KNOW WHO YOU ARE

"Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom." Aristotle

One of the most difficult tasks in life can be finding ourselves and what we want. The reason behind that is simple, there are many influences in life such as television, celebrities, friends, and family that usually shape us into who we are. We can't seem to find ourselves within ourselves and sometimes we do things for others. This creates a problem for all of us and the goals we set out for ourselves are not necessarily what we want, they do not work, or we just don't put the effort in them the way we should.

Finding myself was a lengthy journey, I was influenced by everything around me from actors on TV to friends and family every day in my life. Up until I turned twenty-five I was still confused as to who I really was. I was constantly trying to impress my friends and peers and worried about what everyone else thought of me. Currently I have been able to do what I want to do on my own terms. I have found out who I want to be and I don't particularly worry about what anyone else thinks as long as I'm happy and it doesn't hurt anyone else. This includes how I live, what I eat, what music I listen to, how I spend my money, and many other miscellaneous things.

I remember starting college. It was a time in my life right after earning my High School Diploma. The goal was simple "Graduate" little did I know the goal came from my peers and it was the wrong goal. I decided to go to school because everyone else thought it was a good idea for me. I didn't know what I wanted to do and I wasn't sure what to go to school for. I enrolled and started taking the basic courses and by the third semester I dropped out because I just wasn't feeling it and I did not know where I would end up if I continued going.

There was another time in my life when I decided to become a Realtor shortly after I stopped going to college. I received my Real Estate license and I was ready to sell some houses. This little idea to become a Realtor came from my mom. She thought it would be something I would like to do so I did it. I sold a few homes and saved up a few hundred dollars. I didn't enjoy being a realtor and decided to leave the business after only seven months of being a part of it. So, this idea didn't work out and being a realtor was not a good choice for me. As you can see the decision was not my own and I did it because it made my mom happy to see that I was trying to do something with my life. At the same time near the end of my Real Estate career I had approximately two thousand dollars and some credit left on my credit cards. I always wanted to live in California so I packed up and drove there. It was a roller-coaster ride but one thing is certain that I finally decided what I wanted to do with my life after living there for a few years.

Once I got to California I started working at a home improvement store, I climbed the ranks in less than one year and became a department manager. I worked hard and put in the overtime to be the best employee possible. Once I achieved this I realized my limited options and the time it would take to move up even more. After two years as a department manager I decided to go back to school and complete what I started. Remember I had some courses complete and now it was time to go back to school. I worked out a deal with my management team and it looked promising to go to school. Half way through the semester my management told me I had to have open availability and I could not get certain days off to continue going to school. I felt bad and I dropped my classes. I also made up my mind about what I really wanted to do in life so I set the goal of graduating from college. This goal was more complicated I wanted an engineering degree and because I love making things better I researched Industrial Engineering. This was my own goal and I was able to commit and dedicate the next 4 years of my life to it. I will explain in detail what made me choose this goal and why I pursued it with passion in the "Plan" section when I talk about learning.

I moved back home to live with my parents and enrolled in Purdue University Calumet. It was very affordable with in-state tuition. I started working a job with set hours at a tire distribution center where I loaded and unloaded around eighty thousand pounds of tires by hand five days a week to earn the money and pay for school. So, please let me explain how difficult this was, I had to load two to three semitrailers full of tires in an interlocking pattern up to the ceiling by hand in about eight hours. The job was the most physically exhausting work I have ever done. I also want to add the temperature in the Chicago land area, it wasn't great either, freezing cold in the winter or steaming hot in the summer. This is also inside of a dark and dirty fifty-three foot trailer. In a few words to sum it up, I hated this job. I worked hard so I could continue to work towards a very specific goal that came from within. This working situation was the most motivating for me at the time to continue towards my goal so I can get out of working there.

Simple Exercise

Take some time to think of recent goals you set out for yourself really think of who created those goals especially the ones you have not been able to achieve.

Write down your goals, where the idea came from, and if you failed or succeeded.

