Let's Begin

I feel deep sadness; hardly any joy or happiness. I feel like a waterfall is suspended, frozen in time, behind my face, waiting for me to say yes to it's flow. I feel disconnected from God, me and others – all others!

This was my journal entry a few days before I noticed a corner of blackness in my left eye. "If it doesn't clear by the weekend, I'll call the ophthalmologist," was my thought. When the darkness neared my central vision, I got on the phone. The emergency visit to the eye doctor's office confirmed I had a detached retina.

This seemed like the physical manifestation of the detachment I was feeling in my life. I was disconnected from myself and my loved ones. I was disconnected from enthusiasm, passion, peace, joy and purpose.

On Monday my eye was repaired.

As I was pulled by some invisible force through the days and weeks of my healing, fear arose in mighty splendor. Yes, I was afraid about what might happen to my eyesight. But other fears from my past and about the future, both big and small, propelled themselves into the present moment. It was as if they were all clamoring to be dealt with compassionately and openly. I made the decision to do just that.

To my relief and delight I found that the light of wisdom and love were always present to help me see my way through the darkness. The light was there to guide me through my next step which generally took me to greater peace.

These are stories of personal transformation. I wrote them to remind myself of wisdom revealed, lessons learned. I wrote them to remember how to move through my fears and return to love and a sense of wholeness and joy.

It's important to know that we can discover helpful insights and manageable, amazing solutions to our challenges. We can discover and use beautiful practices to comfort and support ourselves through our pain and to enliven us to our natural joy and the wonder of life and living.

Gratefully and with true humility I open my heart and extend my hand to you. Let's walk this healing path and take the journey into wholeness together.

* * *

Grace upholds me as I move through my fears and challenges.

* * *

Longing

I went out to garden this hot summer evening. Well, it's not officially summer but the 90 plus degree weather makes it seem like mid July in the mid west. It's the kind of weather where I am moist all over even before I get my garden gloves on. I feel healthy and energized. My garden is looking healthy and energized this season – the plants stand so tall and lush. It's almost as if they are bragging about their beauty. I just smile.

I haven't wanted to do much in the way of gardening the last several years. This season is different. With every weed I pull, with every seed or seedling I plant, I feel as if I am coming alive again. It's a good feeling and I am curious about what this could mean.

While digging, I notice a storm brewing in the distance. The sky is dark to the north. My skin senses the temperature dropping degree by degree and I find myself beckoning to the clouds, "Come this way, come over here and water my little piece of heaven!" When the wind becomes fierce and the sky quite black, I reluctantly head for my house with a squeal of delight. The probability of rain is increasing with every hurried step.

Thunder, lightning and rain saturate the earth and my soul feels strangely refreshed. Sometimes, I wonder if I should just step out of the chaos of life and plant melons and tomatoes. There is an orderly pattern emerging here and I experience such comfort and safety within the confines of this little plot. All the while my heart is silently singing: There Is Only Love.

I wonder if the world would miss my song if I stayed solidly rooted in the fenced in area behind my house. I wonder if my heart could stand the isolation even in the midst of such exquisite beauty. I entreat nature to share her wisdom with me; to allow answers to reveal themselves as systematically and effortlessly as the moon appears to rise. I want to know.

Song by David Kisor: Bend Willow Bend

Bend Willow Bend by David Kisor

Bend, willow bend
Till your branches touch the ground
Fly, snowbird fly
Till a warmer home is found

Turn, seasons turn, burn, wildfire burn
Take me with you as you go
There's so much I don't know
There's a lot I want to learn

Dance, thistle dance
In the rustling of the breeze
Flow, river flow
Till your waters kiss the seas

Die, sunset die, rise, half moon rise
Take me with you as you go
There's so much I don't know
There's a lot I want to try

From the earth to the stars, all the dreams you are
As you rise to fall, teach me all

So when I die I'm not afraid of death
Having lived my life till there's no living left
Like my weeping friend
Grow to touch my roots again

So bend, willow bend
From the earth to the stars, all the dreams you are
As you rise to fall, teach me all

So when I die I'm not afraid of death
Having lived my life till there's no living left
Like my weeping friend
Grow to touch my roots again

So bend, willow bend

Thought

Thoughts arise out of our life experiences. We form ideas about what this all means to us, about us, about others and life. We assume we are correct in conjuring up what these experiences are saying. We assume what others say about us and about life is correct. We usually never question our creations/our beliefs, but we live by them religiously.

