Naked & Not Ashamed: Hard Lessons but Better Choices
Lingua: inglese
Editore: AuthorHouse, 2013
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Da: California Books, Miami, FL, U.S.A.California Books
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Aggiungi al carrelloCodice articolo I-9781481749008
- Titolo
- Naked & Not Ashamed: Hard Lessons but Better Choices
- Autore
- Nottage, Sabrina
- Editore
- AuthorHouse
- Anno di pubblicazione
- 2013
- Condizione
- New
- Rilegatura
- Brossura
- Lingua
- inglese
- ISBN 10
- 1481749005
- ISBN 13
- 9781481749008
"Riassunto" può appartenere a un’altra edizione di questo titolo.
Estratto. © Ristampato con autorizzazione. Tutti i diritti riservati.
NAKED & NOT ASHAMED
Hard Lessons but Better Choices
By Sabrina NottageAuthorHouse
All rights reserved.
Contents
| Preface.................................................................... | xxi |
| Introduction............................................................... | 1 |
| Chapter 1 The Long Way Home............................................... | 5 |
| Chapter 2 What About Me?.................................................. | 23 |
| Chapter 3 Saving Sabrina.................................................. | 35 |
| Chapter 4 Uncovering the Mask (Part I).................................... | 49 |
| Chapter 5 Uncovering the Mask (Part II)................................... | 65 |
| Chapter 6 Songs of an Ugly Duckling....................................... | 85 |
| Chapter 7 The Price for Change............................................ | 107 |
| Chapter 8 Price for Change Part II........................................ | 123 |
| Chapter 9 I Come Too Far.................................................. | 151 |
| Chapter 10 Challenging Transition......................................... | 179 |
| Chapter 11 Pandora's Box.................................................. | 197 |
| Chapter 12 Pandoras' Box II............................................... | 213 |
| Chapter 13 Take the Pain Out of the Box................................... | 227 |
| Chapter 14 Unveiled Plans by God.......................................... | 249 |
| Poems...................................................................... | 253 |
| About the Author........................................................... | 269 |
CHAPTER 1
THE LONG WAY HOME
Psalms 68:6 God setteth the solitary in families; hebringeth out those which are bound with chains;
I was born on a Wednesday, in hot August at Jackson MemorialHospital. My mother is the only parent that I ever known and fora long time I did not have a father in my life. My mom met a manname Alex in in the 1960s who you could say was our closest relativeand became a part of our life from time to time.
My mother was born in Miami also but she is Bahamian descendant. Mysiblings were: Franklin, Felicia, Lavon, Will and Wilhemena. My mothertold me that she fell with me one day outside of her apartment down aflight of stairs when she was just eight months pregnant with me. "Nodoubt" she said, "that Alex push her because he was upset with her. Shealso shared with me that at six months, I began walking and that wasunusual for a baby to begin walking at that stage because for most babiesthey began walking at nine months or more, but she said she knew thenthat I had a purpose; she just didn't know what.
Alex was a strange man but very handsome. He was with my mother forthe first three years of my life and then disappeared after that I didn'tsee him for a long time. Throughout my life Alex became a mystery anda piece of my puzzle that I had to put together because no one seem tohave the answers that I needed to go forward in life as a woman.
I went to Orchard Villa Elementary until I finished the six-grade. Mymother work from time to time of what I knew on the beaches at theFountain Bleu Hotel and other Hotels that were popular with the richpeople on Miami Beach which is now called "Sin City". My mother workto support us and pay the rent and the many other bills that came induring the end of each month. My mother was so beautiful and she hada style of her own. She wore bellbottoms, and Afros and big earringsthese were the styles of the seventies. She had the most beautiful set ofteeth that you ever wanted to see and I could remember that she alwayskept herself up, regardless if she didn't have a man standing close to herside. I never remember at any time that she didn't cook for us or cleanor even provide for us, she was always active in our lives no matter whattook place.
We would go to school without missing any days and my mother wouldmake sure that we woke up early enough at 4am in the morning to getdress and then go back to sleep and awake again at 7:00am in orderfor us to arrive to school on time. We would go to church because shewould demand it, and since my grandmother was a missionary we hadno choice, but to follow her directions because she lived about a goodtwelve blocks down the street from us.
