Winston B. Stanley, PhD, has spent many years serving as a pastor to adolescents. At youth conferences, retreats, and other events, he has always sought out to provide wisdom and guidance.

This guidebook for parents and youngsters alike is his way of sharing how to steer the lives of young people in a positive direction. You’ll learn.

• how adolescents think differently than adults;
• how examples of adolescents in biblical times provide lessons for today;
• how guidance from God can be applied to help young people; and
• how modeling, nurturing, and teaching can aid adolescents.

Stanley also offers guidance on promoting healthy essentials for physical development, tips on discipline, and ways to help young people take responsibility for their actions. It’s important to get the knowledge you need to confront the tough issues of being a parent and of becoming an adult.

As a parent or young person, you need to understand the psychology and dynamics that define adolescence. You’ll find the answers you need from a longtime pastor who has spent long hours listening, encouraging and counseling young people in Parents: Adolescents are Adults-with-Less Sense.

PARENTS: ADOLESCENTS ARE ADULTS-WITH-LESS-SENSE

A Christ-Centered Approach to Adolescent DevelopmentBy Winston B. Stanley

iUniverse, Inc.

Copyright © 2013 Winston B. Stanley, PhD.
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4759-6496-7

Contents

Foreword........................................................................xiPreface.........................................................................xiiiIntroduction....................................................................xvPart I: Understanding the Adolescent............................................1Chapter 1: Stages of Adolescent Development.....................................3Chapter 2: Biblical Concept of Adolescence......................................22Chapter 3: Culture and the Adolescent...........................................27Chapter 4: The Adolescent's Real Problem........................................32Chapter 5: The Adolescent's Health..............................................54Chapter 6: Socialization: Modeling, Nurturing, and Teaching.....................65Part II: Counseling the Adolescent..............................................89Chapter 7: RELATIONSHIPS! Relationships! relationships!.........................91Chapter 8: 3-C Counseling Model.................................................111Chapter 9: Elihu: He Is My God..................................................125Bibliography....................................................................137

Chapter One

Stages of Adolescent Development

God's Ideal: A Thinking Adolescent

I happened to run upon this statement doing research in education: "The mind that depends upon the judgments of others is certain, sooner or later, to be mis-led." In essence, the writer is saying we must learn early on to think for our individual selves. Years ago, my college professor stated, "the objective of a book is to make you think." Over the years, I have come to discover that both statements are true. With this said, the most recent research by neuroscientists involves what's called the field of functional magnetic resonance imaging, or fMRI. This technique allows researchers to monitor the blood flow through parts of the brain as it responds to both external and internal stimuli, enabling researchers to monitor which parts of the brain are active and which are resting. Though the technique is being eagerly explored in a variety of fields, fMRI has received criticism from some brain experts as being the modern-day equivalent of phrenology. The question is, what can it tell researchers about the inner workings of the human brain and, more so, the adolescent brain?

As far back as I can remember, there has always been this insatiable desire by scientists to peer into the inner workings of the human brain. I'm sure there have been times as a parent when you have asked yourself, "Where was his mind when he did that?" The very same question can be asked of Adam and Eve: "What on Earth were they thinking when they made that ginormous mistake?" A great feat of science—or maybe not—would be to create an instrument where we could peer into the adolescent's mind in an attempt to figure out what actually makes them tick. Or try to figure out what's going in their heads. After five minutes of looking at their brain circuitry—a bunch of disconnected wires—and active blood flow of external stimuli, we would probably shut down or abandon the experiment for lack of understanding. The fMRI may reveal active blood flow, but it will fall far short of disclosing active theoretical reasoning.

In the article by Molly Edmonds titled, "Are Teen Brains Really Different from Adult Brains," she says, "The teenage brain doesn't appear to work like this—the Adults Brain. For comparison's sake, think of the teenage brain as an entertainment center that hasn't been fully hooked up. There are loose wires, so that the speaker system isn't working with the DVD player, which in turn hasn't been formatted to work with the television yet. And to top it all off, the remote control hasn't even arrived!" This book is an attempt to give you somewhat of an idea of the wiring process and to assist the adolescent toward making the right connections that would help them arrive safely on adulthood shores.

However, the following question needs to be asked: what is God's ideal for the developing adolescent? I vividly remember my eighth grade teacher Ms. Holden challenging us to "tink, young people, tink [think]!" She never could get that emphatic h correct, but she certainly got her point across with relative ease. While it was also pounded into our heads by many to "be a leader and not a follower," Ms. Holden challenged us to be thinkers.

From the very beginning, God would have the developing adolescent utilize her thinking capabilities. At creation, the antediluvians—men and women before the flood—were considered giants, standing some sixteen to eighteen feet tall with man's female counterpart standing head and shoulder next to him. Their intellectual capacity equaled their physical size in giant proportion. There are human marvels to this day that baffle the modern mind—for example, the pyramids of ancient Egypt and the sundial with its precision timing, just to mention a couple—that reflect their thinking creative abilities. These creations cause one to be impressed by yesteryear's thinking humanity.

