Author Ian Newbegin's life changed when he was diagnosed with prostate cancer, but with optimism, he has created a way of life that allowed him to not just survive but thrive. Men Don't Talk About . . . chronicles his journey from fear to acceptance and ultimately survival. His story is one designed to encourage men to visit their doctors more frequently, particularly when they suffer from any urinary complications-one of the early signs of a potential problem. He explores his experiences with both prostate cancer and the resulting depression through candid insight. From a patient's viewpoint, he provides simple explanations about each disease. Knowledge is power for anyone facing cancer (or any other chronic or acute condition), and he shares his research and experiences to help others. His story is one intended to demystify the diseases. He reminds the reader that there is no stigma involved with either disease, and encourages them to take control of their own care. His message is simple: If he can survive the ordeal of having cancer, so can you. You can increase your chances by having regular medical checkups. You're worth it.

MEN Don't Talk About ...

Cancer of the Prostate and DepressionBy IAN NEWBEGIN

BALBOA PRESS

Copyright © 2011 Ian Newbegin
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4525-0267-0

Contents

Introduction.................................ixEarly Thinking...............................1Finding Out..................................9My Choice....................................28Prostate Removal.............................30Post-Operative Meetings......................41Now That It's Over...........................53Technical Talk...............................66Final Words..................................78Advice Summary...............................80Depression...................................81History of Depression........................95The Depression Mechanism.....................102Ron D Suffered Deeply........................121Support Groups...............................123Concluding Remark............................125I'm too Old for This.........................127

Chapter One

Early Thinking * * *

A Child's View of Disease

Our perception of what can simply be called disease begins at childhood, and if the child's perception is incorrect, it can prevent us from taking the appropriate corrective action later in life and all because of a long-held, misguided belief. Consider the following scenario.

Way back in the fifties when I was a young child in grade five, a boy was hit by a cricket ball on the knee whilst fielding the ball. By the end of the year, the young lad was dead—from cancer. Whether or not the ball incident caused the growth of cancer is beside the point. Being young, most of the students at the school associated the hit on the knee by the ball with the cancer, and we were all very careful how we chased or gathered a ball in the future. I was affected so much by this incident that I avoided playing cricket, particularly if a hard ball was used. It was indeed a strange belief, but after all, the boy was ill after the incident and later died.

Many adults believe that a hit on the body (the location changes with the individual) can cause cancer. There is no evidence to support this odd belief, but nevertheless I, like my unknown allies, held on to the myth just in case.

Again, when I was young, I had developed a strange image of what cancer looked like. I had never heard of the disease, except that a fellow student had died from it. This gave me free rein to use my imagination to gain a specific belief about the disease. For me, cancer was an invasive disease which spread like a spider web throughout the body. Its colour was black, and I imagined a black web-like substance spreading throughout the body. Was there any pain? I don't know! I knew very little about cancer other than the fact that it could spread throughout the body and, more often than not, resulted in death. I had never known anyone with cancer, nor had my friends known anyone with the disease other than the child at school; however, we students weren't privy to any information about the boy's health prior to his death, other than the fact that he died from cancer, and this we attributed to the hit on the knee.

A childhood friend of mine had a strong fear of dying from cancer well into adulthood. He believed that cancer caused the body to melt away to nothing, leaving a living mass which needed constant care. I can't imagine what he saw in his mind's eye; he hadn't seen anyone with cancer during his childhood, though he also knew of the young lad who had been hit with the cricket ball. Though I don't know what his belief is today—we lost contact with each other—I daresay it has been corrected, but I bet his fear would still be based on old images of the disease.

An unfortunate fact about the child's death is that I can't remember his name, nor can I remember what he looked like. He was soon forgotten by the school population, but we did not forget the incident. Hard knocks can cause cancer, or so I believed.

What was your childhood belief about cancer? Was it as fanciful as my belief or that of my friend? Does it affect the way you think about cancer today?

When we were young, nothing seemed to worry us. We took risks and held dearly to the belief "it won't happen to me." How many "bronzed" bodies do you see during summertime? How often is it reported that skin cancer is a leading cause of death for people of all ages? Yet, many people continue to take risks through long exposure to the sun or under a UV light so that they get the perfect suntan. Obviously, the perfect tan can only be achieved if we sit in the sun or lie near naked under a solarium. There's no risk, right? Well, is there? Do I hear, "Nah, it won't happen to me"?

