CHAPTER 1
What BroughtUs Together?
You are probably reading this book because we share a common interestin answering four questions:
• Who am I?
• What matters in life?
• Why am I here?
• How do I go about fulfilling my life's purpose?
For me, these are more than philosophical or metaphysical questions.These questions and their answers, I believe, are at the core of people'squality of life and their very real and practical now and in this momentneeds and wants. They impact people's state of happiness, their peaceof mind, their capacity to relate well with others, the degree to whichlife is experienced as challenging and interesting, and whether or notthey are prosperous. These questions surfaced many years ago when Ifaced unexpected personal and professional challenges—all hitting meat the same time—and I was restlessly trying to make sense of what washappening. I was blessed in many ways, yet there was something wrongand I knew it. Upon facing such challenges I suddenly encounteredfeelings of emptiness and frustration, and I was hungry for answers,for a way out.
This brings me to the beginning of my story, which starts with a searchfor answers in a bookstore.
A Café Mocha and no Whipped Cream
As stated in the acknowledgments, my interest in purpose and meaningstarted in the 1980s. Yet while my interest on the subject started a fewdecades ago, the catalyst that began my research for this book happenedon a winter's day in the late 1990s. It started in one of those large Barnesand Noble bookstores with a Starbucks coffee shop on site.
After ordering my usual café mocha—"and no whipped cream,please"—to warm me up (it was an unusually chilly day), I walkedto the section where one finds psychology, self-help, and managementbooks. These were the ideal spots to find answers to my concerns. Andsince books had always been good, faithful, and supportive helpers, Iwent to find answers from some of these dear friends. Little did I knowat the moment I was about to have a profound experience that wouldforever change my life.
Browsing through the psychology aisle, I came across Viktor Frankl'sMan's Search for Meaning.
Have it at home. Read it a while ago. Good read too! I thought.
I was led by my fondness for Frankl's works to pick the book up andsatisfy my curiosity to explore what answers he would offer. I flippedthrough the pages and cameupon a quote that hit me likea ton of bricks. The line thatimpressed me so intenselywas, "Life ultimately meanstaking the responsibility tofind the right answers to itsproblems and to fulfill thetasks which it constantly sets for each individual.""Life ultimately means taking theresponsibility to find the rightanswers to its problems and tofulfill the tasks which it constantlysets for each individual."
I reread the quote a number of times, thought about its meaning, andthen raised my eyes, looked around me, scanned the many aisles ofbooks in this very large bookstore, and experienced an epiphany. Forthe first time in my life I saw books, bookstores, and libraries in a newlight. "The answers are here!" I told myself.
I repeated, "The answers are here! They have been here all along!"
Books had always offered answers to me. They are the place where yougo to find answers, such as "Where do butterflies come from?" Butreading Frankl's quote, theword "answers" brought anew and far-reachingsignificance and implication.What I concluded fromFrankl's quote was that thefundamental problems faced by me and the rest of humankind haveanswers. The answers are in our midst, bound in books, professionaland technical journals, electronic databases, and in the wisdom andexperience of people around us. Mankind, I concluded, does not sufferfrom a lack of answers. Rather, it suffers despite the answers being available.That conclusion became the central thesis for my eventual investigationand personal quest.
So I took Frankl's quote as a personal challenge: to take the responsibilityto find the right answers to my problems, and once found, to implementthe solutions to improve my life. If the answers are in my midst, thenlet me find and act on them. To do so, and as a learning opportunity, Iwould play two roles: first, to be my own guinea pig, taking responsibilityfor solving my problems, and second, to act as the scientist who wouldobserve and learn from "the guinea pig's" experience while solving theproblem.
With the belief that answers do exist, and as the subject of my ownexperiment, my task as subject and observer was to follow a scientificand action research method:
1. Identify and prioritize areas to improve upon
2. Seek answers
3. Take action on the answers
4. Observe and learn from the results
5. Repeat successful practices
6. If not successful, go back to step two
7. If successful practices can be improved, go back to step one
In the process of learning, applying, and improving myself, purpose, will,and meaning surfaced as central themes in my search for answers. Overtime I developed a theory on meaningful purpose, or logoteleology,which I will share in this first book. Logoteleology is in the business ofreducing meaningless actions and promoting meaningful deeds.
