Seven Things Children Need: Significance, Security, Acceptance, Love, Praise, Discipline, and God

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Preface

Rick handed his dad his report card. While his father stood silent, still in a state of shock, Rick asked, "Dad, do you think those grades are the result of heredity or environment?"

Many parents today are not sure whether the problems of their children are the result of what they inherited or learned from their parents, or of pressures and patterns produced by society.

North American parents lead the world in buying books on childcare. Yet many parents feel helpless and wonder what or who is responsible for their child's behavior.

Child-rearing has never been an easy assignment. And today it is harder than ever. The world seems to be spinning faster. An avalanche of new knowledge comes crashing in. Children are growing up under much different circumstances than parents experienced. The new generation faces more competition, more powerful peer-group pressures, and immense emotional stress.

This means that good parents are needed more than ever. It means that building lives takes time, tolerance, patience, faith, self-sacrifice, love, and work. But nothing is more rewarding than watching a child move into maturity and independence. We will never have a greater opportunity than helping children become persons who accept responsibility and right living.

In sensing the large task of rearing children, we may be immobilized by fear or empowered by faith. We may be overcome by the perils and problems or challenged by the possibilities and potential.

We are told by psychologists, by study, by common sense, and by an understanding of ourselves that each child has certain basic needs. Adults also have the same needs, regardless of age. Yet the chapters which follow point out that the meeting of these needs is of a paramount importance in the early years when attitudes and approaches to life are molded. If these needs are not met early, the child will be disturbed and seek fulfillment in wrong and many times hurtful ways.

Psychiatrist Karl Menninger says we move in one of two directions if basic needs are not met. We withdraw and turn in upon ourselves, which he describes as flight reaction. Or we develop the fight reaction and become aggressors, turning against others.

This small volume discusses seven of the most basic needs of the growing child (and of all of us throughout life).

What is shared in these chapters began as ten-minute talks preceding more lengthy discussions on varied subjects. Over the years each has been expanded through reading, sharing in retreats, and additional observations. The more formal and final form of these chapters developed following a retreat with thirty parents where the ideas were discussed and debated.

I am indebted to a large array of persons, books, and articles; some are listed in the bibliography, but many I no longer recall.

Since the first edition of this book, the world and the family have changed drastically. An abundance of books and other resources on the family are available today. Many younger families are taking the family seriously. Numerous services and agencies exist to assist families.

We are also aware that divorce, single parent homes, and blended families have multiplied. There are few, if any, families which have not been touched in some way by these influences. Violence and abuse have invaded our culture as sports and entertainment have become more cruel. Stress is so common that kindergarten students talk about being "stressed out." By the end of high school many people have already had professional counseling to help handle anxiety.

In spite of these, and many other illustrations of a changed world and family since 1971, the belief behind this little book is that basic needs remain pretty much the same. Also, the same principles which guide our lives are true in every culture, time, and family.

An earnest effort was made to write a practical, personal, down-to-earth book which might provide a resource for families, discussion groups, church classes, school groups, family retreats, and the like. Numerous subheadings are used for easy reading and reference. A quiz and discussion questions at the end of each chapter are included as stimuli for discussion.

So, this book, which has been translated into over twenty languages, goes forth in this new edition, with my earnest prayer that it will continue to help parents in the hard but happy responsibility of meeting the needs of their children.

John M. Drescher
Quakertown, Pennsylvania
Preface updated February 2012