter 18 Life and Death............................167Chapter 19 Words To Live By..........................173Chapter 20 For Your Information......................177• FYI–1...................................177• FYI–2...................................177• FYI–3...................................178• FYI–4...................................179• FYI–5...................................180• FYI–6...................................181• FYI–7...................................182• FYI–8...................................183• FYI–9...................................184• FYI–10..................................185Conclusion...........................................187ABOUT THE AUTHOR.....................................189Bibliography.........................................193
Chapter One
Guns
Son, on this day I am writing this sentence, you are now four years old and happy. You take one day at a time and seem to live as if the world is a playground. When I was four, I lived in the projects—the Richard Allen Projects in North Philly. My mother made sure I knew my address in case of an emergency. I still remember it to this day, it was 703 A Jessup Place, off of Brown street. Our unit was on the first floor, which allowed us to get robbed every now and then, and my mother could do nothing about it. Although my mother seldom allowed us to see her crying or her feelings hurt, in reflecting on the past, I am sure she cried often. At least once a week, the gang, Wallace Street, and the one whose turf I lived on, 1–2–P (Twelfth and Poplar), would fight over something or another. Sometimes I could hear the bullets bouncing off of the trash dumpster. My mother would come and get us when that happened. One time (I think 1967) I got a toy machine gun for Christmas called a Defender Dan that shot real plastic bullets. I must have been either naive or crazy, but I mounted it on its tripod stand, put my helmet on along with a camouflage jump suit that I also received for Christmas, loaded the belt of plastic ammo, and began shooting in the direction of the oncoming real bullets. Needless to say, my mother snatched me up and brought me into the house.
Son, never play in the midst of oncoming bullets. In retrospect, I could have been killed on several occasions right in front of my own home. I guess it was my destiny to grow up and have children of my own.
All guns have many purposes, but the number one purpose that seems to out weigh them all is that guns are designed to kill. The bottom line is, if you shoot and hit something alive with a gun, there is a good chance it will not be alive for long. Although I have never shot anyone with a gun, I have and do carry a gun from time to time for protection. I purchased my first gun (Smith & Wesson 44 Magnum) in 1985 while residing in Hampton Virginia due to a burglary. Someone broke into our house and stole several expensive items, as well as all of our jewelry. That same day, I purchased my gun and a home security system, just in case they returned for what they did not get. The next night they did return. Fortunately for them, the alarm system got them, instead of me.
As a child in the Projects, I could do nothing but feel bad for my mother because there was no man in the house to protect us. As an adult, I was going to defend my family and property against any intruder. Son, you have the right, as a man, to protect yourself and family against any aggression. Whether you are four years old or seventy–four, I want you to always carry a sense of honor and dignity, knowing that you are responsible for your family. As a father, I charge you with that responsibility.
Years later at the age of 11, I became a Boy Scout and learned how to handle and shoot a gun and rifle safely. We learned all the parts of the gun, and most importantly, we learned respect for the gun. Target shooting became fun and challenging as a sport. In May of 1982 I joined the Air Force and learned not only how to sight in and shoot an M–16 rifle, but how to take it apart, clean it, and put it back together. This added a new dimension to my knowledge and respect for the gun. A gun is a tool, and like any tool its intended use is in the hand of the user. If the user chooses to shoot paper targets, game food, or humans it is all in their hands and mind.
In 1983 I joined the Rod and Gun club at Sembach Air Base, Germany, where I learned about shot guns. I also learned how to shoot the games of skeet and trap. While I did fairly well shooting skeet, I was terrible at trap. My favorite gun to shoot with for skeet was the Remington 1100 automatic. Although shooting skeet was fun, for an Airmen First Class it was expensive, so I could not shoot consistently twice a week to become very proficient. I was only 21 at the time, so most of the older guys looked out for me. Some even gave me free ammo and clay pigeons because they knew I did not have much money. Later on in the book I will devote some time to the subject of racism; however, I would like to point out to you that I was the only black person in the club. Yes, the club had a lot of so–called Red Necks, but they treated me with respect, and looked out for me.
Around October 1987, my wife purchased me a 30–06 Remington 7600 pump rifle for hunting purposes. I was really proud of that gun. I cleaned it all the time just so I could hold it. Every once in a while I would take it to the Shinnecock Indian Reservation for target practice and sighting in the scope. My brother–in–law and father–in–law, the late Ferdinand Lee, would also go with me. We three would have so much fun trying to outdo each other by hitting difficult targets at various distances. Your Grandfather would beat us every time with the 44 Magnum. He was only about 140 pounds; but he would stand facing the target with his bad knees slightly bent, his eyes focused in deep concentration; then through the silence of the woods (Boom) he would hit the target, turn and give us a half smile as if to say, "Was there any doubt?" Father, Son, and son–in–law; we had many moments like that. Those are the memories that I will never forget, and those are the kinds of memories that I hope you have the chance to experience. Three men, having fun with a gun. There was nothing criminal about that. It was almost as good as going bass fishing.
