CHAPTER 1
Secret 1 Your Thoughts Control Your Life
Change Your Mind. Change Your Life. There Is Power in Positive Thinking.
Remember the story of the train yard when the large engine would not pull a heavy load and a little engine stepped up and said, "I think I can." The engine completed the task and at the end was saying, "I thought I could, I thought I could."
— Watty Piper, The Little Engine That Could
If we think we can, we can. If we think we can't, we can't. It's simple, right? Even the little engine got the idea. But why is it so hard for us to believe it and live by it? Who told you that you can't? Why did he or she tell you that? Are you telling yourself that you can't? And why are you listening?
One of the biggest secrets to success is positive self-talk. At a young age we are programmed how to think and act and know what to do, wear, say, and eat. Society constructs cookie-cutter humans that fit into a status quo. Society has an "act this way or else" mentality. Keep up with the Joneses or else. Buy this car or else. Buy this house or else!
Stop! Ask yourself, "Or else what?" Why are you thinking this way and letting the media, society, or others tell you to think like this? Whether you realize it or not, society has already chosen your choices for you. Society dictates our preferences and likes, along with the can't haves, don't wants, don't do it, don't say it, and don't be it. All are programmed — with and without our knowledge — into our mind over and over again by celebrities, teachers, parents, pastors, bosses, strangers, classmates, and even well-meaning friends.
But we start to believe their thoughts, suggestions, recommendations, and opinions. Then we make them our own thoughts. Just look at family patterns and habits. This usually rings true. Now I'm not suggesting that you shouldn't listen to your parents or friends. I'm proposing that you think about what you are listening to. Change the way you think. Period.
Whether you think you can or not, you are right.
Henry Ford
We hold onto negative experiences, disappointments, and perceived failures. Why? It's easy to let those thoughts into your life. It's harder to see the positive in the negative. But to be successful, you need to see negative experiences, disappointments, and failures as a positive learning experience. You must find the success in the failure. You need to replace these negative feelings and thoughts with good, positive, confident self-talk and experiences.
If I think I can, I can. Say it to yourself. If I think I can, I can. Repeat it. If I think I can, I can. Now believe it. Why not focus on this one statement? Why not believe in yourself for a change? Why not go the extra mile? Nothing worth working for is ever easy. If you want to be successful, this will become your mantra and personal goal statement. Write it down. Say it while you're driving. Let it be the first thing you think when you wake up. Why not each day be thankful and grateful for being alive and healthy? Why not say, "I am great at what I do, who I am, where I've come from, and where I want to go?" The more you verbalize and believe in the positive things in life, the more you will notice and attract those things.
If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
Wayne Dyer
Let's think about a typical day in your life. If you start the day in a state of positive expectation, doesn't the day go better for you? You are looking for the good and finding it. You are attracting the good to you.
If your job were working at a fish market, would you be able to find the positive in that? Think about it: smelly fish, cold and wet conditions, and a potentially hazardous environment. Most people would not like this as their daily job. Many would not find it enjoyable; however, there is a story about a fish market where each day the excitement and fun is such a high level that the workers create joy and happiness for their customers and themselves. It is one of the busiest fish markets in the United States and has been studied because of the positive work environment.
These workers chose to be positive, along with their approach to life. It increased their happiness and the success of the business. By expecting negative or bad experiences, you will attract the same. You will be looking for those things because you are proving yourself right or correct. Choose positive. Think positive. Speak positive. Be positive.
With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.
Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
When you choose to be positive and think this way, you will find yourself looking at your life differently. Have you ever spilled your coffee on the way to work and then thought to yourself, "It's going to be one of those days"? You have immediately set yourself up to start thinking negatively. You will begin unconsciously looking for things throughout your day that confirm this belief. Your mind essentially acts as a yes-man, telling you what you want to believe. The next thing you know, your whole day is ruined. But really it was ruined before it even started.
This negativity creeps around us on a day-to-day basis. Why? It's easy to think like this and keep finding things that confirm your beliefs. Looking at things differently requires work and practice. It necessitates you to look at an event or situation differently. Abraham Lincoln once said, "We can complain because rose bushes have thorns or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses."
