Living Life without Expectation

William Shakespeare said,

I always feel happy, You know why?
Because I don't expect anything from anyone.
Expectations always hurt. Life is short, so love your
life.
Be happy and keep smiling. Just live for yourself
And before your speak, Listen. Before your write,
Think.
Before you spend, Earn. Before you pray, Forgive.
Before you hurt, Feel. Before you hate, Love.
Before you quit, Try. Before you die, Live.

Shakespeare has an interesting philosophy here. He wants us to believe we should go through life without expectations. But his philosophical expression is a half-truth. Here he states he doesn't have expectations regarding people, but that doesn't mean he was living life without any expectations.

What is an expectation? It is a strong belief that something will happen. Synonyms for expectation are words like prospect, potential, outlook, and hope. So for William Shakespeare to say, as some have syllogized, who do not live life with expectation is a false assumption. Rather, the main point that I have deduced from his view on expectation is to not have it in other people so much that you forfeit your happiness. Rather, have more expectations of oneself, including expecting to live a happy life. I mean, how can one live a happy life without expecting to do so? I agree that to have unrealistic expectations in people is what brings hurt and disappointment. Many people have what I call the three selves — false self, actual self, and true self. I briefly introduce these concepts here and I will expand on them later.

The false self is in my estimation, 80% of the time; it is this false self we want others to believe. The actual self is the self we know but don't want others to discover. And the true self is the one waiting for us to recognize who we are and why we were created. So to live life in falsity is certainly what Shakespeare was referring to when he said having expectations in people only leads to hurt and disappointment.

On this I would agree. But what about your life? Will you be imprisoned with the false assumption not to have expectations? If so, the person you'll be hurting the most is you! You must have expectations in life. If you don't, I would venture to say you have yet to live, to experience your best life. To live life without expectations is not living at all; you are merely existing, existing in the now with no plan or focus on your future. One of the most challenging things in life is to meet the challenge of life. What am I referring to?

Well, life will challenge you, and when it does, you have to determine your response. Being reactionary to life and its challenges causes you to make emotional decisions rather than thoughtful ones. I tell my football players and other student athletes a truth that has helped me tremendously: it is not what happens to you that matters, but it is how you respond to what happens that matters.

I have made some emotional decisions in my life that still affect me, but I have made up my mind that I am a winner. It doesn't matter how far I fall; I expect to bounce back. I love Proverbs 24:16. It reads from the Berean Study Bible, "For though a righteous man falls seven times, he will get up, but the wicked stumble in times of calamity." What a powerful verse! Look at the oxymoronic aspect of this verse, "righteous falling." You would think that surely righteous men or women would never fall, because they are right people, hence righteous. But righteous doesn't mean perfect. It means you have a sense of morality; you have value and are virtuous. But it never meant perfect. This is what Shakespeare was referring to, I believe. We look for the perfect in the imperfect and are disappointed every time. But how we respond when this happens is what helps us elevate our thinking and harness our emotions and reactions. If you see yourself as a winner, you will respond as one in times of calamity. You must expect to bounce back from whatever life hits you with. This verse gives me strength and is empowering.

In my opinion, one of the greatness strengths is that of transparency. We do not like to be transparent. Not being transparent keeps us covered and protected from the mean individuals of life. You must expect that. You must want to be free from people taking your power to be transparent.

I suffered from depression. However, I convince myself every day that I am a winner. Do I have to fight to maintain that mind-set? Damn right I do. I lean on the positive clarification of God's Word about who I am. I remind myself of the things I have already overcome and how He has brought me through. I surround myself with a team of influencers who help to keep me moving forward toward the prize. I challenge myself to rethink me and expect greater of myself each day. I remind myself that I am a "more than."

You may wonder, What is a more than? I am happy to tell you. Some see themselves as conquerors, but I see myself as more than a conqueror. It's the more than that keeps me moving, not the mentality of a conqueror. Paul says in Roman 8:37, "Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us." So that means you are more than your heartache, more than your pain, more than your disappointments, more than your hiccups and bad habits, more than your setbacks? Yes, you are, but you must believe that you are what you think and believe you are. You must expect to be someone and do something in your life that only you can do. This is the call, the purpose. If you are breathing right now, you are pregnant with purpose. Don't let life challenge you so much that you lose sight of your purpose, or if you have yet to discover your purpose you need to know that the journey of discovering it is a joy.

