The Decision to Become a Mother

For most of my adult life, I never dreamed about getting pregnant or becoming a mother. In my competitive mind, mothering and stay-at-home moms were weak. The breadwinners were more educated, professional, worldlier, and just better. Somehow this distorted view of motherhood took hold during my formative years. As a young girl, I identified with my father, and my definition of success became tied to the values that he held strong.

In my nuclear family, the words marriage, babies, and grandchildren, were never mentioned. The emphasis was placed on independence, education, and financial stability.

Those were the ideals that I strove for. I became a perfectionistic achiever, overly responsible, highly-educated, and defined by my career.

When I was around 35, I realized that at the end of the day, after all the work was done, I was alone. Did I want to be alone? Did I want to find my special person? Did I want love and family? Who was I without my career and my patients? I had friends, really great ones. I got to thinking about whose life I was living and whose dream I was chasing. That's when things started to go a little sideways and change course for me.

As a result of the breakup of my nuclear family from my parent's divorce, I had many heart wounds. I was scared of love. Love was a nebulous feeling that left one vulnerable. I associated that scary kind of vulnerable with being a stay-at-home mom who relied on somebody else's paycheck.

This was all deep programming that I had taken on as a result of my family's dynamic. In the way I was wired, I was more of a male stuck in a female's body than a female. The truth is, I was completely out of balance.

I learned that women have two very unique powers. If we learn to channel them appropriately, we have the world at our feet. I'm not a master of them myself, but at least I now know they exist.

These powers are our masculine and our feminine energies. Every woman needs both to operate to her highest potential.

A New Year's Resolution Changed My Life

I made a New Year's resolution to learn how to salsa dance. I learned about balancing my masculine and feminine energies through dance. That's right: My decision to dance changed my life.

I was drawn to Latin dance — specifically salsa dancing. Salsa requires that the man leads, and the woman follows. That was hard for me. I was a leader, and I wanted to lead, but that wasn't going to help me on the dance floor, and it wasn't working out so great in my personal life either. Many men were downright scared of me. Through salsa, I learned how to follow the man's lead. I learned how to move my body to the rhythm and ultimately release a lot of my old fears through the movements. It wasn't easy, but I was determined to become a dancer or at least be able to hold my own on a Los Angeles dance f loor. I also took ladies styling boot camps. I learned how to fall with grace and to wait there patiently for my partner to pick me up with grace.

I also learned how to walk. That's right, walk. Apparently, before salsa, I was marching everywhere like Speedy Gonzales. Most importantly, I learned how to follow. A woman who teaches beginner salsa dancing around the world calls herself "Ede the Salsa Freak." She said something in one of her classes that always stuck with me, "The man leads the lady around holding the picture frame, but she is the true piece of art, the beautiful picture." In that moment, I saw the true power of stepping into the woman's role, the importance of letting the man be the man. For that, I'll be forever grateful.

I don't want to bore you with my entire transformation from scary independent woman to married woman f loating on a cloud in love. I'm married to a wonderful man, who shows me each day how strong the bonds of love truly are. I'm blessed. Believe me, it took years of transformation, months of therapy, and many hours of salsa dancing for me to get to this place. But it was all worth it.

Interestingly, "it was all worth it" is what my mom-friends say about pregnancy. While I was pregnant, I wasn't sure I believed them. Whether or not "it was all worth it" remained to be seen.

My husband was born to be a father. He would have seven children if he could. But he chose me, and I got pregnant for the first time at age 39, so he started a little late for that. I told him he should have married a younger woman, but he seems content. Hopefully he'll be satisfied with just one child, because I can't ever see myself going through pregnancy again.

After I met my husband, I imagined returning to Arizona to have our baby. In Arizona, naturopathic doctors can practice as midwives — with additional training, of course — and a home birth is entirely possible. A home birth would be ideal for me because I figure I could grunt and groan as loud as I want without feeling even the tiniest bit of embarrassment. Plus, the potential for unnecessary medical intervention is completely eliminated. At home, I wouldn't have to fight, argue, or cry with any authority figure over what would or wouldn't happen to our baby or me. In the case of an emergency, I could be transported to the nearest hospital for care.

Me, Before Pregnancy

For my entire career as a naturopathic doctor, I've treated women between the ages of 35 and 70. I specialize in women's hormonal balance, weight issues, unexplained mystery illnesses, and digestive disorders. Yes, I've treated some children and men, but my patients have mostly been women. I wasn't attracted to pediatrics, maybe in part because I never saw myself as a mother.

