THE POSSIBLE WOMAN STEPS UP invites all women to come forward in their highest and best development. Men who encourage women will also learn from this book. The eight chapters are packed with stories and possibilities for any woman to gain inspiration, encouragement, and many different pathways for her to show up, listen up, open up, grow up, lighten up, wise up, link up, and offer up. All the roles women have lived have prepared them to enter into full partnership for the good of this Planet Earth. The release of women to join the human race releases men to become fully human and fully alive also. The time is now, and women are poised and ready for leadership.
The Possible Woman Steps Up
Women's Leadership in the 21st CenturyBy Marjorie R. BarlowBalboa Press
Copyright © 2011 Marjorie R. Barlow
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4525-4365-9Contents
Introduction....................................................................xiiiAcknowledgments.................................................................xviiChapter 1: Show Up..............................................................1The Joy of Existence............................................................1Here I Am.......................................................................2Wisdom from the Past............................................................3Individuation...................................................................5Servant Leaders.................................................................5Visionary Leaders...............................................................6Managerial Leaders..............................................................6Who Am I? The Clock of Awareness................................................7Beliefs.........................................................................10Thoughts........................................................................11Feelings........................................................................12Behavior........................................................................12Your Story......................................................................13Real Worth......................................................................14Leadership of Self..............................................................15Chapter 2: Listen Up............................................................17The Joy of Compassion and Caring................................................17Transformation through Listening................................................17Necessary Skills for Leadership.................................................19Three Needs.....................................................................21Rule of Thumb for Listening.....................................................26Twenty-First Century Women......................................................27Leadership the Feminine Way.....................................................28Women Leaders...................................................................29Foundational Ideas for Transformative Listening.................................30Deep Listening Means Caring.....................................................31Your Worldview..................................................................31Chapter 3: Open Up..............................................................34The Joy of Creativity...........................................................34My Story: Creating and Crafting My Life.........................................34Creativity or Reactivity?.......................................................37RIGHTS..........................................................................38Responsibility—Energy in Motion...........................................41Mental Rehearsal................................................................43Relax and Wait..................................................................43Intention.......................................................................45Dreams..........................................................................46Inspirational Relationships.....................................................47Creative Work Needs "the Silence"...............................................48Honoring Individual Learning Styles.............................................50Emotional Honesty...............................................................51Creativity Requires Dedicated Action............................................53Right Conditions................................................................53Chapter 4: Grow Up..............................................................55The Joy of Evolving.............................................................55One Woman Growing Up: a Sampling from My Spiritual Memories.....................55Finding My Calling..............................................................58The Possible Woman..............................................................63Stages of Growth, According to the Spiral of Consciousness......................63The Downward Spiral.............................................................71Born Free.......................................................................73Chapter 5: Lighten Up...........................................................75The Joy of Play.................................................................75Playing Music...................................................................75A Play Day......................................................................77Engagement Is High Play.........................................................78Play Therapy....................................................................82Adults at Play..................................................................84Chapter 6: Wise Up..............................................................86The Joy of Learning.............................................................86The Wisdom of Servant Leadership................................................86Life-Long Learning..............................................................89Dr. Jean Houston................................................................90Generational Changes............................................................93Women's Wisdom Group............................................................95The Shape of Things to Come: From Pyramid to Circle.............................97Chapter 7: Link Up..............................................................100The Joys of Relationship........................................................100We Are All in This Together.....................................................100Grandmother in Residence........................................................102Leading Is Relating.............................................................106The Ladder of Love..............................................................110Friends.........................................................................113Essentials of a Good Relationship...............................................116Chapter 8: Offer Up.............................................................119The Joy of Work.................................................................119Post-Retirement Work............................................................120Sustainability..................................................................120Your Calling....................................................................124The Age of Emergence............................................................125Mother Nature: The Mother Lode..................................................127Strengths.......................................................................130Leadership in Real Life.........................................................131Leading a Circle Meeting........................................................131Your Power......................................................................133Conclusion......................................................................135Afterword.......................................................................137About the Author................................................................139
Chapter One
Show Up
The Joy of Existence
Preparation for this chapter: Take a few minutes for this "mind-stretching, leafing-out" process. Ponder, meditate, or just be still while you notice your thoughts. Think about how you are the Possible Woman and you live on planet Earth, which is a part of the universe. Literally turn your body to face the southeast. Remember the myth of Persephone and your role as a girl-child-daughter who has experienced your own trip into the underworld. Color that world red. Imagine that you can reach far, far into space, touching a distant star. Let your vivid imagination take you to the star named Rigel, the Traveler. This star forms the western foot of the Hunter Orion, and its Arabic name means, "Leg of the giant." Think of the star as a symbol of you as a traveler embarking on your entire life journey. Ask yourself to define your own giant legs. Allow your inner little girl to feel those sturdy legs. Meditate on the two words, "I am."
