Peaceful Separation, Peaceful Divorce is a source of strength and a guide for those making a transition from separation and divorce to creating peace and harmony in their lives." Deepak Chopra Author, Jesus: A Story of Enlightenment "Peaceful Separation, Peaceful Divorce offers a conscious roadmap through transition, reminding us that no relationship ends, it merely changes form. Having Heather as your navigator will smooth your journey and ensure that you arrive safely as your new self." David Simon, M.D. Author, Free to Love, Free to Heal "Heather Frenner is a true spiritual teacher. In Peaceful Separation, Peaceful Divorce, Heather's wisdom will touch your soul and give you a change in perspective. Her suggested daily rituals will equip you to face the experiences of separation and/or divorce with gentleness in your heart. As you read Peaceful Separation, Peaceful Divorce it will become impossible not to experience divine grace." Robin Alexis Author of Robin Song, Treasure Your Soul's Wisdom, and Raising Humanity. "What a wise woman! Thank you for reminding us that every season of our lives has a beginning, a middle, and an end. Our culture has a negative attitude about divorce, and your book will help people see it in a different, more wholesome light. Your yoga suggestions are simple and concrete methods to help keep people in the present and out of the mire of what should be! It also shows how much work you have done yourself. Congratulations!" Peter Alsop PhD, Educational Psychologist, Singer/Songwriter
Peaceful Separation/Peaceful Divorce
By HEATHER FRENNERAuthorHouse
Copyright © 2009 Heather Frenner, RYT, Chopra Yoga and Meditation Instructor
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4389-7774-4Chapter One
Sunday
Daily affirmation to tear out and carry with you throughout your day:
I grace myself with silence, witnessing the beauty and love in myself and in all living things.
Sunday
The wisdom for today reflects the feeling of being absolute, of being non-judgmental, and of appreciating all of the magnificence found in nature, our refreshing oasis and the true healing source.
A transition from being married (till death do us part) into a separation and/or divorce truly does not need to be a death, but a gentle parting of sweet joy and unbounded bliss. If you completely surrender to the level of the soul and allow universal spirit to transition through your soul, which is also infinitely connected with the soul of your soon-to-be ex-spouse, you will find the freedom to love him or her in a new, profoundly enlightened way. It is in this discovery of freedom, in this enlightened state of love, where we access the level of the soul, which is the source of true power; it is who we really are, an infinite being who loves all and is all with one. The human soul, quite simply put, would never, ever cause pain and suffering to another soul, because that other soul is the mirror, that sacred, divine reflection of our own soul. I am sure you have heard family, friends, colleagues, and even strangers compliment you on your appearance. It makes us feel beautiful and accepted and appreciated and even more apparent. The compliment is mirroring not only our thoughts and our actions and the way we feel about ourselves, but the compliment in and of itself is the direct reflection of the person who is complimenting you! Our souls are the very reflection of love itself. And, our true self, which is our soul, is unbounded and carefree and filled with infinite love and light. When we learn to live a life based on love, we bring into our life, and the lives of all of those who surround us, wholesome and nourishing relationships based on non-judgment and non-expectation. This is the realm that the soul thrives in. This is the field of pure potentiality.
How do we access the power of our true self and embrace that sacred realm for our soul to thrive in as we go through separation and divorce? We access it by taking time today to grace ourselves with silence, taking time to enjoy all of the beauty and wonder of the universe. We access it by not judging or expecting anything from anyone or any situation. We access it by appreciating the gift of life and love in our lives, and we begin the miraculous journey. We begin to manifest change.
