Unplug and Get Connected! Dr. Cindy Bunin aka Dr. Buttinsky shows busy parents how to unplug and get connected to their children - toddlers through teens. Parenting Unplugged encourages parents to unplug themselves from their TV's, smart phones, computers, and iPods, and take the time necessary to tune in and really listen to their children! Unplugged time means being present when you are interacting with your child, regardless of his or her age. Children quickly become attuned to the times their parents aren't paying attention. Therefore, it is necessary to let your children know that you really care, by being attentive and listening to what they have to say. This no-holds barred, straightforward, practical guide provides over 365 fun, exciting and simple ways for parents to unplug and reconnect with their children. You will not be reading pages and pages of overwhelming research, and still be left without the answers you are searching for. When you are finished reading this book, you will have the knowledge that you need to live in this technological world and know how and why it is important to connect with your children. Technology is a very important part of our lives, but it has its place and must be kept in check. Parents need to encourage their children as well, to unplug from technology and get back to basics, like playing outside, doing arts and crafts, engaging in physical activities, and reading. "Commit to being unplugged one hour a day, spending focused and connected time with your children. You will be so happy you did" . . . Dr. Cindy
Parenting Unplugged!
365 Fun, Practical Ways to CONNECT with Your Kids and GET UNPLUGGEDBy Cindy BuniniUniverse, Inc.
Copyright © 2012 Dr. Cindy Bunin a.k.a "Dr. Buttinsky"
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4620-5603-3Contents
PART I Why You Need to Get Unplugged..................................................1CHAPTER 1 The Philosophy of Parenting Unplugged.......................................3CHAPTER 2 Parenting Unplugged Made Simple.............................................6CHAPTER 3 Stop, Look, Listen, and Learn...............................................15CHAPTER 4 Natural Times to Get Unplugged..............................................19CHAPTER 5 Technology: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.................................23PART II A Year Of Unplugged Activities, Month By Month Ages 2-8.......................27CHAPTER 6 JANUARY.....................................................................29CHAPTER 7 FEBRUARY....................................................................38CHAPTER 8 MARCH.......................................................................46CHAPTER 9 APRIL.......................................................................55CHAPTER 10 MAy........................................................................65CHAPTER 11 JUNE.......................................................................74CHAPTER 12 JULY.......................................................................81CHAPTER 13 AUGUST.....................................................................91CHAPTER 14 SEPTEMBER..................................................................100CHAPTER 15 OCTOBER....................................................................111CHAPTER 16 NOVEMBER...................................................................121CHAPTER 17 DECEMBER...................................................................130PART III Tweens, Teens, And The Whole Family..........................................141CHAPTER 18 Parenting Unplugged With Tweens And Teens..................................143CHAPTER 19 Fifty Unplugged Family Activities For Tweens And Teens.....................146CHAPTER 20 Dr Cindy-Approved Plugged-In Family-Time Activities........................148CHAPTER 21 Wrapping It Up!............................................................150
Chapter One
THE PHILOSOPHY OF PARENTING UNPLUGGED
Parenting is the hardest job you will ever have! Give yourself permission to make mistakes, and don't feel guilty. We are all human.
The cornerstone of the Parenting Unplugged philosophy is the use of the term "unplugged." It means time away from the distractions of our plugged-in world (TV, video games, iPods, iPads, phones, et al.) devoted exclusively to your child when you are present and in the moment. Unplugged time does not need to be planned—it can happen in the everyday moments. I will discuss how to enjoy these simple, easy, everyday moments later in the book. Children face many hurdles as they grow up, from peer pressure to scholastics or sports anxiety. You want your child to feel that he can confide in you, and you want to be able to communicate honestly with him when he does. To get to that point, you must invest the time now, while he is young. Although it is never too late to start building trust, the sooner you begin the stronger the bond between you and your child will be.
The parents who come to my office are well aware of the challenges of raising children today. "How can I be a perfect parent?" I'm asked. I tell them there is no such thing as a perfect parent, that all they have to do is be present! Instead of trying to be perfect, I encourage parents to aim for emotional commitment by following some simple guidelines. These guidelines are intertwined and relate to each other on many levels. They involve your parental expectations, how you perceive your children, how you react to them, how you discipline your children, and most of all how you love your children—no matter what.
When we make the decision to become parents, we truly have no idea what it will encompass, because after all, this is a job we are not trained for. The following "job description" sums up what being a parent is all about:
POSITION: Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma, Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop
JOB DESCRIPTION: Long-term team players needed for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent twenty-four-hour shifts on-call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in faraway cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES: The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs five dollars. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to sixty mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small-gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets, and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars, and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and maintain mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap plastic toys and battery-operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION: None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required (unfortunately). On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION: Get this! You pay them, offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn eighteen because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and only wish you could do more.
BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, pension, tuition reimbursement, paid holidays, and stock options are offered, this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.
Chapter Two
PARENTING UNPLUGGED MADE SIMPLE
Parenting is a journey and a process. Just take it one step at a time.
Now that you have a better understanding of what a parent's role needs to be, I would like to share with you my philosophy on parenting and how to deal with children, whether they are age two, six, ten, fifteen, or twenty.
1. Play or Talk: Play or talk with your child every day and be sure it is unplugged time. Remember, you are your child's favorite "toy." From the moment your child gazes into your eyes for the first time, she or he is in love. You are it, their world, and they will depend on you to help them thrive physically and emotionally. It's called "bonding." We have heard it through the years, and we all know what it is; however, so many parents don't quite understand that our children need that bonding time from infancy until they are grown up. From the crying toddler to the tenacious teen, your children are crying out for your attention. You must understand that the need for connection is always present, even when your kids are a little bit older. Just because your feisty "tween" (a child who is between middle childhood and adolescence, usually in the nine—to twelve-year-old range) says she doesn't want to go food shopping with you does not mean she doesn't. You should make her go. You might be surprised how much conversation will occur in this non-threatening environment. As far as the teen who thinks he is too cool to get a hug, maybe you don't need to hug him in front of his friends, but you do need to hug him. Well? What are you waiting for?
2. Patience: Always be patient with your child and use kind words. Harsh words and tones can harm a child's spirit. We lose our patience because we are on overload. The pressure at work, the pressure at home, even the pressure from a child's terrible behavior can send us over the edge. So, parents, when you feel as if you are going to explode, put yourself in a "time out." Take five minutes to regroup. Find a quiet place, such as the bathroom, bedroom, or garage, anywhere, and just breathe. You will be happy you did. Instead of lashing out at your toddler or teen, you have prevented a very nasty situation from occurring. So the bottom line is that understanding why your patience is limited will help you deal with the situation rather than dole out the insults.
3. Prioritize: Make your child a priority in your life. We only pass this way once. I am telling you, it goes by in a flash, and it will soon be too late to make up for missed opportunities. So if you have a choice between watching your favorite daytime talk show or playing dolls with your daughter, which do you choose? Once again, all children need to feel as if they are a priority. If you want to go out with the guys and your teen is just sitting in front of the TV vegging out, what do you do? Ask him to go along; he might say yes. Trust me; he really needs this contact with you, as teens are just as emotionally needy as toddlers. So whether you have thirty minutes a day or thirty hours a week to devote to your children, take full advantage of that time. You are giving them a very precious gift—you! That is how we help our children blossom, by emotionally nurturing their hearts and souls.
4. Permission: Allow yourself to make mistakes, and don't feel guilty. We are all human. Unplug the guilt! There is definitely no such thing as a perfect parent. All you can do is do your best to have the emotional insight, inner strength, and knowledge to raise an emotionally healthy and happy child. If you can succeed in that, you have done your job well. So why do you feel so inadequate, so unprepared, so ... guilty? There are very few guarantees in life, but I can guarantee this: you will make mistakes. There will be times when you question everything you're doing, and you won't feel good about any decision you make. But there will be other times when your heart will swell as you see your child thriving. It takes time, practice, and experience to be a good parent. The most important thing to do is trust your own judgment—and don't be so hard on yourself.
5. Perfect: There is no such thing as a perfect child. Do not try to create one. Every child is different, and you need to celebrate the difference and accept your child for who he or she is ... the good and the not so good. There will be days you want to hug and kiss him all day, and there will be days when you wonder where this child came from and want to ship him out. Hang in there, as there is always a payoff—like when you snuggle together reading that bedtime story and he grabs you around the neck and says, "Mommy, can I marry you?" Or when she calls out for you in the dark night to protect her from a bad dream. That's when you know it's all worth it.
6. Personality: Allow your child to be who he or she is regardless of what qualities are unlike yours. Parenting is like playing in the Super Bowl of life. You have to have a solid strategy in place for playing the game. Except in this game, the parenting game, you must realize from the get-go that there is no such thing as winning; it's how you play the game that counts. You and your spouse or parenting partner are the coaches, and your children are the team players. You need to understand the team players, how they interact, and what their individual talents are in order to play the game successfully. You can't be a good coach unless you understand and evaluate each team member individually. Each of us is born with a particular temperament. In other words, temperaments are inborn personality traits that every human being has; you cannot change them. It's like being born with blond hair and blue eyes. Your temperament is who you are as a person and governs the way you interact with your world. It is much easier to respond to your children and support who they are once you understand their basic temperament. For example, if you have a very strong, aggressive personality, that might not be a great match for a child who is shy and withdrawn. You may have to be aware of how you talk and interact with that child. Since you are the adult, it is much easier for you to understand how to relate to your child, rather than to expect your little one to try to assess the situation.