Here I Am
I was born on the plains of Texas in my grandfather's farmhouse. There were four adults in my life, and I was the only child. They watched me a lot, so there was a big calamity on the day that they lost me. They were looking for me all over the house, in the closets, at the barn, in the toilet, behind the lilac bushes, and in the orchard. They were calling me by both my names, which is the real indicator of how serious this was. "Margie Ruth!" was being called loudly by Grandfather, whom I called Poppie Mac, Daddy, Mother, and Aunt Jimmie. Jimmie was afraid I had been killed and eaten by the hogs, and Poppie was getting ready to drag the waters in the tank, panic-stricken that I had drowned. My mother was walking around the far side of the house, and she heard a little voice saying, "Here me am." It seems I had crawled under the house and was having quiet alone time, away from all eight eyes watching my every move.
Our life stories unfold in fractal wave patterns, and this is one of those patterns in my showing up. I am still self-conscious today when I think people are watching my life with a judgmental mindset. I pick up intuitively when they are critical, and I want to hide out until the voice is warm, inviting, friendly, and accepting. My mother's voice calling my name was not harsh, but she spoke to me from her perspective of wanting me, cherishing me, and hoping to find me. So, I spoke up timidly, "Here me am." Then all was well. I was found, and they were relieved. Today, I still have that tentative voice speaking out, saying, "Here me am." My growth edge is to be willing to say clearly, even enthusiastically, "Here I am." With more than eight eyes watching, I desire to show up.
You have come into this life with a purpose. Stop for a moment to ponder what your showing up, or your mission in life, might be. To show up is to risk being your authentic self, your fullest possibility as a woman in this life. Are you ready to be CEO, CIO, CFO, doctor, professor, senator, judge, or any title that you like? SHC was the job title chosen by Dianna (not her real name), a free-spirited woman who did all the necessary things in her small company. She made the coffee, kept the schedule, filed the papers, delivered the communications, and fixed the computers. She was the first one they thought of for any task. So, when her boss asked what title she preferred, Dianna answered whimsically, "SHC: Supreme High Commander." Then there was Georgia, another woman who did a different version of the necessary things. She built relationships, was present when there was a crisis, listened to everyone, and was interested in everyone. She kept the machinery of human interaction flowing in her world. When asked what title she wanted, she said, "President." Each woman was a leader who had her own style of engagement, Dianna as Dianna and Georgia as Georgia. They were engaged in living up to their maximum possibilities. Each of them took the risk of showing up.
Wisdom from the Past
We stand on the shoulders of the women who have blazed our trail. We inherit the knowledge and skills of our grandmothers. Thousands of women have been named in our history from the time of the early goddess cultures through our recent story of militant feminism. The evolution of women in the twenty-first century has been constructed from the lives of these forebears.
Martyred women, like Joan of Arc, sacrificed themselves for their cultural leadership causes. Hero women, like Elizabeth Cady Stanton, met the needs of their generation for female rights. Courageous women, like Eleanor Roosevelt, found a leadership voice from the template of their time. Intelligent women, like Benizir Bhuto, exercised their rightful places as leaders of their countries and died in that cause. Their stories are in our DNA. We share the makeup of their bodies, the pain of their suffering, and the outrage of their treatment. We are heirs to their intellect, determination, survival, and "thrival." Their wisdom, born of their experience, is passed on to us.
