CHAPTER 1
iTrust
"I am successful because I am here."
Meet Stephanie. Stephanie is a talented professional who has beenin her career 15 years. Her career has encompassed several leadershippositions, but she is continually passed over for the next "big" step in hercareer. From the outside, she is competent, achieves what is asked of her,and is respected among senior leadership as well as her peers. Internally,she worries that she will not meet the expectations of others. She wantsto advance, but is frustrated that no one selects her for the next position.She questions what she needs to do to move forward.
Stephanie exhibits leadership skills. These include effectivecommunication, managing her time, and creating positive accountability.Yet, she worries and lacks confidence in what she does. Until she dealswith her worry and self-doubt, her leadership skills will not be enoughto advance her career. The potential joy she would have in achieving hergoals will be lost.
Let's join Stephanie as she faces one of her leadership scenarios....
Stephanie's meeting with her boss, Steve, is at 11:00 AM. He hadrequested the meeting with no indication of an agenda. She wants tobe early so she leaves her office, makes the short trip to his office, andnervously waits outside his door.
Steve greets her as he notices her waiting, "Hi, Steph! Come on in."
Stephanie enters his office, holding her notepad tightly to her chest.She sits at the table and puts her blank notepad on the table. He asks ifshe would like coffee and she says "no." Had she done something wrong?She worries. Why does he want to meet with me? I must have done somethingwrong on the Holcolm project, but after last night's lost sleep over worryingwhat it could be, I still have no idea.
Steve begins, "Steph, you have done such an incredible job on theHolcolm project. We've decided to pull you from that project and assignyou to our newest project, the City of Albany."
Steph replies, "Oh, I really didn't do anything special on theHolcolm project. It was my team who really delivered. The City ofAlbany is such a new effort. I've never done anything like that before.Are you sure I'm ready?"
Steve quickly responds, "Stephanie, this is a huge opportunity foryou. I really want you on this project. No matter what you say, we knowyou were the driving force on the Holcolm project. You have things soorganized that we are confident we can turn things over to Tom. CanI count you in on Albany?"
"I ... I ... I ... suppose ..." Stephanie stammers as she tries to understandwhat is being offered. Her thoughts spin. Can I do it? Will this be theproject that is too much for me? How will I know if this is the right move?
"Great!" replies Steve. "Our first meeting will be next Monday at2:00. See you there."
Stephanie picks up her empty notepad and leaves the office. Asshe walks back to her desk, she continues to worry. Am I ready for this?I've wanted to move forward in my career and now is the chance but ... amI really ready?
Stephanie's story describes a common theme among leaders desiringnew opportunities while, at the same time, questioning their ability tosucceed. Where does this questioning come from and more importantly,how does she shift to stepping up with greater confidence?
The Leadership Competencies
Let's start with leadership competencies. Competencies are expectedbehaviors displayed by a leader. There are sixty-seven competencies asdefined by Lominger Institutes Career Architect. The two most relevantto iTrust energy are Self-Knowledge and Action Oriented. Let's lookat each competency and the impact on leadership behaviors from twoperspectives: open iTrust energy and closed iTrust energy.
The leader with open iTrust energy will be skilled in the area of Self-Knowledge.They know their personal strengths, opportunities, andlimitations. They seek feedback and gain insights from mistakes. Theylook forward to balanced performance reviews and career discussionsaddressing both the positive and negative aspects. The leader with closediTrust energy may be too self-critical. They do not know themselveswell and are hesitant to receive feedback, whether positive or negative.They may often avoid conversations about their career, assuming it willbe negative in nature.
The Action Oriented competency is observed in the open iTrustleader as someone who enjoys his or her work. They are full of energyand willing to be challenged. They do not fear taking action, even with aminimum of planning or information. The closed iTrust energy impactsaction orientation through a hesitancy to act or in resisting challenginggoals. Others may see leaders with closed iTrust energy as lackingconfidence and unwilling to take risks.
While the leadership competencies seem fairly straightforward, theunderlying energy dynamic carries the secrets to your effectiveness. Let'stalk further about the energy ingredient.
The Energy Ingredient
The iTrust statement is "I am successful because I am here." Theimplication of this statement is that we are able to trust our abilityto find solutions. In the bio-energy world this comes from a belief inourselves. Fear is the block that inhibits the energy river from flowing.Fear is like a dam built by a beaver. Energy does not flow if we arefearful. If we believe we need to perform to be successful or that we arenot capable to solve the problems we face, we lack trust in ourselves.This translates into lack of trust in others. How can we possibly believethat others see us as successful when we secretly believe we are not? Toothers, our reactions portray a lack of confidence. And it's true! If weare questioning ourselves, lack of confidence ensues.
