Beginning the Path to Happily Inner After

Once upon a time, I dreamed of having it all — the perfect life, husband, home and beautiful family. It could have been set in an idyllic Norman Rockwell painting that merged with the movie, Pleasantville. I wanted the one thing I felt that every other 'born in the 50s woman wanted. I wanted my own private happily ever after.

After all, I was like so many young and hopeful girls acculturated by fairy tale fantasies that permeated movies, fictional books and our minds. As we played dress-up and house, most of us dreamed of our someday handsome prince.

Even as adult women, we want to fill our cedar-lined hope chests. What? No one does that anymore? Today, we tag our favorite photos in Pinterest™ instead. We also gaze at glossy magazine covers, with visions of white picket fences, freshly mown green lawns, vibrant flower beds, and golden light streaming through sparkling windows embedded in our minds. For some reason, we continue to believe that within these tranquil environments, all of our dreams can come true.

Despite my best efforts and what I thought were positive thoughts toward creating my own Camelot, I have lived my life sort of like Phil; the character Bill Murray played in the movie Groundhog's Day. Much like Phil, I've been living similar experiences over and over again, without changing my choices. I've repeated the same fearful patterns of distrusting men and always keeping love at a distance, barely out of arm's reach. Consequently, I've never reached my goal of happily ever after.

I had to ask myself two questions, "What do I want?" and "What does 'happily ever after' mean to me?" I want to be somebody's queen. I would like to be his goddess muse. I want to be their one and only, and not second in line to others who are deemed more important. Some of my deepest desires are to receive a man's love freely without imposed conditions or compromises; to be loved fiercely and fully, as well as to be cherished, honored and spoiled by a man who would go through the fire for me.

The concept of someone loving me unconditionally is wonderful. I don't want them to show love with only their words, but rather with their actions. It would be amazing to know deep in my heart and soul that I was truly loved by a wonderful man, and to have this all without lifting a finger to make him feel that way. Do you have these desires as well? Do you have a fear that they won't come true for you, as I have?

After finding the answers to the first questions, I had to ask myself two more questions: "What do I fear?" and "What was preventing my 'happily ever after'?"

I feared that by not being someone's queen, I somehow lacked what it takes to attract a man like that in my life. I incorrectly thought that I had fallen short because I had not found a man; but also that I didn't have what it takes to keep him in my life. I thought that somehow my special someone would grow tired, bored or weary of me, and eventually move onto greener pastures.

My worst fear was that I wasn't worthy of such a wonderful and mature man – a king. I knew I would have to continuously exhaust myself in order to make a man love me. I believed it would require even more effort to get my 'king' to want to be with me.

Now, before you get out the world's smallest violin, I did gain something from this emotional challenge in my life. At that time, I still had to learn that I needed to be my own king first. In discovering that for myself, I would finally attract exactly what I been dreaming of.

As a friend once told me when I was 18 years old, "Take what you have and make the best of it." Afterward, I realized that I had to abide by this philosophy. In addition, I could not try to fix, repair, tweak or manipulate the world around me; rather, I could only change myself.

In doing so, I could effectively alter my own world, and live my 'Happily Inner After.'

I am living proof of living 'Happily Inner After,' complete with my knight in shining amour. I'm not the only one that this will work for. You can achieve this too. This book will show you precisely how to do this and more.

Finding the Thread to My (And Your) Happiness

With one marriage behind me by the year 2000, I was acutely aware of what was driving all these fears. It had all primarily stemmed out of my abandonment issues as a child, due to my father's absence. So, amidst the beauty of the Mark Twain forests in Southern Missouri, I began my quest for healing by taking part in several prayers and drum circles, as well as attend events at Native American sweat lodges. To my absolute surprise, I found my answer on December 31, 1999; shortly after functioning as stonekeeper for a sacred lodge at the Millennium Sweat event.

Three days later, on January 3, 2000, I had a fully-realized awakening experience which would change my life forever. In a single moment, I became completely aware of the absoluteness of all things within myself, and felt the numinous quality of divine love flowing through me. It was as if everything literally resided within one cell in my finger, and that it contained all of the many universes.

