Emotions are an important part of who we are and how we navigate through life. Unfortunately at times, emotions are so powerful that they will often hijack the decision-making process for us during every stage of life, rendering us helpless—or so we think. The good news is that there are ways to take back control of the emotions that have been living our lives for us. In a guidebook to understanding emotions and their impact on our lives, IM Joy begins by sharing a story about Rosa, a woman broken in every way after enduring a divorce. After Rosa realizes she is being lived by her negative emotions, she slowly begins transforming her existence by understanding her feelings, releasing them, and then learning how to live differently. As Joy continues with an alphabetically presented emotions reference list, she provides a definition of each emotion followed by the key to either understanding, overcoming, appreciating, or replacing the emotion with a more positive one, offering all of us hope that we too can transform our lives to create a better future. The Joy of Understanding Emotions shares a poignant story and a roadmap of emotions that will help guide anyone to defeat negative emotions by understanding their nature and effect.
The Joy of Understanding Emotions
The Way to Master Life
By JM JoyBalboa Press
Copyright © 2017 Anu Gandhi
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-5043-1305-6Contents
An Appeal, xiii,
Acknowledgement, xv,
Introduction, xvii,
Emotions reference book,
A,
Abundance, 3,
Addiction, 4,
Amazement, 5,
Anger, 5,
Anxiety, 6,
Attachment, 7,
B,
Blame, 9,
Blessing, 10,
Belief, 10,
C,
Change, 12,
Compassion, 12,
Compromise, 13,
Complaint, 13,
Confusion, 14,
Conscious, 15,
Conscious Living, 15,
Concern, 16,
Culture, 16,
D,
Death, 17,
Debate, 18,
Denial, 19,
Depression, 19,
Desire, 21,
Disappointment, 21,
Doubt, 22,
E,
Ego, 23,
Emotion, 24,
Empathy, 25,
Envy, 26,
Excitement, 26,
Expectations, 27,
F,
Faith, 28,
Failure, 28,
Fear, 29,
Forgiveness, 30,
Frustration, 31,
G,
Gratitude, 32,
Grief, 33,
Growth, 33,
Guilt, 34,
H,
Habit, 35,
Happiness, 36,
Hate, 37,
Hope, 37,
Hurt, 38,
I,
Imagination, 40,
Inferiority Complex, 40,
Insecurity, 41,
Intention, 42,
Intellect, 43,
Irritation, 43,
J,
Jealousy, 45,
Judgement, 46,
K,
Karma, 47,
L,
Lonely, 48,
Love, 49,
M,
Mind, 51,
Mistake, 52,
Mood, 52,
N,
Need, 54,
Nervous, 54,
O,
Observation, 56,
Obsession (Obsessive thoughts), 56,
P,
Passion, 58,
Patience, 58,
Peace, 59,
Pity, 60,
Prayer, 61,
Pride, 62,
Problem, 63,
R,
Rage, 64,
Regret, 65,
Rejection, 65,
Remembrance, 66,
Responsibility, 66,
S,
Self-Pity, 68,
Shame, 68,
Solace, 69,
Sorrow, 69,
Stress, 70,
Struggle, 71,
Success, 72,
Suffering, 72,
T,
Thought, 74,
Torture, 75,
Trust, 76,
V,
Vulnerability, 77,
W,
Want, 78,
Wisdom, 78,
Worry, 79,
Chapter 1, 81,
Chapter 2: Anger and Fear, 84,
Chapter 3: Anxiety – The Race against Time, 88,
Chapter 4: Change is Growth, 92,
Chapter 5: Desire or Resist, 96,
Chapter 6: Need Vs Want, 100,
Chapter 7: Pray for Peace, 103,
Chapter 8: Right and Wrong, 109,
Chapter 9: A life changing affirmation, 113,
Chapter 10?, 116,
CHAPTER 1
A
Abundance
Abundance is a power tool that can manifest anything in life. It can also be called the "transformer" that transforms the feelings/images to reality.