Children's temperaments are generally classified into three categories:
Flexible children are generally:
• calm
• happy
• regular in sleeping and eating habits
• adaptable
• not easily upset
Feisty children are generally:
• irregular in feeding and sleeping habits
• fearful of new people and situations
• easily upset by noise and commotion
• high strung
• intense in their reactions
Fearful children are generally:
• Slow to warm up or cautious
• tend to withdraw
• relatively inactive
• prone to reacting negatively to new situations
By understanding these patterns, you can tailor your parenting approach in such areas as discipline, realistic expectations, and encouragement to meet your child's unique needs.
7. Praise: Praise goes a long way in building your child's self-esteem. Praise is one of the most important gifts you can give your child. It is important for all children of all ages to know that their parents approve of them as a person, approve of their behavior, and approve of the task they are completing. The act of a parent giving praise or approval to a child is known as positive reinforcement. This technique can be used to manage children's behavior. When a child does something positive—sings a song well, passes a final exam with a high score, follows direction, or paints neatly—praise should be given. This can be done with a hug, a kiss, a pat on the back, or any sign of approval. A few kind words can go a long way and mean a great deal to your child throughout his or her entire life. Here are 101 ways to praise your child:
Wow * Way to Go * Super * You're Special * Outstanding * Excellent * Great * Good * Neat *Well Done * Remarkable * I Knew You Could Do It * I'm Proud of You * Fantastic * Superstar * Nice Work * Looking Good * You're on Top of It * Beautiful * Now You're Flying * You're Catching On * Now You've Got It * You're Incredible * Bravo * You're Fantastic * Hurray for You * You're on Target * You're on Your Way * How Nice * How Smart * Good Job * That's Incredible * Hot Dog * Dynamic * You're Beautiful * You're Unique * Nothing Can Stop You Now * Good for You * I like You * You're a Winner * Remarkable Job * Beautiful Work * Spectacular * You're Spectacular * You're a Darling * You're Precious * Great Discovery * You've Discovered the Secret * You Figured It Out * Fantastic Job * Hip, Hip, Hurray * Bingo * Magnificent * Marvelous * Terrific * You're Important * Phenomenal * You're Sensational * Super Work * Creative Job * Super Job * Fantastic Job * Exceptional Performance * You're a Real Trooper * You Are Responsible * You Are Exciting * You Learned It Right * What An Imagination * What A Good Listener * You Are Fun * You're Growing Up * You Tried Hard * You Care * Beautiful Sharing * Outstanding Performance * You're a Good Friend * I Trust You * You're Important * You Mean a Lot to Me * You Make Me Happy * You Belong * You've Got a Friend * You Make Me Laugh * You Brighten My Day * I Respect You * You Mean the World to Me * That's Correct * You're a Joy * You're a Treasure * You're Wonderful * You're Perfect * Awesome * A-plus Job * You're the Best * A Big Hug * A Big Kiss * I Love You!
8. Pleasure: Take pleasure in every aspect of your child's accomplishments, as well as his failures. Failure is a part of the learning process. Instead of being emotionally distraught over your child's coming in second at the county spelling bee, be proud that he made it that far and that he was able to stand before a huge crowd and perform under pressure. Always try to reframe the situation and look for the good. The way you react to your child's failures will set the tone and manner with which he will deal with disappointments in the future.
9. Potential: Help your child reach his full potential by sharing experiences and giving him opportunities where he will learn. Children are born with innate talents. The only way you will know what they are is to allow your child to explore the world. From dance to soccer, from painting to singing, be sure to give her opportunities to nurture her talents. It might be difficult for you to accept them if they are not the same talents you possess or ones you fantasize about having. Be sure to think outside the box. So if your child does not do well at any sports, try chess, or music; be open to all of it.
10. Practical: Be practical about your expectations of your child, and respect him for his uniqueness. He will look different and behave differently than all other children. But he is yours. If he has two left feet, help him develop coordination so he can at least go bowling. If your tween wants to take singing lessons but you know she really can't sing, encourage her to go for it anyway. If she enjoys singing, that is all that matters. When you see her face glowing at the choral concert at school, you will know she is feeling pride in what she has accomplished, and so will you. Respect your children for who they are—and aren't.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Parenting Unplugged!by Cindy Bunin Copyright © 2012 by Dr. Cindy Bunin a.k.a "Dr. Buttinsky". Excerpted by permission of iUniverse, Inc.. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