The weight of that responsibility touched me deeply; because it wasn't to be taken lightly. Perhaps our supposed veils were there for a reason. Just maybe they were acting as safeguards to protect us, and everything around us, from ourselves. I felt at one with God, and knew that we were all meant to live in joy, absolute happiness and bliss.

In my awakening, many valuable pieces of insight and inspiration about the mind of God were laid bare. I knew that I could not contain all of this insight, and keep it for myself.

Over the next fourteen years, I began to further prepare myself to be an empty vessel for teaching. I resumed efforts to reconcile my past through a myriad of healing modalities. Some of these included clearing my karma, tapping out my issues, and detox diets. I also received hands-on healing, Reiki healing and transformational meditations. I even fluffed my aura.

Throughout this time, the extensive layers of my personal issues began to peel away and reveal their essential elements more clearly. Unfortunately, I continued to repeat my painful relationship cycle. I constantly relived my ridiculous and nagging fear, and was at my absolute wits end; despite all of my efforts in attending vision quests, life-altering seminars, prayers, meditation, voracious book reading sessions, healings and clearings over the years. After everything I had done, I still lacked the much needed healing in order to be truly happy. In spite of all that I tried, it was several years later before I really comprehended the revelations I had experienced. I was on the tail end of my second marriage, before the core of these teachings from my awakening fully presented themselves.

Finding and Keeping the Love of My Life

Something amazing happened one day while I was living in the Southwest. For the third year in a row, I was volunteering at the local film festival. It was there that I met a successful and influential Hollywood actor, named Cary; who happened to be in town promoting one of his films.

After our initial meeting, I quickly realized the similarities and mutual admiration that had grown between us. Our friendship flourished quickly while he worked on his filming projects. It wasn't long before I realized that I had very strong feelings for him. It was challenging, because Cary's successful career and position greatly challenged my sense of self-worth.

As our young and blossoming romance grew over the following months, I realized that he was getting serious about me as well. His feelings were revealed through not only his words, but his actions. We spent a great deal of time laughing and singing together, as well as sharing our deepest thoughts and feelings.

I could sense that his feelings for me were growing deeper as well. It was probably the closest that I had felt with anyone in my life; and I felt as if our two hearts met in a deep pool of vulnerability. I was so thankful for the new precious gift, which left me feeling such wonderful joy, happiness and fulfillment. Unfortunately, I was not as aware of the true rarity of that fragile gift at that time.

The closer I grew to Cary, the more I masked or guarded many of my deepest feelings. I discovered that his direct and unbridled love made me feel open, exposed and vulnerable; something I hadn't felt in a long time. My natural instinct to hide my true feelings caught me by surprise.

One day, Cary told me he was heading out of town with a female friend and business colleague. They were scheduled to go on a weekend getaway to a fancy hotel, while she completed a real estate deal. Up until that moment, I had felt safe and warm; cocooned by our budding love. Instantly, fear and doubt began to creep in and replace the sense of security that I had gained from our new relationship. It did not help that Cary's usual phone calls and text messages were non-existent for most of that evening and the following morning.

As a result, my mind began to race. All that I could think about was everything happening between Cary and his female friend. 'Did they go to dinner followed by several drinks? Did they proceed to romance and finally bed?' My mind was going mad with fear, worry and too much imagination.

I decided to take a rest because the stress of the moment began to overwhelm me. To calm myself down, I laid down to take a nap. As I tried to rest, the chemicals within my body were in an uproar. It even felt as if acid was on my tongue.

During my quiet respite of meditation, I understood logically that I did not have anything to worry about, because I knew I was sovereign. What I mean by that is I was independently and safely connected to God from within. Yet, I kept feeling that somehow I had lost myself along the way because of all my fears.

FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real

The primary question I kept asking myself remained stagnant in my soul. 'How do I get back to being myself while in the midst of all this intense fear?' I wanted to find myself again. I wanted nothing more than to escape that moment of gripping panic and fear. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. In my spirit, I ran to a beautiful utopian garden, and called forth my inner comforter.