Another interesting incident happened January 16, 1991 while I was an Air Force Recruiter. That was the day President George Bush declared Desert Storm open on Iraq. Due to the intense climate of the Gulf situation, Air Force Recruiters were directed to wear civilian clothing so as not to attract unnecessary attention. Because of the imminent hostilities from local civilian groups, several recruiters carried guns for personal protection. The night of January 16, 1991, several Air Force Recruiters, including myself, were at the pistol range target practicing when we heard the declaration of Desert Storm on the Television.
After hearing the news, we all decided to go home. At that time, I lived on the Naval Base. When I got to the front gate, I noticed that security was beefing up drastically due to the nature of the new security threat. The security guards stopped me and asked what was in the case on my back seat. I told them, "a gun." At that moment, they panicked and got hysterical. They made me get out of the car for a body search. After finding nothing, they then began to search the car. After finding only the gun in a locked case in the back seat along with the targets and the ammo in the trunk, they ran the drug and bomb dogs through my car. Not being satisfied with their results, they decided to try and detain me for questioning. I told them my gun was registered with the state of Virginia, Pennsylvania, the Air Force and the Navy, and I had the receipts of purchase.
Being the prejudiced type of people they were, they just disregarded my credentials and decided to arrest my gun until they ran all the checks they could to try and find something. After three hours of harassment and wasted time at their station, they allowed me to go home. They told me that I could retrieve my gun the next day, provided all their checks were negative.
The following day I went to pick up my gun, along with giving their chief a formal complaint letter. He personally apologized for the harassment and unnecessary handling of my gun. He said that due to the youth of the security and the excitement of the moment, it was just my unlucky night. Life in the Military ...
Son, as you grow older, you will hear of incidents where children are killed from playing with a loaded gun found laying around the house. The quick answer, as a solution is to get rid of the gun. Many people will be very strong minded in saying that if the gun had not been in the house, the child would still be alive today. However, those same people are not equally quick to say get rid of every weapon in the house. All knives are weapons, matches are weapons, hazardous and flammable liquids are weapons, power and non–powered tools are also weapons. There are many weapons in the house that could kill or injure someone; so blaming it on the gun is not the answer. The answer lies somewhere between curiosity, education and miseducation.
Most children are not educated on guns. As with myths about the snake, Americans are brain washed into believing so many bad things about the gun, that it has caused many Americans to have a phobia toward guns. If children are taught the purposes, attributes, and benefits of the gun, in the same way that tools, electricity, the steam engine, and other items that were so beneficial to the early settlers are taught, then they would begin to understand that it is not just for gaining respect as seen on television. If children had the opportunity to shoot a gun in a controlled environment and learn how devastating it can be, then they would develop a respect for its power, similar to the way a child learns about hot water. It is all in how we are educated. Garbage in, garbage out.
When a child understands the devastation of a gun and what really happens after the bullet hits its target, they will not play with it as a toy; rather, they will treat it with respect. The problem that I have observed over the years is that many children, due to television and their parents purchasing them toy guns, cannot distinguish the difference until it is too late. As my son, I do not allow you to play with toy guns, nor do I allow your friends to bring them into my house. I am also strict about you allowing your friends to point guns at you—water guns, cap guns or just noise makers. I educate: never point a gun at anything unless you intend to kill it. This way if you are ever in a situation where your friend's parents are not as smart about toys as they should be, and your friend points a real gun at you in fun, you will quickly correct him and educate him in the absence of his parents.
While growing up, my friends and I started with noise maker guns. After a few years we needed more realism and stimulus so we graduated to water guns. When the water guns were no longer satisfying, our thrill seeking addiction to becoming like the heroes on television became so strong we escalated to BB guns. With BB guns, we were in the big time. We can hit targets and do damage. One of my friends used to sit at his bed room window and shoot girls on the butt passing by. He would brag about it every time he hit someone. As we got into the high school years, the BB gun became boring. If someone really wanted respect, a BB gun was not good enough. Blank guns became the new crave because they looked identical to a .22 pistol and could scare a person green. Some of my innovative friends drilled the barrel and put a real bullet in it ... Yes it worked, but it was dangerous to the shooter as well as the target.