In Deuteronomy 3:1–11, we read of a giant people whose houses were constructed of huge black stones in order to make their buildings absolutely impregnable to any force that could have been brought against them. The inhabitants of this land—descendants from a giant race—were themselves of tremendous size and strength, yet they became distinguished for their violence and cruelty as to be the terror of all surrounding nations. Og, the king of the country, was remarkable for his size and prowess, even in a nation of giants. Unfortunately, with this people, their intellects were used in a most negative and destructive manner.

However, it all began at creation when the intelligence and creativity of God was clearly orchestrated from the invention of the first delicately tinted flower to the superior craftsmanship of both male and female, from the naming of the animal kingdom to the ascribing of the first given name Eve, the mother of all creation. Man was created in the image of God with great thinking capacity. I am grateful that every created human being was created in God's image and endowed with powers akin to that of the Creator—with individuality and power to think and do. Because we are created in the image of God, this means that we can take responsibility for our own actions and that we are not slaves of circumstances but instead liberated human beings.

It has been substantiated that during the transitional years, adolescents are learning to think critically, and freedom of expression becomes increasingly important as they are learning to act or contract as an adult. The learned set of values (ethical, moral, and religious), as taught by parents and institutions during these adolescent years, will be challenged and questioned by the developing adolescent mind, which makes the establishment of rules significantly important for homes and institutions. While education is important during these years, adolescents seek answers to real issues in life, which make them question their learned system of values.

While there is still the need for discipline, rules, and restrictions for the adolescent, parents and institutions should be careful not to restrict or hamper the adolescent's freedom of expression in the religious and social arena. Instead, they should be careful to offer guidance and support and encourage a principled, critical-thinking adolescent. Author and writer E. G. White profoundly states, "youth are to be thinkers and not reflectors of other men's thoughts."

Psychologist Judith Nembhard writes, "a good thinker learns to analyze ideas, separating facts from fallacies." In the progressive educational years from grade school to college, we can see this process at work. In the Christian arena, critical thinking involves examining issues and ideas in order to make sound judgments based on facts rather than personal opinions or unsubstantiated biblical doctrinal beliefs. Research has proven, according to Nembhard, that the ability to think critically can be improved with practice. Christians, who must always be interested in knowing the truth and discriminating between truth and error, ought to be keenly interested in developing their critical-thinking skills. This is also true for the developing adolescent. However, in order for the adolescent to do this, he or she must have knowledge and, in this case, factual biblical knowledge.

I have often sat in religious meetings where leaders encourage youth to follow Christianity. But until a biblical precedence is established based on biblical fact, a thinking adolescent will always challenge the established system of beliefs. There must be supporting facts in order to draw accurate conclusions relative to religious systems in their upbringing. Not only that, but when adolescents question or challenge an established systems of beliefs, they are seeking practical tools or principles for constructive living. During these adolescent years, teens are looking for substantiated facts based on a practical biblical context.

Keavin Hayden, commenting on the Christian lifestyle relative to adolescents, believes parents of developing adolescent Christians need to move outside of their comfort zones to accommodate some of the desires of their developing children. Granted, leaving this parental comfort zone does not mean violating principle. Hayden believes that even though parents may not always agree with their children's desires and ideas, as they grow and develop as adolescents and as the parents get older, the parents must play the role of a wise counselor, allowing their children to make their own choices. Hayden believes forceful, manipulative, overbearing attitudes or legalistic rules relative to certain Christian standards will never succeed in wedding a youthful heart to Christ, which is the ultimate challenge. "Violating another's free-will only mis-represent God." Our job as the wise counselors is to get the adolescent to think principally. Hayden believes there is a fine balance in Christianity between that which is real and that which is ideal.

If I can paraphrase one writer, substantiated by personal research, "adolescents seek an environment where they do not have to park their brains." This is of supreme importance with adolescents entering the college years. They want to be able—even encouraged—to think for themselves and play an active role in implementing programs rather than having everything laid out for them. They desire dialogue. Roger Dudley, a denominational youth counselor, states, "while we as a church have had a good deal of focus on children and youth, investing in them our best resources, there is evidence to suggest that they are not encouraged (generally speaking) to evaluate critically their faith, to question it, to re-think it for themselves or to personally redefine it." Our challenge as parents, leaders, pastors, etc. is to encourage principled, critical-thinking adolescents. As Ms. Holden so often encouraged, "Tink, young people, tink!"

Adolescence Defined: What Exactly Is It?

The historical Western view of adolescence has tended to lean more toward defining adolescence in a vacuum period called the "teen years" from ages thirteen to nineteen. However, adolescence, when viewed from scripture and more progressive learning—depending on the individual—can start early or late with some and may extend well beyond the age of nineteen, depending on the individual and circumstances. Scripture defines adolescence as moving from childhood to manhood. From a research perspective, I would tend to describe adolescence as the stage of development between childhood and adulthood rather than from a confining period (ages thirteen to nineteen). Some often refer to adolescence as a transitional period in the life of an individual. Tripp defines the adolescent years as years of change, insecurity, and tumult. Bancroft and Reinisch describes the stages of adolescence as early (ages twelve to fourteen), middle (ages fifteen to seventeen), and late (ages eighteen to twenty-three).

