CHAPTER 1
The Foundation of the Myth
"Though no one can go back and make a brand new beginning ... Anyone can start from now and make a new ending.."
—Carl Bard
My spiritual journey began on January 21st, 1959. I was born in a small city called, Grande Prairie, Alberta (Canada). My parents, Rose and Walter, were hard working people in the community. My brother, Wayne, was six years older than me; unfortunately, we never did seem to get along.
When I was four my parents marriage was in shambles, and they decided to separate. In 1964, my mom, brother and I moved to Calgary to start a new life. We never had much money, and we ended up renting a small two-bedroom house in a community in the southeast portion of Calgary, called Inglewood. The community itself was older. Basically everyone labeled Inglewood as being "the other side of the tracks" as it related to the rest of Calgary.
Four years after moving to Calgary, in 1968, a plain-clothes Royal Canadian Mounted Police officer came to our house. At the time, because I really never knew my father, I remember not understanding or appreciating what was really going on. What I do remember was that whatever was happening was serious—the policeman told my mother that my father had passed away in his sleep from a brain aneurysm.
My mother and brother were extremely upset; both cried and hugged each other. As I said, I didn't really remember my father so I didn't cry because he passed away, but because my mom was obviously upset.
It wasn't until I was twenty-six that I found out exactly what type of relationship my mother and father had. It pained me to learn that my father was an alcoholic, he was a wife beater, and had even violently raped my mom.
When my mother said she had withheld the details of her marriage back because she didn't want to taint my impression of my father, I'll admit I was deeply hurt. I couldn't understand why my mother didn't have the trust or confidence that I could handle the information. I guess she was right though, as I immediately hated my father. I couldn't imagine anyone ever wanting to hurt this dear, sweet lady. She was a woman who poured her heart and soul into always trying to help people, especially her family.
God rest my mother; she tried to provide the best possible life for my brother, Wayne, and myself. When my father died, my mother had to go back to work while trying to raise two small children. Besides working at a local Chinese café as a waitress, Mom was also on social assistance (welfare). Coming from an area where everyone I knew of came from whole family units, consisting of a mother and father, I always felt there was a stigma about not having a father.
I remembered feeling so embarrassed that I didn't have a father that I would make up stories. I would say things like my father was working up North and rarely ever came home.
Being as we were on welfare, I grew up with that added stigma. When kids talked about what they did with their moms and dads and where they went, I could only dream of how neat that would be.
I remember when I went on field trips in elementary school and my mom couldn't afford to send me to school with sandwiches, fruit and juices like other kids had. Instead, she made me what we could afford, mainly homemade tea biscuits. When other kids were opening their lunch boxes and pulling out sandwiches, I sat off to the side unwrapping my jam tea biscuits.
We were so poor; my mother made my first couple of winter jackets out of old jackets that she recycled. When I think back on how my mother tried so hard to provide for her children, I'm humbled.
My father left me a small inheritance when he passed on; however, I wouldn't be able to access it until my eighteenth birthday. It wasn't a lot of money. When all things were said and done, I had approximately twelve thousand dollars. What's sad is that even though my dad left money to my brother and me, he never left a dime to my mother.
I know I lived a lie about having a father and trying not to let anyone find out about our family being on welfare. You see, like so many of us, I was raised in an era where in school, in church and in society, we were told that in order to be anything or anyone special, we needed to be better than everyone. We needed to be smarter, faster, better looking, or richer in order to be successful. I still struggle with seeing people define success as what some else has suggested as a bench mark.
During the early years in elementary and junior high I went to a school called Colonel Walker. It was an old sandstone school which was about five blocks from my house. Although I excelled athletically and somewhat academically, I still had a serious self esteem problem. When I reflect back on those years, I can see exactly how my beliefs and way of thinking caused me to have difficulty in some areas and not in others.
I believe my home situation had engrained the need to make up for what I believed was a lack and limitation in my life. I never wanted to fail, or be beaten. I was always striving, but never arriving. As a result of this constant competition I missed out on many incredible years of my life.
It wasn't until later that I was able to recognize that unless I changed that habitual way of thinking, I would never really achieve true enlightenment and happiness. To this point, I reflect on the words of Dr. Wayne Dyer, who said that "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change".
Most religious text that I've researched seem to follow the idea of "you reap what you sow". I think one great example of this comes out of my early years in junior high school. I had a crush on a young lady, named Colleen. She came from the "perfect family," with a mother and father, a nice house, and brothers and sisters who cared for each other. Not only did Colleen have this great family situation, but she was also attractive, intelligent, kind, and caring.
