Life is a gift meant to be enjoyed, but most people think it's defined by problems that they need to solve. It's time to take a new approach that allows you to start walking down a path that will lead to accountability and success. It begins with six proven strategies: Build a strong personal foundation. Develop a life philosophy. Recognize what's holding you back. Pursue your purpose and passion. Unleash your personal power to initiate change. Inspired by everyday people who live ordinary lives, this guidebook for growth shows how self-awareness can change all areas of your life, how to find the courage to take charge of your destiny, and how to handle challenging situations more effectively. The only thing standing in the way of the future you want is the decisions you make. Stop coming up with excuses, and start taking action to overcome self-doubt, fear, and insecurities by finding The Power Within.
THE POWER WITHIN: CLAIM IT!
SIX SIMPLE STRATEGIES TO UNLOCK YOUR INNER POTENTIALBy DEBBIE MILESiUniverse, Inc.
Copyright © 2012 Debbie Miles
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4759-3122-8 Contents
Introduction: Are You Settling for Less?............................................................................................................................................xvPrinciple 1: Build a Strong Personal Foundation Know what you stand for and live by it Turn your challenges into opportunities......................................................1Principle 2: Develop Your Life Philosophy Believe and invest in yourself Change what needs changing.................................................................................22Principle 3: Recognize What's Holding You Back Take the initiative to face your fears Find your motivation for success..............................................................46Principle 4: Pursue Your Purpose and Passion to Create Your Unique Life Path Identify and cultivate your inner strengths and life gifts to uncover the real you.....................65Principle 5: Unleash Your Personal Power to Initiate Change as a Bridge for Personal Growth Lighten up and turn your flaws into strengths...........................................91Principle 6: Create and Design Your Life Story Be true to yourself, "walk the walk," and experience inner peace.....................................................................116Conclusion: Take Your Show on the Road Share your gifts to make a difference Continue to transform yourself and live a most fulfilled and blessed life..............................139
Chapter One
PRINCIPLE 1
Build a Strong Personal Foundation
Know what you stand for and live by it. Turn your challenges into opportunities.
Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "wow! what a ride!" Hunter S. Thompson
My experience as a counselor and a life coach has helped me become more aware of the fact that people as a whole are both unique and similar to one another. We have many of the same problems, struggles, and challenges of daily living, but we handle them differently. For some of us, the roadblocks, bends in the road, and detours in life slow us down, even stop us. There are others, on the other hand, who are motivated by a challenge or hardship.
How well do you know yourself? For some, that is difficult to answer. Various clients and friends tell me that when they are going through difficult times, it is too stressful to make even one simple decision, much less attempt to manage their lives. They don't know who they are anymore. They've lost their self-worth and no longer live by their values. If this is where you are right now, don't despair. There is hope, because you can find yourself again! And as you begin your journey to know who you are and what you value, you can gain a tremendous amount of personal satisfaction.
By having a keen understanding of you, your morals, and your principles, you will develop an increased awareness of what gives your life meaning and value. These things make up your personal foundation. You may not believe it, but this foundation is where a lot of your power comes from in dealing with everyday life. It is the cornerstone of your personal and mental development. How much thought and time do you invest in this part of you?
Examine your personal foundation
Let's compare your personal foundation to the foundation of your house. Is your house made from a sturdy material? You certainly hope so. If not, you are in for a rude awakening! If the foundation is weak, a slight pressure could cause it to crack or cave in. A weak foundation causes problems throughout the entire structure.
It is the same for a person. Do you cave in or fall to pieces when you are faced with pain or troubles? When life becomes too overwhelming or demanding, is it easier for you to turn your decision making over to someone else? If you have a weak or frail foundation that is usually what happens. When you allow others to make your decisions, you become insecure in your abilities and can even lose your self-worth. Just like a house built on a poor foundation, your life comes crashing down.
Many years ago the founding fathers of our country decided on the principles that should guide our country. They incorporated them into the Constitution of the United States. They realized that for our country to be strong and be able to withstand turmoil, its citizens needed certain values, morals, and standards to live by. Their goal was not to tell us how to live, but rather to give us the means by which to live. In the same manner, eons before our Constitution was written, another firm foundation was created. A foundation upon which, if accepted and cared for, would give everyone's life meaning and fulfillment.
Jesus realized the importance of a strong foundation when He compared someone who listened to His words and applied them to everyday life as a person who built his house on rock—that is, a strong foundation. When a catastrophe came along, that man's foundation was firm and couldn't be shaken. On the opposite end of the spectrum, Jesus warned what would happen if you failed to abide by His words. He compared this to building a house on sand. Any hardship that came along would destroy the house. In other words, we can withstand any adversity if our lives are well grounded by a strong foundation. But if there is no stability in your life, it may be because of a weak foundation.