But isn't questioning good? Problem solving thoughts and questionsare positive. Fear based thoughts and questions create blocks. If you arefaced with a new situation that requires you to stretch your skills andacquire new information, do you determine the steps you will need toassist you? Or, do you question your ability to take on this new situation?If your thoughts are, "I need to generate a list of what I can do andwhom I will need for additional information," you are in a healthy,problem-solving state of trusting yourself. If you are saying to yourself,"I'm sure this will be the time I will fail," you are in a fear-based blockof iTrust energy.
We all experience both types of internal questioning. The key isawareness. Thoughts can be the most common level of awareness. Thesecret to unlocking the iTrust energy lies in the emotional and physicaldevelopment of this energy.
How does iTrust energy develop? Even before you were born, youwere forming an emotional understanding of how the world works.These understandings become emotional templates stored in your body.In other words, the experiences you have from pre-birth to six monthsold become a base of emotional perceptions about the world. In contrast,psychology would say that your thoughts are the perceptions that guideyour life. If you don't like what is happening, change your thoughts.
That makes sense unless you consider that the iTrust element isdeveloped in the pre-birth to six-month time frame. Clearly, languageskills are not yet developed, so you cannot put labels or thoughts onyour experience. At this point in your life, you only have emotions.These emotional templates set the stage for your later thoughtdevelopment.
For example, if you are an infant who experiences the world as non-responsiveto your cries, you become fearful of not being heard. Thisbecomes the emotional template that is stored in your body. As you growand begin to develop language skills, you hesitate to trust others andyou label these new experiences based on your past emotional template.So, you may say, "People just aren't there for me." The thoughts mayalso include, "I must not be worthy for others to be there for me." Theearly blocks to the iTrust energy become the basis for your current andfuture thought structure.
Conversely, if you are an infant who experiences the world asresponsive to your cries, the emotional energy template is set to bewilling to believe that others see you as valuable just because you wereborn. The emotional and physical blocks to iTrust energy would not exist.You would approach new situations with curiosity and the willingnessto try new things.
So how do we, as leaders, use this information? We must start bypaying attention to our physical and emotional responses. Stephanie'semotions of nervousness and uncertainty about her own capabilitiesare classic symptoms that the iTrust energy has been blocked. Think ofthis like the rock in the river. The "rock" or "block" forms turbulencein the water. If the rock is small, the turbulence is small. If the rock islarge, so is the turbulence. How was the block formed? This may stemfrom issues early in her life. Early life issues can include abuse, neglector expectations from performance-based conditional love. In eithercase, the message is "You are not worthy to be here unless you prove it."Stephanie's lack of confidence will always be present, no matter whatthe outside world tells her.
Some would consider this a counseling or therapy issue, dependingon its severity. However, talking alone, which is often the case intherapy, will not move this block. Remember, this is a block formedin the pre-language period from pre-birth to six-months. Therapy mayhelp, but only if it includes understanding the emotional and physicaldynamics of the problem.
Individuals with a pattern of closed iTrust energy show bothemotional and physical patterns. If the iTrust energy is open, you feellike you belong and have strong connections with family, friends, andco-workers. If the iTrust energy is closed, you carry an underlying senseof not belonging or being worthy.
Eastern philosophies recognize that the energy templates arestored in our body. They identify physical symptoms that may indicatechallenges when energy is closed. The physical symptoms of closediTrust energy may include eating disorders, problems with feet or legs,spinal problems or immune-related disorders. In western cultures, thereis separation of these symptoms as "health issues" with little connectionto the blocks that affect our lives, relationships, career, and leadership.Awareness of all aspects of yourself is a critical ingredient to unlock thesecrets to your success.
So what can you do to immediately address these iTrust bio-energysymptoms? People tend to close or block the iTrust energies when theyare frightened. To open the energies, they must recognize the fear atthat moment and then calm the symptoms. Ignoring them only createsmore symptoms. If the lower back hurts, take time to stretch and move.Your goal is to assure the body that you hear its message and are thereto take care of it. Many of my clients say to me, "I just need to ignore ituntil a later time." What happens when a six-month-old infant cries andyou don't respond? Don't they scream louder? By ignoring the physicalmessage, you only strengthen the blocked energy.
What symptoms do you ignore? What would happen if youaddressed them as close to the moment as you could? What could youdo? How would it help?
Awareness Activities
If the iTrust energy has been blocked for a long time and you haveunintentionally cemented the block in your body, there are additionalactivities that will assist in gently opening and expanding the iTrustenergy. Let me share with you activities that have worked with myclients.