How to manifest the change you would like to see in your separation and/or divorce:
A.) Truly become silence. Take some time today to quiet your body, your mind, and your soul by taking some time for yourself, silently. Literally, gift yourself with silence. We give so much of ourselves by giving our time that we often neglect to take the time to replenish our own integral being to simply be. Even in the midst of chaos and turmoil, we are still capable of accessing harmony. If your partner has anger and manipulation and control issues (as they so often do in separation and divorce cases), your silence will actually let you become immune to criticism and immune to fear. You will have accessed your soul in this silent replenishment of acceptance. Your true divine source of power will harness the calm serenity that lies deep within your soul. Please be gentle with yourself and honor your soul by gifting your body and mind with the precious blessing of silence. You will find that meditation is simply the finest way to observe silence and harness pure potentiality, which will bless you with infinite possibilities of peace, harmony, laughter, and love. Give yourself the gift of meditation at least twice a day for about a half an hour each time, preferably at sunrise and at sunset, and watch the benefits grow!
B.) Take a hike! Detach from the drama of your soon-to-be ex- spouse and go for a walk in nature. Nature has very powerful, healing energies just waiting to nourish your senses. As you physically connect with the earth, you connect with the universal spirit. Bear witness to the miraculous creations of God. Become one with yourself, through all living things.
C.) "Judge ye not" is the key function today. Please remind yourself not to judge anyone or any situation, including yourself. I know this might be difficult as your soon-to-be ex-spouse may be pissing you off. Hey, we are only human. You say your soon-to-be ex- spouse is not in your space of love and is engaging in acts of judgment, expectation, and even hatred? Let us recall those very poignant words of Jesus Christ. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." Don't go looking for the hugest rock you can find to hurl at your personal pain-in-the-ass! Acknowledge that you are angry and move on! When we acknowledge our feelings and detach from the drama, we enter the space of acceptance, which is the foundation of love. Embrace hatred with love! The more love we bring into this situation, the less we judge. The more we judge others, the more we judge ourselves and the more others judge us. It is really a vicious circle of soul biting and gnawing! It is so much easier to relinquish all thoughts of judgment and enter that divine principal of Namaste, where you actually honor the divine in them, as they honor the divine in you.
The spiritual essence of today activates the seventh chakra, also known as the sahasrara chakra or crown chakra. It is located at the top of the head and is envisioned as a magnificent, thousand-petal lotus blossom, opening directly upward, toward the heavens, directly linking our soul to God, to all there is, to universal spirit. This chakra is embraced by the glorious color of violet, which encompasses all religions and all forms of spirituality. The universal sound that activates this chakra is the sound of creation itself. It is om. Please take a moment to sit silently, in a cross-legged position, if comfortable. Close your eyes and take a deep breath in through your nostrils. Slowly and gently exhale the healing vibration, om.
There is also a lovely and restorative yoga posture, also known as asana, that activates this crown chakra. It is a glorious posture known as Matsyasana, the fish pose. It will offer an extension into a more complete and full breath, as it releases built-up tension from the pelvic region. It also will benefit the thyroid gland. As with common sense, please consult the advice of a physician before engaging in any of the yoga poses instructed in this book.
Lie flat on your back. Then, bend both knees as you rest both feet on the floor, slightly wider than hip width apart, with your toes pointed slightly inward. Next, gently roll your right hip upward as you bring your right arm underneath the right side of your body, with the right palm turned down. Then, lower the right hip down, on top of your right arm. Repeat this procedure on your left side. Next, extend your left leg straight out and rest it on the floor. Repeat this same procedure with your right leg, and point the toes on both feet. Please now begin to fill your lungs with a deep inhalation of breath as you allow your chest to rise up and off of the floor. Let your head gently focus on a beautiful place behind, as you rest the top of your head on the floor. Glide the tip of your tongue along the roof of your mouth until it reaches the top two front teeth. Close your eyes and breathe. Become one with your breath and let your body release all anxiety into this pose. When you are ready to come out of it, inhale and simply raise your head and shoulders; then exhale as you slowly bring your chin to your chest. Inhale and slowly lower your shoulders and head back to the floor. Release your arms from underneath you and rest with legs straight out in front of you, arms out to the side. Breathe.
And now I shall leave you for the day with an absolutely exquisite poem, written by the amazing Bengali poet Rabindranth Tagore. Enjoy.
