Find the Helpers : What 9/11 and Parkland Taught Me About Recovery, Purpose, and Hope

How a Parkland Dad and 9/11 Brother Faced Tragedy

"Don't tell me there's no such thing as gun violence. It happened in Parkland." ?Fred Guttenberg

2020 Nautilus Silver Winner
2021 Chanticleer Hearten Awards First Place Winner

Life changed forever on Valentine's Day 2018 for Fred Guttenberg and his family. What should have been a day of love turned into a nightmare. Seventeen people died at Florida’s Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School. Fourteen-year-old Jaime Guttenberg was the second to last victim.

“Fred Guttenberg is a hero." ?Lawrence O'Donnell.  That Jaime and so many of her fellow students were struck down in cold blood galvanized many to action, including Jaime’s father Fred now a gun safety activist dedicated to passing common sense gun safety legislation.

Fred was already struggling with deep personal loss. Four months earlier his brother Michael died of 9/11 induced pancreatic cancer. He had been exposed to too much dust and chemicals at Ground Zero. Michael battled heroically for nearly five years and then died at age fifty.

Find the Helpers has a special meaning to the Guttenberg’s. It was a beloved family wisdom learned from watching Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood. In the midst of tragedy, "always look for the helpers. There will always be helpers. Because if you look for the helpers, you’ll know there’s hope." ?Fred Rogers, 1999

Healing from grief. Discover the story of Fred Guttenberg’s activist’s journey since Jaime’s death and how he has been able to get through the worst of times thanks to the kindness and compassion of others. Good things happen to good people at the hands of other good people-and the world is filled with them. They include everyone from amazing gun violence survivors Fred has met to former VP Joe Biden, who spent time talking to him about finding mission and purpose in learning to grieve.

If you enjoyed Eyes to the Wind, Haben, or The Beauty in Breaking, you'll love Find the Helpers!

From the Foreword

I started clocking Jaime’s father, Fred Guttenberg, in interviews and events following the shooting. At first, I could feel him gasping through his grief as if he might drown in despair. But I could feel his outrage grow after Donald Trump lied to his face about standing up to the NRA. And I could feel his resolve stiffen as the enormity and the moral bankruptcy of what he was up against revealed itself.

Soon he seemed to adopt the mantra of the great John Lewis, that when we are confronted with injustice, we must be willing to get into trouble, good trouble, necessary trouble. There he was at the Kavanaugh hearing, shunned as he tried to shake the nominee’s hand. I cheered when his inability to contain his outrage in the face of Trump’s lies got him kicked out of the State of the Union.

Fred Guttenberg is one of those rarest of human being who, as they endure the unimaginable, have the strength to see beyond their own suffering. They hear a call to action to do whatever they can to alleviate that suffering in others and in doing so, to hold this country up to its spectacular, unfulfilled promise. They understand that politics is the way we create our moral vision. They know that despair is a luxury the future cannot afford. And that action is the antidote to despair.

From the book:

Find the helpers. They will assist you in ways you can’t imagine or didn’t expect. They don’t have to be high-powered politicians like Pelosi or people with great wealth. They can be your loved ones, your family members, your neighbors, your colleagues, your church or temple congregation, or even total strangers. Whatever hardship you’re going through, you can’t get through it alone. The night Jaime was killed, her dance sisters made orange ribbons in her memory—orange was Jaime’s favorite color. That was an inspiration in itself, but then a picture of the girls wearing their ribbons went viral on social media. Within 24 hours, people all around the dance world were wearing orange ribbons. A Los Angeles-area mom came up with the idea to wear orange ribbons at their competitions. Professional dancers at the American Ballet Theatre posted on Instagram showing orange ribbons affixed to their costumes. Broadway shows like Lion King and Hamilton honored Jaime by wearing orange ribbons. Seeing all of this support for Jaime helped us get through that rough first week—and inspired us to start her foundation, Orange Ribbons for Jaime.

Romper writer Jen McGuire beautifully covered the orange ribbon tribute, “All over the country this weekend, people will be dancing for Jaime. She'll be present in auditoriums, in concert halls, in theaters and dance studios. The memory of Jaime Guttenberg and the senseless violence that cut her life so terribly short will spread through the country, one orange ribbon at a time. It's a lovely tribute, one her family might appreciate through the terrible fog of their own crippling grief. Wearing an orange ribbon for Jaime will keep her memory alive, even as her family plans her funeral. Because I guess that's the cold, awful reality, isn't it?”

In February 2020, days after the two year mark of our loss, we held a fundraiser and three comedians (Jessica Kirson, Jim Breuer, and Alonzo Bodden) volunteered their time to raise money for our cause. Everyone who attended said that they had not laughed like that in years--that included me and my family. Being able to laugh with our loved ones, our friends, and our community was a healing moment that will not be forgotten. More helpers from unexpected places.

This book is not about gun safety or Parkland. Instead, it tells the story of the journey I’ve been on since Jaime’s death and how I’ve been able to get through the worst of times thanks to the love and kindness of others. I tell the story of my family life, my brother Michael’s illness and untimely death, and the story of what happened to my family and our community. Despite these very hard subjects, this book looks forward. You need to know, despite how hard it’s been, I got this. What’s more, You got this.

I know what it’s like—you turn on the TV or click on social media and maybe all you want to do sometimes is crawl under the covers. But hang on and look past the noise. You can get through these moments when they happen, whatever the moments in your life may be, as long as you look for the helpers. So much of what I’ve learned these past few years is how amazing and decent people are. I have been truly amazed by those I’ve known for years, those I have gotten to know, people in media, and people in politics—and the extent of their thoughtfulness and compassion.