My grandmother's name was Jerelean and her mother's name was Maude.My grandmother's mother died when my grandmother was nine yearsof age in a car accident and was raised by her sister Winifred. There'slittle that I know about my great grandparents and my grandmother'ssiblings because my grandmother came from Bahamas Nassau whenshe was just a baby. My grandmother was a virgin when she met andmarried my grandfather and had nine children, five boys: Joe, George,Leroy, John, and Anthony and four girls: Irene, Maude, Roxie, andMerriam.
I didn't like going to my grandmother's house that much, because shewould cook food that I didn't like to eat. Like the time we had to eat porkn beans, grits and onions. It was the most horrible combination that Icould ever imagine swallowing; and half of the time the grits wouldn'tbe cooked all the way, but whatever grandmother had in the cabinet foryou to eat, you best to believe that you had no choice, but to eat it. Andif you ever visit grandmother's house she is going to make sure that youget a decent meal and some decent clothing to put on your body nomatter where they came from.
My grandmother had so many clothes, hats and shoes some that needed tobe thrown in the garbage, but that was her style. When my grandmotherwould go to church she would dress in all white for special services at thechurch. From what I could remember and what I've had been told frommy family; my grandmother has been ushering all her life at our homechurch since 1959 when she first join there. My grandmother wouldhang her clothes all on the walls and in the bathrooms of her home; sheoutgrew her apartment long time ago, I just don't think that she knewthat. I just believe that she loved that apartment because it was her veryown place that she could talk to her plants and speak to her neighbors ona daily basis. Throughout the years I've always observe my grandmotherand I had never seen her smoke, drink, use profanity, wear pants or lieshe was the perfect angel in my eyes. Although she may have done somethings in life that I may not be aware of, her lifestyle eventually helpedme to see how I must live when I became a Christian later on in life.
My mother's father name was George N. Burns, he was born toAngelina Duncombe and Samuel Burns in Stanyard Creek,Andros Bahamas. He pastured in many different churchesthroughout his life. He pastured in Canada for twenty-three years in aMethodist Church near his home. He also preached in Miami from timeto time on his visits with the family. I rarely got to see my grandfatherbecause he lived in Detroit after he and my grandmother had separated.My grandparents' oldest daughter had seven children, three of themdied early on in life, but the remaining four has been talented in theirendeavors. I resembled my aunt in a lot of ways as I've been told growingup from a child. Aunt Irene is red and kind of on the heavy side, all herchildren were dark-skinned and mostly my mother's children were allreddish, but my mother inherited her father's complexion and my auntinherited her mother's complexion so it was throughout the family.
My Aunt Irene was a writer, poet, motivational speaker, teacher, motherand a good friend too many. She has taught me many things over theyears; some good and some difficult, but she has been there for mein my life as my surrogate mother when my mother wasn't around;along with the rest of my aunts. My aunt Irene would come all the wayfrom Opa-Locka to Miami which is perhaps three miles or less just todiscipline me and make sure that I know that she is serious with whatshe is saying. I spent a lot of time with my Aunt Irene, because she wasalways encouraging me to live for Jesus.
I didn't know years from now that I would need him as my savior.I found out through my time growing up at New Bethel MissionaryBaptist Church that I develop orator skills, this gift had to be processand train over the years and I could sing quite well to the Lord. I lovedreading more than anything else in life while growing up, and I didn'tknow that some of things that were connected to my aunt Irene wouldeventually rum off on me, but it did. I am a writer, poet, teacher, preacher,entrepreneur and a mother as well.
My Aunt Roxie married and had three children Jarod, Derrick (nowdeceased) and Kaprice. My Aunt Maude married and had six children:Elaine, LeRoy, Roscoe (B.K.A. Laman), Jerelean, George and Barbarajean.My Uncle Bunk has six children: Vasti, Vickey, Shannon, Kenneth,Tangela, and Tyrone. Uncle George's children were: Kelly, Joel, Terry,lil George (deceased), Shawn, Rochelle, Kenny, and Tangela. Uncle Joechildren are: Clayton, Cathy, and Renada. Uncle Tony children were:lil Tony (now deceased) and Tyrone. My uncle John met and marriedWanda and together they had: Schunetta (bka Shu Shu) Alfred, Tonyaand Rodney.