As Jesus's parable illustrates, your foundation, if firm and strong, can lead to emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being. If left unattended, a weak foundation can allow bitterness, disappointment, and pride to creep in. Which foundation will you choose?
Your life will have a much clearer meaning if you have a set of values and standards that guide you. The foundations that God, our founding fathers, and our home builders create do not force you to live in certain ways, but they all give you the means to live in certain ways. Through this, you can create your own foundation in order to build success in your life.
Your personality style will help you design your special pathway that is best suited for you. You will discover parts of you that you never knew existed! The beginning of building your personal foundation is based on your particular life philosophy. Everyone has a special outlook on life, but may not be living it. Do you know your own philosophy?
I respect the man who knows distinctly what he wishes. The greater part of all mischief in the world arises from the fact that men do not sufficiently understand their own aims. They have undertaken to build a tower, and spend no more labor on the foundation than would be necessary to erect a hut.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Fall for something or you'll stand for anything!
We've often heard the saying to stand for something or you'll fall for anything. The reverse seems more fitting in this day and time: fall for something or you'll stand for anything! If you do not change your way of thinking to fit with the majority of society, then you are mixed up. You are thought of as an oddball, or as someone who seeks attention or wants to create trouble.
Many people base how to live their lives on what other people think. Their values become believing that if something is popular, then it must be the right thing to do. The idea of believing strongly in their personal values and morals, their life philosophy, is no longer the norm. If you are the type of person to go along with the crowd, then your personal foundation is not built on solid ground. You have given up your right to design your own roadmap through life.
Believing in yourself and having your unique view of life will influence how you make your decisions, even if it means being different. A good example of living a one-of-a-kind life is the character Forrest Gump. If you saw the movie, you know that Forrest has his own thoughts about life. He does not think his way of life is any different from others. One particular line that Forrest says in the movie hit home with me:
I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze, but I, I think maybe it's both.
During the movie, Jenny, the woman Forrest loves, asks him if he ever dreams about who he's going to be. Forrest answers, "Aren't I going to be me?" His viewpoint is so simple and fits him. Think about your life philosophy. Does it fit you? Your life can be simple and easy to live. You might be wondering how, and the answer is, just by being yourself. Your passion and path are unique throughout your life.
Why then does life become so complicated? What part do you have in creating your situations, or do you just have a lot of bad luck? Are you floating or drifting like a feather, landing wherever the wind blows you? Remember, as you navigate through life, you will experience different views and approaches to certain destinations or goals. You might start off "on fire" when you're young, and you inform the world to look out because you are going to make your presence known. But somehow during your journey, your spunk slowly fades away or even dies.
There are many reasons for this, and I'll discuss examples in each chapter. Your passion and your path in life are unique. They belong only to you. No one else will have the exact same path as you. Your journey will have twists and turns that will shape and mold you. It's up to you whether that is for the good or the bad!
Any idiot can face a crisis—it's day to day living that wears you out.
Anton Chekhov
Life is challenging
Working as a registered nurse for many years, I was there when someone was told that her child had a birth defect, or that a husband had cancer, or that someone was facing a debilitating lifelong disease. In the 1990s, most patients stayed in the hospital for a minimum of three to four days—depending on the severity of the illness. Nurses developed rapport with the patients and it amazed me how the news affected each person differently. Some people became bitter while others became stronger. Some looked toward God for answers while others lost their faith. Their zest for life either improved or slowly died. The main question was, "Why is this happening to me?" When we are faced with a traumatic experience, we suddenly view life differently, and sometimes we never find the right answer to that question.
If you have not experienced any hardships in life, be ready, because you will. Nobody ever said life would be easy, but by having a strong foundation and faith in God, I believe you will find that you can go through anything in life and become a better person for it. It is the adversities that mold you into managing the outcomes of your life. Trying circumstances are constantly forming your foundational beliefs.
Do you recall a time in your life when something within you, an intense desire to change your life's direction, or some outside incident, became the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back? At that time you became ready to face whatever was sucking the energy out of you. You somehow found the strength to hold your head above water and get through that rough patch, experiencing blessings at the same time. It was then that you began to discover your strengths from within.