One of my workshops from the past was called, "From Rage to Courage, a Woman's Journey into Wholeness." My observation, based on the stories of my clients, was that when a woman got mad, her rage could quickly escalate into monumental proportions. One woman suddenly changed into a representation of the collective rage from all martyred, enslaved, abused, and captive women from ages past. It seemed as if those memories were somehow stored in the common DNA. At the same time, the men in her life, including her medical doctor, often found justification for her rage in hormones. Transforming rage into courage means doing something about the outrage. Candy Lightner and Cindy Lamb were two examples of women who turned rage into courage by founding Mothers against Drunk Driving. In warrior fashion, they turned their rage into a positive force for change. Mike Morrison, who served as the dean of Toyota University, says that real leaders bring about meaningful change. Women seem to have a knack for knowing what change will have real meaning.
Maybe now we won't be put to death for our heroism. Or will we? I had the privilege of spending a few hours in deep conversation with Benizir Bhutto when she spoke at the Possible Woman conference in Atlanta. She told me of the problems with her country, Pakistan, and of her sorrow about the plight of women. She and I shared our belief in the great life force. She was smart, well-educated, beautiful, and visionary. Her tragic death brought great sadness. I wonder if we can make the world safe for women to be visionary leaders. What meaningful change might have been brought about by women of the past if they had been allowed and empowered to lead?
We are here to heal the past, to envision the future, and to create a peaceful, joyful existence. Such an existence will not only bring women to parity but also release men to be fully human and fully alive. Each individual woman is significant and unique. It is that uniqueness and significance coupled with the oneness and sameness of all life that we are to engage. One woman engaged in the process of evolutionary change makes a difference.
Individuation
There is no other like you. Existence needs you. You are the Possible Woman, with your own individual differences and strengths. Your uniqueness is about the way you create your life, your style. It is apparent in the way you like to live, work, and interact. Every interaction shows your style. Who you really are is revealed in every conversation. We who have been doing Possible Woman seminars, events, and cruises for twenty years have asked two questions: "Who are you today?" and "Who can you become tomorrow?"
So, what is a leader? Specifically, what is a leader who happens to be female? More specifically, what are the possibilities for women becoming leaders in the United States of America and in our whole world? What kind of leader will the Possible Woman be? The answer to the question will be found in the ultimate development of individual women, who will imprint their styles of leadership on those they lead.
Servant Leaders
A servant leader of either gender rallies those who follow to: 1) higher and better performance, 2) more virtue in character, and 3) satisfaction of human needs. A leader is in position at the front, the vanguard, with a comprehensive view of what is demanded for her enterprise to be successful. She inspires loyalty and has a calming effect in the face of fears. Her enterprise may be her family or it may be a factory, school, church, or country. Whatever the enterprise, she can exert her influence. We are naturals in servant leadership, for women have done the necessary things to keep the human race progressing. Centuries of serving the good of the race resulted in a twenty-first-century model woman ready to take her place in leadership.
Visionary Leaders
Servant leaders can be of two types: visionary and managerial. There are visionary leaders who see the future with sharp clarity. They think in terms of possibilities, and they are dedicated to the creative seer role that shows the way and that guides the family, group, corporation, nation, or world. Such a leader is endowed with the qualities of the goddesses, Athena and Artemis. Such goddesses and gods from Greek, Egyptian, and Roman history were precursors for the science of psychology. We can learn about our personalities by studying them. Athena was the muse for Odysseus, and she invented things like the plow and other crafts. Athena is a prototype of the visionary woman who can see where we need to go. She can lend her voice to those who find the way, and she will lead by her brilliant ideas, plans, and strategies. Artemis is more revolutionary and really sees the need for women to have a new voice. Artemis was the goddess of the hunt and the moon and had her own territory. Each goddess is part of every woman. Each is ready to envision the future that wants to emerge.
Managerial Leaders
Another type of servant leader is the managerial kind. This woman is equipped to bring forth the goodness and strengths of others. She sees talent, she is optimistic, she has faith in people, and she knows how to bring out the best in those she manages. This type of leader is a master of task completion. This is sometimes a mother type, fashioned after the goddess Demeter. She is nurturing, selfless, giving, and caring. Her goal is to be compassionate, to help those who work for her to find their right seat on the airplane, to get into what they like to do best, and to encourage them to continue learning and growing. She is a great mentor. She holds the family or the organization together. She is a developer of people, whether they are male or female.
