CONSCIOUSLY INFUSE THE LIVE MUSIC MAGIC INTO YOUR EVERYDAY EXPERIENCE

"I would not get up I would dance on my back Throw my legs up in the air like I don't care Then wave them side to side Then I'd bust into a windmill then right into a backspin."

Tweaker By The Speaker by Keller Williams

After college, I felt the pressure from society and my family to get off Phish tour, get a real job and act like a grown-up. I resorted to spending my time the same way most of my friends were: stressing out about money, boyfriends, and friend dramas, all while pursuing jobs that weren't aligned with their desires. But they 'paid the bills!'

During that dark time in my life, I got so caught up in the adulting tornado that I totally forgot something that was essential for real success. I looked everywhere outside of me for it, to no avail. I often wondered, "Where did all the joy go?" I knew it had to be lurking somewhere under the surface and I was determined to find it.

So I did what any responsible adult would do. I started to play more and I went to as many live music shows as I possibly could.

As a wildly hyper youngster, I spent my care-free childhood days dressed in outfits that weren't supposed to go together that I always paired with mismatched neon colored socks. Jumping as high as I could on my mini trampoline, sliding down my stairs on an old mattress, riding bikes all over town with the neighborhood kids, choreographing full on dance routines with my sister in my yard and doing other blissful kid-like fun activities was how I expressed myself.

As an adult, I wondered how I could add a little of that childlike freedom into my daily responsibilities. I allowed myself to play at festivals, but when I came home, it was like all the fun abruptly ended and the real life suckiness set in. What if singing in the shower, dressing up in a tutu and flower a crown when cleaning the house, and adding dance breaks in the bathroom stall at work were all doable solutions for my no-fun problem? I tried it and something very interesting started happening. Not only were my spirits lifted all around, but I found myself way more productive, motivated, successful, and abundant. Playing wasn't a selfish waste of time at all like I had originally thought because what my playtime did for me was to make me be playfully productive.

Growing up and being the innocent impressionable child I was, I was told many things by friends, family, and society, such as:

"You must work yourself to the bone to be successful."

"Work isn't supposed to be enjoyable; it's just something you must do."

"There's no time for fun now. If you can muster up the energy you can do it at night, on the weekends, and when you retire."

What I've found out through experiencing the world in my own unique way is that none of those things are true for me. When I started to rebel against the status quo, my world was rocked to the core, and everything I ever believed was challenged. You must work hard, that part is true, but instead of pushing against the resistance and eventually burning out, move toward the direction of the flow and allow the work to feel more effortless. Loving what you do and actually enjoying it, you'll have way more energy to put into it than if you hate it. That's the pathway that will lead you to true sustainable success. Don't wait until you're retired to have fun, because who knows if you'll make it to retirement anyway.

Going to shows are just as important to your health as drinking enough water is.

If you don't make time for activities that leave you feeling good a priority in your life, eventually, over time, you'll hit rock bottom and get your bootylicious backside handed to you on a platter. Mine has been served to me on that platter so many times that I don't have enough fingers and toes to count them on.

Second grade, pretty bad. Abusive boyfriend in my twenties, crushing. Countless jobs that sucked the soul out of me, not fun. Professional dancer-ending physical injury, thought it was the end of the world. The silver lining is when you hit rock bottom, there's nowhere to go but up.

Even though I wish I could take you in my arms and protect you so you never have to experience any pain, I can't do that for you. My hope is that you take all the tools I give you in this book, put them into practice, and rock your life.

When your life is rockin, it may trigger some people in your life. Our culture doesn't really celebrate happiness and, because of this, most adults have a really hard time admitting that they desire to be (insert gasp here) happy. They'll easily give you sympathy when things go wrong and revel in the darkness with you. Even on your birthday, you'll get more likes on social media if you say how you had the worst day ever than if you tell everyone how awesome your life is.

On my Facebook page I found these words from a man I didn't know: "You really love yourself, huh?" followed by a rant about how self-centered, narcissistic, and arrogant I was. Second guessing myself and my awesomeness, I thought, "No I don't! I'm not that great." But then I heard my mind chatter and what it was really saying and I didn't like it one bit. Actually, he was right. I really do love myself, and it's really sad that loving myself is looked at by our society as a negative thing. After I realized the truth, I responded, "Yes, I do love myself. Thank you for the reminder."