This Is My Delight
This is my delight, to watch and wait by the wayside, As the shadow races the light And the summer rain chases the sun. Messengers greet me from unknown skies Racing past on the road. My heart is glad, the passing breeze is sweet, Because I know that in one moment I will see.
Meanwhile I sit before my door Smiling and singing alone. Meanwhile the air is filling with sweet perfume Of promise.
Self-Reflection Page
Please take a moment as you retire for the evening. Sitting comfortably in your bed, begin to journal your day. How was your day? How are you feeling physically, emotionally, and spiritually, right now? Let us begin the beautiful process of recapitulation. Remember, the joy is the very journey itself. Namaste.
Chapter Two
Monday
Daily affirmation to tear out and carry with you throughout your day:
I am the very essence of love, and love is the very essence of me.
Monday
The wisdom for today reflects complete love: love for self and a love for others; a love for the environment and all living things. The more love we give in life, the more love we will receive. And the more we appreciate life's blessings, the more we open the direct channel of abundance to flow harmoniously into our lives and all of those precious lives that surround us.
How on earth is it possible to give love when we feel the excruciating, heart-wrenching pain and anger, triggered by a separation and/or divorce? How can we receive love and a feeling of harmony when it is quite obvious that our soon-to-be ex-spouse is trying to manipulate us with hateful actions? These are very real questions that some of my students, who are going through the transition of separation and into divorce, approach me with. Their feelings are deeply heartfelt, profoundly valid, and so very real. It moved me to the point where I felt compelled to write this book. I know that when I was personally going through this process, I was not able to find a single written resource on the topic of peaceful separation/peaceful divorce. So, the healing project of writing began. I realized that what I have come to learn through my own experiences in life and my own self-realization-and also through obtaining invaluable insight and wisdom from some of the world's greatest healers of mind/body health-was something that needed to be shared with humanity. Not only for those afflicted with the pain of separation and divorce, but for all of those precious individuals (including the lawyers and mediation experts) who surround those individuals going through separation/divorce.
If we pause for just a moment and think about the seed (bija in sanskrit) of pain, anger, disgust, and hatred, we will find the direct source, which is FEAR.
Frighten (to drive something away by terrorizing)
Erratic (haphazard, desultory, and spasmodic actions)
Attack (to set upon with force)
Rebellion (resisting love and having desire to fight)
Fear is the source of all acts of violence and hatred. Fear arises from a feeling of being frightened. We somehow have given power to a feeling that we will be attacked, which can be very frightening, indeed. We feel that the erratic, rebellious acts of vindictive behavior will swallow us alive in the complete and utter terror of fright itself.
Many years ago, a very dear friend of mine told me something that completely changed my outlook on life. This simple sentence had the power to manifest the healing vibration of acceptance. She said, "Rejection is God's protection." That was all she said. When she died, I promised myself that I would somehow get her simple words out into the universe, to offer a bit of comfort, a bit of nourishment, and a feeling that all is as it should be. Everything is indeed in perfect and divine order. Those very poignant words, spoken well by my friend, exemplified consciousness, embracing an understanding awareness of what fear really is. Fear is merely a form of rejection. When we begin to accept rejection with love, we begin to detach from what it is that does not serve us and our general well-being. It places us in the palms of God's loving hands of divine protection. With this reassurance that everything is actually in divine and perfect order, right now, we then open a gateway of love. We then are able to sow the seeds of love where once hatred was attempting to pollute our soul. Love then detoxifies those seeds of hatred and replaces that grotesque energy with harmony. We then nourish the universe and allow the universe to nourish us through the acceptance of peace and harmony and laughter and love.
Love (ultimate gift of God)
Omniscient (having infinite awareness, understanding, and insight)
Verisimilitude (state of being real)
Everlasting (never ending)
When we are in a state of love, our life reflects bliss. We are engaged in conscious acts of loving that resonate an omniscient state of verisimilitude, a pure place of living a truthful life and of being real, of being authentic. Leading a life with authenticity is everlasting and shall endure, even in the most turbulent of waters.