My Aunt Roxie & Aunt Maude were real close sisters out of all the othersiblings they hung together like they were the best of friends. Both werealways disciplining me in so many facets of my life that I simply thoughtthat they hated me.
My great grandparents on Alex's side were: James & Olivia and theyconceived eight children: Eugene, James, Ezekiel, Jonathan, Christina,Patsy, Hazel and Granville Jr. My grandparents Granville & PrincessLouise had four children together in their marriage: Frank, Lenora,Clifford and Amos in which Amos died at an early age of worms foundin his stomach. Granville Sr. was born in the 1920s, died of a braintumor, on my cousin's wedding day at the canal where he loved to fish.My grandmother Princess Louise died on her son's birthday.
Over the years my grandparents on Alex's side divorced and remarriedagain. My grandfather had twelve more children from three differentwomen: Junior, Thomas, Beverly, Diane, Clifford, Christina, Theresa,Margaret, Florin, Michael, Eugene and Hazel. My grandmother she hadfour more children: Maxine, Dorleen, Yvonne, and Bradley. PrincessLouise was born in Andrews Bahamas and raised by her older sister andbrother, she clean homes for a living, took care of children and prettymuch drink in her early years but when my oldest aunt Lenora had herfirst child my grandmother quick drinking and eventually gave her lifeover to the Lord. I didn't get a chance to know my grandmother Louiselike my grandmother Jerelean, because she lived in the Bahamas, andI rarely got to see her when she would visit Florida, but I do rememberher face and her strong Bahamian accent.
My Aunt Irene married and had seven children: Yeolanda, Darryl,Rogerene, Dwayne, Farstaire, Pareese and Traci. In whom Rogerene,Darryl, and Farstaire died early on. I never got to meet Rogerene. Darryland Farstaire I knew pretty well. They will all be missed. Traci and Iwere pretty close. Traci is the singer of the family and Pareese was thebaker in the family and the director of the choir at our home churchwhere our family had served in every capacity. Traci would sing atmany different church functions, conventions and competitions thatshe would win first prize every time. She was very gifted and talentedand man oh man I wanted to be like her.
We had a wonderful time growing up and going to so many differentchurch conferences. Traci and I were like sisters too. We talked abouteverything there was to talk about in life. Although our lives weremostly centered on church activities we got along very well. Traci wasmore like a tom boy at heart; she would chase lizards, grasshoppers, andall kind of insects and would feed them without any fear. We would playin the backyard of her house many times chasing things we knew notwhat, but it was whatever we could find. We would climb mango treesand jump fences to meet our friends on the other side. For most of ourlives choir rehearsal, BTU, Sunday services and many church events wasa part of our activities growing up.
My aunt Lee is the one that I became very close she is one of my closesrelatives's sister. I would spent time over her house almost every chancethat I got. My aunt Lee had five children, Dwayne, Dwight, Cassandra(BKA Sandy), Katrina, and Allen (J.R). Sandy was the same age as meand we would hang out together whenever we visited each other and shebecame not only a cousin to me, but also my very best friend. My motherand her mother were pregnant at the same time and in the year withboth children Katrina and Felicia and Sandy and me during the timeour mothers conceived us. We were destined to be the best of friendsbecause my mother was real close to my aunt Lee.
At my Aunt Lee house, Sandy and I would climb mango trees, go to theparks and pools and talk for hours when we could about all types ofthings. She was one of my favorite cousins that I enjoyed being aroundduring the summers and holidays because she was like my very ownsister. I enjoyed going to visit my aunts during the summers, becausethey'd always bought wholesome to my confused life. I felt like they werethe best set of two aunts in the whole wide world. I guess that's why Ihad resentment towards my own mother, because it didn't seem that shecared about us after becoming involved with "Mr. Black".
Meeting Mr. Black for the first time wasn't easy because I hadn'tgotten over Beau, because Beau reminded me of Alex fromthe images that I can remember when my mother was withhim. It was right after her relationship with Beau that my mom metMr. Black. I loved Beau he was handsome and always was there withmy mother helping when she needed it, but when she met Mr. Blackmy whole life change. Mr. Black had a big face, big beard and big handsand in my two eyes I didn't like him. They always say that you can tell alot by a person when you're looking into their eyes. His eyes told a badstory and from looking into them they were telling me that he wouldn'tbe a good catch for my mother. I just knew within myself that Mr. Blackwas bad news.
