The Journey Continues:

THE ALPHA EPIDEMIC

* * *

HELLO, MY NAME IS LINDY, AND I AM AN ALPHA-HOLIC. The title of the first book in this trilogy utilized the word "recovering" for a very good reason, as even now I realize that I am definitely not recovered.

So, welcome to the second volume of what is absolutely NOT a series of self-help books. Sure, you might have found it in the self-help section, but it's so much less about learning a whole bunch of new things and so much more about accepting what you already know and are. In my opinion, self-help books can illuminate your deficits to make you feel like you are more messed up than you really are, like you are not enough and are in need of fixing, and that's simply just not true. You are YOU-nique, and this is a chance to recognize and cultivate that in and for yourself.

If you've read the previous volume, Recovering Alpha Female, then you likely have an idea of what to expect from the layout and content of this book. While the goal is certainly to offer what is needed, keep those expectations in check. As I like to say, Expectation isResentment in the Making! Instead of believing that you know exactly what you're going to get out of these pages, keep an open mind and let the words have their own space to whisper to you and provide the meaning you need, rather than the one you expect. Grab a cup of tea, uncap your highlighter, or maybe lay out your "happy pens" and continue to enjoy the journey.

I was (eventually) able to let go of many of my expectations while writing this book, and it has had an authentic influence on the outcome. As many authors will tell you, creating a book is very much like birthing a child. And, like pregnancy and birth, the second "child" is just not quite as scary as the first. I hadn't counted on this or even realized it was going to happen, but I sure am glad I didn't stick with my expectation that it was going to be a terrifyingly difficult process. It reminds me that recovering from my Alpha ways is a daily practice and that the more open I am to it, the more I see Grace in my life. My Alpha side still rears its head from time to time. After all, being an Alpha Female is a huge part of my personality. It's been my go-to and comfort zone for many years.

Recognizing, accepting, and holding space for myself has required a beautiful and much-needed transition. Sometimes embracing this aspect of who I am is a pretty good thing, but it can also feel like a relapse. When it comes to making these kinds of major changes, it's important to remember that we are recovering, not "recovered."

CHOOSING THE CHECKLIST

* * *

I KNOW THAT IN THE LAST BOOK I TOLD YOU TO CHUCK THE CHECKLIST, BUT NOW THAT YOU'RE A LITTLE WISER, I THINK YOU'RE READY FOR IT. So, the checklist is back, but this time it is authentic, nurturing, and graceful.

The amped and ramped, racked and stacked, instant-gratification characteristics of our culture are total energy suckers. It isn't exactly a nurturing or graceful world out there right now. We have the kids, the cars, the hairstyles, the appointments, the neighbors, and so much more. It's a list that is impossible to juggle without having our light and energy sucked right out of us. We are at a time where it is more critical than ever to learn how to manage our own energies. Find a Woo-Woo Guru, establish your tribe, and replenish your energy. One way that I have found useful for managing my energy is by Choosing the Checklist. This is my self-care, self-compassion, energy-restoring checklist that helps me to get through the day or the month. The checklist has no time limit, and, like everything else, must be used in balance to ensure positive results. Your checklist will probably look different than mine, but here are some examples to get you started.

• Get a massage

• Take a hot bath

• Grab coffee with a girlfriend

• Update your hairstyle

• Get some acupuncture therapy

• Participate in the Love Loop

• Go somewhere that you feel Zentered

• Soak your feet at home and watch a chick flick

• Get a numerology reading

• Take pictures outside

• Do something you enjoyed when you were younger

• Laugh for no reason

• Read a book recommended by a sister

• Play with your hair

• Do yoga

• Sit on a mat in a quiet space and let go

• Visit a Shaman

By choosing the checklist, we can take initiative in our own lives in a gentle way, rather than a forceful one. We can hold space for ourselves to prioritize positivity and Grace. As you create your own checklist, realize that you are choosing to step into the Walk of Grace.

Choosing the Checklist has been pivotal in my journey as I learn how to manage my auto-immune disease. It has allowed the space for me to put my health and well-being as a priority in my life. Rather than bogging my disease down with Alpha Overdrive and the FreneticEnergetic, as we will get into, I offer myself time and patience as I respect the dis-ease that shares my body.

When we start to choose our checklist we begin to own our YOU-niqueness and our quirks and colors.

