CHAPTER 1
THE MYTH OF THE PERFECT FAMILY
Planning the Session
Session Goals
As a result of conversations and activities connected with this session, group members should begin to
• explore, through the story of Abram and Sarai, what Scripture reveals about God's messy family;
• examine the myth of the perfect family;
• reflect on the implications of being a blessing to the whole world.
Scriptural Foundation
The Lord had said to Abram, "Go from your country, your people and your father's household to the land I will show you.
"I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you."
(Genesis 12:1-3)
Special Preparation
• If participants are not familiar with one another, provide nametags.
• Have available a notebook or paper and a pen or pencil for anyone who did not bring a notebook or an electronic device for journaling.
• Print the following on separate sheets of paper and post at intervals around your space: Leave It to Beaver, All in the Family, The Jeffersons, Roseanne, Parenthood, Modern Family.
• If you are not familiar with the series This Is Us, it would be helpful to view one or more episodes prior to the study. You can view episodes from Season 1 and Season 2 at www.NBC.com.
• Decide if you will use either of the optional additional activities. If you will be creating altars, you will need tape and felt-tipped markers. Also prepare "rocks" by cutting sheets of printer paper or construction paper into rough ovals — enough for each participant to have at least two. Set aside wall or board space in two locations for taping up the rocks to make the altars.
• Decide if you will use the hymn "The God of Abraham Praise" or another hymn of praise. Obtain the lyrics and, if needed, arrange for accompaniment.
Getting Started
Opening Activity
As participants arrive, welcome them to the study. Invite them to move around the room reading the titles of past TV series that focused on the family. When most have arrived, gather together. Ask them to respond to the following:
• My name is ___________, and a TV series about the family that I remember is ___________.
When everyone has had a chance to respond, invite volunteers to describe how the family was portrayed in one of the series they remember, either one of the posted titles or another series they enjoyed. Then ask:
• How does your own experience of family life compare with what you saw portrayed in that series?
Call the group's attention to the book's introduction. If participants have not had a chance to read it, invite them to scan the text quickly. Ask participants to indicate with a show of hands if they have watched the series This Is Us. Invite a volunteer to briefly summarize how the author, Jacob Armstrong, characterizes the series.
Point out that Armstrong uses the example of TV series about families as the starting point for considering our own families. In this study, participants will be exploring their place in what Armstrong calls God's messy family. They will encounter how all of us are included at the table and connected to others in God's family, regardless of our imperfections.
Opening Prayer
Pray the following prayer, or one of your own choosing: Gracious God, each of us comes to this place bringing our unique experiences of messy, unpredictable family life. Guide us as we seek to better understand your messy family. By your Spirit, give us a sense of your boundless hospitality. Open our hearts to your invitation to take our place at your table, regardless of our flaws and imperfections. Amen.
Learning Together
Video Study and Discussion
In this first chapter of the study, the author, Jacob Armstrong, introduces us to the idea that, like our own families, the family of Abram and Sarai was flawed and at times dysfunctional. The story of this family draws us in to an understanding of our own place in the messy family of God — a family to which all of us belong. Armstrong, founding pastor of Providence Church, a United Methodist congregation in Mt. Juliet, Tennessee, gives us an overview of the story of Abram and Sarai's family, a family that shatters the myth of the perfect family. After viewing the video segment, discuss some of the following:
• In what ways does Jacob Armstrong's review of the scriptural story of Abram's family jibe with what you remember about that family's story? Were there details or episodes Armstrong mentioned that you found surprising or that you were unaware of? If so, which ones? Where do you see evidence that Abram's family was messy and flawed?
• Armstrong relates some anecdotes about experiences he has had with family meals. Which stories resonate for you? Can you name similar experiences around your own family table, either positive or negative?
• What would it be like if we lived into the family to which we belong? What would you say is the difference between being part of a perfect family and walking toward perfection together?
Book and Bible Study and Discussion
Examine the Myth of the Perfect Family
To explore more deeply what Armstrong calls the myth of the perfect family, invite participants to form pairs and respond to the following:
• How would you describe the perfect family?
After allowing a few minutes for pairs to discuss, ask each pair to give one defining characteristic they identified, and make a list of these characteristics on a large sheet of paper or a board.
Remind the group that there are many ways to describe one's family. For some it may be their nuclear biological family, for others it may be an extended family, and for still others it may be people unrelated to them by blood who nevertheless constitute a family. Discuss:
• How closely does our description of a perfect family match the makeup of your family? How closely does this description fit the picture of how you experience family life?
