PARENTS AND THE SCHOOLS
How to Insure Your Child's Academic Success ... and Much MoreBy Bill PelaiaAuthorHouse
Copyright © 2011 Bill Pelaia
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4670-6290-9Contents
Part I Framework for Growing And Learning....................................................................1Introduction.................................................................................................1How to Insure Your Child's Success in School.................................................................4Stages of Development........................................................................................6Stages of Development........................................................................................7A Yearly Educational Check-Up Is Good For Your Child's Health................................................9Self-esteem: Is Your Child a Winner?.........................................................................11Developing Self-esteem: A Checklist for Your Child...........................................................13A Sense of Self Control: Is Your Child Helping to Drive or Being Driven......................................15Motivation: Do You Know What Moves Your Child to Action?.....................................................17Values: Does Your Child Have Stars to Steer By?..............................................................20Part II The First Five Years.................................................................................23Physical Developmental Record................................................................................26Special Services.............................................................................................28When Your Child Enters a New School..........................................................................31Kindergarten Developmental Record............................................................................33Part III: Grade School Ages 6 Through 12.....................................................................37Yearly Educational Checkup Steps in School Years.............................................................38When There Are School Problems...............................................................................42Aptitudes and Abilities......................................................................................44Record of Aptitudes and Abilities............................................................................46Helping Your Child Learn to Read and Write...................................................................48Reading Skill Record.........................................................................................51Helping Your Child Learn Mathematics.........................................................................53Arithmetic Skill Record......................................................................................55First Grade Developmental Record.............................................................................57Second Grade Developmental Record............................................................................58Third Grade Developmental Record.............................................................................59Fourth Grade Developmental Record............................................................................60Fifth Grade Developmental Record.............................................................................61Sixth Grade Developmental Record.............................................................................62Part IV Secondary School Ages 12 through 18..................................................................65The Secondary School Years...................................................................................69Experiences..................................................................................................70Setting Goals................................................................................................71A Road Map to Reach Goals....................................................................................72Seventh Grade Developmental Record...........................................................................74Eighth Grade Developmental Record............................................................................76Ninth Grade Developmental Record.............................................................................78Tenth Grade Developmental Record.............................................................................80Eleventh Grade Developmental Record..........................................................................82Twelfth Grade Developmental Record...........................................................................84Part V Computer Use, Summer Brain Drain, Resources, State Academic Standards, References.....................87Parents Guide to the Internet and Computer Use...............................................................87Child and Teen Guide to Internet and Computer Use............................................................88Internet by Age..............................................................................................89The Summer Brain Drain.......................................................................................90A Final Note.................................................................................................91State Academic Standards.....................................................................................92Organizational Resources.....................................................................................96References...................................................................................................100Part VI Educational Records Preschool-Grade 12...............................................................101Pre-School Educational Record................................................................................102Kindergarten Educational Record..............................................................................103First-Grade Educational Record...............................................................................104Second-Grade Educational Record..............................................................................105Third-Grade Educational Record...............................................................................106Fourth-Grade Educational Record..............................................................................107Fifth-Grade Educational Record...............................................................................108Sixth-Grade Educational Record...............................................................................109Seventh-Grade Educational Record.............................................................................110Eighth-Grade Educational Record..............................................................................111Ninth-Grade Educational Record...............................................................................112Tenth-Grade Educational Record...............................................................................113Eleventh-Grade Educational Record............................................................................114Twelfth-Grade Educational Record.............................................................................115
Chapter One
How to Insure Your Child's Success in School
Successful students have the following three attributes: (1) high self-esteem; (2) sense of control (they feel their actions and decisions make a difference in their lives); and (3) interest in learning. This book is designed to help you help your child develop these characteristics from their earliest years through high school. Your child will develop these attributes most easily when there is a three-way partnership of child, parent(s), and teachers.
You know more than anyone else about how your child learns, acts, and reacts. No one is as interested or spends as much time interacting with a child as the parents. Trust what you know about your child as you continue learning. To remain an active partner during your child's school years, you will want to learn as much as you can about child development so you can assist your child in developing a high self-esteem, sense of control, and an interest in learning.
Using the Manual
The book is comprised of six sections. Part I provides information for growing and learning and advises that you begin Yearly Education Checkups. Part II deals with the first five years; Part III with elementary school years; and Part IV with secondary years. There is a Developmental Record page for each grade. Part V contains a Guide to the Internet, Computer Use suggestions, how to avoid "The Summer Brain Drain", Resources, State Academic Standards, and References. Educational Record Pages, pre-school to grade 12, are in Section VI.