Here's another strange belief from my childhood. I remember when I had my tonsils removed as a young child. I was excited about going to the children's hospital, and after the procedure, I lay in bed feeling sore and sorry for myself. Before the operation, there was a bed at the head of the ward with a sick child in it. I thought that he was "king of the kids" because of the position of his bed, which looked down the ward. After I woke from the horrible chloroform (thank God for the new anaesthetics) and looked over at the bed, it was empty. I thought the boy had died! When my mother came to take me home, I was morbid. Mum had to get a nurse to explain to me that the boy had been allowed to go home. Again, how many kids develop strange beliefs about hospitals and disease? It's important to sit with your child to give him or her reassurance and to answer questions about his or her belief. Hospitals are not places of death; many lives are saved in a hospital, so why commit to this fear? Why let your child fear such institutions?

Visit a children's hospital and study the number of kids dying from cancer. These children neither asked to get cancer nor deserved to get it, but the hand of fate works in mean ways. Imagine how you would feel if a child of yours had cancer! You'd be very upset, of that I have no doubt. How would you feel seeing your child suffering from chemotherapy, losing his or her hair, and suffering the pain of the procedure? You'd put on a brave face and treasure every moment with your child, wouldn't you?

What about yourself? Do you harbour an irrational belief about cancer? Does it involve a shortening of your life? Do you hold a morbid image of yourself dying in hospital?

Doesn't your family deserve to have you around for a long time? If you are the person suffering from an illness, whether cancer or not, it doesn't matter, and if the illness is life threatening, how would your family feel seeing you in hospital? Would you continue to put on a brave face?

I know I'm asking a lot of questions and am not answering them, but I hope that you are. Understand what I am saying and what I am asking. Don't pay lip-service to what is written in this document. You are loved by your family, and they deserve to be able to support you.

Every day we take risks in life and in our jobs. The risks may be small, but risk we do. Without risk, our choices are limited and opportunities may be missed, but why do most males take risks with their health by avoiding a medical check? Could it be related to the risks we take in life and that we fear the possible consequence—failure—or is it simply the macho thing to do to not have a medical evaluation? Don't you owe it to your family to have a medical checkup? After all, an early health inspection may alleviate the picture painted above where your family is sitting around your deathbed.

I don't know the statistics, but I am certain that many deaths because of cancer could have been averted if a medical health check had been performed earlier than the original diagnosis of the cancer.

"Nah! What for? I'm as healthy as an ox. I don't need to see a doctor." Unfortunately for many men, these are famous last words: "It won't happen to me."

I was full of bravado. I never thought that I would suffer from cancer. Neither did my brother and my cousin, yet we all have undergone a radical prostatectomy. Life goes on. The story unfolds below.

Cancer Touches Everyone

Before I had my prostate removed, my experience with cancer was gained through the kids at school. I am, or was, a teacher. One of my students died from leukaemia, which had an enormous effect on all the students in that grade level. The students were devastated about losing one of their friends, but they endured the ordeal and are now getting on with their lives.

This was also the year that I found out about my own cancer, but the students didn't know this fact. What was evident to me was the impact cancer had on the students. They worked tirelessly that year to raise money for cancer research, a factor that made me and the staff very proud.

Another source of my experience with cancer was through some of the students' parents who contracted cancer, though thankfully, they were very few. A student who is directly affected by his or her parent's fate is devastated, obviously. It affects the student's friends and the staff, particularly more so when the parent was active within the school community. But, hey, it wasn't me. I'm okay, and nothing will happen to me. Have you ever had thoughts like this? Again, famous last words for those who ignore the symptoms.

My sister had cancer of the womb after she had four children, but happily, she is cancer-free after thirty years. The disease can be defeated. My sister has never looked back since she had her operation and subsequent radiation treatment and looks like she will live well into old age. Think about it—there were four people in my family who had cancer.

It's likely that we all know someone with the dreaded disease and can sympathise with them. After all, "It isn't me," right? I used to think like this, and I dare say millions of people worldwide think the same way. Cancer can touch anyone, even you or a member of your family. There is no special immunity because of status or money. I don't want to sound heartless by using the phrase, "It isn't me," but unfortunately, many people think that way.

I am retired now, but at my previous place of employment, a secondary school, I had the privilege of being a year-eight homeroom teacher, and during a class discussion, we hit on the topic of cancer because one of the students had an uncle who had cancer of the prostate. Since I had suffered from this disease, I became curious and asked the class if anyone else knew someone who had this disease. Four more students said they had an uncle or a grandparent with cancer of the prostate, so I asked the students if they knew anyone with cancer. Every hand went up. We have come a long way since I was a child, or is the term cancer vocalised more?

When I asked them if they knew someone who had died from cancer, about half the number of hands went up.

