In the Beginning

Did you ever sit and wonder why things happen the way they do? Scientist for decades has spent countless hours and money on researching how we came to be. I couldn't tell you in numbers or facts how this is true, but I can tell you how Yesica Gutierrez came to be and how it relates to so many others in our society. At times you feel like a diamond in the rough and others like you were spawn from Lucifer himself.

Up, down, up, down our emotions go, like the best architectural rollercoaster ever built to mankind. She rolled through days, months and years this way. As she sits and thinks back she had become a robot; was on autopilot for most of her childhood. In with the bad and out with the good, whenever those moments were gifted to her. Day after day she sits silently and listens to others as adults talk about their amazing adventures, vacations, toys, family time, laughter, comfort, and security their parents gave them and capsulated herself in misery.

Instant flashbacks for every memory others mentioned, she silently murders them. Jealously could be the cause, but she has yet to decipher if she wants to own up to this noun of emotions. In her heart, if ever such a thing truly drives a person, the sadness, the heartache is so real, but yet Yesica never spoke up; until it was too late. She doesn't believe that all her childhood was nothing but pain and tears, but that's all the mind allows her to process.

Every day began just fine even if it was for a brief moment from opening her eyes to walking to the restroom to pee, but it almost never ended so blissfully. "Yesica, es la hora de levantarse para la escuela nina." "No, mom I don't want to". She remembers slowly taken in a huge gasp of oxygen, as she puts her frail, little hands over her face, clenched her eyes down and gripped her teeth and braced for impact. She saw this woman; no more than 4 foot with a face only makeup artist could create in a horror film coming her way.

Her temper was raging! She was a beast! Although short in stature, she took big strides to get closer to Yesica. At this moment everything begins to slow down as if they were in the Matrix and she is beginning to scream for mercy. Her scalp feels like it's on fire as she's being hoisted up by a 50,000 ton crane; her hand full of dark gorgeous lock filled within her small hand. The attack was so violent in nature, she mourns on it now and can only compare it to a pit bull attacking a stray dog.

Her mother only wants one thing, to feel dominance. Masters of dog fights achieve this type of beast by inflicting torture with a metal chain; whipped and bullied for weeks at a time, until finally they explode by obeying their master's wishes and attack anything breathing the torturous air. They truly have nothing to gain in the end. At some point the rage gets sucked back into this tiny frame like the ending of a black hole and Yesica is left with an endless flow of salty water running down her face and psychological damage, but at the time she would never know the true effects of such a theory would be so empowering later in life. Did she ever get to school? Yes, of course because she began to realize that was the only place she felt safe, mentally and where she could have a decent meal.

Ok, so at this point you're probably thinking awe poor thing or just in shock that a parent would commit such a heinous act, which is just, but let me tell you their story that will leave you in awe. Yesica has a dad, born Andres Fernando Rodrigues. Yes, "S" not "Z"! Just for the record Rodrigues is derived from the Germanic personal name "Hrodic". A prestigious surname originated in Spain, meaning renowned power. He was born January 15, 1950 in a small town just off the coast of the Florida. He is the eldest of five children and needed the most attention in terms of physical and cognitive development. His younger brothers and sister are both highly educated and have been successful all their lives, but what defines success, right?

Yesica was told by her Auntie that her biological grandpa, whom she never met, was in the Navy and was very handsome. Her grandmother and grandfather by blood were young and their relationship flourished all along the east coast as he docked in each new city. From what she had gathered she was only 14 (going on 21), lived in an abusive home and hated her mother (haha, as she giggles with the thought of "join the club").

At this young age her Abuelita had run away with prince charming and began to realize one day she was pregnant, too young, too soon with a man she saw on moderate occasions. They were said to be madly in love though. During her pregnancy she didn't take the best of care, she was only 14, no parents, no guidance and little money. During the last trimester Yesica's Auntie said that there was little to know chance that the child would survive and if it did, not beyond the age of 3. During the birthing process the midwife found that the umbilical cord was wrapped around her Dad's neck, losing oxygen to the brain and he seemed under developed. She was trying to recollect all the details as she told the story and mentioned he spent some time in the hospital to stabilize and then was later released.

His dad (aka Grandpa Fermin) loved him, as he was his only child at the time, later loved his other sons and praised his little girl as if she was born a princess. He was a great father, but threw her Abuela through the ringer with his manic episodes of depression and possibly post-traumatic stress. Through her father's childhood he witnessed the anger, separation, and stress and strain while he was trying to develop and find himself.

