The balance and fulfillment you need is already present around you. You may have passed it by without recognizing it, and only need to turn around and start being more open to truth and reality. REVERSE is an inspirational and action driven approach to personal growth, with real-life success stories on overcoming adversity and obstacles, which sometimes turn out to be our very selves. This book gives you three simple steps on how to live a balanced, happy and more productive life. 1) Appreciate and value yourself as a person. 2) Identify what is not working in your life, so you do not repeat the same mistakes; set new goals, create new priorities. 3) Apply exercise, nutrition, and spirituality as a lifestyle for balance, and celebrate every victory as you experience your newfound peace and happiness within. "Simply a new vision, for a new world, with effective and applicable lifetime values" -Dunia magazine "REVERSE to see the fun and value in making smart choices for food and fitness on a daily basis" -Steven Koller, actor-Mad Men "Thought-provoking, inclusive of every culture and origin, with simple answers to complex and challenging life questions. An easy read with a positive, result-driven finish" -Dr. Nicoline Ambe, PhD, speaker and author of A Teacher's Note "An entertaining, powerful, and effective recipe on how to start living a life of balance, from an inspiring young author on his way to become a voice of motivation for a worldwide audience" -Martina Darnell, president, Society for Conscious Living
Reverse
Sometimes we need to take a step back in order to make a better move forwardBy Ondrej Zouhar Anze MoforBALBOA PRESS
Copyright © 2012 Ondrej Zouhar and Anze Mofor
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4525-5582-9Contents
1. Your Inner Child.....................................................12. How People Live Around the World.....................................113. Daily Routines (Actions and Reactions)...............................224. Everything is Possible if You Believe................................305. Taking Charge and How to Start.......................................376. Develop Discipline...................................................497. Balance in Exercise, Nutrition, and Spirituality.....................578. How to Develop and Maintain Healthy Habits...........................719. Stress: Its Causes and Effects.......................................7910. Reverse: to Find the Right Way Forward..............................89
Chapter One
Your Inner Child
"Everything beautiful needs to be loved and protected. You are beautiful. Love yourself." —Ondrej Zouhar
"What if I told you the child in you from years ago is still in you and longs to be out, to be loved, to be heard and to shine because a child's love is pure, a child's dreams are endless and a child laughs often. You have the choice to let that pure love shine through, to bring those great dreams alive and to laugh more often, no matter what stands in your way".
Each one of us has been a child - that is where it all begins. For some, it was a few years ago; for others, it was decades ago. Like children, adults need to feel loved, valued, protected and heard by someone greater than who they have grown to be — someone they can trust and emulate. You may say, "No way. I am an adult now." That makes sense, but I would like to ask you to keep your mind open on this topic and try to relate this chapter to yourself.
Try it, because childhood has a great impact on how we act as adults. Everything about life starts in the first few years and develops as we grow.
When you were born, you had basic needs; your parents or guardians were there (in most cases) to help you. They gave you food, a place to sleep, care, love, affection, and protection, and they let you play and rest. Some had the privilege of growing up with all that and more; some only got part of it. As a newborn, you did not have many choices, and you were mostly responding to your external environment. If you wanted to disagree with anything your parents said or did, in most cases, you were allowed or denied the privilege. Some were spanked, got a long explanation, were placed in time out, or had privileges suspended for a given amount of time. But no matter how upset you got, you still came back to those same parents for love, food, and shelter, hoping that someday you would grow up, make lots of money, buy yourself whatever you wanted, live the life you wanted, and move very far away from them—but that hardly ever happens.
As a child, your mind was blank like a new notebook, but now you are having all this new data filling up the empty space. New beliefs, information and knowledge slowly fill it up. Are they right? Are they wrong? Who knows? That is what you choose to accept in order to remain and belong to the group or class of people you found yourself in.
Sometimes the circumstances we find ourselves in do not appear to be rational and convenient. As such, human nature rebels against it in various ways. We tend to question it so we can break away, be free to make more rational decisions, and break a long chain of irrational habits.
For example, if you were raised in a home that had little or no love and affection and your dad never questioned why his dad was always out of the house and did not show affection to him, he would not desire or know how to show affection and love to you. This is not because he does not want to; it is because he does not know any better and needs to learn how to do so like a child again. The only way he would know his ways were wrong would be if he asked and was willing to learn how to express feelings better behavior.
You may despise him or nurse a grudge against him for not being the way you expect him to be, but it is a waste of energy because he does not know any better. His inner child never had such experiences. However, if you choose to be compassionate toward him, like you would with a child, the compassion will slowly open his heart and make room for him to learn how to give you what he never had.
No matter how late in life it happens, he can choose to create better values and apply them to you. Only then will that chain of dysfunction be disconnected. Not too many parents will do that, but a few brave ones will; we will always be proud and grateful for them.
As a child, you are open to anything. You are curious and your mind has no filters or judgments—just plain innocence. You are just alive. That child in you is still alive today.