Think about that! Every student knew someone with cancer, and 50 percent of the students experienced the trauma of a loved one or close friend dying from this insidious disease.

Anyway, back to my class. We talked about cancer for a little while, and it became apparent that the students were really sensitive towards the disease and were quite knowledgeable about it. When I told them about this book, some of the students said that they'd like to write something about their own experience, so I asked them if they'd allow me to include their work here.

I am sure you will be touched by the students' expression of their feelings. If you think that nobody is touched by cancer, read on. All stories are in their original form.

Shannon writes:

My name is Shannon, and I have lost three people and one pet to cancer. I lost one of my pet dogs, Mindy, who I was really close to. I lost my grandpa about five years ago. I was close to him and felt his death. I also lost both of my nanas, and because of this, I never got to meet them, so I never had a grandma, only a step-nana.

At the time of Mindy's death, my sister and I were too young, but it still affected us. But when my grandpa died, it was really hard on the family, especially my mum because she had lost her mum to cancer and now her dad. An effect all this had on me has been that for the past five years, I have only had one grandparent. This one grandparent is my poppy on my dad's side. Some days I feel really low and miss them very much, but I always know they are looking down on me and watching over me.

For a short time, my whole family was down, but we always made it though. Sometimes I feel like I have missed out on things like talking to my grandma or having Christmas with Grandpa.

Kate writes:

Last year in 2006, a good friend of ours got diagnosed with breast cancer. When we found out, I was scared for her, hoping she would pull through like last time. K (name withheld) was a wonderful person who lived life to the fullest. It's just sad that cancer took that away from her. As the days went on, K eventually got worse, worse enough that she had to be taken to hospital. I was worried sick that she would pass away. Thankfully she didn't, and I got to see her for the last time.

Unfortunately, K got cancer in her bones and then in her brain. When I got told this from Dad, I felt like crying. Then after that I got told she had only six months to live, which made me feel even worse.

On the first of April 2006, K unfortunately died. That one phone call nearly killed me as I burst into tears. This was more upsetting because it was also my brother's birthday. On the seventh of April, we said our good-byes to the most wonderful and fulfilled person ever. Seeing her eldest son stand up and say a speech was even more depressing. Now I think about her and her family every day and know that she is watching over me.

Adriana writes:

Cancer! Oh what a thing!

Cancer struck my best friend. His name was Raffelle, and he was my nanno. He was the only one who understood me and knew all of my secrets. He died when I was five in 1999 from cancer in the liver. He suffered for three years but said he would never let go.

I remember the last month he was with us was May, and he died the day before my sister's birthday on the twentieth. The last month of his life was always in and out of hospital, and he was always sleeping and depressed. Even though I was only five, I knew it was nearly time to say good-bye. I hated seeing him in this state, but even though he was struggling, he would still get up and play soccer with me.

What made his death more terrible was because he had type II diabetes and his blood pressure would go high and low like the weather in Melbourne (Australia). I remember when his sugar levels were low, he would open a little pack of jelly beans and share them with me. Every afternoon we would go for a walk around the corner and sit on this little white wall, which is still there this very day!

Ian Newbegin

On my way to my nana's, I always stop and sit where he used to sit and think about what life would be like if he was here by my side. On that little wall we have our names from nine years ago, and they are still there.

My nanno was the most loving and generous man in the world. He would do anything for me and my family. Out of all my cousins, I was first in his line. Whenever I think of him, my spirits rise remembering the best man in my life.

Who says kids don't feel someone's illness? These stories were told from the heart, and the whole class listened respectfully when the students read their stories. Fantastic!

I hope you have gained something from these stories since they Demonstrate that there are many people who love you and would miss you should you pass away. Imagine how your children, your grandchildren, or any other child relative would feel if you passed away. What would they write?

Don't give them a chance to find out. Fight for life. There are many people who will miss your love. Respect yourself, and respect your family. They deserve to have you around for many more years, so take the first step and have a medical checkup.

Finding Out

* * *

A Simple Health Check

At age fifty-five, I suppose I was putting on a little weight and could certainly have been fitter, but I felt good about myself and life in general. I had no desire to climb to the top of the ladder as a teacher and felt comfortable in the role of head of school where I led a group of year nine students in a radical education program.

My drinking habits are strictly social, and I don't smoke. In fact, it can be said that I am an extreme anti-smoker and can't understand why people would deliberately indulge in a habit that degrades one's health. Ironic!

(Continues...)

Excerpted from MEN Don't Talk About ...by IAN NEWBEGIN Copyright © 2011 by Ian Newbegin. Excerpted by permission of BALBOA PRESS. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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