Educated, more mature women have always been drawn to me. I strongly believe in educating my patients. I can teach mature, educated women about their health, and they value it. I've helped many women become pregnant and manage the life-altering symptoms of pregnancy. My passion has always been women. This is because women are complicated and need to be treated as a complete package. Women make decisions for our homes and our families. When we make positive changes, the whole family benefits. Conversely, when we're unbalanced and off our game, the entire family suffers.

This book shares my own very personal story of my pregnancy. It's mostly written from my perspective as a patient and not as a doctor, although I do include recommendations for common pregnancy conditions from a natural medical perspective, often in boxed "Quick Tips."

When I became pregnant, I became a patient with the same wants, needs, and desires as any other mother-to-be. None of the physiology, embryology, and facts that I had learned in my professional career meant a darn thing. This is a very real and sometimes raw journey of my birth from woman to mother. My wish is to help other women who embark on this journey understand that they are not alone in this rite of passage and that there's a way to do it holistically.

I learned embryology in medical school, but that didn't take the place of living it first-hand. When I got pregnant, I knew what supplements to take and which foods to eat, but I was mostly unprepared for the insane, out of control spin my body went into almost right away. I wondered: How could I feel so terrible when I wasn't even showing yet? Weren't the trials of pregnancy to come later on, when I would look like I had a basketball attached to me? It's really hard to treat yourself. I don't care who you are; a surgeon shouldn't do surgery on herself. The fact that I was the patient and also a doctor only helped a little bit. I still needed the advice and guidance of medical professionals to light the way.

My Medical History

I didn't choose to be a doctor for the money or the prestige. In fact, I never wanted to be a conventional doctor. I figured out at a young age from being an observant child and a routine patient that MDs were pressed between the insurance companies and the drug companies. That pressure resulted in less time allotted for patients and quick-fix treatments, including prescription drugs and surgery. According to the latest survey, almost half of primary care doctors suffer from depression.

I've always felt a close connection to nature, and I believed that nature had a lot to offer in easing human suffering. I chose a career in naturopathic medicine because it followed the laws of nature, and that made sense to me. Why would I want to use drugs to suppress symptoms when it was possible to simply fix them? Drugs have unwanted side effects, and I didn't want to prescribe them to other people. I didn't take them when I wasn't pregnant. I certainly wasn't going to take any risks while I was pregnant.

Don't get me wrong: There's a place for conventional medicine. As you'll see, I used both conventional and integrative medicine during my pregnancy. Utilizing both systems allowed me to review my options and make the best decisions for my unborn baby and me.

Over the past decade, naturopathic medicine has become more popular, but it's certainly not the path of least resistance. Often the "natural" beliefs bump up against conventional medical dogma. This can lead to uncomfortable moments in social situations and doctor's offices. Naturopathic medicine prompts the question "Why?" This can be uncomfortable, but ultimately it inspires conversation.

I love naturopathic medicine because I get to show women how to avoid disease and regain health. This allows my patients to understand their bodies and to learn how to take better care of them.

I believe that our bodies have a magical ability to heal themselves when provided with the proper support and guidance. We come from the earth. Our bodies are made of carbon, hydrogen, oxygen, calcium, magnesium, and silica — just like plants, dirt, and trees. It makes sense that the chemical structure of what nature provides matches the chemical structure inside of our bodies. When you eat an apple, your body knows exactly what to do with it. There's a vibrational and chemical match. When you introduce synthetic substances into your body, they aren't an exact match. Synthetic substances force things to happen inside of your body instead of supporting the system as a whole. Our bodies try their best to function with synthetics on board, but typically unwanted side effects result. It's a lot like putting smooth silky oil in your engine that enhances the function or putting sandy oil in your engine that gets stuck in the gears and causes a lot of collateral damage. Your body's "engine" functions the best it can with the addition of the sand, but there are side effects.

Pregnancy is a dance with the divine. The entire process is otherworldly. It cannot be replicated in a laboratory. In this way, it's best to err on the side of caution with any medication, herb, or supplement. It's important to be aware of the safety issues when using herbs in pregnancy, because not everything that's natural is safe for pregnant moms. Consulting with a naturopathic doctor, midwife, or knowledgeable practitioner is recommended. The desire to avoid medical interventions has led many pregnant women to seek natural alternatives. Many items from Mother Nature's medicinary can safely alleviate a lot of pregnancy ailments. I've listed them at the appropriate points throughout my story. These items include foods, homeopathic remedies, herbs, vitamins, and minerals.

It's important to remember that herbs have a pharmacologic action and can act like drugs. It's critical to know which are considered safe.

