Life at the Next Level
A Step-By-Step Approach to Creating a Life of Personal and Professional SuccessBy Stan KontosBalboa Press
Copyright © 2012 Stan Kontos
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4525-0567-1 Contents
Introduction....................................................viiBefore We Begin.................................................xiChapter 1: Our Mind Does Matter................................1Chapter 2: Beliefs.............................................8Chapter 3: Values..............................................20Chapter 4: Conflicts...........................................29Chapter 5: Emotional Blocks....................................33Chapter 6: Habits and Conditioning.............................42Chapter 7: The Law of Attraction...............................49Chapter 8: Mastering Your Vibration............................54Chapter 9: Intuitive Feedback..................................66Chapter 10: Finding Your Purpose...............................72Chapter 11: Moving Toward Your Purpose.........................83Chapter 12: Visions, Goals and Plans...........................92Chapter 13: Living in a State of Awareness.....................105Chapter 14: Staying on Track...................................113Chapter 15: Putting It All Together............................119Chapter 16: So What Happens Now?...............................123
Chapter One
OUR MIND DOES MATTER
Our mind is an incredible device. It continually receives information, naturally filtering and processing it as it goes about its daily function, even while we're asleep.
How do we receive this information? We receive it in all sorts of ways. We can receive it visually (by what we see), auditorily (by what we hear), kinaesthetically (by what we feel), olfactorily (from what we smell), or gustatorily (from what we taste). Every minute of every day our body is experiencing things and sending those messages to our brain—many, many, many messages.
In fact studies have shown that we receive approximately two million bits of information every second. The problem is, though our brain can receive it all, our mind can only process a handful of that information at any one time. Thus only about seven—plus or minus two—bits of information ever get processed.
But how does our mind decide which of those millions of messages to take in and use? That's the exciting part. It takes in what we tell it to.
I'll give you an example. Hold this book up close to your face, close enough that you can't see what's around you. Now try and remember everything around you that is red. Can you remember a lot, a few, or none at all?
Now have a look. Do you suddenly notice there's red there, and there, and there? Did you remember any of them? Isn't that interesting? The red things were always there. You had just set up your mind not to take in that information before.
Now let's try it again. Look around you and focus on everything that's red. Really focus on it so that you can remember as much as you can.
Again, hold this book up close to your face so that you can't see what's around you. No cheating, though I'm sure you won't need to. You remember everything that's red, right? Of course! But can you remember everything that's purple?
You can't do it. You had set up a filter in your mind that took in the information "red" and deleted "purple."
Whether we know it or not, our mind is deleting things continuously. It's a natural function. It's why we can listen to a conversation while being surrounded by other noises. Our mind takes in what we choose to focus on, and filters out the rest.
But it doesn't just filter by deletion. It also filters by distorting information or by generalising it.
Distortion works like this. A few years ago I bought a big, old character home that had been built in 1881. When my family and I first looked through the house at the open inspection we were completely taken by it. This house was beautiful. Set on one acre of land, everything about it was large and grand. On that day all we saw was how great it would be to live with so much space. My wife and I had only ever lived in small, modest homes, and this was our chance to live and raise our kids somewhere truly special. We really thought this would be wonderful.... until night fell on our first day!
Somehow, in the dark, everything changed. The house creaked and squeaked, unknown things rattled and banged, and that wonderful, vast garden suddenly made us feel isolated and, quite frankly, a little freaked. We literally went to bed that night with scenes from horror movies, and stories of haunted houses, playing in our heads. Then, at about 1am, I awoke with a start to an eerie scratching sound on the side of the house. Convinced that someone was trying to break in, I woke up my wife and quickly rang the police. Waiting in the dark for them to arrive and search the property was terrifying. We were convinced that we were in danger.
But much to our surprise, the scratching turned out to be nothing more than a possum! Now, as anyone who has had possums on their property can attest, they can be noisy, but they're certainly not dangerous. We had probably heard many scratching sounds from the local wildlife during the day and thought nothing of it. But we had filled our heads with so many thoughts of danger before going to sleep that we had distorted the information and jumped to conclusions, based primarily on the fact that it was night.
Similarly our mind can also filter information we receive by generalising it. For example, most people will happily let a ladybug crawl across their hand, but not a spider. It doesn't even matter if that spider is completely harmless and as tiny as the ladybug, or that when it walks it feels the same. To most people spiders are creepy and ladybugs are not. Simple as that.
But why?
Why are we more uncomfortable with that tiny spider than the ladybug? Why does our heart beat faster when a scratching sound happens at night? Why don't we notice everything that's purple? It's because of the multitude of other filters we have set up in our mind based on who we are and the experiences and knowledge we have collected. These other filters can be things such as memories, decisions, belief systems, values, personality, environment: anything that impacts how we think and how we view the world.
All of the information we receive from each of our senses goes through all of these different filters until what we are left with is our own internal representation of the original message. It is the meaning we give to the information we receive.