By relinquishing the posterity of fear, we actually harness the seeds of love. Likewise, if we permit fear to manipulate our life, we sabotage any form of love that is trying to exist. Picture this: spring is coming and a new flower is about to emerge from that sacred seed that was planted deeply into the earth. The sun shone on this seed, warming it, preparing it, nourishing it. Rain quenched the seed's thirst for life. The earthworms tilled the soil. Oxygen from giant deciduous trees permeated the space, surrounding the seed, making way for the expansion of growth. The seed took its first breath of life and became a seedling, sprouting its way up into the arms of the sun's glorious embrace, full with the anticipation of life itself, of infinite possibilities and unbounded bliss. The sheer moment of creation being born into pure potentiality. Yet if the sun never did shine and environmental conditions did not permit clouds to manifest those precious droplets of water, the earthworms would shrivel up and die. The seed would never grow. The same holds true if we are closed up in the agony and sorrow of fear. The manifestation of love will simply never exist. Hence, if we are blocking the healing energies trying to emerge from within, we will never give life to that precious seed that lies deep within our soul. Seeds simply cannot flourish without love.
Let love be your seed today.
The spiritual essence of today activates the fourth chakra, also known as the anahata chakra. It is located in the center of the chest, where love actually resides. It is the place where we send love out into this bright and glorious universe, and where we receive it back into our own integral being of body, mind, and spirit. This is the sacred space where all of love originates in us. It is where love pours out of us and into the universe, and it is where we embrace the universal shower of love's hydration, bringing it back into our own integral being. The beautiful color of a bright and vibrant emerald green forest radiates from within this chakra. The universal sound that activates this chakra is yam. Please take a moment to sit silently in a comfortable and cross-legged position, if possible. Close your eyes and take a deep breath in through your nostrils. Slowly and gently exhale the healing sound, yam.
There is also a lovely and restorative yoga asana to activate the anahata chakra. It is known as the butterfly pose or Baddha Konasana. As with common sense, please consult the advice of a physician before engaging in any of the yoga poses instructed in this book. Begin by sitting on the floor and gently bring the soles of the feet together. Caress the toes with the palms of your hands. Sitting up straight and tall, tip the pelvis down. Gently relax your head and shoulders. Then, slowly lower your head toward your feet. Close your eyes and transcend into this pose, allowing your breath to soothe your mind into a tranquil state of bliss. Your head will naturally gravitate toward your feet, inch by inch, vertebra by vertebra. Inhale deeply and then exhale as you slowly come back up into a seated position. Your head and shoulders are the very last to come up. Next, in the same seated position, gently ho hold your toes with your left hand and place your left elbow and forearm on the floor, directly in front of your left shin. Gently press the right thigh down to the floor and lower your right shoulder as you extend your right arm out and up towards the ceiling. When you find a comfortable stretch, expand your breath by bringing your entire right arm back a few inches. Open the fingertips of your right hand as much as possible and bring the thumb and index finger (which is associated with the heart chakra, your anahata chakra) together, placing the thumb directly over the lowered index finger, forming a very beautiful and powerful hand mudra (the yoga of the hands), known as Vayu Mudra. Glide your tongue along the roof of your mouth to the area right in front of your top two front teeth. Transcend into this pose through your breath. When you are ready to come out of this pose, inhale deeply; then exhale as you lower your right arm back down. Repeat this procedure on your other side, taking all the time you need to engage in the pose and to come out of it. We are not in a rush for enlightenment here, so please take your time. When you have stretched both sides beautifully, please enjoy the beginning part of this sequence by simply letting your head come down to your feet. You will notice that this time, your head will naturally come down a little bit farther. The benefits of yoga are instantaneous, as when your meet your beloved for the first time and realize that you have been with him or her forever.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Peaceful Separation/Peaceful Divorceby HEATHER FRENNER Copyright © 2009 by Heather Frenner, RYT, Chopra Yoga and Meditation Instructor. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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