Creating Awareness of Your Unique Strengths
We need a sense of why we are here and what makes us unique. Ourcurrent world of work asks us to give up our unique expressions ofself to do what is best for the organization. From an organizationperspective, we create employees that become apathetic and lethargic.Lack of confidence, an unclear focus and uncertain personal purposecan dominate an individual's perspective.
The activities associated with identifying your unique strengthsinclude assessments or self-reflection exercises. One exercise is to createa timeline of all the jobs you have had throughout your lifetime. Thisincludes the lemonade stand you had at five years old or the lawn-movingjob you had at ten years old. Identify what you enjoyed in eachjob and what you didn't enjoy. As you complete the exercise, notice thepatterns that occur. Your unique strengths will show a pattern, even ata very early age. This is your opportunity to step back and observe whatthe unique pattern is for you!
Let me tell you about Tom. Tom was much like Stephanie. He wasconstantly fearful and worried over not delivering what others expected.He was mistrustful of others. "They must want more than that." "Theysay they like my work but what do they really think?"
Tom is typical of many successful high-achievers whose iTrustenergy has been impacted, either early in life, or over time in his adultlife. As this pattern progresses, high achievers live out an unhealthylevel of over-achieving or people pleasing. This causes them to try to beeverything to everyone, ignoring their own needs. Tom's expectationsfor himself also impacted his team. They were confused, uncertain, andcould not meet Tom's expectations.
Bosses, peers and employees saw Tom as incredibly competent, buthe lacked a work-life balance. He believed he would be free of the fearand the worry of not being enough if he worked harder. Additionally,Tom suffered from adrenal insufficiency. Symptoms included chronicfatigue, weight loss and headaches. His doctor kept telling him thathe needed to slow down, but Tom believed that if he took enoughmedication, he could control this "silly physical issue".
It took a hospitalization for Tom to realize he couldn't out-workhis physical and emotional blocks. After leaving the hospital, he finallydecided to take things seriously. He was skeptical that coaching wouldhelp, but he was willing to give it a try.
A two-fold focus was necessary. First, Tom clarified his uniquestrengths through a series of assessments and self-reflection exercises.How did this help? Tom, like others with closed iTrust energy, oftenmiss others recognizing and applauding their unique strengths. Throughcompleting these exercises, Tom's understanding of who he is and whathe does to create success puts him on a more level playing field with highiTrust energy leaders. Expanding the awareness and pride of a person'sunique qualities leads to expanded iTrust energy.
Second, Tom learned to stay grounded in the present moment. Heneeds to listen to himself, while providing practical solutions to thingshe can immediately address. His assignment was to stop twice a dayand answer two questions. "What am I feeling right now? What can Ido to calm or appreciate this feeling right now?"
Over the course of three months, Tom's physical symptomsdecreased, he reported feeling a sense of relief from fear and worry, andhis team reported a greater sense of accomplishment. Is Tom done? No!He will always need to pay attention to this pattern of self-doubt, worry,and the lack of trust in himself. However, he now has tools to use in theshort-term and long-term.
Identifying Your Purpose in Life
ITrust energy increases every time you take an action that aligns withyour purpose. Dr. Beatrice Berry, author of I'm On My Way But YourFoot Is On My Head, states, "When you walk with purpose, you collidewith destiny." What is your purpose? Why do you get out of bed everymorning? Define what you want this life to be. Every day is a clean slateand an opportunity to do one thing to honor and live your purpose. Youcan only do this if you are free of fear and grounded in today. It is likesewing a quilt. A beautiful quilt takes time and patience. We need tocut each block, sew each seam and with time, it becomes a work of art.Patience is often the struggle of high achievers. By recognizing eachday as your "quilt work", you stay grounded in the present, trust yourunique contributions, and create the purpose driven success you desireand deserve.
Other Suggestions
If you struggle with keeping the iTrust energy open, there are severaladditional activities that will support you. These activities are designedto keep you focused in the present and appreciate what is happeningright now. These activities are key to your effectiveness as a leader. Takea look at the list.
* Jogging
* Foot massage
* Pounding your feet on the floor several times a day
* Walk barefoot outside in the grass or sand
* Move!
* Sit with your back against a tree
* Eat
* Play with children
* Do some gardening
Are you surprised by the list? Don't over-analyze these suggestionsby asking, "How do they do that?" The suggestions come from heavilyresearched bio-energy tools. The suggested activities target groundingyourself and focusing on the present moment. These are key ingredientsto utilizing the iTrust energy.