So whether consciously or unconsciously, we give meaning to every piece of information we receive. We decide if it's good, bad, right, wrong, dangerous, safe or even if it means nothing to us at all. Every piece of information flows through our filters and then registers accordingly.
But what is even more interesting is what happens next.
After the information has gone through our filters and has registered in our mind, we are then designed to have an emotional response in line with, and in proportion to, the meaning we gave it. This literally means that the meaning we give to things determines the way we feel. It determines our emotional state. So if we give something a positive, empowering meaning we're going to feel more positive. Similarly, if we give that same thing a disempowering, negative meaning we're going to feel disempowered and negative.
I'll give you an example. This morning I woke up and wanted to go for a nice big run, but I noticed it was raining heavily. Now the message I received was that it was raining, but how I felt about that message depended on the meaning I gave it. I could have thought What a miserable day. I hate the rain. Now I'm stuck indoors and can't go for my run. Such thoughts would have brought feelings that reflected them—feelings such as frustration, irritation and anger.
If I had gone even further down that negative track and had thoughts such as That'd be right. This always happens to me. It's not fair. Whenever I plan to do things, something always happens to mess it up, then my emotional response would have gone even further down that negative path, with feelings of victimisation, despair, or even depression.
But if I had had different thoughts, then my emotions would also be different. If I had thought Thank goodness it's raining. We really need some, then I would have felt relieved. I could even have looked at the rain and thought nothing more than Look, it's raining, and my emotional response would have been reflective of that thought—I would have felt nothing much at all.
So what did I do? I looked at the rain and thought Fantastic, it's raining, and I felt great. I decided to go for a walk in the rain instead, so I grabbed my umbrella and had a wonderful walk during which I was able to enjoy a peaceful time of thinking.
My response to the rain, and my emotions, were completely in my control. We all have a choice as to how we respond to circumstances, and we can all choose to embrace those that are positive.
This process of receiving information, putting meaning to it and then having an emotional response is occurring to us all the time. Why is this important to know? It's important because just as our thoughts determine our emotional response, so too our emotional response determines what we do next—our actions, our behaviours. This progression is natural. It's the way we are designed to function. Our actions and our behaviours are a reflection of our emotions.
If I allowed the rain to make me feel depressed I may have acted by going back to bed, curling up in a ball and staying there for the day. Instead, I chose to allow the rain to make me feel great, and I acted by walking in it and enjoying the sensation.
Why do we need to know all this? We need to understand this in order to fully comprehend the next step: how we think and how we feel and how we act determine our results, our outcomes. They determine what happens to us in life. They determine what happens next.
Being able to understand how our thoughts create our emotions, our emotions create our behaviours, and how our behaviours create our outcomes is the foundation for mastering our life.
Our goal is to be able to condition and to master our mind so that we process information the way we want it to be processed. With time, you'll notice that mastering your mind will produce definite positive outcomes in your life, and in the lives of those around you.
I know that when I'm busy and distracted with work or other things, my three children become busy and distracted too. They don't take any notice of me or each other as they go about their normal daily activities of making breakfast and getting ready for school. However, if I'm projecting love toward them and focusing on making the most of my time with them, they are unconsciously affected by this and will naturally come and give me a kiss good morning, and be considerate and loving toward each other.
If we want positive and empowering things to happen in our lives then we need to think in a positive, empowering way. So much depends on us mastering that art.
We need to master being able to see the good in others, the opportunities in our career and our finances, the way to good health, the possibilities for fun, the chances for happy and meaningful relationships, and our place of purpose in this world. If we want these things in our lives we need to master our mind and set up our filters to allow them to happen.
Why did I specifically choose these things? I chose them because they form the basis for the eight areas of our lives. I would even say that the specific area you are choosing to work on while reading this book will fit into one of these categories.
When we look at these eight areas we need to realise that whatever results we are currently having are directly related to the way we process associated information. So if I have great financial success in my life, then I have great financial thinking.
For instance, about two years ago I bought a property in a suburb close to the Adelaide CBD (Central Business District). It was not a time when it was popular to buy. In fact it was a rather gloomy time in the Adelaide property cycle. But I have educated myself in the property market, and I have educated myself to have a wealth mentality, and this often means contrarian thinking. I don't get caught up in hype, nor do I listen to negativity. I saw where I could add value to this property and took the opportunity to buy it at 10% below the market price. Since then it has grown in value by 34%, in a market that only grew 17%. I wasn't lucky. I was educated. I have developed great financial thinking and so I can recognise, and make the most of, opportunities when they come up.
I apply this same strategy to the rest of my life. I know that my results are directly related to my underlying thinking. If I have poor health, then I need to uncover and address my poor health thoughts. Or if I have poor relationships then I would benefit from uncovering and changing my thinking about relationships.
In order to address the particular area you are working on now, you must first identify the filters you have created and the thought patterns you are currently using. Too many people try to change their outcomes by behaving differently, but unless they shift their underlying thoughts, and remove impeding filters, they will continue getting the same results.
It all comes down to how our mind works, and it begins with how we process the incoming information. When we understand this, suddenly we own our lives. We can create our future, and most importantly, it can become what we want it to be.