I end my emails with: The magic in me sees the magic in you. When you allow yourself to see the beauty in yourself, you allow others to see it in themselves too. If your light is hiding under a whole bunch of layers of gunk right now, let's make a pathway for your shine to get to the surface just like it did when you were a bright eyed baby. Along the journey, you're bound to hit a crossroad where you'll have to decide which way you want to go. With what I've laid out for you in this book, you'll have everything you need to choose the correct direction. Spoiler alert: Whichever way feels more alive, choose that one.

Note: Please read the following paragraph as if you're Prince reciting the introduction to his hit song, Let's Go Crazy.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this thing called "life." Electric word, life. It means forever and that's a mighty long time, but I'm here to tell you, there's something else; the Sweet Life. A world of never ending happiness. You can always see the sun, day or night. So ditch your party pooper habits, you know the ones, Mr. Nothing-Ever-Goes-Right. And if anyone tries to bring you down, go crazy. Woo!

Don't Be a Party-Pooper. Here's how to Ditch Those Nasty Habits:

• Give up the need to always be right. In the scheme of things, does it really matter if you're right or not? Try being open to others' thoughts and opinions.

• Let go of the need to control everyone and everything. You can't do it no matter how hard you try, and more than likely it'll leave you stressed out, anxious, in a constant state of worry, and you might even feel a sense of being even more out of control.

• Release the urge to blame others for how sucky your life is. The only person responsible for how you feel about your life, is you. When you point your finger at someone, three fingers are pointing back at you.

• Stop talking trash about yourself.

• Crush the belief that you're entitled to only so much happiness, wealth, or love.

• Fight the urge to complain. Whining about a situation, person, or event doesn't change the situation, person, or event. The situation is a fact, but it's how you choose to react to it that makes all the difference. The more you complain, the more things you'll find to complain about, and the more you will find yourself bonding with unhappy people who also complain. It's a trap!

• Squash the need to constantly impress others. What anyone else thinks about you is none of your business.

• Embrace change. Change is the one thing in your life you can count on to always be there. You can't avoid it from happening so you might as well go with it.

• Don't allow fear to stop you. Fear is a good thing because without it you would more than likely be dead. There are two different types of fear though. Being chased by a tiger fear and roller coaster fear. When your life is actually in danger (like when a tiger is chasing you), and you need to run to survive, that is the first type. The second is when it feels scary (like going on a roller coaster), but there's little to no chance of death. They physically feel the same in your body, but they're way different. If your life isn't threatened, feel that fear and go for it anyway.

• Stop making excuses about why you can't do things. I've heard them all, used them all, and they're all lame. Don't buy into the lies. They might feel real, but they aren't real.

• Don't allow your past to rule your present. If you focus too much on what's in the rear view mirror, you'll crash.

• Let go of grudges. Forgiveness and compassion is where the true magic lies. The only person suffering from not doing so is you.

• Listen to your favorite songs. It's almost impossible to be a party-pooper when your favorite song is bumpin in your ears.

Always Consult Your Ninety-Year-Old Self

An article by Bronnie Ware, a nurse who worked in palliative care with patients during their last few weeks of life, struck a chord with me. She found the top five regrets of the dying (and wrote a book about it called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing.)

Here are the top five regrets of the dying:

I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

I wish that I had let myself be happier.

I wish I experienced more live music (this one isn't from Bronnie's book, but I felt that for this book, it must be added).

You see, everyone has a desire to live a sweet life. Some just don't realize it until the last few weeks of their lives.

My long-time friend Cora called me in a panic one day. She had felt this strong desire to go to Peru ever since she could remember. In fact, when Cora's grandmother was on her deathbed, she shared how she had always wanted to travel there. Cora promised her grandmother that she would take that trip to Peru one day, since her grandmother would never get to. A couple of weeks prior, Cora had been presented with the perfect opportunity to take that trip. At first she was like, "I'm in!" Then her brain started questioning everything. "Who are you to be taking this much time off of work?" "You are being selfish." "Can you even afford this?"

Her heart was a clear yes, but her mind was questioning it, so I told her to step into her ninety-year-old self. I asked, "What would you say to yourself right now?"

Without hesitation, Cora said, "Go to Peru, you weiner head!"

The elder within us is so smart and wise, and, sometimes, a little snarky.