Based on my sand analogy, I caution you against taking prescription medications when you're pregnant. My MD gave me a list of "safe" medications during pregnancy, but I didn't use any of them. This wasn't because I had a wonderful and easy pregnancy. The practice of medicine continues to evolve. With time and more data — which often comes from adverse effects that happened to real people — things that were once thought to be safe are now known to not be safe. This is the case with acetaminophen, which was recommended during pregnancy for many years. It wasn't well studied during pregnancy, but it was generally thought to be safe. In 2016, new data showed that acetaminophen isn't as safe as we thought, and it affects the developing fetus.

Similarly, in 2011, f luconazole was found to cause miscarriage in high doses.

The most prudent approach to herb or drug safety is a risk/benefit analysis. This takes into consideration the side effects of an herb or drug and the severity of the symptoms you have. Natural remedies can provide substantial relief for common symptoms and concerns that arise during pregnancy and childbirth.

Because natural medicine is my passion, I pursued natural ways to support my body during pregnancy and childbirth.

Mature Mamas

I was a bit miffed that so much fear was woven into pregnancy for women over 35 years of age. The terms that the medical system uses for pregnant women 35 and over include geriatric pregnancy and advanced maternal age. Really? You can't come up with a term slightly less insulting? I propose we swap the old terms for something more empowering like mature mama.

After graduating from naturopathic school, I embarked on a 10-year health pilgrimage, which involved healing my digestion, balancing my hormones, replacing nutrient deficiencies, and detoxifying my body of toxic metals, including mercury and lead. I was 39 when I got pregnant, but I was more balanced than I was in my 20s, more nutritionally fit, and much more health conscious.

Women who get pregnant in their 20s have had less time on planet Earth, which equates to less toxins that build up in their bodies and less time for any nutrient deficiencies to really take hold. Women over 35 have had more time for toxins and nutritional deficiencies to build up.

I encourage older women to begin a naturopathic lifestyle at least one year before trying to get pregnant. This helps with ovulation, and it increases the ease of conception. It also helps correct nutritional deficiencies, creates healthy eggs, and removes toxins, which improves your health and the health of your baby. Because it takes 120 days for a mature egg to form, it's best to have good nutrition and supplementation for at least four to six months before conception.

I was taking progesterone for about one year before we started trying to conceive. I started taking progesterone at night between days 14 and 28 of each cycle to regulate my cycles, increase ovulation, minimize PMS, and ensure that if an egg was fertilized it would indeed stick. Progesterone deficiency is one of the main causes of miscarriage, especially in a mature mamma. (See "Quick Tip: Progesterone.")

In the book Birthing from Within: An extraordinary guide to childbirth preparation, the author wrote, "It is not the job of the doctor or midwife to show the woman how to give birth. It is their job to remind her of what she already knows."

The laws of nature are already in place. When the egg and sperm meet, the mechanisms kick in, and the body does what it knows how to do. The woman needs to be reminded, with gentle coaching, support, and love.

Women who step on a path to motherhood later in life need the combination of conventional and holistic suggestions to healthfully move through their pregnancy with ease and without fear. This provides a balanced setting for both mother and baby and ensures better outcomes. Throughout this book, you'll see that I underwent care with both a licensed naturopathic midwife and a conventional medical ob/gyn. I wanted to compare and contrast the differences in care and also make sure I wasn't missing out on information that would be vital to my baby or me.

It was a good thing I was taking vitamins and supplementing for all those months prior to conception because by week 7, my entire world as I knew it for 39 years came crumbling down.

Game On! The First Trimester

The first thing you should know is that pregnancy really lasts 10 months — not nine. Yes, 40 weeks equates to 10 months in my mind, and you should be prepared for that, too. Nine months, my behind!

The next thing you should know is that the medical system calculates weeks and trimesters in a screwy way. Technically when you miss your first period, you're only 2 weeks pregnant, but your doctor will base it off your last menstrual cycle and tell you that you're 4 weeks pregnant. So here's the bottom line, the first trimester is 14 weeks, the second is 12, and the third is 14 weeks, bringing us to a grand total of 40 weeks. (This is how I do the math. Some books will divide it differently, but it's always 40 weeks.)

I realized we were pregnant around week 5. I knew that we were trying, but honestly I wasn't one to overthink it. I figured it would happen when it happened, and I was pretty confident about my cycles and my ovulation timing. We had been having sex on a natural schedule, but then I kicked it up to every other day between days 8 and 20 of each cycle. When an egg is released, it survives for about 24 hours. Sperm can live up to three days. The sperm need to be in place and swimming prior to ovulation so that there's enough time to reach and fertilize the egg.