The Key
What would you say if you were asked to name the first thing that you can relate to abundance? Most answers will relate to materialistic things or "money." It's a shame to relate abundance to material things. The real meaning of abundance relates to your emotional state. It's how you feel about the material aspect of your life. When you feel big about any aspect of your life, it starts to expand. Because your positive feelings allow the flow of abundance. Abundance is not about possessing, because possession means storage that narrows space. You must allow the space for abundance to flow and the space can only be created by sharing and being positive about receiving.
Addiction
Addiction can be referred to as a carriage of urges and cravings that helps you escape from an unwanted situation towards a temporary relief you find in your addiction. When you cannot control your urge by using your intellect and these unfulfilled urges cause you to feel negative emotions like anger and frustration, you are addicted.
The Key
The usual pattern for the urge to appear for the addicted substance or emotion is when your mind gives up on a situation that you refuse to handle. Or it's when you surrender your wisdom to your habit and your habit causes a craving that must be fulfilled.
It is important to understand that any kind of addiction starts with an attraction to the thing or emotion that you are now addicted to. It is obvious that you seek some kind of relief in the emotion, substance or any other thing you feel addicted to. The only way this can be overcome, is to find out what you are trying to relieve. Why do you want your mind to be taken over by something?
It may be a fear that once got you attracted to some drug or you may be finding joy in the fuel called self-pity. Addiction either to a substance or emotion affects the brain cells. The mind gets attracted to the thought of that thing you are addicted to, arising the urge in you. If the craving is not met, you feel frustrated. This frustration causes more negative thoughts that completely take over your mind. It is not easy to overcome addiction. But, to find out which emotion in you is seeking relief in the addiction, is the first step towards overcoming it.
Don't be afraid to take that first step and find out what is getting relief from the addiction. What will be hurt or frustrated if you do not get the urge fulfilled?
Let's take one step at a time.
Amazement
When you experience something good and beautiful that is beyond your expectation, you feel a higher level of happiness called amazement. It is a positive emotion you feel when you face a situation or a circumstance in which you find some unexpected level of comfort or happiness.
The Key
This is a good feeling that guides you towards your life purpose. It tells you to expect more because you deserve more. Don't doubt your amazing feeling and do not ever think that you do not deserve it. Flow with it and ask for more. Appreciating every positive feeling is the way to happiness.
Anger
Anger is a secondary emotion that is used to cover the primary negative emotion. Rosa called it "the cover for the gutter."
You have an image in your mind about things you want or the expectations you have from other people. When situations do not occur your way or people do not act according to your expectation, when you lose control of the situation and you feel powerless or hurt or scared. The aggressive and destructive act that emerges from within you in the form of an urge to grab your control again is born from a negative emotion called ANGER.
The Key
Taking responsibility for how you feel will reduce anger. Your own feelings of helplessness cause you to use anger to cover your vulnerability and justify your negative emotion.
Try to understand the diversity of nature and human brain. Start accepting instead of expecting, then you will not feel angry. You must start looking at other people as individuals, understand that no one was born on this earth to meet your expectations. People are born to live their own lives, which may mean that they must co-exist with you. But it still is their life, their ways, their choices, even if they go against your expectations. Accept it.
Find out the primary emotion that your anger is trying to hide. Someone may have caused you hurt. Or is it frustration caused by the tiredness of looking after the children? Is it your ego's need to showcase anger?
To be able to deal with anger, you must find and deal with the primary emotion that is causing anger in you.
Anxiety
Racing against time is what causes anxiety.
When your desire to do or have something is challenged by a negative emotion like fear or nervousness, you start to feel doubtful about the manifestation of your desire which makes you vulnerable. This feeling of doubt leading to vulnerability is anxiousness. On one hand you have a desire and on the other hand you doubt its manifestation.
The Key
Anxiety lives in the future. When you feel anxiety, you must replace your negative emotion with trust in yourself and faith in the almighty. Understand that anxiety is caused by your negative perception about a future event. As soon as you make a conscious choice to replace this negative perception with a positive one, you will not be anxious anymore. Anxiety is only a perception, not reality. It is a story that you are telling yourself. Reality, on the other hand, can be seen and experienced through patience and faith. Make a wise choice.