I haven't been ninety yet (at least not in this lifetime), but I learn a lot from consulting the ninety-year-old within me. She's personally responsible for my time on Phish tour, booking my spot on Jam Cruise, and jumping at the chance to join one of my friends at Coachella. Here's some of the wisdom she's dropped on me: Don't let money or the 'right time' hold you back from what's really important to you. I regret spending money on that epic, life changing trip. (Said no one, ever!) This isn't a permission slip to spend money frivolously; just listen to your heart and don't wait for the "perfect" time to go for it, because there's never a "perfect" time.

Appreciate those you love. Go out of your way to love your loved ones up. You don't know how long they will be with you, so the time is now.

Make an effort to stay connected with friends.

Don't work too much. You probably don't want to be remembered as someone who was an absent mother/father/friend/spouse because they worked eighty hours a week.

Have fun! Life's too short not to. Maybe not all day, every day, but allow yourself to have a little fun on a daily basis.

Take care of yourself now. Actions you take when you're younger have a huge effect on how you'll feel when you're older.

Dance like everyone's watching, but you don't care. Everyone has an opinion and you're more than likely getting judged, so you might as well give em something to talk about.

Live in the moment and feel good about your choices. YOLO (You only live once) is a popular saying with the kids these days, and it's true. You do only live once (at least in this lifetime, depending on your beliefs), but what that saying doesn't mean is that you should sleep with that stranger, wolf down a triple cheeseburger at 2:00 a.m., and get crazy wasted on drugs and alcohol. You only live once, but the goal is to wake up tomorrow feeling good about the choices you made.

"Stuff" isn't important. People and your time are. The blissful summer day you raged the parking lot before the big show with your best buds, that holiday you got to spend with your grandpa before he passed away, or helping your kids with their art project are all more valuable than any chatzky money can buy.

Go see live music.

Infuse Live Music Magic Into Your Everyday Experience I used to chase the feelings I felt when I was having a live music experience all over the country for just one more taste of the good stuff. Actually, I still travel far and wide to rock out to my favorite bands, but now-a-days there is a big difference. The biggest change I made, was instead of pissing away the present moment waiting for the next show to let the wildest expression of my authentic self out, I let her out (little by little) everyday, all the time, and in everything I did.

Identifying what those feelings were in the first place was where I started. For me, I felt free, wild, magical, in the flow, and blissed out.

After naming the feelings, I conjured up a plan to start to feel them on a daily basis.

I started throwing myself mini-festivals throughout the day. At my mini-festival, there was always music and my body would never stay still. Whenever possible, there was biodegradable glitter, patchouli, sparkly clothing, and tie-dye. I used to carry a flower crown in my purse for the occasion. My favorite venues were the shower, my car, bathroom stalls, the sidewalk, and my closet.

Some more of my top activities that bring out those feelings are writing in my journal, going for a walk, hiking and yoga. I give so many more examples in Chapter 4: Achieve Self-Care Superhero Status.

Why Having a Life Sponsor Is Essential and How to Choose Yours

This is a story toward the path of sobriety about my friend, Mike T, who is a recovering alcoholic.

Holding a cold cup of black coffee in his hand that he was too distracted to drink, he was filled with equal parts anxiety and hope. His life had fallen apart all around him, so he decided he was going to get sober. The way he was going to stick with it and stay that way was to go to Alcoholics Anonymous. About to meet with his sponsor for the first time, he wondered how that person would truly help him. Being at the very beginning of his road to recovery, not picking up the bottle again seemed like an impossible mission. Stepping into unknown territory, he met with his sponsor, and together they went through the twelve steps laid out in the program. Each week his sponsor checked in with him to see how he was doing. By talking with his sponsor, he felt even more invested in himself and in his sobriety because someone was there to hold him accountable for his actions.

Doing this work and making changes about what he didn't like within himself and his life, things started to shift internally for Mike. He felt safe with and fully trusted his sponsor to not only check in with him when things were going great, but, even more importantly, when things weren't. The shoulder he needed to lean on as he learned how to live sober (which he didn't know how to do on his own) was always there for him.

When Mike was looking for his ideal sponsor, he gave me some tips that can be applied to anyone wanting to improve their life.

He said, "You must find someone who has been through what you've been through, who knows more than you do right now, and who is living life the way you want to live it. There must be some sort of connection, a knowing that you can trust them, and they must be willing to hold you accountable and give you tough love no matter what."

"Sponsors can change, based on how you grow and evolve. When I work with a sponsor, I feel better than when I don't. If you outgrow your sponsor, find another one," Mike shared.