By the age of two a little brother came along and Abuelita started noticing that the younger siblings were exceeding him in all aspects. She said he didn't talk at the norm age nor was he able to navigate physically as other children his age did. Her Abuelita shared a story about little Andres that put into perspective how he truly functioned. They lived in a home that had stairs; he and her uncle's use to play on them going up and down, up and down. For her dad he never actually ran up and down; he had to crawl up and slide down one step at a time on his bum.

Yesica asked why this was so, she thought it to be somewhat funny thinking of how this may have looked at the time. While all along his brothers were excelling in motor skills, he is just below the age of five and can't navigate how to be like him. He would also fall, hit his head and get right back up with no emotions and continue on his path. Her Abuela found it to be odd, but didn't think much of the delay and kept treating him as a "normal" child. At the age of fourteen and his father Fermin's many attempts to end his own life; he was successful. Madness, stress, money, and depression will do that to a person.

Andres's life will forever change at this time! He got through school in special education classes and with the help of her Abuela and new found Stepfather, plus two ugly step-sisters he made it, but the road was bumpy. Andres had told Yesica at some point he ran away from home, began sleeping in his car while hustling for food and money. It was during this time that he met a lady name Marisella. She was petite, with beautiful black hair and brown eyes. She had that 70's feathered hair look going on. How did she know such information?

Yesica recalls even at such a young age seeing a person as her dad had described when she was about 3 years old. Little did she know at the time, the little girl named Aurora Nicole hiding behind her momma's leg would be someone closer to her then the brother she would have when she turned 7. Her dad was talking to this little thing like he knew her and of course Yesica was a daddy's girl. She remembers she didn't like the feeling of some other girl talking to her daddy. She remembers going to an ice cream place with her mom and dad that day and the city was named Miami. The memory is very vague, but she remembers her mom being upset and her dad had a smile ear to ear.

She reminisces, sitting in his awful greenish, grey car with patches everywhere and the sound it made when the engine started, what a beast. Later she found this car was a Chevy Impala. She sat in this mildly hot boat of a car for an extended period of time and no other cars were in the parking lot. She said her tummy was growling because she was hungry and wanted to go inside, but her dad seemed so nervous and didn't want to play with her. She doesn't recall her mom's reaction at the time, but more than likely fuming because that was her demeanor 24/7.

Finally they go inside because they see someone walk inside and then sit at a booth lined with that old ugly orange vinyl and the table top was ugly, fake, brown marble color, with a chrome lining around the edges. This beautiful women walks up and she must have asked what they were doing there because her dad reacted with, "Why else I want to see my daughter". She calls for this little girl who seemed to be about 5 with black hair in two short pig tails. She again remembers this little girl hiding behind her mom's leg as she's pouring water in our glasses. Yesica's mom didn't say a word and she's hiding behind a menu. At that point she doesn't know what happened, but does recall a heated argument and then the little girl is told to leave, she is in the parking lot, her mom is in a rage (not unusual she says) and then there are police. She will never see Aurora again!

Yesica laughs as she dwindles on her off the wall memory, now back to her dad's condition; he was never officially diagnosed with a psychological disorder, but was tested at a hospital in Maine. She can imagine there wasn't much to offer in terms of proper diagnoses during that time so the conclusion was High-Functioning Asperger's. Who would know at that day and age, but she can almost guarantee due to the lack of knowledge in those areas, everyone who didn't meet a certain criteria was considered mentally retarded. Her Abuela was a successful political woman and got herself involved with many committees and somehow got her dad involved in a place called, Learning for Life Center. They create partnerships between the business community and persons with disabilities.

As if you haven't figured it out already, her dad had a few intellectual delays. He has an IQ of about 50, but can school anyone, any day when it comes to assembling things. No manual, no guide, just from watching his dad and other people he's worked with. He loves to tinker! She mentioned just the look of her Dad would not clue you into his inability to be socially accepted, he looked more like a Cubano, like any other gente from the southern part of Florida.

Andres is full of tattoos and how he walks makes him look muy macho, como un Bandito. He has a unique walk to him that everyone thinks of when they see her dad on the streets. He walks with his head up, serious (I'm gonna kick your ass) look on his face and his arms out to the side like the boogie man waiting to pounce. They always say when you encounter a bear you should look bigger and scarier; she said this type mentality. Her dad is not the type of flight person; he'll stay and fight no questions asked. This has got him into so many brutal fights, some for which he could have been killed. Never back down!