Successful people think in a way that focuses on solutions to problems, situations, or current issues. An unsuccessful person focuses on the problem, talks about it, and then discusses the issue with anyone and everyone who will listen. He or she does not really want a solution because his or her problem is more important than looking for and finding a solution. This would limit the sympathy and attention he or she would receive as a result of the problem.
As humans, we need attention and the feeling that we belong. According to sociocultural psychologists, the need to belong is one of the most important determinants of behavior. When everyone around you is being negative, it's easy to join in. In fact, having things to complain about at work or home or on the news stimulates conversation for many people.
In order to be successful, you must stop the cycle of negative thinking conformity and think positively. Unfortunately unsuccessful people continue to draw more problems to themselves, and they are creating their life and their choices. Successful people want to find a solution because they know this is a positive, productive step. The resolution will free them up to move forward on the next step of the success ladder.
You are your own truest opponent. Choose to be the one in your group that sees the good in the situation. It will require you to question how things are done and how they can be done differently. But you want to be successful. And successful people ignore thoughts and words related to indifference, indecision, doubt, worry, complaining, and pessimism. By the end of this book, you will be able to eliminate these words from your thoughts and change how you think so you can become successful and use power words to describe yourself and your life.
A great exercise to learn how to think positively is to reflect upon each day, week, month, and year and focus on the good, positive, abundant things that you have enjoyed and want more of. Hold those thoughts and then focus on those things. This will let you look back and realize all the good, abundant, successful ideas and people who you have encountered that it will motivate you to continue the positive focus of the exercise. It is a form of mental journaling. However, leave out the negative things that have brought you down. Mentally "write" down only positive affirmative things, and you will start to find that more positive things will start to happen.
As you start on your new positive-thinking journey, begin by remembering this quote, "What I think about, I bring about." You should start to pay attention to what you are saying to yourself and others. If you are truly following this ideal, how you are thinking will begin to manifest itself in your everyday life. After trying and testing it, watch the change in your attitude and expectations of each new day. Observe what you create and manifest with all your newfound positivity.
Be careful. You might be smiling a lot, and people will wonder what you are up to. So go ahead. I challenge you to do this exercise. Prove to others and yourself that you are up to the challenge. (Looking at it as a challenge always worked for me. Dare me to do something or say I can't do something so I can prove that I can.) Start focusing on the positive affirmative self-talk, write or think about the positive events daily, and disregard the negative or find a solution quickly. You will find that you are receiving back what you focus on, and once you start to experience the happiness and successes each day, this will become your life and your expectation. The next step will be to receive that which you manifest through this new, positive self-talk and affirmative thoughts. Receiving all the good will be your new normal. You will look and find all the positive that is coming to you and through you for yourself and others.
Remember positive thoughts, words, and actions are not limited to just your self-talk, but they can be used to lift up others as well. One affirmative positive statement can make a person's day successful for him or her. It can change a person's outlook and even contribute to your own success. Once others know you care about them, along with their ideas and opinions, they will start on their own road to success. Be that person.
If you can dream it, then you can achieve it. You will get all you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want.
Zig Ziglar
Activity Sheet 1: What Does Success Mean to You?
The purpose of this exercise is to define success and determine how successful you think you are in different aspects of your life.
1. Define success.
2. For each of the following categories, determine where you fall on a scale of zero to ten of how successful you are. (Ten represents "extremely successful.")
3. For each of the categories, decide what it would take to make that category a ten. What positive affirmative thoughts, actions, ideas, items, emotions, and/or self-talk will you need to make positive changes in your life to make it more successful?
My definition of success:
Rating How can I make this category a ten?
Life
Family
Success
Career
Wealth
Happiness
Abundance
Prosperity
CHAPTER 2
Secret 2 It All Starts with Clarity
Know What You Want. Find Your Purpose, Passion, Power, and Peace.
I cannot understand why you should wish to leave this beautiful country and go back to the dry, gray place you call Kansas ... No matter how dreary and gray our homes are, we people of flesh and blood would rather live there than in any other country, be it ever so beautiful. There is no place like home.