Attachment
The conditional form of love is attachment. Emotional connection, usually caused by the feeling of love, causes two people to feel the "need" for each other. This "need" conditions the beauty of love and is called attachment.
Just like the force between two pieces of magnets, attachment is a force between two people that attracts them towards each other.
The Key
Love is a pure feeling that is about giving. Love expands and does not bind. When this feeling of love becomes conditional and start expecting something in return for the love given, you start looking for the ways the relationship can serve you. This makes the "giving" of love conditional for what you get in return. When your Love starts expecting, you start relying on the person you love for the fulfilment of your emotional needs. Often you do not come to realize when your reliance turns into dependency that, in turn may cause hurt and disappointment.
Remember that your primary attachment should be with yourself and the person you are relying on should have the same self-commitment. Since attachment is the deliverance of love, it must feel beautiful. Look deep into the attachment that is between the two people, if this feels like a burden to either of you, then it has lost its beauty and charm to the conditions. The pure form of love when mixed up with fear (fear of loss and rejection) causes the feeling of insecurity. As soon as you start to feel insecure, know that your love has become conditional. The unfulfilled conditions of love will lead to other negative feelings such as frustration, hurt and disappointment. Remove the conditions in love to feel the bliss. Elimination of conditions does not mean that there will be no negative emotions. They may still fly over your space, but they will not be able to land on you. There will be no need to control, no expectations and no hurt.
CHAPTER 2
B
Blame
Blame is refusal to take responsibility for your thoughts and actions (your cause), especially when they have an ill effect.
Blame occurs when you give up and allow someone else to take over and then disagree with the effect.
The Key
Understand that every cause has an effect. It's a universal law. Every circumstance, whether fortunate or not is an effect of your cause from the past. Remember, that no one can take your place when the effect of your cause unfolds. Accept the effect that is in your now moment. Acceptance will make you choose your actions wisely because every action you take now will breed an effect for later. Even in a situation when you rely on someone else to feel happy it means that you give the control of your feelings to them. This is your cause. If they do something that ends up hurting you, it may not be fair to blame them. It was your act when you gave the control of your feelings to them. Every time you act or react to a situation, stop and tell yourself that no matter what the result of your action is, you will take full responsibility for it. This will make you feel empowered.
Blessing
Any thought, thing, or person that brings you closer to the positive aspect of a situation is a blessing for you. It is natural for anyone to feel sad, drained, and depressed when feeling any negative emotion. In such a state when something or someone brings you closer to a positive aspect, your feelings change, and you suddenly feel hopeful and positive about the same thing or situation that was dragging you down. That thing or person is a blessing for you.
The Key
Life always gives you at least two choices. When you are feeling negative, it is because you are focused on the choice that is not serving you. If you bring yourself to the realization that there is another choice, and start to focus on it, you will start feeling better. This other possibility may not be visible when you are feeling negative. But your trust in its presence will become the focus light and make it visible. It is exactly like an important thing, say a jewel in a dark room. The jewel is completely invisible. But, the jewel is there. As soon as you put your torch on and focus on it, you will be able to see it. It is not necessary that something or someone comes in your life to change your focus from negative to positive. "You can become your own blessing". Just have faith that the jewel you need is present in the dark room. Use the spot light of your trust and it will become visible to you.
Belief
A thought that you think repeatedly gets stuck in your mind. All the other thoughts then start to revolve around this primary thought that has positioned itself right in the middle of your mind. After getting enough focus from you this primary thought starts dominating your other thoughts and ideas and becomes your belief. It is your faith that transforms a thought into a belief. Faith is the basic difference between just a thought and a belief. Just like you do something again and again every day in a routine and it becomes your habit. The continuity of a thought in your mind backed up by the power of your faith becomes your belief.
The Key
Often people confuse a belief with an emotional reaction. They consider someone's emotional reaction to be their belief. Example, when every time Rosa started to refuse the invitations to parties, people believed it to be her "belief" that she does not like socializing. But, this was just an emotional reaction to the situation. The core belief underneath her decision may be something like low self-esteem or an Inferiority complex. Her belief that she is boring, or the level of her knowledge is lesser than other people and so they will not like to talk to her. Or she does not look as glamorous as others.