Live your life with expectation to be, for Shakespeare said, "To be or not to Be that is the question." Are you going to be, or are you not going to expect to be somebody and go somewhere significant?

Remember, I didn't have my passport for the Mexico trip because I didn't expect to ever go outside the continental United States. I couldn't see that for myself, so I lived life with no expectation. The blessing is that I was given time. Time to change my mind-set and do the work to go beyond what I saw for myself. I had time to fill out the application, I had time to go through the process, and when the process was done, what I never thought I would experience began to happen.

But what if I didn't have the time? I would have missed my open-door opportunity. I would not have experienced all the culture and comradery of being with those I loved and was helping to lead. I would have missed a blessing because I never saw in myself what others had seen. I had to change my thinking and my expectation of me. I became passport ready!

How have you thought about yourself?

Do you see yourself making changes?

When do you expect to start your process of change, and what are your expectations?

Where I Am, I Am Not Always Going to Be (Advanced decision)

In 1995, I was a successful youth pastor of what we would call a megachurch today. I was involved in the lives of all the youth in our church. I was pastoring about five hundred or so youth between the ages of thirteen and eighteen, and God was really blessing us.

I was single and looking for a wife to be by my side because being a handsome young man in full-time ministry was so hard. (There's that transparency again.) But it was. I had difficult days and some not so difficult ones as I navigated the treacherous waters of being single and in ministry. I had my eye on this beautiful sister at the church. She was easy on the optic nerve, anatomically correct, and morphologically sound; she was fine and beautiful! We went out a few times, but she didn't see me the way I saw her. But I would always tell her, "You are a pastor's wife." She would respond, "That's not for me." I kept telling her, but she thought I was trying to manipulate her into thinking that she was.

She told me she was the wife of a professional ball player. She had expectations of being on the Real Housewives franchise. I told her she must give me a chance because I felt she was the type of woman I wanted and needed to keep my attention.

As it turns out, she chose another man to date, and as they say, the rest is history. I ran into her fifteen years later, and to my surprise, she was a preacher's wife but not the pastor's wife I saw her to be for me. When we saw each other, she could hardly speak. We exchanged pleasantries as she introduced me to her husband. She had heard about what God had done for me. How I was a successful senior pastor at the New Providence Missionary Baptist Church in Miami. How I was the team chaplain of the University of Miami and that I traveled with the team that won a national championship of arguably the best college football team in history. She had heard how I was a professor of religion and philosophy at Florida Memorial University. She had heard that I was the Congress of Christian Education president for the Seaboard Baptist Association and how I mentored and was the life coach to several NFL players. In other words, she'd heard that I was a successful man. She was a very successful educator and administrator in her own right.

As we caught up with each other I felt compelled to ask her, what about me made her go in a different direction? You know us men, I had to find out what I did, her reply to me was, "You said I was going to marry a preacher." I responded with, no I didn't, I said you were supposed to be a pastor's wife and you were to be my wife. I took the bold step and asked her why didn't she give me the chance? She replied, "I didn't see you the way you are today, all I saw then was a youth pastor and didn't think of what you could or would be." Wow, what a revelation! She gave up on me because she thought that where I was I was always going to be. Sadly, my story is replicated in more than enough lives to count, but the difference is, I didn't not have the expectations of myself as she had of me. My friend never allow what others think of you to become your reality, rather move beyond the perception of others into the reality of self. Self-awareness, self-care, self-love and self-actualization. Now this self-actualization I would venture to say is a bit more philosophical than it is psychological. It is more than what Abraham Maslow suggest in his hierarchy of needs. I am not suggesting that one grow toward the fulfillment of the highest needs, nor am I suggesting as Carl Rogers theory of growth potential of the the real self and the ideal self, rather I am suggesting that you look at who you really are mainly, your flaws and inabilities and learn to cultivate a life based on these factors. I wanted to be what I have become and becoming. I knew that I wasn't the most talented nor the most gifted preacher, pastor, professor or chaplain but I did know I was unique. I didn't look at my unique skill set as something to be frowned upon but rather embraced. I realized how God had wired me differently and that to fit inside the cookie jar was not my calling, I was not an assimilator but and innovator. Mother always said, "Its not what people call you, it's what you answer too." I refuse to let others tell me what I can't do. As a matter of fact, it fuels me when people try to place limits on my life, especially when I serve a God of no limitations!

