CHAPTER 1
Words Have Power
Words have the power to both destroy and heal. When words are both true and kind, they can change our world. Buddha
Here's what I've learned in discovering the magic within: the power of words is undeniable. I thought I knew the answers to life until I become aware of the predictability of my life. I lived daily with feelings I thought were deemed normal by society. The truth is, I was just existing in what seemed to be a mundane world. Routine had become comfortable for me and ultimately left my life stagnant. I was simply living an ordinary life. My passion and zest for life had been lost. One day I started challenging this state and became curious, asking myself, "What else is out there?" Have you ever been so beaten down by life that you were left feeling completely alone, afraid, and, worst of all, hopeless? As if you were hollow inside. Feeling numb, confused, and completely invisible? Knowing that you are one person to the core, but being told something so very different? Hard enough as an adult, but imagine as a young child?
Let me take you on a journey. Imagine for a moment a young, innocent, shy, little girl who grew up in a small town, naive and unaware of the possibilities of life beyond her front door. She was constantly told that she just wasn't enough and had begun to see the world through an obscured and cloudy lens. Words, seemingly harmless at first, were carelessly and continuously planted. The seeds of discouragement, "You are stupid," "You're never going to be anything." "You are a failure," "What's wrong with you?" were sown.
These words grew to become a part of her life and soon a part of her identity. Words have power. These words became her truth, filling her soul with self-doubt, shame, sadness, and self-hate. She began to shrink and became very small in the world. One day she cried out. This is not my life!
This story was my story. You see, I lived the lies from someone else's story. It was so subtle that I didn't even know it was happening until it was too late. I had swallowed the lies piece by piece. I was left broken and constantly felt the need to prove myself. You see, if you are told something once, so what. Told twice ... hmmm maybe something to this. Told again and again and again ... those words became my truth. I did what most people do. I locked it in. My brain did its job and found the evidence to support every single lie until I believed it too.
But deep down- I didn't want to believe it.
But then there it was the fuel. The fuel that I needed to prove those words wrong, but more importantly I wanted to discover who I really was, my authentic self. Some days were harder than others, I wanted to give up and give in to the story.
But I made a choice.
At a point, when part of me wanted so desperately to end it all, I chose to get up and fight. To fight for it all. I did the things that I'm asking you to do today. I discovered the magic within. I chose to shine.
Words have power. I had choices. I could have easily said that he was right and given in, but I chose to change my thinking and create something different. It is difficult to say with absolute certainty what kept me from choosing the other fate: doom, despair, rejection. At times I wonder where intuition fits in. Somewhere within me, I knew that I was going to fight his influence. Some may say it was my age, my personality, or maybe just plain old courage. Regardless of why it occurred, I gave birth to the notion that I would never give up or give in. This didn't occur without occasional bouts of self-doubt in which I wondered if those negative words that he'd so carelessly thrown at me might somehow be true. Yet I found myself surrounding myself with people who supported me and relayed a much different message. The message came in many forms: "You can do it!" "You inspire me." "You will accomplish amazing things in your life," to name a few. Words have power.
I would like to tell you that this was the only time in my life I struggled with self-doubt and overcoming deep emotional wounds, but that, of course, would be a lie. I am sure that I am not alone in this either. We all have something to overcome, a hurdle to vault over. The challenge is to take what life gives you and choose to turn it into something else, something magical, to give power to what really matters, to the words that inspire, motivate, and bring life into your spirit.
Words affect the messages that we tell ourselves and others, and eventually they become the foundation of the stories that dominate and steer our paths. Yet, looking back, I can appreciate the gifts that the messages this person of influence unknowingly gave me: a profound drive and motivation that still fuels me today.
I get to choose the messages I tell myself — words have power. We are not able to change the details of the past, but we can choose how we step forward in the present. The word is not just a sound or a written symbol. The word is a force, it is the power you have to express and communicate, to think, and thereby to create the events of your life. — Don Miguel Ruiz
Jack Canfield, in his book The Success Principles: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be, provides a beautiful summary of just how important our words are. "If I express love and acceptance to you, you will experience love for me. If I express judgment and contempt for you, you will judge me back. If I express gratitude and appreciation for you, you will express gratitude and appreciation back to me. If I express words of hatred toward you, you will most likely hate me back."