In this situation the emotion that is backing up her belief is the Fear of not being accepted as she is. Thus, causing the emotional reaction of refusing the invitation. You must always watch the emotion that is backing up your belief. As soon as you realise that your belief is backed up by a negative emotion, stop giving it your focus. Force yourself not to react in the way that negative emotion is causing you to react. Acting in the opposite direction will fail your belief and slowly, you will start to see the positive emotion will start to back your belief.
Change
It is an expectation of the future. Beautiful if the expectation is positive. In most cases change is scary and fearful especially if it is unknown.
Read the chapter "Change is Growth".
Compassion
Compassion is the acceptance of what is without judgement. Allowing your present moment to be, good or bad is compassion. When people around you do something that you think is wrong and you choose to understand the situation instead of judging the person involved in the creation of the situation, looking for a solution becomes easier.
The Key
There will be times when what is, is not what you want. But fighting what is, is resistance because your fight cannot change what already is. When someone has caused you hurt, try and separate the person from their behaviour. When you drop the need to judge or blame in the gap created in this separation, the compassion will flow through.
Compromise
An agreement with your own disagreement. Compromise is simply a choice that you make thinking it's something you don't really want.
The Key
Many of you think that making a compromise is agreeing to something that you do not want. Which is right, but there is another way of looking at it.
In any situation if you have two or more choices and you choose the one that you do not want to choose, it will feel bad. Of course, because the reason behind your choice does not make you happy. You may choose it to make someone else happy or out of fear or may be your guilt caused you to make that choice. But when you tell yourself that whatever you choose, is still your choice, you will feel empowered. The sadness in having to make that choice will fade away. Because the truth is, you would have not chosen it if it was not a choice ...
Feel the empowerment.
Complaint
Flowing against the present moment makes you feel the resistance. This generates negative thoughts that drives your mind to an undesirable place. When you put into words, the resistance you feel in the non-acceptance of this present situation, you are complaining. Remember that every word of your complaint, is vibrating as an affirmation. This will be bounced back at you to provide you with more reasons to Complaint.
The Key
In the process of complaining you reach a level of realisation that situations or things are not as you expected them to be. This realization leaves you in a very disempowering position. Disempowerment is a very negative and non-desirable state of being. The only two ways you can bring yourself back in power is either accept the present moment as it is or look for ways to change it in the way you can accept it. Non-acceptance is an obstacle/resistance and will not allow you to move further. So, choose to either accept or change instead of complaining.
Confusion
Confusion is caused by a fight between your belief and your desire. When you desire one thing and at the same time believe that you cannot have it.
When you are affected by another person's words greatly enough to lose faith in your own choices, when your inner voice tells you to follow your own path, but the external influence has caused a diversion. This split causes a feeling of not knowing, it's the feeling you call Confusion.
The Key
To end the state of confusion, either belief or desire must win the fight. In most cases you let your belief (often formed by constant negative thoughts) win over your faith. The victory of such belief over desire is not accompanied by Joy because it runs over your desire. The only two ways to end the state of confusion in a good way is to either convert your belief into your desire OR let the desire take over your negative belief.
Conscious
Your awareness of yourself is your conscious. When you talk about yourself, your "I" is who you are aware of, this "I" is your conscious. This is not the awareness of your own sensory organs, it is the awareness of your inner self.
The Key
Most of you when talking about your inner self are referring to your sensory organs. If you want to understand your consciousness, try to understand your inner self. Meditate and travel inside your body, feel your heart and what's in it. Feel your mind and explore the thoughts it carries.
Conscious Living
It is stated in the book 'Conversation with God', by Neal Donald Walsh that most of us, most of the time, live our lives as an effect of our experience. If we experience failure in a field, we not only take this as a guideline to base our life on, but we also set this failing experience as an example in front of our kids and expect them to learn from our experience. We stop them from having their own experiences.
Excerpted from The Joy of Understanding Emotions by JM Joy. Copyright © 2017 Anu Gandhi. Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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