Thought is creative. Our thoughts and beliefs can be fearful and limiting, or they can be expansive, positive and full of possibility. But whatever we choose to think, that is the way it is for us.

In the past, I have attached my happiness and sadness to what happens in the world. Backwards! My happiness and sadness are generated by my interpretation of what happens, not by the actual event that takes place.

* * *

"We are disturbed not by what happens to us, but by our thoughts about what happens." Epictetus

* * *

When we really get that our experience of life is a reflection of our thinking, then we become mindful of choosing thoughts that mirror back to us the peace and happiness we desire. Whatever we send out returns to us. Naturally, we want to give what we would be glad and grateful to receive.

* * *

All of my thoughts are in support of my best life ever! Patrick Cameron

* * *

Song by Karen Drucker and Joyce Ripp: I Send My Love

I Send My Love

Music: Karen Drucker; Words: Joyce Ripp from Songs of the Spirit

Copyright: TayToones Music, BMI

I send my love over the mountains
I send my love over the sea
I send my love into the heavens
And it returns to me ...

I send my love over the mountains
I send my love over the sea
I send my love into the heavens
And it returns to me ...

I send my joy over the mountains
I send my joy over the sea
I send my joy into the heavens
And it returns to me ...

I send my power over the mountains
I send my power over the sea
I send my power into the heavens
And it returns to me ...

I send peace over the mountains
I send peace over the sea
I send peace into the heavens
And it returns to me ...

I send my power over the mountains
I send my power over the sea
I send my power into the heavens
And it returns to me ...

I send my love over the mountains
I send my love over the sea
I send my love into the heavens
And it returns to me ...
And it returns to me ...
And it returns to me ...

It returns to me ...
It returns to me ...
It returns to me ...

A Case of Mistaken Identity

When I was a little girl, I spent the night with my cousins. This was a real treat for me and my sister. I have no recollection of most of that experience, but I do remember having cereal for breakfast the next morning. After I ate all of my cornflakes, there was a pretty big bowl of milk left. My aunt asked me why I hadn't told her I didn't want that much milk. "Look what you've wasted," she snapped. I sat silently interpreting what happened to mean that I was wasteful! I placed that thought in a little corner of my mind and though that incident was long forgotten, unconsciously, I played that self judgment out in present time through the years.

That was wasteful! I was wasteful! That was the thought I created from that experience. And, I believed it! When we identify with a thought (believe it) we're saying to ourselves, that's who I am - the girl who is wasteful. Then our minds go to work finding proof that this is so.

My point in sharing this story is that we don't have to let the past define who we are and how we will act in this present moment. We don't have to let a situation or anyone define who we are. Who we are, has already been determined. We are made in the image and likeness of goodness and we can align our thoughts about ourselves with the goodness that we are at our core

If a thought doesn't align with the truth of who I am, I can change it. It could be helpful to change that thought! It could be fun to change that thought! Let's have some fun!

My dear friend and fabulous Coach Lin Schussler Williams shared this 9 word, life changing process with me. It can help us lay down the dead weight of limited, fearful thinking.

Up until now ...
I am willing ...
No matter what.

We begin by stating our old belief/behavior/fear, with the words; up until now. Then we shift perspective/open to a new possibility beginning with the words: I am willing (to see it/do it differently) and then we seal the deal with the words: no matter what.

Up until now, I thought I was wasteful if I did something for myself that I really wanted but went above and beyond my needs. Now I am willing to see how valuable it is to listen and respond to the promptings of my heart. I allow joy and wisdom to inform my choices - no matter what.

* * *

I am willing to change my mind about who I think I am.

* * *

Who We Are

We are spiritual beings having a human experience. I've heard that statement many, many times. It is a convenient way to talk about who we are.

Our human nature is of the world. We have bodies, brains, thoughts and feelings - all part of and comfortable in the material world of form. All form will some day dissolve and so it is sometimes referred to as an illusion. We access the world of form through our senses. We judge by appearances. Our ego selves are part of our human personality. Fear, separation, lack and limitation are hallmarks of the ego.