What if we shifted our perspectives to this boomerang concept — what I put out there comes back to me? What if more and more people got it that this is how the world works. Can you imagine the beauty that we would create? Wow! That gives me the shivers.
Going back to the energy of our world, everything that we create has and is made up of energy. Therefore, even the words we speak to ourselves and to others have energy. That energy, in return, has a direct impact on us and others. In 1994, a Japanese scientist named Dr. Masura Emoto began experimenting with water and the power of words. He used various methods, speaking words, showing pictures, playing music, and praying to the water. After freezing the water and observing the molecules under a high-powered microscope, he discovered that the water molecules changed shapes, creating crystal formations. Positive messages and expressions resulted in beautiful crystals, while negative messages and expressions created unpleasant and malformed ones. Now, just think. If our bodies are made up of 90 percent water, what is the impact that these messages can have on our bodies at the cellular level?
Here are a few of the images from his research:
Positive
Love and gratitude Thank you
Negative
Heavy metal music You make me sick, I will kill you
You can view his entire collection of research in his books, including Messages from Water and The Hidden Messages in Water. His work was also highlighted in the award-winning film What the Bleep Do We Know?
I discovered that Dr. Emoto also created a rice experiment with a similar premise but without the use of a high-powered microscope. Once I learned about this, I felt compelled to re-create the experiment in my very own home. What I loved about it was that I was able to get kids involved in the process and educate them on the importance of the words that we speak to others. The results: the positive statement "you are amazing" allowed the first jar of rice to remain looking fresh, whereas in the jar where we communicated the negative message "you are stupid," the rice spoiled and turned dark brown. I also choose to keep one jar as the "control" in which I did nothing to it. This was really fascinating. For the first few months it remained clear but over the course of my experience it too began to take on the same qualities of the negative jar." I realize that my home is not a sterile laboratory, but I could not help but notice the startling difference between the two jars of rice. This was an excellent way to demonstrate the power of words in a visual and concrete way. Words have power.
Negative words keep us stuck in the muck and prevent us from moving forward toward our full potential. Positive words allow us to become the people we were born to be. They allow energy to flow within us, propelling us forward toward our ever-expanding selves.
Here are the end results after a year and a half of repeating the words "you are stupid" and "you are amazing."
The way in which we view the world, through a lens of either positivity or negativity, is a powerful force. Please understand that I am not saying that there is no value or purpose in negativity, because there is. All emotions serve an incredible purpose to help us to navigate our world based on that information.
Now let's do a quick exercise to see where you stand, based on your viewpoint.
On a scale of one to ten — with one equaling feeling stuck in the muck, lifeless, and hopeless, and ten equaling loving life, feeling amazing, and having energy and excitement about where your next adventure will take you — where do you rate yourself, just for today? Where do you rate yourself on your overall life? Be honest with yourself.
I ask this question a lot, and I typically get a vast range, but most often between three and seven. I've asked hundreds of people, and only four people rated themselves as a ten.
6, 3, 3, 4, 6, 3, 2, 7, 3, 4, 5, 4, 5, 1, 3, 6, 5, 4, 5, 6, 5, 3, 4, 3, 4, 5, 4, 5, 6, 2, 8, 4, 5, 5, 7, 6, 3, 7, 4, 3, 5, 4, 6, 7, 5, 4 ...
What is happening here?
Why settle for ordinary when we can create anything — including being extraordinary? (I get so excited just saying that!)
When you look at a newborn baby, what would rate him/her? A ten, of course. If you have children, or if not, what would you rate children? Ten, of course. How about teenagers? I know what you are thinking: Heck no — they are not a ten." But yes, they too are a ten! Now wouldn't that same line of reasoning apply to you as well? Of course! You are a ten too — every day! We are all born as pure amazing beings, here to discover and fulfill our life purpose. The challenge lies when we confuse the difference between our identity and our behavior. Our identity is a ten every day. However, the choices we make with our behavior change. For example, when I make a mistake, I might rate my behavior as an eight, but that still does not change my identity as a being here on earth, which is always a ten! Just knowing that and implementing this concept had an incredible impact on my life. How many of you just thought, Yes! You are right I am a ten! You might have given yourself a pat on the back and looked around to see if anyone saw you ... It's okay, go ahead. After all, you rock, my friend! This is us, our true identity. Please understand that the ratings of our behaviors and feelings change from moment to moment, but who we truly are never drops below a ten!