Shortly after my epiphany at the Barnes and Nobles bookstore, as apersonal quest I promised myself to write a book with my findings inorder to help others who might share my need. Once into my research, itbecame clear that I would have to write more than one book. I thereaftercommitted to write an anthology, starting with the foundationalvolume in your hands. The goal of the first book would be to developa psychological framework on meaningful purpose where I and otherscould subsequently test hypotheses. Future versions and additionalbooks would report findings and present new theories and models tobroaden understanding and offer solutions. Books, besides impartingknowledge, can also serve as wonderful mirrors to build self-awareness,self-knowledge, strengthen one's conscience, and make life better. I planto build a compendium of mirrors.
The first problem to tackle was to answer this question: "If answersdo exist, what prevents people from learning and putting them intopractice?"
The second problem to solve is more preventive in nature. "What is itthat people want out of life?"
I will share my conclusions to both questions below based on the bestempirical research I could get my hands on.
Why Do Problems Go Unsolved?
Where proven and pragmatic answers do exist, here are the suppositionsI tested:
Problems are not solved when an individual
• is ignorant of the answers;
• does not seek the answers;
• does not know how and where to seek answers;
• does not have access to the answers;
• implements the wrong answers;
• as a free-will agent, despite knowing the answers, does not knowhow to act on them;
• lacks a meaningful purpose to help her or him ask the rightquestions.
Let's look at these in greater detail.
Does Not Know the Answers (The Oblivious)
The fact that you and I do not know the answer to a problem does notmean a solution does not exist. The answer is either available somewhereor it has not been discoveredor invented yet. That beingthe case, life calls us to the taskof discovering, finding, orinventing the solution. ForChristopher Columbus, itwas discovering a shorterroute to India. For American scientists challenged with the goal "oflanding a man on the moon and returning him safely to the earth," itrequired finding solutions and doing what had never been done beforein space exploration. For Alexander Graham Bell, it was revolutionizinginteractive voice-communication technology through the invention ofthe telephone.
Simply stated, your and my problems are unanswered questions. Someproblems can be difficult and challenging while others require simplesolutions. Regardless of their level of difficulty, life is calling each ofus to seek and act on the question posed. Finding and acting on theeventual answer is a meaningful and worthwhile effort. The unpleasantoption is to victimize ourselves, to feel miserable and negative, and togive up when things become difficult. This unpleasant option is a segueto the second reason problems are not solved.
Does Not Seek Answers (The Procrastinator)
Something else I concluded from my research was that consciously orsubconsciously, who we are and what we experience in life is the result ofwhat we have intended to be and to do. A lot of our behavior is purposeful,even when it is self-damaging.
There are various possible reasons an individual would intend not toseek answers to her problems. One of those reasons, according to theTransactional Analysis (TA) psychological method, is that people'sautonomous lives are prevented from evolving naturally due to distortedsubconscious psychological scripts or life plans. A "Script is therepetition in the here-and-now of archaic decisions, that the child madein order to protect and fulfill his/her need for recognition."
Claude Steiner, author and TA psychologist, explains the origin of ascript:
In a life course which develops normally, a decisionof such importance as what one's identity is to be andwhat goals one will pursue should be made late enoughin life so that a certain measure of knowledge informsthe choice. In a situation where a youngster is under nounreasonable pressure, important decisions about lifewill occur no earlier than adolescence.
A script results from a decision which is both prematureand forced, because it is made under pressure andtherefore long before a decision can be properly made.
In other words, people can lose their autonomy or the ability to choosetheir own actions because ofa subconscious decision madein early childhood, a decisionmade too early to be wellthought out and self-determined.That decision, whatever it is, could override what we mayas adults define as "doing what makes sense."
Let's see the example of imaginary Paul, who was raised in a homewhere his mother and sisters took care of many of his responsibilities.The life script for him is that he doesn't have what it takes. So when heis faced with challenging life circumstances, he obsesses and worriesabout them instead of taking action (the procrastinator) because he isliving the life script that he doesn't have any influence over his life andwhat happens to him.
One of the problems of hidden scripts is that, like a bad spirit, theydo not easily relinquish their grip on the individual. Adler agrees."By the time a child is five years old his attitude to his environmentis usually so fixed and mechanized that it proceeds in more or less thesame direction the rest of his life." This helps explain why a person,like in the example of Paul above, would not seek answers to troublingquestions and situations—he or she does not have the script's permissionto do so. In spite of this reality there is hope because people can rewirethemselves. In logoteleology this is known as reforming, a method tobe discussed later.
I like Steiner's Scripts People Live because of its simplistic explanation ofthe choices people make and why they make them. It clearly explainshow people's biases and assumptions can prevent them from avoidingand solving problems. Yet, as we will discover, Transactional Analysis isnot the only psychological theory that points to the role and influence ofthe subconscious in purpose-driven or teleological behavior. Additionaltheories will be discussed later, including logoteleology.