Either one of these types of women, visionary or the managerial leaders, will perform in leadership capacities provided they make the choice of being wholeheartedly engaged, which means responding to the needs around them. Buckminster Fuller said, "When you don't know what you want to do, look around and see what needs to be done. Choose from that list and get busy doing it!" A fully engaged woman can make things happen. She gets things done. She simply chooses to show up. She puts herself out there. Showing up in fullest mind, body, and spirit is the challenge. She can begin by not taking a backseat. She can risk finding her own voice in world affairs. She is you, and you can choose to never succumb to the "poor me" victimization voiced by men and women alike when things don't go their way.
To show up is to come into the workplace as a leader with enthusiasm, fully engaged and ready to be there in the now moment. The now moment is really all we ever have. To live in the past is to invite depression. What might have been "if only" this or that and the anger over past crimes against one's personhood are at the head of the list of ways to justify not showing up.Or the alternative might be living in the future, which guarantees worry and anxiety. Now is equivalent to eternity. Living in the now is the place where engagement happens, where we can step up to our leadership potential, and where we enter the flow of life.
Who Am I? The Clock of Awareness
What makes you tick? What ticks you off? Imagine for a moment that you are a clock. In our simple metaphor, twelve o'clock is the place where you store beliefs, the concepts that you hold certain. Like the plot in a movie, beliefs are the moral of the story and represent your fundamental understanding of the nature of the universe and of yourself in relation to that universe. Those beliefs lead to three o'clock, where thoughts transpire. Thoughts include images and words that create the movie in your head, complete with narrator, commentary, and vivid pictures. Some thoughts may become so pervasive that they cycle like a bad rerun! Then proceed to six o'clock. Six o'clock is the place where emotions and feelings are stored. They are your life's sound track, flowing like music with life's ups and downs. Feelings have a distinct energy and movement associated with them. When people get emotional, they say, "That really moved me." At nine o'clock, imagine your behaviors showing up. Behavior is little more than the words we speak, the tone of voice with which we speak those words, our facial expression, our body postures, our gestures, our costuming (what we wear), and our movements.
The clock of awareness is like a cause-effect machine, with beliefs giving rise to thinking. Thoughts stimulate emotion, and emotion is like energy in motion, or our feeling flow. Feelings can provoke behavior. If you want to know how you got the feelings you are experiencing, look at the thoughts you have been having. And if you really want to know what sets it all in motion, examine your belief system. One quick way of knowing what your beliefs are is to observe your behavior, for behavior, verbal or nonverbal, gives away our beliefs. What we sincerely and deeply believe, we will create. Today's woman can change beliefs. From subservience to real service, from controller to developer, and from compliant follower to courageous leader—these are growth challenges for the Possible Woman.
Old beliefs about women's roles and distinctions about male and female are in the process of big change. My grandfather believed that women were never to wear trousers. His thoughts were governed by that belief; his feelings were upset whenever he saw a woman wearing slacks or God forbid, shorts. His behavior was to loudly and vehemently condemn such women. His clock of awareness was stuck in a past generation. Today, we have new beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and behavior about what women wear, but we still have beliefs that indicate men are never to wear skirts—kilts maybe, but not dresses.
Our patterns of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are indicative of good things too. Our talents are recurring patterns of thoughts, feelings, and behavior. These talents are the indicator of what is good about both genders. Cultivating those talents into strong beliefs that are positive is a hallmark of women's leadership.
Our behavior tells the truth for us. Our nonverbal movements and gestures will often show what we believe in our deepest being. The body does not lie. If we are self-observant, we can know more about what we think and what we really believe about ourselves. Notice what you say, your movements, your gestures, your tone of voice, and your body posture, for they reveal the truth about your subconscious mind and what is true for you.
I remember the woman who wanted to save her marriage, yet she kept taking her wedding band off and putting it back on during the session. By calling her attention to that gesture, I gave her a chance to see what she really believed about her marriage. She was surprised to know that her nonverbal behavior was speaking to her unexpressed feelings. Her revelations led her to a new answer to the questions, "Who am I?" and "Who can I become?" It is through our desires that we form our intentions. Our intentions set in motion our design for life. And our life is our story lived daily, chapter by chapter.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from The Possible Woman Steps Upby Marjorie R. Barlow Copyright © 2011 by Marjorie R. Barlow. Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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