CHAPTER 1
Underdog. But Jesus!
My Merriam-Webster dictionary says that an underdog is "a competitor thought to have little chance of winning a fight or contest." Little or no chance of winning. For my entire childhood, I felt like an underdog. I remember watching my mother working through her brother Calvin being killed. I thought that was tough, until I watched my brothers and sisters dealing with our mother being shot and killed. I used to think these unfortunate things made me an underdog. I used to believe that no one could possibly understand what I had gone through. I was an underdog. I was like a runner who started a race in which several people had a head start.
I felt that my race was fixed. It was a "one step forward and two steps backward" situation. Little did I know that because of Jesus Christ, the things that normally make someone strong would come later, and I mean later seemed to be used as a source of strength. Let me explain. If God could help me through that, He can help me through anything. God understands that we are going to have issues because of our trials and tribulations, and if we trust Him, we will be better than all right.
The world saw me one way, and I saw me another way. I was fourteen years old and seemed normal. I laughed a lot, and I loved people. I watched people even as a young kid. I still do that today. I know that on the outside, I looked normal, but on the inside, I did not feel that way. I felt like I was in a race that was about to start without me. God knows what we can handle. I sometimes hear people say, "God won't put more on you than you can handle." I used to think that was true. We will have times when we cannot handle something, but God knows that we have to count on Him. We are driven to lean on Christ. If we could handle all things, then we would not need Christ. I tell you, the race is a marathon and not a sprint. I used to fret about coming in last place. When I was younger, I used to pray hard to understand what to do with the pain that I felt and the issues of fear that troubled me.
Fear overwhelmed me when I was younger. I waited for years for the ball to drop. I strengthened myself on the outside and prayed for what I felt on the inside. Every day, things seemed clearer. The clarity I felt inside came regardless of what place in the proverbial race I was in. God had, and still has, my back. So I thought, are we really underdogs? If we call on Jesus, we are better than we could ever imagine. Call on Him. Call on Him when you feel that things are not going your way. Call on Him when the race begins and obstacles seem to stand in your way. When your past follows you around, trying to remind you of the challenges, these challenges are opportunities to call on Jesus. In addition, after you have done all you can do, call on Jesus again!
We have been chosen to tell somebody about the goodness of God. We have been chosen to let people know that no matter how things may look, our God is still in control.
So the last shall be first, and the first last for many be called but few chosen.
— Matthew 20:16 KJV
CHAPTER 2
Baggage
We all carry some heavy things around. We have different ways to carry those things, and it does not make the things we carry any less important. Life has a habit of adding to our bags. This means we have issues, and these issues follow us around not because we want them to but because we take ownership of them. We own our issues by placing them in a "bag." We put our issues in the bag and leave them there until, with God's help, they are emptied out.
An example of an issue that follows you around is losing your mom at age almost fourteen. A man shot my mother several times, and I watched on the news as she lay on the ground covered with a tarp. I have carried this issue around with me for years. This issue has remained in my bag for many years. It has altered how I do just about everything in my life. It has been the lens through which I have seen the world. It took the word of God to make that lens clear. It took me getting to see life the way God sees it.
The bags are there, and they are not empty. To empty the bags takes the word of God and continual prayer and supplications. I do not know how many times I woke up and said, "I will not let these issues determine how my day will be." As the morning moved forward, and the closer I got to the door, I realized some things would stay in my bag.
I determine what I take and what I leave at home by the word of God and my ability to let that word sink deep within. This is not easy. I have had times when I was clear, I was in my car, and I had made it. Nevertheless, I would turn around, go back into the house, pick up the issues, place them in my bag, and then leave again. We all have baggage, or issues, that we carry around. Some of us have small bags, and others, like me, require large ones. I had to first realize, in the name of Jesus, that I had issues and that I alone could not deal with these issues.
Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love Him.
— James 1:12-27 ESV
I realized I needed, and still need, Jesus to help me understand and deal with my issues. Unfortunately, some issues will always be in your bag. These issues could also be a help and not a hindrance. They could be a blessing, not a curse, or a reminder that God is still good because you are not what you used to be.