• Jacob Armstrong asserts that perfection is not the goal of family. What does he suggest is? How do you respond?
Explore the Story of Abram and Sarai's Family
Ask participants to quickly review what the chapter has to say about Abram's family, as well as recalling what Armstrong tells us in the video. Then ask a volunteer to read aloud Genesis 12:1-9, the passage that includes this session's foundational Scripture. Discuss the following:
• According to the Scripture, God's family had its beginning with Abram, Sarai, and Lot. In the light of what the scriptural story tells us, what is ironic about the names of Abram and Sarai?
We read that a more literal translation of God's command to "Go" is to "Walk." Invite participants to imagine such a command. Ask them to think about their own situation — their age, general health and fitness, and so forth. Ask:
• What would be particular challenges for you if you had to undertake such a journey?
• What obstacles might be the most daunting?
Assign to half the participants Genesis 12:10-20 and to the other half Genesis 13:1-17. Ask them to read their assigned passage silently and to review what the chapter tells us about the two accounts. Discuss:
• In what ways do these stories reveal that Abram and Sarai are typical, like us, with personal failings and foibles?
• Where in the story thus far can you see evidence of their greatness?
Invite group members to ponder in silence what in their own lives they might identify as signs of greatness — indications that they say yes to God and seek to walk with God. What weaknesses and failings can they pinpoint? Encourage them to jot these insights down in their journals.
Reflect on the Implications of Being a Blessing
Armstrong poses the question: How does God's family become a blessing? Distribute drawing paper and crayons or markers. Invite participants to imagine themselves on a journey of faith, walking toward the land where God will use their lives to bless others.
Ask them to choose a name they think exemplifies the person they are and have been — something that describes their normality, with all its shortcomings and flaws. They might want to use their present name coupled with a modifier — for instance, Norman the Nitpicker — or perhaps something like She Who Refuses to Admit When She Is Wrong.
Ask them to sketch a pathway that meanders from the left side of the paper to the right. Along the way, ask them to list those shortcomings and mistakes that have served as a barrier to saying yes to God andseeking to walk alongside God, as well as any notable occasions when their actions and attitudes have exemplified a blessing. Ask that they spend some moments reflecting on this pathway. Then invite them, at the far right of the paper, to choose a name that represents all they are seeking, in walking more closely with God and living into their names.
Point out that Armstrong discusses altars of praise and prayer. Ask participants to review what he has to say about these altars in the text. Then ask them to consider the following:
• When in my daily life do I pause to say thank you to God, remembering God's enduring presence and trustworthy love? How can I set aside a time and place for an altar of praise?
• When in my daily routine do I pause to call on the Lord? How can I set aside a time and place for an altar of prayer?
Encourage participants to jot down these questions in their journals and to continue considering them and taking action, in order to ensure that praise and prayer are regular practices.
More Activities (Optional)
Create Altars of Praise and Prayer
Invite participants to create altars of praise and prayer in your learning space, perhaps on opposite sides or in the corners. Label each space chosen, and give each person several of the paper "rocks" you prepared, as well as felt-tipped markers. Ask them to review what Armstrong tells us about each altar Abram created.
Ask group members to reflect on events or situations from the past week for which they would like to praise God, and have them jot down a phrase or sentence on a rock describing that event or situation. Invite them to tape their rock to the wall along with others to form an altar shape. Ask them to do the same for the altar of prayer, jotting down something about which they have called upon the name of the Lord in prayer (or something they plan to lift up in prayer).
Encourage them in the coming week to continue identifying situations to bring before God in prayer, either in supplication or in praise.
Role-Play Characters
Assign to half the participants Genesis 12:10-20 and to the other half Genesis 13:1-17. Randomly assign the following roles to participants in each of the two groups: in group 1 (12:10-20), assign each person either the role of Abram or the role of Sarai; in group 2 (13:1-17), assign people either Abram or Lot. Have each group read the assigned passage; then ask them to respond to the incident from the perspective of their assigned role. After allowing a few minutes, reconvene the large group to discuss the following:
• How would you describe the actions of each character: as representing human foibles or as expressing greatness? Why?
• How do you think Pharaoh would have described the family of Abram and Sarai?
• Why do you think Abram wanted to separate himself from Lot?