My Example:

Go to College came from peers the first time: Failed

Become a Realtor came from family: Failed

Go to College and receive an Industrial Engineering

Degree came from within: Successful

This was just a small sample of my goals. You can see the trend, if the goals are not your own you will be less likely to successfully complete them.

This exercise is here to help you understand why some of your goals in the past have not been successful. Hopefully you realized that some of the goals you have not met were from someone else and not your own beliefs. Now that you know the reason why you didn't succeed before you can be more confident at setting new goals. This exercise should help you with a confidence boost and motivate you to set new goals.

Influences

There are many influences in our lives. Everywhere we turn someone is telling you what to do and they all try to provide life advice. Many times you hear someone say something like ... well I been married 20 years and, "we are happy because we never went to bed angry and you should do this if you want to stay happy ..." and another person has another opinion of what makes a marriage work. Maybe you will find yourself talking to a mechanic and they are telling you things that they know. Usually they tell you that you should do what they did because that is the only way it works. As you can see many people have their own opinions and while it may be great advice it may not be the best advice for you.

If you want to be yourself, you must do what you want to do. If you like what you hear or it is something you would do then by all means do it but if it's not, don't change yourself. If someone tells you that this is the only way to do something, it may not be the case. There is almost never one single way to do a specific thing especially when you are talking about life.

How to be you

It's easy to be yourself, all you have to do is be yourself. Imagine when you are alone at home and you can do whatever you want without anyone judging you. This is the time when you are 100% yourself. You can play video games, listen to any genre of music, watch movies, eat whatever and no one will judge you. So if you really want to learn how to be yourself do what you would when you are alone and carless of what others are thinking. This will help you become more comfortable with yourself and if you practice this when you are with others you may just become yourself around others too.

There are many ways you can imagine being alone and pretending that no one is watching but this is not about hiding, this is about becoming who you truly are. Stop making everyone else happy just because they are there now, in the end it's your own happiness that will make you feel good. When it comes to relationships it's different but it should be 50/50 because no two people are the same and everyone likes different things. So if you were yourself and met the person of your dreams then it should be easy to share the common things.

Being yourself is a matter of not being afraid to be judged by anyone else. This is a fear that all of us have only so we can fit in with the rest of the population. It's scary to think of being an outsider but it can be much more rewarding when everyone starts respecting you more because you're not afraid to show them who you truly are.

WANT AND FAIL OR NEED AND SUCCEED

"The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking." Albert Einstein

The best part of setting goals is that it is up to you to decide what you need and what the goals can be. No one in this world can ever tell you that your goal is wrong or it will never happen. Goals appear to be easy to set all you have to do is follow your dreams and make sure that they are as you need them to be but it's not that easy and you have to ensure you know how to set them properly.

How do you really know what you want? We tend to just think of the things that we want and list them out on a sheet of paper. This is the wrong approach to goal setting, so please do not just list your wants. Before you start thinking of what you really want you have to block out all the things that you think you want ... let's say you saw that add for a brand new car and an attractive couple was driving it. Do you really want the car or do you want to be that couple? Advertising is developed for us to want to buy things and just because you saw it on TV or Internet it doesn't mean you want it. It could be some other aspect that you want and think that you will have if you get what the advertisement is showing. It is very interesting how our brain works when we hear and see things, we get influenced by the opposite sex or same sex whatever it may be but if you step back and take a look at what we really need, it is the only things we should want. Why does someone buy a million dollar car when they don't need it, one that is thirty thousand would provide the same transportation means. We are all influenced by advertising, celebrities, and friends. Life is about you and what you need.

When setting goals do not make the same mistakes most of us have. When setting a goal the biggest mistake is telling yourself you want something. Wanting something doesn't set you up to have the correct mindset, it simply sets you up to dream while lacking the actions to achieve it. I want to own an island or an exotic car, those goals are very enjoyable to say out loud but they have no meaning in your brain. Needing something is just a better way to set the goals and make them a reality. This is true for everyone, if you need it, you will do much more in your power to achieve it. If you just want it, your goals can always wait until tomorrow and never come true. So now go ahead and need it, make those goals come true because there is nothing that is stopping you from doing so. You can start working towards your needs today.