However, I had set myself up to believe that I was not good enough, not worthy, to have a relationship with someone like Colleen. At the same time, I was scared that she might find out about my home situation ... And so, I backed away; I never put myself in a position to get to know her.
Of course at the time, my friends were also interested in Colleen. The more they expressed their interest, the more I backed away. In retrospect, I was really only backing away from a potential confrontation with my friends and having them not like me. By wanting to be liked and allowing what my friends thought of me to be important, I was allowing them to control my happiness. In some ways, this experience made Colleen an early teacher of mine.
I wish I would've known that everything we're feeling and thinking is exactly how we're going to experience life. I was consumed with lack and limitation, and that's exactly the experiences and situations that the Universe was providing me.
Another one of my "Teachers" was a local hero, a guy by the name of Laurie Skreslet. Laurie was also a young man growing up in "the hood." The thing I never realized about Laurie until thinking back was he never, ever, believed for a minute that he couldn't accomplish anything he set his mind to. His family didn't have a lot of money, but that didn't matter to him.
Laurie actually made history by being the first Canadian to ever conquer Mt. Everest by ascending to the summit in 1982.
When I think back on all the talks I used to have with Laurie while sitting on the roof of his garage, I always remember him never ever being afraid to chase his dreams, no matter where they led. One of the saddest things I remember is that I never realized what he was telling me at the time.
He didn't care what other people thought; he was guided by his inner belief that he was responsible for everything that happened in his life.
Think back in your life, even just to yesterday. Have you ever had a feeling that something bad was going to happen, or that you weren't going to get something you wanted? Often when you have a bad feeling about something, I think we can all agree, we seem to fixate on that feeling. That's exactly what I would always do.
At seventeen, I was playing goalie in Junior "A" hockey for the Pincher Creek Panthers. Playing at that level gives the players exposure to professional scouts looking to recruit players for the NHL.
Many athletes develop superstitions that they believe will bring them good luck. The thing that I've come to understand is there is no such thing as luck or coincidence. Instead, we influence our surroundings by the way we think and feel.
At the beginning of a hockey game, all teams warm-up. The players skate around and loosen up while taking shots on the goalie. Some days when I wouldn't have a good warm-up, my teammates scored several goals. When this happened I always felt like I was going to have a bad game, and as it turned out, I always did.
However, the converse was also true. If I had a good pre-game warm-up and stopped a lot of pucks, I went on to have an incredible game.
It wasn't until years later that I understood that although I had the physical talent to play hockey, I never possessed the mental attitude that was necessary. I never realized how powerful my thoughts and feelings were. In essence I sabotaged my career; I never believed that it was truly possible for me to be a success.
When my hockey career didn't work out for me I felt somewhat like a failure. However, during my year in Pincher Creek with the Panther's, I was billeted out to the Laatsch family. That turned out to be one of the most important events in my life. The experience I enjoyed with their family helped me to see that I was someone special and wasn't a failure.
The Laatschs' were a model family of love and support. I honestly felt so much a part of their family as I was included in everything they did. Even after a bad game when I would come home feeling somewhat dejected, Al and Marg would always take time to sit with me and go over the game, and more importantly, my feelings.
So, when hockey never worked out for me, I knew that deep down everything happens for a reason—something that the Laatschs' had always reinforced.
As it turns out, my relationship with the Laatschs' allowed me to meet their good friend Mike Millage. Mike was a Corporal with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP), and to me he was the post card image of what I thought a "Mountie" would look like. He was tall, dark haired and fair, yet firm.
I eventually came to know Mike and the rest of the members at the local RCMP detachment. I got along particularly well with the detachment commander, Staff Sergeant "Rollie" Barber, and Constable Dennis Hourie. Staff Sergeant Barber was such an incredible person; all of his staff looked up and respected him. Dennis Hourie was also a seasoned police officer and well respected by his peers.
I really liked Dennis because of his attitude; nothing was ever going to get in his way of accomplishing his tasks. He had such a great attitude, and always had a funny quip to say, no matter the situation.
As it turned out, after many conversations with both Rollie and Dennis, I decided to finish my Grade 12 and get my high school diploma and eventually apply for the RCMP.