Within a few years of observing and learning your surroundings, you become part of your culture, society, and family. We very often say that we eat, drink, believe, or do certain things because they are a part of our culture.
People say, "I always eat pasta. I can't quit. I am Italian," or "My father always drank vodka. We always had plenty of alcohol in the pantry. I'm Russian—that's my thing," or "I have a sweet tooth. I love sweets. My mom was a pastry chef—that is how I grew up."
Clearly all those habits are completely fine, but we have to understand that as we are growing and changing in many areas of life, we adopt these habits and make them a lifestyle. We keep some habits forever, even though they do not necessarily help us. People living in Italy sixty years ago were eating pasta and highly - caloric cheese were also manually working eight hours a day, walking to and from their jobs, and using natural ingredients out of their own gardens that they spent time and energy to grow. If we try to copy the same eating habits by buying processed food, the results will not be the same.
The activities and lifestyles are not the same, and we cannot feel the same way by sitting in front of a computer eight hours a day and driving everywhere, with little physical activity. It simply will not work. We need to teach our inner child new ways of living in today's world, using some knowledge and beliefs from the past, but not limiting ourselves to them. There are some beliefs and traumas that have more impact than others, but I want you to know that you can change them and mold them any way you want. Henry Ford said: "If you think you can, or you think you can't – you are right".
If we look at our bodies and lives a little closer, we will see that everything is about stimulation and reaction. Our nerves have a lot to do with it. We feel pain or pleasure, hot or cold, taste salty or sweet. Our bodies feel lots of things, and we react in many different ways.
What feels good to you might feel terrible to me. You may like tea, but I like coffee. Coffee stimulates me with energy, but it may put you to sleep. Everything is about action and reaction. Jim Rohn said, "It's not about what happens, but what you do about it."
We all have a choice every day over how we act or react to what we encounter, be it people, experiences, challenges. If we only keep reacting, we will keep doing the same things over and over. But when we start consciously acting, the results will be different and correct—and not based on previous, unconscious experience.
I am not suggesting that you pretend or you act shady. Based on wrong beliefs, a lot of us react in harmful ways, based on other people's behavior. Again, the wrong reaction can have deadly effects. For example, if I assume that every time I have to speak in public, I need a stiff drink to help me overcome my nerves, it will become a habit after a while. Slowly and subconsciously, I will have become an alcoholic and won't be able to live without my bottle. Activities or actions performed regularly become habits after a certain period of time; and this principle can be applied both ways, the outcome being good or bad. Even the HIV virus is mainly transmitted by repeated exposure to it. It could happen after one exposure, but it is not worth the risk.
When a child gets hurt physically, it could become a trigger of negative emotions later as an adult.
Any time someone does anything that triggers that emotional experience, your reaction may be self-destructive or numbing because you don't want to relive that pain and emotion. There is a healing process for that. Once you allow yourself to face that pain, you will slowly realize that it has nothing to do with your present life; it is a reaction from your past that is lingering in your present life. It can hold you back from enjoying the present and interfere with the beauty of your future. By reliving it and forgiving yourself for holding back—and forgiving someone who might have caused it—you are helping yourself. You are allowing yourself to move forward with your life; do not keep turning back to see and relive that experience. In doing so, you are constantly tripping and falling because you cannot see ahead.
There could be plenty of fun, good things ahead of you, but they will require you to make the decision to turn forward and leave the past behind you. Once you do that, you will be able to choose to act the way you want to. Your decisions will be based on your present mindset or new goals you have established—not the victimization from earlier years. This will help you heal your inner child and bring back the spark that allows you to freely interact and play with new things and opportunities in the present moment.
As a flight attendant, I have the chance to meet a lot of people with all kinds of life stories. I enjoy talking to passengers. It is fascinating how many unique stories each one of us has. Some of them are happy—some of them not as much—but I know for sure that every one of those stories happened for a reason.
I would like to share with you an inspiring story about my friend Marilyn. When Marilyn boarded my flight from Columbus, Ohio, to Las Vegas, Nevada, she had a bright smile on her face, and her outgoing personality was easy to see. I knew we had over four hours of flight time ahead of us, and I always like to create and see good energy on flights, especially the long ones. I make funny announcements, sing songs, or tell jokes. When people see different ways of traveling, they relate to it and are more relaxed. Lots of them throw their stress and personal problems behind, leaving them on the ground when the plane takes off.
Marilyn was sitting in the first row. Soon after takeoff, with as much curiosity as if she had been waiting for the right moment, she asked me where I came from. Later she mentioned that she had noticed my accent. I get that question several times a day from random people so I sometimes play around and say that I am from Alabama or Mississippi. Of course, people know right away that I am only joking and get a good laugh out of it.
Marilyn was sitting with two other ladies. We talked about their hometown and my native country, which they knew was not America. We talked about life and traveling, as well as health and fitness. She told me she used to be overweight, but she had lost over two hundred pounds. This caught my attention, considering how great she looked at the moment. My experience has been that people who were overweight but made a rapid change of it also changed their emotional and psychological perspective toward others—and toward life in general.