I have issues, but because of God, my issues do not have me anymore. If you saw the things in my bag today, as opposed to what I had in my bag just yesterday, you would understand the power of faith and God. I had and have a list of issues, and some of them are obvious for someone whose mother and uncle were shot and killed. My grandmother's only children were shot and killed. My list is real, and again, I have a list of issues, but because of Jesus Christ, they do not have me!
The following issues are in someone's bag. Are they in yours?
• Lack of faith
• Domination by fear
• Trouble forgiving
• Trouble understanding the past
• Feeling of having been let down by this old world
• Loneliness
• Doubt
• Lack of confidence
• Anger
• Impatience
Many of us have put these issues in our bags. We sometimes find it difficult to explain why we feel this way. I want you to know that God understands what you have gone through and what you are going through. You are not alone. You do not have to do anything by yourself. This crazy world may have let you down, but God never will. I pray that what I say and the word of God will help.
Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one recieveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain..
— 1 Corinthians 9:24 KJV
Everyone has some baggage, my dear, but I never seen a suitcase that couldn't be unpacked if its owner was willing to start by removing the locks.
— Samuel Decker Thompson
CHAPTER 3
How Do You Measure the Worth of a Man?
The size of one's faith could be a measurement of what type of person someone is. The thing about faith is that it is an action word. This means you may have to do something or go through something. This is not always a bad thing.
The worth of a man is something I have thought about all my life. What am I worth? What will I be known for, how will I be remembered? What will my kids say about me? The problem was that I gauged my worth based on what the world would say. I have learned to look at what God says I am worth to Him. He gave His only begotten Son so that I may be saved. That is how much I am worth to God. That is how important God finds it for me to succeed in life!
The success that God wants us to have is the success that lifts His name. God wants us to tell somebody about Him. We can never do enough to pay God back for all that He has done for us. We are not worthy of anything that God has done for us, but He still cares enough to bless us with everlasting life! If I looked at what people have said about me, then I would be in a straitjacket with seemingly no future. There is a future in the Lord.
When I realized that I allowed other individuals to create a straitjacket for me, I fought them back with words — my words, not God's. That is the truth. I had many words for people who said I would never amount to anything. I had some names for people who would give me the hardest time. You know who you are! I used to be afraid to write because I felt that they would buy my books just to pick me apart, because they felt I was not worthy to write a book. I even had someone tell me when I was called to preach, "You ain't no preacher. I know you."
Yes, I was called to preach, and what everyone else thought of me was not the issue. Guess who doubted whether I was worthy of being called to preach? Me! I was the one who really gave me a hard time. I was the one who challenged my calling. I was the one who could not forget how "out there" I was. I could not move past the issues I had.
Then I started creating another issue for myself. Imagine preaching and wondering, why did God call me? I knew God knew that I still had issues. Hey, let us not even talk about what I used to do. Let us talk about who I am right now! Man, I was tough on me. I would question my worthiness to preach every day. I looked for an out. I wanted someone to come up to me and say, "Maybe you should just continue to teach Sunday school. You know, as soon as you do your first sermon, you will be under a microscope."
I used to think that someone in the congregation was waiting to call me out. I had been around a pastor who was always being challenged. He always had to explain himself to people who had no power to call or deny him the opportunity to preach. That gave me hope. To this day, I believe that God put this pastor in my family's life so that I could focus on being worthy. What I mean by that is I knew some of the things that my pastor had gone through, and I knew that God had called him! Therefore, he was called — I knew this.
Just maybe, with all the issues, I had — I mean have — I was called too. I worried so much about what others said and not what God said. What am I worth? I am worth a lot if I spend my life lifting up Jesus's name, not just by what I say but by what I do. Yes, I believe you can tell someone about God. I believe you can really tell people about God by what you do. That will show your worth. You can tell people you are a God-fearing person until you are blue in the face, but if you do not act like it ... I am a God-fearing man. I love the Lord, and I know His awesome power. This I have known for a long time, but I still fell short with many things. Some things I do not mind talking about, and some I pray to forget. One thing that seems to beat me up the most is what I think, not what I do. Fear, doubt, indecisiveness, worry, and lack of self-forgiveness are just some of the things I thought about and could not shake.