— L. Frank Baum, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
Clarity, clearness of vision, and the knowledge of what you want is quite a task, especially when you don't truly know what you want, who you are, or where you are going. We think we know what we want, but then we are challenged in some way, which leads us to change our mind, then change it again to go along with others or something we've heard or seen, and then change it again because we decide to disagree with something we've heard or seen. And this happens over and over again until we are no longer certain of who we are, what we want, or where we are going, and all along, success and happiness is right in front of you. This chapter will guide you to finding the clarity you need to realize your potential and achieve success.
To find clarity, you need to think about the four Ps: power, passion, purpose, and peace. Really think about what those words mean. Reflect on what you really want in terms of the four Ps. Are you sure you know what you want? Most people think they know what they want, but it is without definite certainty because of the vague ideas they have, general thoughts, and pressure from others of what they should be and should have and where they should go. You won't be successful by being vague and general in your thinking. That will only get you mixed results. You want to be successful all of the time, which requires you to change the way you think and be clearer in that thinking. When it comes to all aspects of our lives, we look to others to define who we are and what it means to be successful and happy.
However, to define success and happiness, you must look within. The definition is so individual and perfect for each of us because it lies within us. Clarity occurs once you can define success and happiness based on what you really want, where you truly want to go, and who you rightly want to be. You must listen and be honest with yourself. Only when you are truthful with yourself, you will find the clarity, answer, and real truth of pure success. Think about this quote from author Patricia O'Connor, "Whenever there is something wrong with your writing, there is something wrong with your thinking. Perhaps your writing is unclear because your thinking is unclear."
This idea holds true with actions, thoughts, and success. If you are clear in what you really want, it will happen. If you are dishonest with yourself or unsure with what you want, the mental journaling you do will also be unclear. How can you expect great things to happen when your thoughts aren't great? Be clear in your thinking. Be honest with yourself. Be affirmative in your thoughts. Know what is positive, and acknowledge what you want.
The reticular activating system is a part of your brain that routes information from your senses to the area of the brain responsible for awareness. As you become clearer in your thinking, you will notice that you are able to
• see things you did not observe before,
• hear and understand things you were not able to perceive before, and
• even do things that you were uncomfortable doing before.
It will be an inner knowing that will stimulate the subconscious part of your mind and will allow for the creation of clarity and clarity of creation. Your newfound sense of clarity will propel you to do things that have been holding you back. It will allow you to open yourself up to new experiences and conversations and allow you to take that step toward success.
Don't Be Stuck in the Battle of "Yes or No" or "Should I or Should I Not?"
According to Merriam-Webster, a fallacy is defined as a "wrong belief; a false or mistaken idea." Advertisements and the media use fallacies to appeal to emotions, which manipulates people's feelings in terms of pride, fear, anger, love, pity, and grief in order to get their attention away from some important issue. But people start to believe that what is being shown is what is needed. This makes it difficult to create clarity. We get so absorbed in day-to- day life that we drift from situation to situation without deciding or focusing on what we really want rather than what we are made to believe we want.
Without the clarity of who you want to be and what you want to do and have, we lose time and focus, which breeds mediocrity. Interestingly mediocrity will actually appear to you to be success, but remember who is defining that success. If you have the fancy car, shoes, house, and clothes and you are trying to figure out how you can be more successful, you are thinking about success incorrectly. Each new, fancy object makes us believe we need more of the same. We tell ourselves that success will come when
• we get married,
• our kids start or leave school,
• we complete our degrees,
• we save some money,
• we lose weight, or
• we obtain promotions, a bigger car, or a larger house.
You believe that these objects will bring you success, happiness, and joy. They are what you wanted all along, and you have reached the epitome of what you believe success is. We then pass this trait on to our family members, and there is never really any clarity because there is no pause. There is just doing and buying. How many people put their lives and families on hold to chase the proverbial success?
Quit waiting for success to happen. You must make it occur. And it starts with clarity and getting real about who you are and what you want. So do you know what you really want? Maybe you aren't sure anymore at this very moment. Perhaps you're confused or starting to reevaluate what you want. If so, you've taken the first step on your yellow brick road to clarity.
Activity Sheet 2: Know What You Want
For this activity, determine your goals for success in terms of power, purpose, passion, and peace. Think of at least two goals for each category. Be honest with what you want and where you want to be.