When we have a rough day and we make a mistake, our behavior rating might change to a seven or an eight, but we still remain a ten! Wahoo! Don't you already feel better about yourself? And we haven't even gotten to the fun stuff yet!
I have found that most people are pretty content with where they are in their lives, mostly because they have never given themselves permission to look outside to what else is possible for them. So many have been laughed at or told that their dreams are just not realistic. Poof, just like that their dream ... died. Their lives became stories of complacency. Many people come into my office in this exact state, feeling completely hopeless.
Why are we giving ourselves permission to live at this standard? What messages have we been exposed to that do not allow us to live our highest potential. I was told I couldn't do things so many times I once questioned if it was true. Never give up on your dreams because someone else is afraid of their own.
... 5, 6, 3, 3, 4, 6, 3, 2, 7, 3, 4, 5, 4, 5, 4, 3, 6 ...
CHAPTER 2
Own Your Happiness
You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. — Jim Rohn
To own the very essence of our being is to step into our authentic selves fully and with abandon. It is letting go of who we think we "should" be and "could have" been, as well as what others have told us about ourselves. Only by releasing this do we give ourselves the freedom to truly discover who we are and to fall in love with every little bit of ourselves. It means taking responsibility for our consciousness and our life on a conscious level, to be the entirety of ourselves all the time. To be authentic is to be vulnerable, to trust in ourselves when no one else does, to not have it all figured out and still know that it will all be okay. It means to stand with courage and strength in the most challenging of times and at the end of the day to know you did your best. To own your To own your own happiness you must be willing to free yourself from the past and the stories that no longer serve you. own happiness you must be willing to free yourself from the past and the stories that no longer serve you.
It is said that we make about thirty-five hundred choices a day. That is a ton of choices. Think about it. We choose to get up with our alarm clock or not; to shower or not; to brush our hair or not. You get the picture. We probably burn through two thousand choices just getting ready in the morning. We make a lot of choices throughout the day, and therefore we get to choose how we show up, how we act, and how we respond to the situations in our lives. These are repetitive patterns that have been reinforced time and time again. What if we chose something completely different?
The choices we make are ultimately responsible for the life we live. No one else is in our shoes, making those choices. As human beings, we all share one entitlement: to be happy. Taking inventory of what I perceived to be holding me back was enormously beneficial during this process. For me, that also meant setting boundaries with people who did not share my passion for my vision. This included placing limits on other people's requests for my time and energy. When we blame others for situations in our lives, we are effectively giving our power away. When we are able to take responsibility for our lives as they stand, we take back our power and control over those circumstances.
The day I realized I was the only one responsible for my own happiness, shifts started happening. The biggest shift became knowing within my heart that I could do this. Confidence began to take over as I developed a plan to make my dreams reality. My feelings vacillated between fear and excitement. But change had begun. It was time for me to take responsibility for my own happiness. At that moment, I stopped playing the victim and stopped hoping that everyone else around me would change.
I asked myself these questions:
• Am I truly happy?
• Am I going to continue down this path with the same results?
• What can I do to change this?
Is it time for change? Yes.
That's the moment when life as I knew it changed forever. The leap of faith ...
What if we give up everything that keeps us from owning our own happiness, such as the excuses we have created, complaining, blaming others, judgments, expectations, justifications, and the "it's not my fault" syndrome. All of these keep us playing small in the game of life.
What would that be like?
We are responsible. Whenever we allow others to dictate our happiness, it's over. We give up our power and become powerless. Remember: we get to choose how we show up, how we respond and react to any given situation. Owning your life is about loving yourself.
E+R=O
The equation E+R=O, taught to me by Jack Canfield, breaks this concept of responsibility down in an easy-to-understand format. E=Event + R=Response equals O=Outcome. You are creating your experiences, your successes, your failures, your relationships, your health, your wealth, etc., through what you think, feel, and believe and how you act. You have control over these things. Every outcome you experience in this life is a direct result of how you reacted or responsed to the event. The joy in all of this is that we are in control of our actions; therefore, if we are not happy with the result we can always change our response. We can continue to change our response until we get the outcome we desire. Take a minute to think about recent situations in your life. Put them into this equation. Does that provide some insight on how the outcome came about for you? If it wasn't the outcome you desired, how could you have shown up differently to create a different reality?