No matter your child's age, read Part I carefully. Next, move to your child's age section and become familiar with the developmental tasks appropriate for that age range. This will provide information to determine your child's stage of development. Then go back and fill in as much of the earlier years as you can.
You won't be able to follow all of the suggestions in this book, nor is it expected. The intent of this book is to help you recognize the unique abilities and capacities of your child, value the uniqueness, and help you provide the nurturing needed for your child's development, both at home and school. This is your book. Use whatever is helpful to you and your child, pass up the rest, and don't let it bother you.
Understanding Your Child
Everyone knows that plants are not all alike. We understand that roses need sun, azaleas need shade, and trees need lots of room to grow. Children also have varied needs. If you 1) recognize the kind of person your child is 2) cultivate strengths, and 3) communicate that you treasure this special person, your child will develop high self-esteem, the first key to success in school. If you pay attention to your child's efforts at self-direction, your child will develop a sense of control, the second key. Connecting the love of learning to your child's interests and purposes will develop the third key. Provide the three keys to school success and watch your child blossom.
Stages of Development
Material included in this book is drawn from theories of various experts. This chart gives an overview of the steps that lead to healthy development. References for further reading are located at the end of the manual.
A Yearly Educational Check-Up Is Good For Your Child's Health
Nothing is more important to your child's success than a Yearly Educational Checkup. The checkup takes time and effort, but it is quality time and effort well spent. You communicate your affirmation, respect, and support for your child. Children have a constantly developing power to participate in the decisions that affect their lives, especially if that power is not stifled. If you want them to make good life decisions, start early helping them learn how to do so. Include them as early as possible in every decision that affects them; this in itself helps develop the three characteristics needed for success. Make the checkup a regular yearly routine.
The first goal of each checkup is for you and your child to understand where your child is developmentally. Understanding means that you try to be sure you understand how your child sees the situation. A parent is frequently not looking at the same things the child is experiencing, much less reaching the same conclusions. The checkup times become easier with practice and are valuable for all of you. The more openly and honestly you talk with your child, the more you will learn, and the more you can help. Making your child feel special by emphasizing the year's accomplishments is always positive.
The second goal is to create a plan for what each person is doing to help development continue. In the early days, the plan is all yours. When your child starts school, it will be up to you to work with the many teachers who will join your team over the years to help them meet your child's individual needs. Gradually your child will want to participate, until one day he or she takes over the plan independently.
Steps to Take
Have a quiet, private session with your child. Make it fun, warm, encouraging and supportive.
Go over "Self-Esteem, pages 11 through 14. Are basic needs being met? If your child is old enough to understand the questions, go through them. If not, relate the questions to your child's behavior. Talk about the ideas on the list in words your child understands. Discuss your child's feelings. List things on your plan that you will do to provide esteem-building opportunities.
Read "Sense of Control", pages 15 and 16. Identify times you are letting your child make choices. Discuss the topic together. Would your child like to make more decisions? Where can you provide more opportunities? Add them to your plan.
Refer to "Motivation", pages 17 through 19. What are the motivators in your child's life now? How are you building on them? What may be stifling them? Who needs to do what to support them? Add these activities to appropriate plans—yours, your child's or perhaps the teachers'. Is outside motivation needed? What kind works best? Add to your plan if needed.
Check the stages of "Moral Development", pages 20 and 21. Listen to what your child says about values. Remember, your actions speak more loudly than words. You want to know what values your child is operating on. You may have to add items to your plan. Try to devise activities that will expose your child to moral reasoning at the next higher level of development.
Add anything new to the "Physical Developmental Record", page 26. If there is something that needs to be followed up, add it to your plan. Go over the Developmental Tasks for your child's age. Check the lists of tasks each year and decide which ones you will focus on in the future. From school age on, you will need to work with teachers.
Go over the Developmental Tasks for your child's age group. Check the list of tasks each year and decide which ones you will pursue. From school age on, you will work with teachers on mutually established goals and objectives. Refer to page 38 for information about how to do this part of the check-up.
Self-esteem: Is Your Child a Winner?
Self-esteem is what you think of yourself. You have high self-esteem if you feel you do many things well and the important things at least well enough. Low self-esteem is feeling you do not do things well enough, that you are not OK.
High self-esteem is one of the three keys to success in school and parents have a great deal to do with the way a child's self-esteem develops. Decisions about who and what we are, will be made very early in life. You help the development of high self-esteem when you see your child as a winner, when you focus on abilities, strengths, and successes.