When my imaginary companion arrived, I immediately noticed his beautiful, Adonis-like features. I was incredibly drawn to his aura of safety; so I strode directly up and slipped my hands into his. Gazing up at him, I couldn't help but think about Cary at the hotel with his female friend. With every thought, my grip continued to tighten, until it seemed that I was grasping for dear life. I did not speak, and could only stare deep into his eyes. I was so filled with fear that I could hardly move.

In my mind, I pleaded to my imaginary companion, 'Please, don't let my fears and worries be real. Help me and stay here with me. Just help me through this, because I cannot even think about it without panicking. I want to let go of everything. I want to stay here and be safe. That's all that matters.'

Not knowing what to do, I listened. 'To what?' you might ask. I believe it was my inner voice that told me to simply wait. So, I did. I waited for what seemed to be several minutes, but actually were mere seconds. Suddenly something shifted, and I somehow knew deep in my heart that this shift affected my inner companion, as well.

The Moment I Found the Love of My Life

At that moment, my strong and handsome companion wrapped his arms around me. It was as if I could literally feel him embracing me tightly. With only that simple movement, he put me at ease. I felt completely safe. More importantly, I felt completely loved.

As I lay on my bed in a meditative state, a calm wave washed over me completely. My shoulders actually dropped as I relaxed. Even though I was meditating, I was keenly aware of myself. I forced my mind to think of only good thoughts. 'Nothing matters. I am fine and my inner companion is fine too. All is right within my own world.'

It suddenly dawned on me that all that mattered at that moment was the amazing love I felt from my beautiful and beloved inner companion. 'He matters. He loves me, and I love him.' I felt whole, safe and secure. The longer I pondered on those thoughts, the clearer they became. I was quickly overwhelmed by a visceral sea of deeper love.

After my mind wandered on this path for several minutes, I finally returned to the thought of Cary and the woman spending time with him. To my surprise, all sense of anxiety had fled. Nothing remained of the care or concern that had me paralyzed in fear only moments before. Nothing mattered, other than where I was at that particular moment.

Suddenly, I realized that everything would be alright, even if Cary called me right then to say, "I was out with a bevy of beauties last night ... blah-blah-blah. It was nice knowing you. Bye!" That is when a deeper level of understanding kicked in, and I became a detached observer. The amazingly calm and peaceful experience nearly overwhelmed me. Everything felt right.

Opening my eyes, I laid there in silence as I realized that everything was still the same. I had not heard from Cary, and he was still away for the weekend at the hotel with his female friend. Yet in that quiet respite, I remained in a strange state of peace.

The phone suddenly rang, disturbing the sanctuary of my meditation. Coincidentally, Cary was on the other end of the line. He surprised me with his response.

"Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry! I have been thinking of you all day. Last night, my friend and I went to dinner, but it was terribly boring. I sat there missing you so much, darling. I don't know why I decided to go on this trip with her. I don't want to be here at all, but I thought this would be a good chance to get some workout time at the gym and pool. I wasn't thinking when I chose to come, and I didn't realize how big of a mistake it would be." With those few sentences, all of my remaining fears immediately dissipated.

Within ten minutes of beginning my visualization exercise, my world dramatically shifted. I had stumbled upon such a positive and enlightening principle that would change my life. Instantly, I realized that I was onto something big. I began to explore my new concept in depth. I realized that that adoring companion in my mind was my inner knight in shining amour — my one true love. I wanted to understand how significant my new nugget of truth really could be.

Finding and Keeping Your Knight in ShiningAmour

Consistently, most people never give up on the concept of true love. Time and again, it is normal to start a new relationship and think 'This is it.' Most people honestly believe that they have found the one — the love of their life; soul mate; twin flame; or handsome knight in shining amour — only to end up disappointed once again. Why is that?! Why can't everyone just live happily ever after with the one, that they love — a true knight in shining amour; a true knight in shining love?

We really don't understand what we should be looking for. Something is missing. In our relationships, we have not received what we thought we needed, or expected. We are not unconditionally loved and adored by our partner. We are not honored and cherished like we thought we'd be. More often than not, however, we do not believe we are responsible. Rather, our spouse or partner is the one that is wrong, cruel, broken or bad. As a result, we react as a victim who ponders wistfully about the 'if only's.'