So why do we choose the checklist? As you take time and find ways to nurture your spirit your quirks become your Colors and you find Magic in theMoment. As we choose the checklist we are choosing to step into Grace. In this place things begin to unfold without fear or force and we tend to get in our own way. Be sure to cultivate your checklist so that you may appreciate Progress, not Perfection. As your checklist develops you will become more comfortable with keeping up with yourself, not the Joneses and Beingthe Black Sheep won't be such a burden anymore. Allow this process to become part of your lifestyle as you embark on your Journey. Take time to choose a checklist that will inspire your spirit and generate Grace into your life.

STUCK IN THE MUCK

* * *

LIFE IS MEANT TO BE LIVED. So how is it that we often feel like our particular lives are holding us back from doing just that? We are so very busy flitting from one item to the next on the to-do list, that we forget to weigh the value of those tasks. Being busy isn't an accomplishment, and it doesn't make life more meaningful. It's the tasks we choose to busy ourselves with that give it purpose.

So often we end up creating our own chaos when none was necessary, simply because of our ridiculous expectations. Like I've said many times before (including just a few pages ago), Expectation isResentment in the Making. Personally, I had a very nebulous expectation that came along with the release of my previous book. I can't even say exactly what it was that I thought was going to happen, but I was pretty sure I was going have to become "something" once it was out in the world. I was so stinking worried. How was I going to live up to being that something? Was I going to be good at it? Was I going to let people down?

Was I going to let myself down? Notice that I had plenty of fears about being an excellent something, despite the fact that I didn't even have a clue as to what that something would be.

That, my friends, is how we create our own chaos. And with this added pressure, we push ourselves further into the Alpha Zone (which is very, very far away from the Zen Zone we seek), until we are a deer in the headlights. The ridiculous thing is that now we're also the ones driving the truck that's barreling down on us. Ugh. Maybe it's better just not to think of any of it, and put the pedal to the metal!

Recovering Alphaholics are masters at finding distractions: doing the dishes, nagging the kids, raiding the pantry, or stacking project on top of project. Heck, if all else fails, there's always TV, the Internet, and magazines to keep your mind distracted while making you feel even less successful as you create your own chaos by comparing yourself to those shows, web sites, and slick, glossy pages. Not only do you find yourself believing you don't measure up, but you're also likely to start adding even more busy tasks to your to-do list in hopes that someday you will. What a self-defeating cycle. Then you get to follow up all of this feeling bad about yourself by feeding into a concept I call I'm Bothered that I'm Bothered.

Not only do these kinds of distractions bring feelings of dis-ease, but they also serve an even more sinister purpose: they steal your time and focus from the purposeful and fulfilling actions you could be taking instead. Rather than meditating, you're online searching for recipes you'll never actually make. Instead of manifesting your dreams, you're standing in the pantry alternating between sweet and salty snacks or over-tidying your space.

The thing is, we feel like we need to keep busy to be worthwhile. We usually have plenty of things that we could/should be doing, but we get overwhelmed by them. So, instead of doing those things, we find other ways to busy ourselves instead. When you pan out from the close-up view we generally take of our own lives, it actually starts to look more than a little silly. Coping mechanisms would be so much handier if they actually helped us to cope well.

It's time to clean the muck out of our lives. F*ck the muck. It causes sabotaging belief systems, self-doubt, and a panic response that carelessly tosses you right back into your old Alpha mindset.

Just as with every recovery process, the RecoveringAlphaholic may experience the occasional relapse, what I like to call an Alpha-fall (rhymes with alcohol), and getting stuck in the muck is often a sign of this. I have found that I get stuck in the noise, in the clutter, in the mire of everyday life, which just leads me further into self doubt. That's where the Alpha kicks in, adding ever more distractions that make the muck thicker and cause me to sink even deeper. The muck is this heavy energetic that keeps us from our becoming. We must step out of it and into Grace, but this is easier said than done. The solution I have found and that I share with you is to find a place of quiet. Still the noise, close your eyes to the distractions. Put your energy into following Rumi's advice: The art of knowing is knowing what to ignore.

In our desire to always be busy, it's easy to fall out of the habit of spending quality time with yourself. It becomes so foreign that sometimes we have to write a whole Ah-ha about how to Choose the Checklist! Rather than being constantly on the go, bouncing from one event to another before heading off to an appointment and ending the night with a social engagement, consider taking at least a little time to be still. How many moments do you have in your day that are actually momentful, meaning you are present, you are aware, and you are engaged only in what is happening right then?