Our spiritual nature is formless and consists of the pure energy of being. We sometimes refer to this pure energy as God, goodness, Spirit, Creator, Source and even Life. This energy is whole and complete and nothing or no one can ever change that. In Spirit, we cannot be hurt or damaged in any way. As spiritual beings, we are connected to God our Source and therefore, to all creation.

Because the pure energy of being is eternal, it is real. It is the real of who we are. This is our essential nature. We are the essence of divine peace and unconditional love. When we express Spirit/the spirit of love through our humanity, we are expressing our authentic selves. This is our natural state of being. I know that this is where I want to live my life from ... the consciousness of love.

* * *

I allow my human self to be a vehicle for expressing the pure energy of life.

I am love expressing!

I am the radiant joy of being.

* * *

Song by Jody and Gary Soland: Inside of Me

Inside of Me by Jody and Gary Soland

Copyright 2012

Inside of me, I see heaven
Inside of me, the promised land
A place of joy, of love and peace
Inside of me, inside of me

Inside of me, a spiritual treasure
Inside of me more precious than gold
Everything I want and everything I need
Is inside of me, inside of me

And I could search the whole world
For the treasure I seek
Or I can look
Inside of me

Inside of me, is a beautiful light
Inside of me, all the wisdom I need
To teach me everyday, and guide me on my way
Inside of me, inside of me

And I could search the whole world
For the answers I seek
Or I can look
Inside of me

Inside of me, there is only love
Inside of me, I know the truth
That who I really am, is the child of God I seek
Inside of me, inside of me

And I could search the whole world
For the truth that I seek
Or I could look
Inside of me

Oh, I could search the whole world
For the love that I seek
Or I could look
Inside of me,
Inside of me.

Fear

Fears are scary beliefs we set up for ourselves with the intent of keeping our human selves safe. Fear lives in future time and so it often seems like a figment of my imagination. Fear also can seem very real. My fears used to scare the heck out of me! When I noticed them, I would run fast and far in the opposite direction.

Over time, I've come to see that fears are part of the human experience. Maybe the purpose of fear is to support us in developing confidence in ourselves and trust in the Universe. Maybe fear is pointing us in the direction of our wisdom and strength. Fear longs to keep us in our comfort zone and our souls are always inviting us to step into new territory. It used to feel so stressful wanting to soar and feeling afraid to, at the same time. I now consider this back and forth motion, the natural, playful tug of war between our egos and our evolving souls.

Sometimes, I actually find myself being grateful for my fears. They are like dear friends calling me home to my heart. They ask and sometimes insist that I be present to them to hear what they are trying to tell me. Running away from my fears only seems to make them more persistent or it drives them more deeply into my unconscious mind where they direct the parts I'm allowed to play in life.

Maybe ... maybe we can just be aware of our fearful thoughts and not believe them. We can listen to what they have to tell us about what we must be believing about ourselves. When we know those thoughts, we can explore them, change them ... if we like.

One evening I felt such sweet compassion for my whole self - including my fears. I didn't want to disown them or shut them out. I didn't want to run and hide or be angry with myself for feeling fearful - again. I just wanted to do something that felt kind and comforting. I wanted to sing a love song to my fears.

Song by David Kisor: A Love Song to My Fears

* * *

I choose to accept my whole self.

I am willing to be present to my fear and let it teach me.

* * *

(I am not talking about eminent danger here. I am speaking about those nagging beliefs in the background of our minds that tell us that we, others and life are not enough, we're not ok, we can't ...)

A Love Song to My Fears by David Kisor

There will be music and dancing on another night
A celebration to last throughout the years
But tonight I sit and turn out the lights
And sing a love song to my fears

Some night soon there'll be a party with friends and relations
A celebration filled with laughter, jokes and cheers
But tonight I sit in silent contemplation
And sing a love song to my fears

To my deepest disappointment, to every mistake
To the times I turned away, every road I didn't take
To every fault, every flaw, to all that somehow went wrong
I sing to every weakness that somehow makes me strong

Tomorrow may bring a picnic in the park
With sunshine to wipe away these tears
But tonight I sit alone in the dark
And sing a love song to my fears

Oh, oh, oh, oh
To every fault, every flaw, to all that somehow went wrong
I sing to every weakness that somehow makes me strong

Tomorrow I'll be at that pretty picnic in the park
With sunshine to wipe away my tears
But tonight I sit alone in the dark
And sing the song my broken heart needs to hear
It's a love song, a somehow rise above song
A love song to my fears