When I asked people how's it going, and they respond withy, I'm just going with the flow. That would be a nice casual response, but I think differently. I follow up with an interrogative question, do you know where the flow is going? I mean that's like getting in a car with others to just joy ride and to find out that your joy ride lands you unconscious in the hospital. You can't just joy ride through life, you need to be intentional about your life, to just go with the flow is like man looking in a mirror and forgetting what he looks like after he has left his image.

So, where are you now? What does your present circumstance say to you about where you want to go and who you want to become? Do you see yourself as someone who will always be what you are and where you are the rest of your life, or can you get your passport ready to experience transformation? Are you overly concern with what others say about you? Well let me help you. It doesn't matter what they think just don't allow negative thoughts from others become your reality. As I refer to the young lady at the beginning of this chapter I had to wonder if her present life was something that she saw. She couldn't see me in the future and now in my mind I wonder if she looks back at our past thinking about her and my present; thinking about how our future are would have been if she could've only believe in my potential and embraced the future me in our past. The point I'm making is, just because she couldn't see it didn't t mean I had to stop looking for it. I was on my way somewhere, but where life would take me would blow my mind. I didn't see me taking young men and helping them develop into NFL stars. Stars like Ed Reed, Reggie Wayne, Santana Moss, Edrrine James, Andre Johnson, Clinton Portis, Vernon Carey, Vince Wilfork, Willis McGehee, Frank Gore, Jarred Payton, David Njoku, Duke Johnson, Michael Jackson and so many more. I had the opportunity to be apart of a national championship team and to meet countless celebrities because of it. Never in my dreams did I see this, but I did know that God was taking me somewhere but never realized just how special my somewhere would be!

It is said that the journey of a 1000 miles begins with one step. I would suggest that the first step is to have greater expectation for one's self. You may find yourself in a setting of a group of great people. You'll look around and see all of the greats, but there is another person that you have failed to see ... you! You can be sitting with the great, amongst the great and not realize that you have a seat at the table. Do not belittle your moment. You may look at yourself and think that its not your time. You're not ready, but I am here to tell you that when ever you think its not your turn it will be your time.

I was standing in line at Walmart. You know how they have the staggered checkout lines. Well I was the eighth person in the line. While waiting a young lady came up and opened a new checkout right next to the line I was in. She looked at me as the I was the last person in line, after while I was in and said these beautiful words to me, Sir, can I help you? I quickly moved in her direction, paid for my things and walked out looking at everyone that was in line ahead of me previously and just smiled and walked out happy.

When I got in my car I heard in my Spirit ... what did you just experience and what did learn. I didn't even think that I was having a teachable moment while in Walmart. Well the light turned on and I said God I got it, It was not my turn but it was my time. It was my time which made it my turn. I was the eighth person in line, clearly it was not my turn, however I was in the right place being in eighth place, even though it was not my turn it was my time! When you live life with the expectation of being somebody and going somewhere, it will seem as though you will never get your chance. Keep believing that you are next even when all the circumstances say different. You may be last in line but that doesn't mean anything with God. The first shall be last and the last shall be first. God has the power to change you life! Stay on the path of somewhere even when it looks like its going nowhere ... because it may not be your turn but it will be your time. Be Passport Ready when your time comes. Don't hesitate at the opportunity. Walk through that door of favor, you are Passport Ready!

Paradigm Shift ... (You can't stay here!)

It has been said that familiarity breeds contempt. That I believe is a true statement. However, I believe that familiarity breeds contentment. A synonym for this word is satisfaction. You have become a settler in your level of life and you're not trying to do anything more, but what if there is more out there waiting for you? Have you decided that you have arrived? Well my friend if you have made that decision then your life has just ended. You have declared that you have completed your life's journey and purpose, but here's the caveat, why do you still wake up in the morning? You wake because God still has something for you to do. You have a life to change, a person to help, a love to ignite you have greater things to do and the enemy to that is being content with where you are, but I' m to tell you that you don't have time to stay there because you now have somewhere else to go.

In Paradigm Pioneers, futurist Joel Barker shows that in the 21st century, settlers will be at the highest risk. When the followers call out: "Is it safe out there?", the pioneers will answer: "Sure but there's nothing left for you!"