I could not shake these things until I realized how much I was worth in God's eyes. I listened to this song by K-Ci & JoJo, some R & B singers, called "Through Heaven's Eyes." Moreover, in that song, they ask, "How do you measure the worth of a man?" Then the song goes on to say, "Is it based on what he gains or what gives?" Just paraphrasing, but it is an awesome question. Is worth based on what you give or what you gain? Some people will look at you and say, "If you do not have a big house or a big car, or a million dollars in the bank, you are worth nothing." This is so far from the truth! I struggled with this for a number of years. I mean I struggled.
I would take job after job just so that I could be worth something, instead of using the gifts that God had given me. I would sometimes forget where I had to go for my next job. I would have to call my wife, Lia, and say, "Should I be going to this job, or am I off?"
I remember the time I successfully remembered which job I was going to, and I was jamming. All I had to do was find a gas station where I could change my clothes. I wanted to change in the bathroom. I was running out of time, and I just filled up my tank with eight dollars' worth of gas. This was when gas was not three dollars a gallon, of course. I got my gas, and I paid for it, and I asked the attendant a simple question: "Can I change my clothes so that I can go to my other job?"
This was simple. I had paid for gas, and I was a patron, and I was being so polite. The station had about six people in line, and I was just going to go in, change my clothes, and maybe even buy a soda before being on my way. I figured, hey, after being polite and paying for gas, I know I am worth five minutes in the bathroom just to change my clothes. She looked me in the face and said, "No, I am sorry. I cannot let you use the bathroom to change your clothes."
I said, "It will take me just a minute, so I can get to work." She once again said no! It seemed as though everyone was looking at me. It seemed that my worth had tumbled.
I looked at everyone's eyes, and it seemed like some were saying, "Look, man, she said no. Let me pay my bill." They probably were not looking at me through heaven's eyes. Guess who else was not looking at me through heaven's eyes? Me!
What makes it so bad is I had to change my clothes in the car five to six days a week, and half the time, I got so flustered trying to get to work that I would go down the wrong road, going the wrong direction. I had been going in the wrong direction for so long. I gauged my life by what I did not have. I did not have the education so I didn't have to work two or three jobs. I would not have had to change my clothes in the car if I had just finished college. At that time, I worked for an awesome company where I counseled people on sexually transmitted diseases, and sometimes, I would have to talk to them about suicide and why their lives were worth living. When I was changing my clothes in the car, I would question my worth. I should have looked at my life through heaven's eyes.
Through heaven's eyes, I am worth something. The way God looks at me, He sees beyond my faults. He looks at me in a way that I had to learn to look at myself. I finally do! Thank God! I want to tell you, "You are worthy!" We know that we will never be able to pay God back for what He has done for us or will do for us, but — well, there's no but to that. We just know because of Jesus Christ, we do have some worth.
I think we forget who our Father is. We forget that the Almighty God is our Father. We forget that Jesus intercedes on our behalf. He is our lawyer, and our doctor, best friend, brother, mother, and sister. God, in Jesus's name, is our Father in heaven. Hey, with all our issues, we are still worth something to God! That is awesome! The world may not say it, but God said it when He sent His Son, Jesus. So do not worry about what the world may say about your worth or your life. Do not worry about people who are out to prove you are a little jacked up, thereby trying to hide the fact that they are a little jacked up too. Do not try to fight that battle, because it is not yours.
Be not afraid nor dismayed by reason of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours, but God's. Ye shall not need to fight in the battle: set yourselves, stand ye still, and see the salvation of the lord with you.
— 2 Chronicles 20:15, 17 KJV
God made this promise. He promised King Jehoshaphat. God made this promise to you too. So, remember to count on God's power and not your own. You may not be where you want to be, but you can be on your way. You can accomplish a whole lot with Christ. Oh, do not try to do it yourself. Trust me; you will run out of self.
For with God nothing is impossible.
— Luke 1:37 KJV
I am not saying that you are not something special in yourself. Well, put like this, plain and simple, you are — well, we are — nothing without Christ, without God. We are nothing. That is the truth. If you do not believe in Christ, then you have no worth. That sounds rough, but the truth is the truth. If you are not a Christian, then ask God to forgive you of your sins and shortcomings, and accept Him as your Lord and Savior. When you become a child of God, then you are something special in the name of Jesus! I have also learned that no one on this earth should measure my worth. Only God should, and He does. People will judge you. They will point their finger at you so that they do not have to deal with their own issues. If you judge others, then you have issues and you do not even know it.