After the thrill of the toys wore off, the adrenaline to have more translated into the purchase of real guns. The rest is yesterday's, today's and tomorrow's news. This is the mis–education process of how many of our young gangsters, drug dealers and wannabes, came to be. It all started at home. After ten to fifteen years of brain washing a youngster with a gun in his hand, how can anyone put all the blame on him. Yes he did the crime, and yes it is his fault. My question, however, is, who do you think is at fault for him having the gun in his hand in the first place? That is the ten million dollar question and therein lies your ten billion dollar answer.
I recall an incident in the Air Force while stationed in Germany, when a young boy about eight years of age was playing with his water gun which looked real. He saw one of the security police officers coming near him and decided to have some fun. As the officer came close, the young boy yelled, "Put your hands in the air!" Catching the police officer off guard, the officer's instinctive reflexes took over. The officer drew his gun, pointed it at the young boy and shouted, "Drop your weapon or I will be forced to shoot you!" The young boy hysterically dropped his weapon in fright and began crying out of fear of being killed.
The little boy went into mental shock and required therapy to help him to resolve his fears. The officer was given a reprimand for drawing his weapon on the young boy—I do not recall if he was reduced in rank. All this from a toy gun incident. My question is; suppose the gun had been real—or worse yet, suppose the officer had shot the young boy? The bottom line is that because of a toy gun, they both experienced an unnecessary lasting impression on their lives more clinically called a significant emotional event.
Guns are made to be sold, not to sit on the shelf. The water gun, the cap gun, the blank gun, the BB gun, the noise maker, the cartoons, the television shows, the media and the so–called system—all contribute to the problem, but where can the solution be found? The answer lies all around us and right in front of us. The Father.
Every time I hear of a child being accidentally shot, by a loaded gun while playing, I feel bad inside. I feel bad because I know of someone personally who was also shot and killed by accident when I was a child. I feel for the parents because I too have children and I could only imagine the pain they must be going through from the loss of their child. While accidents do happen, we can decrease the amount through education.
You need to develop respect for the gun, not with the gun. You should learn how to shoot and become very accurate with your shots. Even when hunting, shooting a gun is very dangerous. It is especially dangerous when the shooter misses his target. A stray bullet has to stop somewhere. I do not want you to end up dead because of a gun. In today's society, young men are killing one another with all sorts of guns, but they are also killing many innocent people with their stray bullets.
The number one reason for the killing is not drugs, it is not the school system, it is not the television, and it is not the easy accessibility of the guns. All those variables have always been around. The real reason young men are killing each other is because they do not have a father in their lives. The real teacher is absent. The real instructor is missing after the action. The real professor of life's education is not there to teach them the thousands of lessons that develop young boys into productive men. Those are some of the real reasons our problems with guns are out of control.
Presently there are many politicians, lobbyists, organizations, parents and others trying to pass some sort of law on gun control. Some are even trying to go against the Constitution of the United States. Although I do agree that we must institute some sort of gun control on the automatic weapons, I disagree with changing the constitution.
Just because the citizens are not following the Constitution does not mean you can change it. It means you should enforce it. When we had slavery, the only thing we did with the Constitution was give more rights to citizens of the United States, not take away their rights. The killings, the gangs, the violence is all violation of our Constitutional Rights as citizens/taxpayers. For every violation committed, we are paying the United States Government cash money to secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity. This means it is their job to not only prevent these violations from happening, but to stop them.
Rather than accept the blame and point the finger at themselves, politicians are running away from their responsibilities by pointing the blame at the ones with the guns. Personally I view the politicians and the rest of the governmental staff as my employees. I pay them to do a job. If they are not able to do the job, if they fail at the task given to them, or if they prove to be incompetent, then they should all be dismissed from their positions.
The United States Constitutional Amendments, Bill of Rights, Article II, The Right to Keep and Bear Arms, states: A well–regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.
You do not need a first class over paid scholarly lawyer to interpret that basic right as a citizen. It was written to be self explanatory, not in code to be interpreted. The last four words shall not be infringed are also self explanatory. If this statement only meant a militia, then the entire judicial system is at fault for allowing guns to be in the hands of the public for this long since the amendment's first printing. I would also consider all the presidents who nominated the judges to the Supreme Court and all the politicians who confirmed the judges, all incompetent. If this were the case, then our entire United States Government is also incompetent. Since the United States is not incompetent, plain English should not be interpreted. It should stand as is.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Father To Sonby Reginald L. Bullock Copyright © 2002 by Reginald L. Bullock. Excerpted by permission of Writers Club Press. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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