Chapter Two
BELIEFS
To fully own our lives, we need to fully own up to them. Recognising that we have set up filters through which we view the world is an important step toward making change happen, and one of the most significant filters that we have is our belief systems.
What is a belief system? It is the collection of thoughts that we have deemed to be true. They are the things that we believe no matter what. Most beliefs begin unconsciously and remain that way until they are brought to our attention.
As I discussed in the previous chapter, our thoughts ultimately create our outcomes in life. Therefore understanding the beliefs we hold that influence our thoughts is paramount. If we don't align our beliefs with what we want in life, we will continue to create the life we currently have. You see, whether we know it or not, we create situations that uphold our beliefs.
I'll put it another way. Imagine that a belief is like a tabletop and the legs supporting it are reference points, events we have experienced that reinforce the truth of the belief. During the life of the tabletop, we will create more and more legs to support it; we are constantly thinking about and reacting to our experiences. As you can imagine, the more legs the table has, the stronger it becomes, and the stronger it becomes, the more legs we create.
Now this is fantastic if the beliefs you hold are healthy and empowering, but what if they're not? What if they are limiting you to the life you are currently experiencing and want to change? Limiting beliefs are those beliefs that hold you back and stop you from being able to break free and move forward. They are beliefs that have been created at some point in your life and, by choosing to continue to believe them, you have also chosen to let them restrain you. You become like an elephant in a circus.
When an elephant is a baby the trainers put a chain around its ankle and connect it to a stake in the ground to stop it from wandering away. When the baby elephant tries to go anywhere, it can't because it's stuck. So it stays where it is. However, as the elephant grows, the trainers manage it in a similar way. They put the same chain on its ankle, but they don't attach it to anything. They merely use the sensation of the chain to control the animal. The elephant has learnt in the past that whenever it senses the chain, this means that it's stuck and can't go anywhere.
Our limiting beliefs can have the same effect on us. They can make us believe that we are stuck where we are and can't move forward.
But where do these limiting beliefs come from? Many come from our childhood. During our formative years we are heavily influenced by the beliefs of those around us and by the experiences we have. Events happen, and, without realising it, we draw conclusions about ourselves and about the world around us that we deem to be true. They become true for us and we continue experiencing them.
I'll give you an example. Pedro is five years old and is in his first school running race. He is very excited and eager to do his best. During the race he gives it his all, and even though he comes last, he's still smiling. He proudly walks over to his father awaiting praise, but instead hears "Why didn't you run faster? Why did you come last? Next time you'll do much better." Bewildered, young Pedro starts thinking I gave it my all but it wasn't good enough. I'm not good enough.
In that moment Pedro created the belief I'm not good enough and unconsciously he began to carry it with him from that day on. And as time went by, the belief grew.
At age seven, when he is in the school play and trips over as he comes out on stage, Pedro hears the audience laughing and immediately thinks I'm not good enough.
At age thirteen, when he summons the courage to be like his friends and ask a girl out, he hears her blatant no and immediately thinks I'm not good enough.
At age nineteen, when he applies for a job he really wants, the rejection letter resoundingly screams what he has been telling himself for years—I'm not good enough.
Pedro will continue to live out this belief for as long as he continues to believe it to be true. He is a self-fulfilling prophecy; we are all self-fulfilling prophecies, constantly creating situations that support our beliefs.
Now this example may seem oversimplified, and in truth it is. In truth we carry hundreds, even thousands, of beliefs with us every day. Some developed over time, while others were embedded in an instant. Usually we didn't even know it was happening.
I once held the belief that I was going to have heart disease by the time I was in my forties or fifties because heart disease was in my family. It was a belief prevalent in my family, and one I had resigned myself to. Every one of my male cousins and uncles had been diagnosed with heart disease in his forties or fifties. In fact, my father was the only surviving male member in my family over sixty.
What I didn't realise, though, was that I wasn't eating healthily or exercising properly because subconsciously I thought, what was the point? Heart disease was in my family and therefore it would happen to me. But it didn't have to happen to me. Yes, males in my family may be predisposed to heart disease, but diet and lifestyle probably also played a big part.
My wife helped me to recognise this belief, not with her words, but with her actions. She had decided to become a vegetarian, subtly letting me know of the health benefits of eating less meat. During this time I could feel my belief rising within me—Heart disease is in my family. Why should I bother with this?
But then I felt it start to shift. I started to wonder—What if it didn't have to happen to me? My belief was beginning to change. I began trying more and more of the vegetarian meals my wife was preparing, and I noticed my energy levels increasing. I also began doing more exercise, eventually building toward a daily exercise regime that included cardio, yoga and strengthening exercises.
My belief had changed. Now, I do what I can to minimise my risks as much as possible. I don't smoke, rarely drink alcohol, and ensure that I keep my stress levels to a minimum. And, at age 45, I am healthier than I've ever been.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Life at the Next Levelby Stan Kontos Copyright © 2012 by Stan Kontos. Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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