Historically, the term adolescence was used by Greeks to refer to physical growth and not necessarily mental maturity. You can be an adolescent in body and not fully in mind. In our Western society, adulthood was assigned to all those who passed grammar school. If you reached eleven or twelve, you were considered an adult. If you did not continue on to grammar school, chores were assigned to the individual to perform the role of an adult. Adolescence was defined more by what you did rather than your level of mental, emotional, or social maturity.

There were basically three reasons for maturity in the middle and late eighteenth and nineteenth centuries. First, there was the early death of parents. Circumstantially, in the 1860s, people died younger due to lack of advanced medical and physiological knowledge, resulting in children being forced into adulthood early and taking on adultlike responsibilities. Second, agrarian lifestyle required teens to live as adults, performing the duties of adults in order to sustain. Families were sizable, and chores and duties were assigned according to gender. In the current generation, adolescence goes back to the industrial revolution. In the rural areas, children developed faster. They worked the farm, awaking early to milk the cows, feed the chickens, etc. More was expected of them, which tremendously accelerated their maturity level.

A third reason for maturation was that families did not garner enough income to sustain and support themselves. Once a child developed financially self-supporting capabilities, they moved away from home. Today, in Western society, maturity can now be correlated with or commences when the adolescent leaves home for college, whereas with rural adolescent the majority of education and training was the responsibility of the family. Today, the education and training for an occupation is done by society or culture. Adolescents living in rural areas grew and developed faster because more was required of them. We must keep in mind that while maturation depends a lot on the individual child, circumstances and experiences can certainly speed up the process, which explains why some adults and adolescents are considered more mature than others. Today, urban or city teens, on the whole, tend to develop slower because they have fewer duties and less responsibility is required of them. In urban areas during the industrial age, adolescents tended to have an apprenticeship or were trained for certain occupations. Today, as compared to the past, developing adolescents attend college to be educated for various occupations.

Biological or medical adolescence begins with the body bombardment of hormonal changes that result in a growth surge and reproduction maturation and ends when growth peaks near twenty-one to twenty-three years of age. According to David Pruit, the author of Your Adolescent, for some adolescents, this onslaught of changes is tantamount to being on an emotional roller coaster, which is a difficult ride for the developing teen and his family. Hersch sums up the period of adolescence as "increasingly the period in a teens life with its own values, ethics, rules, worldview, rites of passage, worries, joys, and momentum." Bancroft and Reinisch believe adolescence is a transitional period of development that varies from culture to culture and is a time when individuals learn to be socially responsible for themselves and for their actions.

Brain Circuitry: The Psychological Mind of the Adolescent

My dad would often say, "Son, use your head for more than a hat rack." Again, I think we can conclude one thing: the brain circuitry of the adolescent is most interesting to observe to say the least. As stated earlier, adolescent development can be divided into three stages: early, middle, and late. The precise age for this change may be difficult to define, but you can definitely calculate that it will be around a certain time when changes start to occur. It is during these developmental stages that most guidance, direction, and advice are needed. It is a time when the adolescent is filled with doubts and uncertainties. However, at the same time during this period, important decisions are being made for the future. The Christian parents' duty is twofold: to teach their children to live successfully in today's culture, while at the same time preparing them for the Kingdom of God. See graphic below:

Early Adolescent (11-14)

Middle Adolescent (Ages: 15–17)

Late Adolescent (18-24)

Society/World (secular society)

Kingdom of God

According to Focus Adolescent Services, the adolescent period of the teens life is not so simple for the individual. While adults carry on the very same tasks of growth and development themselves and have a greater sense of who they are, what they value, what they need, and how best to get what they need, teenagers are in the process of learning, making mistakes, using poor judgment, or being impulsive. These are all parts of this developmental process. Counterculture looks—a pierced eyebrow, green or purple stripes in the hair, or pierced body parts—can be annoying to parents and adults; however, they are also a move toward autonomy and a statement of identity.

While adults encounter these same challenges, they are usually better prepared to meet the challenges than adolescents. As adolescents develop, their major task is to become their own people. Focus Adolescent Services further observed that adolescents are to learn to make choices and commitments, follow through with them, and stand up independently in the world.

The adolescent has a rather delicate individual psychology. Brain maturation, coupled with everyday experiences, result in a new wiring process that enhances thinking capabilities. As the adolescent grows older, his thinking becomes more abstract and fused with the practical. During this period, teens swing back and forth between dependence and independence as they work on these tasks. It is easy for parents to become frustrated with their developing teens while this transition is happening. It is also easy during this period for a parent to assume that if the adolescent would simply follow the plan that makes sense, things would be all right in the end. However, you will come to find that adolescents often deviate from the defined plan, which makes life frustrating for both parent and adolescent

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