Always remember that 'being' is every bit as much as a verb as 'doing'. The distractions hold no sway over you, and you are clear and focused about what you are doing. Not only that, but as a Recovering Alpha Female, I can attest that it's actually OK not to leave the house sometimes. In fact, it's even OK to enjoy it! Forget about FOMO (fear of missing out), and embrace JOMO (Joy Of Missing Out) instead.

Remember that you can not only turn to graceful feminine leaders around you, but you can also be one for others. We can support one another, reminding each other to f*ck the muck and allow the path to unfold. By holding space for one another, we are able to respect the situation of another while also helping guide them, and ourselves. Kindness is contagious, so remember that when you are kinder to yourself, you are kinder to others. That is my intention for you with this book. Additionally, don't forget to hold space for yourself, as this is what allows you to accept the muck of the situation and give yourself the Grace to step out of it.

So, what is your muck? What is busying your mind and your body and keeping you from living as your kinder self? When we are driven by fear (of failure, embarrassment, judgment, criticism, etc.), we end up filling our lives with muck. However, when there is a goal, a dream, or a passion that you know is worthwhile, then it's imperative to get out of the muck. It's time to put your faith forward to be your best self and let go of attachment to the outcome.

MANAGE YOUR OWN STUFF

* * *

EVERY DAY WE DEAL WITH STUFF. There's stuff to do, stuff to take care of, and stuff to think about. Sometimes, though, we forget the importance of managing our own stuff and get caught up in trying to fix or solve someone else's stuff. If each of us could focus on our own issues rather than others', I am confident we would see positive change on a global level. Each of us needs to find the wherewithal to manage our own energies, to keep them aligned so that our thoughts and actions may be clear.

Of course, our human condition — especially for us Alpha Females — leads us to want to solve others' dilemmas, even to drive others' thinking. When it comes to any kind of drama, it's so tempting to limit and try to influence the outcome. We want to be in charge, to fix things in our family, at work, and in social situations. Our colors are vibrant and we tend to push them onto others instead of letting them unfold on their own.

Think of the Alpha Mom who pushes her kids to join the right clubs, take the right classes, or excel in sports, even when it might not be the best choice for the child. Or the Alpha Wife who wants her spouse to dress just right to project that perfect-on-paper image she thinks is appropriate. Sometimes the Alpha Female even finds herself pushing friends or neighbors to follow her religious beliefs, all the while convincing herself that she's just trying to help them. Operating from this place of control and judgment, however, is simply not authentic. The Recovering Alphaholic strives to accept others for who they are and to meet them where they are in their own journeys. She remains YOUnique by encouraging rather than by imposing force and judgment.

Let's be real, here. You can only get away with directing other people's stuff for so long, anyway, before it starts to hurt your relationships. I once had someone close share with me about a friendship she'd developed with a man. Recovering Alphaholic me got all judgy-judgy and decided the relationship was an inappropriate one for a married woman. Of course, my judgments put me right into the Create Your Own Chaos camp, which is pretty much never a good idea. Interestingly, when you get all up in someone else's business, you get stuck in their muck. Again, not a good idea, and in my case, it damaged an important relationship in my life for a long time. On a related note, managing my own stuff has been integral to managing my disease.

When you manage your own stuff, you are able to act with integrity, Grace, and acceptance. That is when you find yourself extending that Grace to others and therefore honoring it in yourself as well. You allow others to display their own colors so they can be fully themselves. By owning and managing your own energy you inspire others to authentically manage their stuff.

When you own up to a mistake, it lowers the pressure on someone else to puff themselves up to try and meet whatever expectations they think you have.

Alpha Females are often so quick to point fingers, delegate, volun-tell their spouse, accuse, judge, label, etc. Most often, these actions are done in the name of efficiency and productivity, but it's still managing someone else's stuff and will drive you to distraction. This is where the Peace Ring comes in. As we notice ourselves pointing that judgmental finger outward we become increasingly aware that there are three fingers on our own hand pointing back at ourselves.

Wearing the Peace Ring on the index finger changes the negative cycle. With patience and practice it transforms into a circuit of positivity. Instead of pointing out someone's flaws we point out their beautiful, YOUnique qualities, which, in turn, points three fingers back at our own amazing quirks and colors.