Does Not Know How and Where to Find Answers (TheDisheartened)
The term "information explosion" was coined in 1970 by Alvin Tofflerin his book Future Shock. Toffler predicted the rapid surge of knowledgeand information and its impact on what we today call informationoverload. It is both a problem for those who want accurate informationquickly and an opportunity to those dedicated to manage, package,and sell information readers can trust. In a free society, information isaccessible through the Internet, professional journals, television, radio,books, academia, and experts, among others. It is not the intent of thisbook to tell people how to research information; rather, the task hereis to point to the difficulty that some might encounter finding answersto their problems. However, if this problem applies to the reader, heis encouraged to ask himself the right question: "How do I learn toresearch information?" Life presents us with the opportunity to pause,think, and formulate the right question.
Does Not Have Access to the Answers (The Frustrated)
It is possible that in a totalitarian system, such as North Korea, peopleare banned from gaining access to answers. It is also possible that one'ssocioeconomic situation and other physical and mental barriers can posea challenge in the search for solutions. And since access to informationand answers is a problem in need of a solution, some of us have madeit our life's purpose to make them available to others. And so canyou. Fortunately, if you are reading this book you are probably not inNorth Korea or a country with similar restrictions on human rightsand freedom of the press. It can, however, apply to situations in a freesociety where physical, technological, and socioeconomic barriers mightbe present, such as limited access to the Internet due to affordability oravailability.
Mental barriers are another way people are prevented from havingaccess to answers. This is through blind spots caused by psychologicalconditioning and prejudices. It is possible for a tangible stimulus tobe present and still not be perceived. In psychology this phenomenonis known as a scotoma, or a mental blind spot where the individual isunable to understand or perceive certain matters.
For instance, stereotyping women has been associated with the glassceiling and lower compensation for equal work as men. How is itpossible that women are relegated to such handling after the many yearsthat the unfair impact of this stereotyping has been glaringly clear?
Also, the psychoanalyst is no stranger to resistance and repression orthe patient's opposition and inability to make what is unconsciousconscious. Thus, an individual can be deprived of information andinsight by both external and internal forces.
Implements the Wrong Answers (The Challenged)
Experience might not always be the best teacher, but it does teachlessons to the willing learner. Experience can point to what works anddoes not work, allowing us to continue a path to personal growth anden route for the discovery of the ultimate working solution. After all,according to James Joyce, "Mistakes are the portals of discovery."
On the other hand, Josh Jenkins also stated, "To err is human, butwhen the eraser wears out ahead of the pencil, you're overdoing it."Consequently, when a problem has not been solved despite one's besteffort, the action to take is to stop the problem-solving process in order todiscover why the current approach is not working. Process takes priorityover content. In other words, a new and more important question takesprecedence and requires a solution, and it might be—among otheroptions—to discover and implement a better problem-solving approach.In case of personal difficulties, that might include getting professionalhelp from a licensed health professional.
I can't emphasize enough the importance of paying attention to whatone is paying attention to.People err in solving their mostpressing life problems becausethey get distracted by and payattention to objects andsituations irrelevant to theiroriginal purpose. For instance, in my practice I many times encounterpeople who divert their attention away from what is important in orderto focus on the fear of failure. Rather than solving the problem, theindividuals pay attention to and get distracted by the fear of solving it.As a result, since dealing with fear and anxiety take precedence, theproblem is not solved.
Let's take the case of Anthony, who believes he is math-incompetentand has so far avoided taking his math college courses. He knows hewill have to deal with it sooner or later if he plans to graduate. Duringcounseling, Anthony is encouraged to think of ways in which he canbuild his confidence solving math problems, such as being tutoredor using self-paced methods for learning. Anthony, however, divertsthe conversation to disheartening "what if" scenarios or to dreadfulpast situations to why he is not good with math. As long as Anthony'sattention is on his fear, he will not be able to successfully meet hisacademic goals.
Another reason people implement the wrong answers is due to faultyassumptions. I have found exploring one's set of suppositions andchanging one's perspective go a long way to overcoming this problem.For instance, for many years I believed intelligence was fixed. Youwere either born with the capacity to be bright and smart or you werecondemned to be slow and dumb; or you could be somewhere inbetween. And in case you were fed that fib, join me in getting rid of itbecause it is not true. IQ, regardless of age, can be improved by mostpeople.