Once Andres starts talking you begin to understand that his disability never allowed him to learn social skills as others have. As you grow up though in a house with four boys and a girl he was never treated to be different or looked upon as if he had a disability. He had chores just the same and was scolded just the same and it's believed that that was the biggest advantage for him. Her dad has always been a hard worker and she believes because that's all he knows. He is comfortable helping others and going above and beyond. To this day she can't imagine all those years she was on autopilot what he must have been going through as a person just trying to fit in. How does One feel when they are lost in their own mind and expected to keep up with society because you don't look any different than the average dude. I know that's a lot to take in, but it all leads to how he met her mom.

Demi Marlene Sanchez, Born to a wonderful man on July 1, 1966, her papo Marice Moore (hillbilly from Georgia, LOL) and a woman who she called mom, Margarita Avila-Hernandez-Esquibel from Jalisco, Mexico. No one has ever really shared memories of her mom as a child and she's always been puzzled as to why. She is not an only child and you would think as she grew in age her brother or sisters would have mentioned something; maybe two of them would have if they would have lived past the age of 20. Growing up she's seen pictures of her mom as a little girl, short hair, and perfect, pearly white teeth, dressed in a green looking dress; posing on her best behavior for the photographer. She looked as though she was at least seven in the photo she recalls most hanging in her Nanas house. Where's the pictures from zero to six though, she was puzzled? What happened that day or who she believes her to be she does not know.

Yesica tried to question several people at different times just because inquiring minds want to know, or at least she did. At this age it brings out Ones curiosity even more because she is more educated and conscientious as to her past. Coming to grip with a past and wanting to know what made her the way she is. To think one cannot be a Maslow, but believing we are all molded by our environment and life events. Yesica and her mother have never had a great relationship until recently and because of her mental state she could never tell how much of what she says is believable.

She does recall one story of her that seems to be more traumatizing in nature to everyone else then her. Her mom, Marlene told me the first time she ever started her period she literally flipped out. The way it's told, reminds me of the movie Matilda mixed with a little Carrie. If you don't know Matilda, it's about a friendless, neglected girl who possesses powers and uses them to move shift around and smash mirrors. In the opening scene she gets her first period and thinks she's dying because her psycho religious mom never told her about facts of life. The film goes on and her powers get stronger and then the mean kids pour pig's blood on her at the prom so she flips out. She goes home to tell her mental mom who then believes she is Satan and tries to knife her up so Carrie brings the house down on them both and they die (courtesy of sickchirpse.com).

I guess it never dawned on her mom that her second daughter would experience the same ordeal as she turned of age. She knows her mom was in special education throughout school, but who decided that she has no clue. Yesica's mom was born in a small town, Texas. She ponders hmmmm if they would have records as to the birth and any complications. Good luck trying to get that information, right? Thank you HIPPA! At some point the journey was made to a new found state; which would be Santa Barbara, California. I'm not sure if this was their first stop, but based on her graduating from a well known High School I would have to say yes.

Her grandfather was a truck driver when he was a young whipper snapper (as he said it, then add in that hillbilly accent). During this move he was then working for Prestige Paper Co, but don't cite me on this info. This brought me to the conclusion on how they moved to California. By this time in my mom's life two younger siblings were born; Two younger brothers to be exact. One would turn out to have similar dysfunctions as the mom; and the other would grow to be a genius; makes you wonder back to back pregnancies with similar results what was going on with Grandma Marlene at the time.

People back then never really did not take care of themselves by going to the doctors often, nor did they have the technology in genetics that we do now. If someone gave you a test to give you the rate of a potential "mentally retarded" child would you have allowed the pregnancy to continue? Back in those days it wasn't even a question and the option to abort would deem you in another social class. Prior to the move to California, she knows her mom spent some time in Jalisco, Mexico a small stretch of run down, filthy, infestation of Cartel presence. She told me that Papo (her great grandfather Geraldo Esquibel) used to take her, her brother, sister, and cousins on the wagon or in an old truck to the little corner store for treats. Not sure if this was one of her moms make-shift stories or really true.

She vaguely remembers grabbing his cold, hard hand, and how he would dig his nails into her (as she describes). The thing she says sometimes fascinates me or leaves me in aww. Yesica's mom also remembers and talks proudly of her great grandmother whom Yesica was gracious enough to meet for a short period of time and how she always had fresh made tortillas. That woman only spoke Spanish, not sure how they communicated. She says when you love someone so much, there are no language barriers.