Now that we know why some of the goals we set are not for us, why goals fail, and the type of goals we can set, let's reflect on the things that mean the most to us. We have to think of the things we need most and what makes us happy.

Simple Exercise

Take some time to think of what you need and write it down. This will give you a great start on setting your goals. Well this is a tricky request most human needs are food, shelter, and the means of getting those two things like a job or money. So go ahead and write down your needs but then add a few Items that you need to make your life better in all of those aspects.

Write down your needs.

My Example:

I need a place to live.

I need food to survive.

I need a job.

I need transportation.

I need love from my family.

I need to spend more time with my family.

I need to live a fulfilling life which gives more meaning to life other than just surviving.

I need to help others achieve their goals and have happy lives.

I need to share my life experience.

After you set the needs I hope you understand that your needs are different from your wants. When you decide that you need something, you can't live without it, you will focus on achieving it, and you will need to have it because you need it. A want is something you can live without and you don't need to have it so you won't pursue it with as much passion. Hopefully this exercise helped you put the need in your mind and you will pursue that need with everything you have in your power to attain it.

SET YOUR GOALS

"A goal properly set is halfway reached." Zig Ziglar

Up to this point we have found out who we are, what influences we have, how to be ourselves, and what our needs are. We have come a long way already. Now we move to the hardest part, which is making the decisions to set the right goal. Previous exercise helped us understand our needs to help with our goal setting in this chapter.

Before we move on to actual goal setting lets understand what type of goals there are. There are goals that may seem overwhelming and discourage you from attempting them. There are some goals that take years to accomplish such as receiving a degree from a University, it usually takes a minimum of 4 years. This may seem like a long time for many of us and it is. There are multiple other things that can take years such as getting to your goal weight whether it's losing or gaining it. Some things can only take a few hours such as running a marathon but training can go on for month's even years for some. Other things can take minutes such as holding your breath under water for an extended period of time. Setting goals is the easy part considering how long it takes to achieve it. The path that follows to achieving your goals may take time to accomplish. You have to practice goal setting and then taking the steps to reach those goals. Start out by setting small goals and build up to reaching your ultimate goal. I have set many small goals that eventually became habits which I do every day. I set goals to wake up at the same time at 4:30AM without pressing the snooze button, now it's automatic, most days I wake up before the alarm goes off. Another goal I set was to go to the gym before work every day which is now a habit. No human was born capable of doing anything, we all had to set goals and then learn everything we do today.

All of us are very capable of doing anything we desire. All it takes to accomplish anything is setting the right goals. We have to set the goals with the right intentions, the correct way, and for the right purpose. Set your goal with the mindset that nothing will stop you in accomplishing it. You have to believe that you need this goal to survive and it will prepare you mentally to do what it takes to achieve it.

Simple Exercise

Review your needs in the previous exercise and think of one thing that you need which can make all your needs much better and make you happy if you accomplish it.

Write down what you need and what the goal is. Remember to think of it as something you will be able to achieve. You can use any goal setting principle you choose or you can also use the Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time bound (SMART) goal principle. There are many goal setting principles out there if you google them you can choose the one you prefer.

Write down your needs.

My Example:

I need to make this world a happier place for everyone by becoming a globally recognized motivational speaker on the subject of happiness and how to become successful at being happy.

I will have 500 million followers on social media globally who will help spread positivity in the world.

I will achieve my goal by July 23rd, 2020.

Reflect on Your Goal

Now that you have found out what you need, how does it make you feel to think of the things that you are imagining? It must feel good to think about your dream or how your life could be if you only had this one thing in your life or that one goal accomplished.

Take what you written down or pictures of how you imagine what you have written down and post it in your house, somewhere that you can see it all the time. Find places where you always look and post it there. Post it on your mirror so every morning you can remind yourself what you are working towards. This will help you remember and also inspire you to work towards that goal because it will be in your face every day.