Mr. Black was from Alabama, and he was married to someone else,just as mom was married to one of my closes relatives. It didn't matter,because I had begun to like Beau and accepted him into our lives as if hewere our father. So when Mr. Black came into the picture (to me), he justmess up everything that I had dream for our family and I wasn't aboutto make him feel as if he won my heart either; since he had stolen awaythe only daddy I ever knew. It was hard during that time anyway giventhe fact that mom had just been with Beau. Transitional from one fatherto another would never be an easy task, if love is involved.
When Alex and my mother were going through their transition of tryingto make their relationship work we would travel back and forward fromMiami to Detroit. I remember the homes that we were living in whenwe use to live in Detroit, they were like town homes and the neighborslived right outside your door. It was as if you were living in hotels.On the outside of the apartments were like the different colored brickgingerbread houses that look its best during the winter. In Detroit thehomes were a lot different from the Miami homes since it didn't takelong to build them in Miami then in Detroit. I reckon that the brickhomes were made for the weather since it snowed every year. Whenwinter came I loved it, it bought flavor to the environment and beauty.It was like living wealthy, I've never got to see snow since then, but Iremembered it well back then.
Flashbacks of the times that my mother and my siblings would travelback and forth from Detroit to Miami on buses to see Alex appeared inmy mind from time to time. But it all ended one day when my motherbelieved that Alex was using witchcraft in order to keep her going backto him. Alex abused my mother a lot. And she was determine not toallow him to ruin her life again; so she never open another one of hisletters again and we never went back to see him again. It would bethirteen years later before I'd ever hear from him again.
I grew up in a town call Liberty City known as 61st street. Once Igraduated from Orchard Villa Elementary we attended CharlesR. Drew Middle School. Our apartment complex was made up ofthree hundred units and if you wanted to visit a neighbor or a friendthat live in the same complex you would have to go up two or threeflights of stairs depending on which floor they lived on in order for youto maintain contact with other people in the complex. Most folks inliberty city were on welfare or selling drugs. It wasn't a suburban areaor rich class area; Liberty City was the projects where everybody kneweach other because it was like a small town and you couldn't get awaywith something without someone else seeing you do it.
I never knew what it was to like to live in a house. As I remembered it,we've always lived in an apartment and I never had my own room. I meta lot of people on 61st street Mayloise and her husband Junior, they hadthree children Keisha, Patrick and Tatiana was named after a bottle ofperfume. The Jackson's were older people and they were raising theirgrandchildren Theresa, Shawn and Boo-Boo (nickname). We would playgames with the children on the weekends and sometimes through theweekdays if we were good and all of our chores were done.
Red light, Freeze and No Hesitations or Demonstrations were just somethe games that we indulged in when it was boring. Loosing was not agood feeling you had to always prove that you could beat somebodyelse, but most of time we went away feeling like we had lost the biggestgame of our lives this was my escape for a while. I forgot about myenvironment when we would play with the children. My favorite musicwas the Commodores, Denise Williams, the Ojays and many moregroups who were in that era. The seventies were the best music aroundand to me it still is besides gospel which is now my number one thingthat I listen too.
I had my sister Felicia, who at times played a special part in myrecreational activities especially when we couldn't go outside of thehouse. We were like night and day, although, no two people think alikeit should have been some type of agreement since we were sisters. Feliciaand I are eleven months apart. I guess that meant that we struggled to bethe first in everything we did. Not that it matter to me, but with Feliciashe always had to win and she mostly did it through cheating. Like thetime we were playing gem rummy five hundred; she would deal elevencards each for the both of us, but most of the time she would have liketwenty-one cards in her hands to my eleven and I didn't catch on untillater when she had beat me like five times. She was very sneaky andwould lie in a minute.
During our time on 61st street Felicia was very shy to most people, but athome, she would yelled at me to get her point across this would be duringour playtime together. We've always had arguments, whether it was overthe smallest thing or the biggest thing we both receive spankings whenwe would fight. Felicia always started a fight with me. Although mysister Felicia and I didn't get along as much we had so much fun togetherregardless of our differences with one another especially when we hadto help one another in school.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from NAKED & NOT ASHAMED by Sabrina Nottage. Copyright © 2013 Sabrina Nottage. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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