Laura's story
Laura came to counseling because she felt depressed and lonely. She informed me that she had felt this way for years and did not know why. Her husband had been in the military and away for most of their marriage. During that time she had been the main provider and nurturer for their daughter. Her husband was now retired and her daughter had recently married. Laura believed her life changed for the worse when her daughter left home and her husband retired. She had thought since her husband was home now, they would be able to travel and tour the world. Wrong! He was ready to put down roots and be a homebody. She felt she had to put her wants and needs aside and please him. After doing that for over ten years, she felt she had no purpose in life.
Do you think Laura is the only woman who has done this? No. Have you ever neglected yourself to satisfy the needs of others? It's okay to be considerate and to help others, but not to the point that you stop living your life in order to be what someone else wants you to be. Laura stopped living by her values and principles, and instead lived the life her husband expected her to live. By the time she came to me, she no longer knew who she was or what she wanted out of life.
Life is like a coin. You can spend it any way you wish, but you only spend it once. Lillian Dickson
Exercise your right
You have to realize you are lost before you can be found. Sounds crazy but it's true. It happens to you when you give up your independence to be yourself. You slowly become separated and disconnected from the life you previously enjoyed and lived to the fullest, because you chose to live someone else's dream. One day you feel good about yourself; the next day, you're miserable. You're unsure where you stand. You feel stuck. This could be the time for you to reevaluate in which direction you're going.
It does not matter how old you are or how intelligent you are. Various situations in all stages of life can limit or hinder you from moving forward. It could be in your marriage, your career, or a particular family situation. A spouse or other family member can hold you back by placing demands on you that stop you from being yourself.
As I stated previously, you may not realize you are giving away your rights until you experience certain behavior changes. You subconsciously realize that something within you is missing. The joy and satisfaction you used to find in life is gone. People have told me that they feel they only exist, that they don't have a true purpose. But everyone has a specific life purpose. We were put on this earth for a reason, and we will discuss what your life purpose means in a later chapter.
How do you lose yourself and not realize it until you're feeling miserable? This isn't uncommon, since it's usually a slow process. You are so involved in your life situation that you don't notice how it affects you. Others around you may see a change in your behavior. You don't smile as often or you don't enjoy doing things with them or anyone. Then you begin to realize you're depressed about how your life is developing. Anxiety and stress become everyday feelings that stop you from being able to make decisions and doing the things you once enjoyed. Eventually you become angry or bitter, and end up codependent on others to run your life. Losing yourself is a subtle decline, as you change from the real you to who you think others want you to be.
Personal power—to be or not to be
This brings us back to Laura. Did she have the right to live by her unique set of values and beliefs? Did she even realize she was miserable because she was not being who she truly was? Part of the reason she felt stuck in her life, as she put it, was because she had put herself in a box and could only open the lid and peek out when she felt safe. She had changed from being independent to being dependent on her husband and others.
Laura constantly said, "I don't know who I am anymore!" Previously she could make decisions without hesitation and knew exactly what she wanted out of life. She could handle troublesome situations with minor stress. Now she felt weak and powerless. She only participated in activities her husband enjoyed. He did not want to do what she enjoyed, and she thought she didn't have the right to do those things either. She felt helpless. All she wanted to do was stay in bed with the covers pulled over her so no one would bother her. What kind of life is that?
The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.
Maureen Dowd
By listening to people's views, I have deduced that the common everyday thoughts, situations, perceptions, or rules that have been drilled into their minds interfere with their ability to develop a solid foundation. Examples that prevent or stunt personal growth are:
• Rigid childhood beliefs about family, culture, religion
• Should of, could of
• Unmet needs, fears
• Past unpleasant experiences
• Having loose or no boundaries
• Tolerating overbearing people in your life
• Negative attitudes/negative people
These are all part of the things that make up your life philosophy and which have a huge impact on the formation of your personal foundation. But how did you acquire the values and principles by which you are currently living? Do these values truly represent your life principles or are they someone else's? The primary question for you is: Are my values significant to the way I live today?
Laura felt like she lived in a box and was only allowed to peek out occasionally. Believing her husband didn't care about her because he ignored her requests to do things that she enjoyed, she gave up the things that were meaningful to her in order to keep the peace.
In her mind, she had lost her right to state her desires or to make decisions. She felt her values and beliefs were not important. As I saw it, Laura needed to know that she did have the right to state her opinion. I told her that she had the right to live by her values, but that she had chosen to forfeit that right. She was shocked when she heard this because she always believed she had no choice. She had rationalized that if she did state her feelings, it would cause a divorce, and that was not what she wanted.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from THE POWER WITHIN: CLAIM IT!by DEBBIE MILES Copyright © 2012 by Debbie Miles. Excerpted by permission of iUniverse, Inc.. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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