While still going to St Michael's High School in Pincher Creek and trying to complete my grade twelve studies, I was given an opportunity to be a work experience student. It was a program offered though the school and in partnership with the RCMP. This opportunity allowed me to continue to volunteer with the RCMP and get a few high school course credits for the work experience program. Some of my friends questioned why I wanted to be a policeman. The truth being, as I grew up I always felt second best. Although I enjoyed a moderate amount of success at most things I did, I wanted to prove myself to my friends and people who told me that I wouldn't amount to anything. I finally had a chance to be someone who was looked up to in the community, and equally as important, to help people in a meaningful way like my mother had been doing. I also wanted to make my mother proud.
In order to help me fulfill my dream, the Laatsch family allowed me to stay with them as I completed my high school diploma. They were incredibly kind and caring people who I will never forget. It's here where I saw that the universe really does work for you if you believe and think about your dreams, and what you want to manifest, as if the dream already existed.
Equally as important, although unknown to me, Rollie had been preparing me for the RCMP entrance exam. He would ask me a few math questions, social questions, and other general knowledge questions. At first, I wasn't sure what he was doing, but he told me these were the types of questions that may be on the entrance exam. Finally, after several months of working and gaining life experience, I made my formal application for the RCMP as a regular member.
It was then I found out the questions Rollie had been asking me were very similar questions to those on the actual exam. I knew Rollie not only wanted to see me help Canadians, but thought enough of me to mentor me and help me succeed.
In the summer of 1978, I received a call from the RCMP staffing people in Calgary. They told me that I did exceptionally well on all aspects of my entrance exam, and the RCMP wanted to offer me a position with the National Police Force. The position was actually a Special Constable; my duties would be to primarily guard and escort prisoners.
At first, I was somewhat disappointed that the RCMP wanted me to guard prisoners. The recruiting sergeant,Jeff Haggerty, must have figured out I wasn't that happy. He told me that this was only temporary until my troop would form up in the spring of 1980. Due to federal budget issues, the RCMP were only able to recruit about 180 people into the training program. Apparently, because I had done so well on my entrance exam, they wanted to offer me a job right away before moving on to regular training.
Although the job as a special constable was not what I was looking for, I was so grateful to be given an incredible opportunity to gain valuable experience and earn great pay. Hell, it was only going to be for a few months, so what did I have to lose? On October 31st, 1978, I was sworn into the RCMP as a police officer but at the rank Special Constable.
In the spring of 1979, after playing a softball game, I went with a few friends to the Calgary city policeman's club, "The Cuff and Billy". It was there I first met my wife, Susan. Susan was (and still is) an incredibly beautiful woman who worked for the Calgary City Police in their computer records section.
At first, I couldn't believe what was happening to me. For the first time in my life everything seemed to be going my way. Although I was happy, I couldn't escape that nagging feeling that something bad was going to happen. Meeting Susan seemed too good to be true. I wasn't sure why, but I was falling back to my old habitual way of thinking.
However, if I can share this, never forget, we all deserve happiness. Life was never meant to be a fight or struggle; it was meant to be lived and to be experienced.
What I've seen over the course of almost five decades is that we, ourselves, create the struggles in our lives. Think about this for a minute: have you ever believed that something was sure to go wrong and WHAM, it does? When that misfortune happens, immediately we go into the blame game. We start to blame everyone and everything around us for the misfortune.
When I think about all of the misfortune I've seen, not only in my life but other's as well, it's now that I'm fully appreciating that we created that misfortune. I'm reminded of a passage in the King James Bible found in Proverbs 23:7 which goes on to say, "For as he thinketh in his heart, so he is."
I can tell you unequivocally that no matter what you think about, it sets in motion the Universe to respond to exactly what you're thinking. The Universe doesn't care what you're thinking, it will respond with a corresponding situation to match your vibrational feeling.
If you don't believe me, think back to the first time you fell in love, I mean true love, and I bet you were feeling like you were on top of the world, that you were invincible. Also if you think back, you probably never got sick and you felt like you were having "incredible luck."
Well folks, my point is, if you feel in your heart true gratitude and appreciation for what is being provided, things naturally seem to go right.
Whatever the result you experience, good or bad, I suggest to you that it's merely a "result" to which we placed a judgment, a judgment that was based on our belief system and habitual way of thinking, one that has long been entrenched in our sub-conscious.
As the weeks progressed Susan and I began to date. During the first few weeks I learned more about Susan and her upbringing. Firstly, her childhood was the complete opposite of mine. She grew up in SW Calgary, in a more affluent neighborhood. Her mom and dad were well off financially and were members of a prestigious golf and country club, as well as a highly regarded sports club.