Since I am a living example of this change, I was curious. I initially thought that Marilyn might have been abused or bullied as a child, but she said that her childhood had been wonderful, and her parents always loved. She had always been a big giver and did not realize that there were people out there that could take advantage of that. I found out later that her husband was one of those people. Here is how Marilyn described her story:
My name is Marilyn Milstead, and I live in Ohio. In 2003, I weighed my highest at 363 pounds. I had help getting to that weight. I was married to a very abusive man for ten years. I felt like I was constantly having to walk on eggshells and spent the majority of my time in my bedroom to escape the abuse and found my comfort in food. I was also caring for my father, who had several strokes and needed my constant care. To say my living situation was stressful is an understatement.
After my father passed away, I found the courage to file for divorce upon finding out that my husband was seeing another woman. I took control of my life and started to research RY-Gastric bypass surgery, as I needed to make changes in my life. My blood pressure was extremely high so the doctors suggested we do the surgery right away, and so we did.
This is only a tool; you must also get rid of stress and the people or the things around you that are causing the stress. I took time for myself by walking, eating healthily, cutting out sugar, and drinking lots of water. If I can change my life, you can too!
You can certainly gain your weight back, so you must not give up! I have not been at this weight since high school. I can do things now and enjoy life the way I like it. I have currently lost 238 pounds.
Take control of your life, and food will lose its grip on you. You too will lead a happier and healthier life. The Lord has blessed me with a new and wonderful husband, Billy, who treats me like a princess. Dreams really do come true.
I pray my story will encourage you to make the necessary changes and you too will have a story to share.
Marilyn's story describes how being loved by family as a child does not always mean you will be loved by everyone as an adult. We expect the same love and care when we grow up without considering the fact that others did not grow up with the same experiences as we did. Therefore, when we meet such people, we have to consciously control our reactions to the outside world by protecting ourselves and our values.
If Marilyn did not mention her achievement and past trauma, there was no way I could tell from the new smile she was wearing and the excitement she had when we talked. I am extremely proud of her—for what she had to overcome, her open mind, and her brave attitude. Marilyn's dad was very sick, and she did not find the courage until after his passing to divorce her abusive husband.
We often choose happiness out of guilt or fear of others not agreeing with our decisions. Marilyn sacrificed her own health for the sake of her father. She did not want him to see her marriage falling apart since he had raised and nurtured her with love and care. She endured abuse from her husband until she had a good chance to make things right again and relive the happiness of her past. She pretended to be happy in order not to disappoint her father. That is the power of your inner child. It is always with you and will never leave you. Only you can see the necessary changes and choose to make them. If you are not happy, no one around you will be happy or is responsible for making you happy. It is like a positive energy that flows within you and blends with that of others. The fear of judgment holds us back from opening up with pain and facing tough emotional issues. However, when we do, we are able to understand why we do what we do; we can forgive and move forward.
Your experience may be different than Marilyn's, but any behavior that becomes an obsession has roots in past experiences. That is why it is especially important for parents to allow children to play and see as much of the good stuff as possible—nature, love, and the world—and be aware of the dangers that may be possible if the good values are not protected and defended properly. Later, as adults, these memories will return to us and cause us to relive some of the experiences, giving pleasure to our jobs, activities, and habits. As you can see, it all starts with childhood.
We all like to feel great in everything we do. If our experiences from the beginning were mainly positive, then we will re-live them and feel positive and happy. When faced with a challenge, we will subconsciously do whatever it takes to get back to the comfort we are used to. However, if the challenge comes and all we know and remember is trouble from childhood, we accept it subconsciously as normal because that is all we know.
If we did not have a fortunate entrance to this world, there is always a way of changing it, but only you can decide to make it happen. It is your choice. No situation is permanent.
Summary of Chapter 1
Four things you may not know about the child in you:
• There is a reason why you had to be a child before becoming an adult. It helps you find freedom from all the entanglements when you grow up. It takes you back to when you were free to think and be. Even if you had a bad childhood, you still long for that freedom, and you can still find it at any age.
• The child in you wants to come out and play from time to time. The more you hold it back, the more miserable you will become. Running away from it is more unpleasant than embracing it.
• Your inner child wants to dream, grow, create, and explore in any given weather condition—be it a storm or bright sunshine. It is what people around you want to see. Your vulnerability makes you human and gives you room to never stop growing. The more you hide it and project something else, the more it will try to come out—most likely in the wrong ways. If you give it wings, it will take you to places you have never imagined.
• Free your inner child and give it wings—whether your memories of childhood were good or bad. Find within you what you desired as a child—and let it help you find the strength and courage you need to fly to heights of unlimited possibilities.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Reverseby Ondrej Zouhar Anze Mofor Copyright © 2012 by Ondrej Zouhar and Anze Mofor. Excerpted by permission of BALBOA PRESS. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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