Wrapping Up
Invite participants to recall and briefly describe the stories of Armstrong's family around the table that he tells in both the chapter and the video segment. Invite volunteers to respond to the following:
• The story about family meals that I resonate most with is _______ because_______.
As an example of what it means to be welcomed at the table of God's family, encourage participants to reflect on how meals happen in their family. Suggest the following as points of reflection:
• If family members are together for a meal at some time during the week, suggest that group members take at least a little time to focus silently on each family member, seeking to truly hear and see him or her.
• If mealtime is chaotic or if family members do not eat together, ask participants to offer a simple silent prayer for each person.
• If a participant eats meals alone most of the time, suggest that before they begin to eat, they take a moment of silence to hold up before God in prayer each person they consider family.
Closing Activity
Remind the group that Abram built an altar of praise to God. Sing or recite together "The God of Abraham Praise" or another hymn of praise to God.
Remind the group to read chapter 2 before the next session.
Closing Prayer
Pray the following, or a prayer of your choosing:
Amazing God, we are so grateful that you have invited us to be a part of your family! Just as you told Abram and Sarai that their names would be great and all people on earth would be blessed through them, help us to live into our names. By your Spirit, lead us on this journey to be a blessing to others. Amen.
CHAPTER 2
THE GAP BETWEEN WHAT GOD SAYS AND WHAT YOU SEE
Planning the Session
Session Goals
As a result of conversations and activities connected with this session, group members should begin to
• explore further, through the story of Abram and Sarai, what Scripture reveals about God's messy family;
• examine the gap time between the promise being made and the promise being fulfilled;
• reflect on the invitation to step outside of time and see what God is working on.
Scriptural Foundation
Abram said, "Sovereign Lord, what can you give me since I remain childless and the one who will inherit my estate is Eliezer of Damascus?" And Abram said, "You have given me no children; so a servant in my household will be my heir."
[God] took him outside and said, "Look up at the sky and count the stars — if indeed you can count them." Then he said to him, "So shall your offspring be."
As the sun was setting, Abram fell into a deep sleep, and a thick and dreadful darkness came over him.
(Genesis 15:2-3, 5, 12)
Special Preparation
• You will need printing or drawing paper and felt-tipped markers for the opening activity.
• Have available a notebook or paper and a pen or pencil for anyone who did not bring a notebook or an electronic device for journaling.
• Decide if you will use either of the optional additional activities.
• If you decide to sing or recite "O God, Our Help in Ages Past" as a closing hymn, obtain hymnals with the hymn and, if needed, arrange for accompaniment.
Getting Started
Opening Activity
As participants arrive, welcome them. Invite those present for the first session to briefly explain about altars of praise and prayer and to what extent group members were successful in setting aside time during the past week for prayer and praise.
Gather together. Call the group's attention to what the author of the study tells us about the practice of taking a picture of one's child on the first day of the school year and posting it on social media, as well as his neighbor's sarcastic riff on that practice. Ask:
• What is the gap in your life that you are just waiting out?
Distribute paper and felt-tipped markers, and invite participants to make a sign indicating the gap they might display in a candid shot to be posted on Facebook or Instagram. It might be the number of days until retirement, or the length of time until a child completes college, or some shorter span such as the days until a much-anticipated vacation.
After allowing a few minutes for the group to work, invite volunteers to display their signs and add any explanation about what gap the sign represents. Ask:
• Why do you suppose it is difficult to live in the gap between where you are presently and where you would like to be?
You may want to take a snapshot of each person with their sign and print out the photos before the next session.
Opening Prayer
Pray the following prayer, or one of your own choosing:
Eternal God, we confess that sometimes we are so focused on where we want to go and what we want to be that we fail to appreciate the place where we are right now. Bring us into a quiet time in which, together, we can simply be — resting in the presence of your love. Guide us as we seek more clarity about your purpose for our lives. Amen.
Learning Together
Video Study and Discussion
In chapter 2, Jacob Armstrong introduces us to the idea that there can be a gap between what God promises and what a person is experiencing. He explores the realities and feelings people often experience in the meantime, as well as how God may be working in and through those gap times. After viewing the video segment, discuss some of the following:
• Jacob Armstrong describes a job he had as a young person in which his employer required him to sweep the floor during the gap times in the work. What was the purpose of the sweeping? What does he say about what he learned about who he was when he was sweeping?
• He observes that "the meantime" is most of the time, and most of the time we are sweeping. What does he mean? Has this been your experience? Why or why not?