The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
Perhaps the most important idea in the field of human development is the "self-fulfilling prophecy." It says that when parents and teachers believe their children are winners, they treat them like winners, and the children become winners. That means that adults treat children whom they see as winners differently than they treat other children. They encourage and help. They expect more, trust more, praise more, and respect and allow children to do more for themselves, make more decisions, try more things, and assume more responsibility.
Children need success experiences. If they have enough of them, they will overcome failures without giving up. Walking is a good example of how you help your child be successful. Even though walking is difficult, it has to be learned. All children fall down a lot when learning to walk—which could lead to a sense of failure. When parents support, encourage and praise enough at each small step, children continue to try and eventually learn to walk successfully.
With each success and failure, a person makes choices about future efforts. Failures often cause whole areas of experience to be discarded, as the person forever after says, "I'm no good at that." The personality hardens and limits its own life choices.
Abraham Maslow developed a psychology of "becoming all you can be." He claimed that each of us has two kinds of needs that we spend our lives trying to fulfill. The first is basic needs—food, sleep, and shelter. The second is growth needs—continuous learning. If basic needs are not met, most people cannot (do not have the ability to) pay attention to growth needs. So before all else, check your child's basic needs: physical wellbeing (food, sleep), safety and security, love and belongingness, esteem by others, self-esteem. Don't expect school success when a child is physically uncomfortable and/or does not feel capable of doing what is expected.
When basic needs are met, people feel the need to develop their capacities and talents. Growth is personally rewarding and exciting, even when it is difficult. People who are functioning at the appropriate growth level feel strong, sure of themselves, in control, full of joy and happiness. These feelings of self-esteem are felt even when the job they are working on is hard and they are falling down a lot, as when learning to walk.
To help your child with self-esteem:
• Provide safety while encouraging risk
• Provide the security of rules and limits
• Encourage curiosity
• Allow choices
• Allow errors (falling down)
• Make a fuss over brave accomplishments (as you did over your child's first steps)
• Answer and ask questions
• Love and show it
Developing Self-esteem: A Checklist for Your Child
Listen carefully from the earliest years to the way your child answers the following statements (you may have to use different words with younger children). Make a list of answers as a part of every Yearly Educational Checkup. Discuss the answers together and record the way your child completes the statement beginning, "I like myself because....". Aim for an increasingly longer list each year. Keep lists with the yearly Developmental Record page.
If you hear strong negatives, consider them loud warning signals. Make it your number one responsibility to create opportunities for child to 1) decrease the number of times your child feels inadequate and 2) increase the number of successes. Set goals your child can reach. If the problem is school related, ask for a plan that provides more academic successes. If a year's checkup is very negative, start keeping track of successes and encourage your child to do the same.
Help your child learn to replace outer adult control with personal self-control. Help your child learn self-discipline and to assume personal responsibility. With your child, discuss the pros and cons of choice and the responsibilities that come with the choice made. These discussions will help your child develop the understanding upon which self-esteem grows. Respond generously to requests for love and protection as well as for respect and self-control.
How to Use the Checklist
You may read the following to your child before you discus the statements. You can alter this based on the age of your child.
"Answer the following statements with "yes", "no", or "sometimes." "Yes" answers mean you feel like this most of the time and feel pretty good about yourself. "Sometimes" means you feel like this sometimes and are in the middle." "No" answers mean you hardly ever feel like this, and it may hurt to say so. Try to talk about why you said "no" and how you feel about it. Can you think of anything you can do to change it? Can you think of anything we can do or your teacher(s) can do to change it? If so, talk to us about it."
Personal Statements
1. I am OK. There are not very many things I would change about myself.
2. I feel confident most of the time.
3. I understand myself.
4. I can't think of anyone else I would rather be with.
5. I enjoy my own company. I am not lonely.
6. The people who count understand me. (Who are they?)
7. Growing up is an exciting adventure.
8. I can do a lot of things well, such as (name as many as possible).
9. People can usually depend on me.
10. I feel comfortable talking when I have something to say.
11. I enjoy learning things. (What things?)
12. I know how to get along with people who think differently than I do.
13. I am pretty sure of myself.
14. I am easy to like.
15. My parent(s) and I have a lot of fun together.
16. I usually make up my mind easily.
17. I get along OK with most people my age.
18. I am usually pretty happy.
19. Usually I am glad to be me.
20. I am as good looking as most people.
21. People at home pay attention to me.
22. I feel pretty successful.
23. Failing at something doesn't bother me a lot.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from PARENTS AND THE SCHOOLSby Bill Pelaia Copyright © 2011 by Bill Pelaia. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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